A/N: Hey guys! I know you've been waiting for this chapter. I really hope it lives up to expectations. If it doesn't, I'd love for you to let me know what you think I should've had them do/say. Thanks and enjoy!
Gibbs and Jenny stepped off the elevator at the third floor and Jenny lead the way to Dr. Renway's office. The receptionist smiled in recognition and nodded towards the door. Jenny knocked and Kristyn's familiar voice called, "Come in."
Jenny took a deep breath and felt Gibbs reclaim her hand. She wasn't sure if having him here would make it easier or harder, but even so, she was glad to have him beside her.
Pushing open the door, they entered Kristyn's comfortable office. "Jenny, hello," the doctor smiled and her eyes lit up when she saw Gibbs. "Oh, I'm so glad your husband was able to make it!" She held out her hand. "I'm Dr. Kristyn Renway, but please, call me Kristyn."
"Gibbs," he said in his usual no nonsense tone. When she opened her mouth to ask, he repeated it. "Just Gibbs."
Kristyn nodded as if that brief exchange had told her a lot about him. "Please have a seat."
He and Jenny each took a cushion on the couch, leaving a couple inches between them and keeping their fingers linked. Kristyn sat opposite them in her strange, geometric style chair, observing them silently before she began. It unnerved Gibbs, which said a lot, and just made Jenny more nervous, so she tightened her hold on Gibbs' hand a little more and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Okay," Kristyn began, "I'm really glad you're both here today. In situations like this I always recommend that the couple get counseling together, because healing from the trauma of rape," Jenny stiffened, already ill at ease, "is a long process and something both partners must do."
The therapist made eye contact with each person. "So, tell me about your weekend."
Jenny and Gibbs shared a glance, the first time their eyes had met since she walked on the elevator. Jenny knew it might take a lot to get Gibbs to talk, so she thought back to the weekend for a moment before she spoke.
"Friday was a strange day."
"In what way?" Kristyn asked, her pen poised to take notes.
Jenny shifted. "I was pretty distant. But Jethro wouldn't let me stay that way. I told him about what happened later that night."
Kristyn aimed her gaze at Gibbs. "How did that make you feel, hearing about what your wife went through?"
Gibbs stared the woman down for several seconds before he decided if he was going to answer the question. But her eyes were sincere and her gaze never wavered under his scrutiny. For Jenny's sake, he chose to work with the woman.
He rolled his shoulder. "It was hard," he admitted. "What I'd heard in the interrogation made me furious, but to hear it from Jenny made the pain much more personal."
Jenny looked at her husband in something close to shock. More than a one word answer? And being honest with a shrink? She was going to have to check for a fever later.
The doctor nodded. "What are you doing to deal with your anger?"
"Building a boat."
Kristyn's brow furrowed. "You're building...a boat." Gibbs nodded. "Okay, good. Well, physical labour can definitely help you to work out your emotions. It might help to have a couple other things you can turn to if you feel your anger starting to take over. Just something to think about."
Gibbs remembered being at the batting cage and how that had helped, about going to the shooting range and picturing the guy as the target. He thought about the relief he got from working on his boat and agreed.
Then it was Jenny's turn again. "What happened after Friday?"
Jenny thought about the morning they spent cuddling in bed, the moment they put their rings back on for good and how good everything had been until that afternoon.
"Saturday morning was very relaxing, but," she slanted her eyes towards Gibbs, "Jethro tried to give me a back massage later and I...freaked out."
"Why?" Kristyn prodded. Details were good.
Jenny rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "I don't know what it was exactly. A flashback, a memory? But it wasn't distinct. Just a feeling of immediate panic and I tried to fight my husband off as if he were hurting me. But he wasn't," she assured.
"It's not at all unusual for a woman to fight back during flashbacks, especially if she wasn't able to fight back during the actual rape." She looked back through her notes. "Last time we were talking about how you felt being touched. Any progress in that area?"
Jenny elbowed her husband, thinking of his not so subtle "experiment" from Saturday night.
He flexed his fingers. "We've worked on it some the last couple days, but," he turned so he could see his wife's eyes, hoping she could read the apology in his, "I think I've been trying to rush things." He ran his thumb over Jenny's and faced the counselor again. "It's just that, for the most part, Jen's been acting like she's fine, so I forget sometimes that she isn't yet."
Kristyn was beginning to see that Jenny had married a good man. She nodded, understanding the dilemma. Time to lay the facts out for Jenny. "That's a very good point Mr. Gibbs. Jenny, how have you been dealing with your emotions and feelings about the rape?"
I hate that word, I hate that word, I hate that word! Jenny fingered the end of her hair and studied the pattern on the carpet. Finally she looked up and met Kristyn's eyes. "I don't know," she shrugged. "When it comes to touching and being close to my husband, I try to just get used to with. With everything else...I think I just try to forget."
Kristyn's eyes softened. "Jenny, I know it's natural to want to keep it all locked inside, but that is not going to help you get better. In fact," she tapped her pen against her folder, "I guarantee doing that will make everything worse. See, emotions are tricky things. You can't stuff them down inside and hope they will go away. Suppressed emotions only hide for awhile and then return. They'll keep coming up again and again and getting in the way of your life until you deal with them."
Jenny could feel tears and blinked them back. She was so tired of carrying these feelings around. "How?" she whispered.
"Any way you want Jenny," Dr. Renway replied. "Do whatever works. Scream into a pillow. Take your anger out on a punching bag - but don't try fighting with anyone," she cautioned, "it might bring you too close to the feeling of the attack. Or if you like to journal, write it down. Writing is extremely therapeutic, just getting your thoughts down on paper. Write how you're feeling and what you remember. Make goals for yourself. I promise this won't last forever."
Jenny nodded, not sure if she believed the woman. She was not going to write it down, that was for sure. The last thing she wanted was a reminder around all the time. Not that her memory wasn't doing that job just fine.
"This is a good place to bring up anything that is bothering either of you," Kristyn continued, "because while we're here we can work on things. Is there anything anyone wants to mention right now?" She let the silence settle and gave them time to think while she reviewed some of her notes.
Gibbs sighed. This was not something he would ever have done if Jenny hadn't asked. But since they were here, someone else may as well know what he was concerned about. Kristyn being a woman, she might be able to get Jenny to listen in a way he and Ducky probably couldn't.
"She's not eating. It's been more than a week and I'm concerned."
Jenny gave Jethro a look. "I'm fine," she said firmly, her tone conveying her dislike for his choice of topic. "It's not a big deal. I'm just not hungry right now." She didn't mention the nausea or the way her stomach felt unsettled at the thought of food. Just leave it alone, she thought darkly, ready to give her husband a piece of her mind when they left the room.
Dr. Renway raised eyebrows that said she did not believe Jenny's answer. To Gibbs she said, "You may not understand it Mr. Gibbs, but it's actually a fairly common reaction to what your wife has been through. Many women feel like everything about their attack was out of their control. So when they get back to their lives, they fight back by taking control in any way they can. It can be the amount of food they eat, the number of people they allow close to them, or just by going back to work and trying to get on with their lives, not being trapped by a victim mentality. Which brings up another important point. Have you been thinking of your wife as a victim Mr. Gibbs?"
"Isn't she?" Gibbs liked to be the one asking the questions.
"No," Kristyn stated firmly, "she is not. Jenny lived through the attack Mr. Gibbs. Your wife is not a victim, she is a survivor. That is how you should be seeing her." She turned to Jenny. "I understand that what you've been through is hard to process and that the way you're treating food is a reaction to everything. But if you keep it up, I'm going to get worried. I don't want to have to start monitoring your food intake."
The woman glanced at her notes, looking for a point she wanted to elaborate on. The clock said time was passing quickly and she had a lot more she wanted to cover before they left.
"Something I wanted to mention is that just because you've been working on touches or it's getting easier for Jenny to handle, doesn't mean the struggled is over. Sometimes the symptoms of RTS don't show up right away."
"RTS?" Both husband and wife looked confused.
"Rape Trauma Syndrome," Kristyn clarified. "The first stage you've already been through - trying to go back to work immediately after, not wanting to talk about what happened with me or your husband. The acute stage is where you are now - not wanting to think about it, no appetite, trying to rediscover the kind of closeness you want with your husband, not dealing with your feelings in the 'everything is fine' approach. The next stage is going to be the hard part, or should I say, the harder part. It's going to get worse."
"Worse?" Jenny repeated. "What kind of worse?"
Kristyn's expression was sympathetic. "Nightmares, not being able to sleep well, becoming extra-sensitive and jumpy at the slightest things, deep anger at your attacker for what he stole, intense flashbacks where you could swear you're back in the bunker, possible panic attacks when a situation makes you feel out of control." She saw the look in Jenny's eyes: dread. "I'm not trying to scare either of you, but I want you t o be prepared for what may be coming, to give you a little idea of what to expect."
"So," Gibbs gestured with the hand that wasn't holding Jenny's, "when all this happens, what do we do?"
"Good question," the doctor nodded, "and I like your use of 'we', because this is definitely something you will have to face together. Though to be honest, how you deal with this next stage with be more of a trial and error process, learning what works best for you. But there are suggestions from those who have been there, places to start." She focused on Jenny. "If you are dealing with a flashback, it's important to remind yourself that it's only a memory and you are safe now, no matter how real it feels. You might want to keep some small object in your pocket to hold onto that will help keep you grounded in this reality or focus on your surroundings. After it's over, talk about it or write it down, get it out of your head."
She took a breath and continued. "If it's waking from a nightmare that leaves you shaken and scared to go back to sleep, have a nightlight plugged in to break up the dark or, silly as it may sound, keep a cuddle toy on your bed that you can reach for. Or there's always your husband, since he's close by." Looking at Gibbs she gave some advice. "Let Jenny know that she can wake you up no matter what time it is if she has a nightmare and it won't go away. Remind her that she's safe. But don't try to touch her after a flashback or nightmare Mr. Gibbs, because it will be too close."
"Yeah," Gibbs agreed, "already learned that the hard way."
Kristyn continued. "If it's an anxiety attack, get away from people to somewhere quiet and take slow, deep breaths. Give yourself a point on the wall to focus on and count your breaths until the panic subsides. Once you can breathe normally, the panic won't feel so intense."
The therapist sat back in her chair and regarded the couple seriously. "The biggest and most important thing is just to be patient with yourself. Some days will be harder than others and sometimes you may have to take a break from normal life and let yourself rest."
She smiled. "Now, I realize I've been doing most of the talking. Do you have any questions? Anything you want to bring up either for me to help you with or to each other?"
Jenny shook her head. She didn't want to talk about anything. It was harder to be honest with Jethro there. Some things she might want to talk about or ask questions about were also things she didn't want to bring up with her husband sitting right there.
Gibbs held still and kept quiet. He knew he needed to talk to his wife and apologize for trying too hard and being so selfish about it. But that was going to happen when they were alone, not in front of some shrink who was watching and recording everything they did during the session.
"Okay," Kristyn said, after giving them time to think about it, "then let me ask a question. It's ten days since Jenny was rescued. It may feel like yesterday some moments and it may feel like months ago in others. Besides kissing and touching, have you two talked about or tried anything else physically?"
Gibbs glared at the woman. Not telling you anything, he thought. They were entitled to some privacy. Jenny briefly thought back to them laying in bed making out, to their bath together yesterday and decided she had no comment.