A/N: Yeah, the title's sort of a giveaway. But man, was this chapter hilarious to write with Danny. Had us both in stitches. :L Anywho, hope you like it; we sure did. ^^ Review?

Chapter Sixteen: Baby Blues.

They arrived at the doctor's not long after they've had the conversation in the bathroom. Stefan pulled over, and got out of the car, while Damon opened the doors for Elena, after getting out himself. Within minutes, they were already being taken care of. The doctor invited them inside. There were three chairs there, good. Damon sat on Elena's right side, while Stefan sat on the left. The doctor looked at them.

"So, what is your relation to Ms. Gilbert?" Without any hesitation and without thinking about it, both said

"Boyfriend." at the same time.

They looked at each other, while the doctor looked puzzled. But hey, truth was the truth.

Elena went through every motion as if she were programmed to. She really did think it was ridiculous that they were taking her to the doctors over something like this. I mean, come on! People got a stomach bug for days didn't they? But she knew there would be no point at all trying to convince either of them that she didn't need to go. A lot of the time, having two boyfriends was a good thing, but when they were both uber protective, that wasn't so good. Eventually, they were in with the doctor (and pretty quick too). It was only a few seconds into them sitting down when the doctor asked the dreaded question. Elena frowned and looked to the doctor.

"It's complicated," she murmured as the doctor adjusted his glasses and nodded.

"So, Miss Gilbert, why don't you tell me in a little more detail about your.. uhm, sickness?" The doctor asked.

And Elena told him.

By then both Damon and Stefan were absolutely and dead serious about the whole thing. The doctor seemed to be uncomfortable and maybe the brothers would have noticed it, if they weren't so serious and worried about their precious Elena.

"Uhm.. Do you have a sexual relationship with.. uhm.. either of these males.?" The question was addressed to Elena.

However Damon was impatient and just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with Elena, so he answered, very seriously and quickly. "Both."

The doctor tensed and shifted in his chair, while Stefan was looking at him, waiting to find out what was wrong with Elena. After a minute of silence the doctor began.

"Well, it seems you're not sick at all. You're... most likely.. um.. Well, to put it frankly. "

Damon was getting annoyed. He narrowed his eyes. "Spit it out, doc."

And the doctor didn't need to be told twice. "Pregnant, Miss Gilbert."

Damon opened his mouth to say something, and then all that could be heard was a thump, a loud one. Of someone falling onto the ground and silence followed. Stefan looked at his brother on the floor, before speaking.

"He fainted." And fainting himself.

As Elena told the doctor of her sickness, she really didn't care much for it. As she'd established in her head earlier that there was nothing really wrong with her. Damon and Stefan were both vampires for heaven's sake! They didn't carry diseases, and for the past two weeks.. They were the only people she'd been around. It didn't make sense, but Elena was still almost certain that it was nothing serious. The doctor didn't answer for a very long time. And just as Elena was about to speak, he did. And the oddest question escaped his lips.

"Uhm.. Do you have a sexual relationship with.. uhm.. either of these males.?"

What a strange thing to ask. What an earth did her sex life have to do with her being sick and... To her surprise, Damon replied straight the way. But to her guess, the doctor reacted just as any person would when another would tell them that they were having a sexual relationship with two men at the same time. And the next revelation took her back... And though it was her body he was talking about, she glanced around and Damon and Stefan were on the floor unconscious. And then it hit her. She was pregnant.

"Ah, hell," she stated.

The doctor got up quickly, when two guys fainted - FAINTED! - And were now lying on the floor unconscious. He moved from behind the desk, and looked down at them. He then leaned down and was about to take the black haired guys pulse, but he opened his eyes and growled. Yes, growled.

"Don't touch." And then he closed his eyes again.

The doctor straightened up and leaned back against his desk. Damon, meanwhile, after being disturbed by the doctor, came back to his meditating. He was floating over the ground instead of lying on it, like he was in reality. He was somewhere along the clouds, flying, but then one of the clouds changed into a baby. And the baby started crying. Damon panicked and looked around but no one was there. And then the baby started crying even more.

"!" He screamed, sitting up as quickly as he could.

He looked to his side, to see Stefan lying unconscious. He started shaking him violently. His brother opened his eyes

"What..Damon?"

Damon's eyes were wide open, and he managed to get one word out. "Babies!"

Stefan frowned at his brother. Clearly, Damon had gone insane.

"What the hell are you..." But then it struck him. He remembered why he was lying on the floor. Elena was pregnant. And with that he fainted again.

"STEFAN!" Damon screamed hysterically.

Elena had no idea what to do. She looked over to the doctor and shook her head, she was standing up now.

"No, yeah. Look, this baby thing, it's not true. It can't be. I mean, isn't there tests you need to do? I mean.. No look, I can't be pregnant doc.. It's not right. I mean.. Hell.. I cannot be pregnant!" Finally, Elena showed some real emotion towards the situation and the doctor looked down at her, raising his brows and tapping the folder.

"Did you use protection then, Miss, Gilbert?" he asked incredulously.

"I.. We ha-" And then Elena thought about it.

No, they had not used protection because vampires CANNOT pro-create. The reason for this was unknown, but the statement was defiantly true. And the craziest thing about it all was probably because she'd only ever slept with vampires. And now all of a sudden she was.. PREGNANT? It made zero sense. But, knowing she couldn't say that all to the doctor who was now looking at her with raised eyebrows. Finally, she replied.

"No."

The doctor nodded at her with one look of finality. "Welcome to the land of pregnancy, ."

And if Damon wouldn't have woken up then, then she would have fainted. Elena glanced over at the scene and shook her head, slapping both of them hard around the face. Stefan woke up with a start and she spoke.

"Both of you get the hell a hold of yourselves! Jeez Louise, everyone would think you were pregnant!" she complained.

Once Elena slapped Stefan, he woke up again, and sat up quickly. Damon however was still in shock. He looked at Stefan with his mouth open, then at the doctor and finally at Elena.

"Baby..?" He said quietly, which was barely audible.

Stefan was muttering something under his breath, staring at the wall, opposite to him. Damon hugged Elena's leg, before speaking again.

"..Baby?" He said that loud enough for her to hear.

He couldn't even think properly. How on earth were they going to take care of a BABY? And how the hell did Elena get pregnant in the first place?

Elena couldn't help but roll her eyes at the two men which now.. Seemed like, well... Like men that were out of their freaking mind; they were acting like children. Sure, okay it was a massive shock that none of them had expected; but it wasn't like Elena didn't have to deal with it too. And yes, she was dealing with it. The doctor had no idea what to do with the three of them, he just stared, speechless until Elena shrugged Damon off and spoke to the doctor.

"You're sure?" she asked hesitantly.

He nodded. "I am. And uh are your. Erm, men, okay?"

Elena glanced to Stefan and then to Damon before nodding.

"Well, they better be. It's not like they've got someone growing inside of them," she muttered, before thanking the doctor an walking out.

When Elena walked out, Damon looked at the doctor, before still on his hands and knees, crawled out of the door. But Stefan didn't move. He crawled back in, grabbed Stefan, shook him.

"Come." He said, before dragging his brother behind him, and out the door.

Damon seemed afraid to get up off the floor. It seemed that if he did, the gravity would stop working and he would start floating. Once they were outside the hospital, Damon let go of Stefan, and collapsed, head down onto the ground, while Stefan. Stefan lay on his back, quietly, looking up at the sky.

The doctor quickly wiped his brow and frowned, watching the Elena girl walk out and the other two gazing speechlessly at nothing. He did feel sorry for them all; the girl was obviously so traumatized. He shook his head as the dark-haired one dragged the lighter-haired one out. They seemed close. Strangely close. If the circumstances were not as they were he would have guessed they were brothers.

Elena made it outside and walked a few paces before collapsing on a grassy hill a little away from Stefan. She bit her lip, holding back the tears, she wouldn't cry... She was stronger than that.

Seeing Elena collapse seemed to wake Damon up. He scrambled to his feet and a second later collapsed beside her, putting his arm around her, almost begging for a hug silently, like some kind of a puppy.

"We can do it, Elena. I'm sure that.. With a bit of practise, Stefan can be a great babysitter." He said, trying to humour her.

Well, in fact a picture of Stefan trying to feed a baby was amusing. Damon started to laugh, but he tried to suppress this laugh, by pressing his face to the fabric of Elena's shirt. It didn't help a lot. The laugh was just muffled. Stefan looked in the direction, but didn't move.

Elena wasn't alone for very long. Without any notice, a strong arm wrapped around her, and even before he spoke Elena knew that it was Damon. And it was the real Damon. The strong, loving Damon that she'd fell in love with, and she was so so grateful to have him back. His words soothed her, and she nodded, but she wasn't sure if she believed them. Elena looked at him, lying on the ground next to her and wrapped her arms so tightly around him, trying to suppress her tears. At the remark about Stefan, she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She kept her arms around him but pulled away to look at his face.

"I can't do it, Damon... I'm not ready to be a mum.. How could this even happen?" she whispered.

"I'm a hundred and God knows how many years old, and I'm not ready to be a dad. I don't know how it happened, but you have us Elena. "He said, before turning to look at Stefan. "Right, Steffy?"

His little brother looked at Damon. "What?"

Damon rolled his eyes before speaking again. "I said that no matter what, Elena has us."

Stefan seemed to understand this time. He started nodding eagerly and crawling towards them. "Oh yes, yes of course. My little, lovely love, you'll always have us. " Damon looked once again at Elena, and smiled slightly.

Elena didn't smile, she tried, but failed. But his voice warmed her insides and he made her stronger somehow. Elena leant forward and planted a soft kiss on the skin on Damon's neck before kissing him deeply on the lips and turning to Stefan. She leant her back into Damon, allowing his arms to fall around her before speaking to the both of them.

"I honestly have no idea how we're going to do this... I mean, we don't even know which one of you if the dad.. I know you'd both stick by me no matter what. But you can't tell me that it isn't important to you either way," she sighed.

Stefan of course, spoke. "It is important. Of course it is. God damn it, I will be a dad."

Damon's mouth was open now, as the realisation hit him. "I'll be a dad, too...?"

It was half a question, which Stefan decided to answer. "Yeah, you will be a dad Damon. "

He chuckled at how ridiculous it sounded. Damon's eyes widened. "I want a son." He stated, looking at nothing in particular. He might as well, have been talking to himself.

Stefan shocked Elena by speaking so confidently and so.. So maturely. Okay, out of the two of them, though? Damon was older, Stefan had always been the most mature. So why was she so surprised? A warm smile grew over her features but was soon halted as she heard Damon's words. She looked up to him and couldn't hide the shock on her face.

"You do.. You actually, you want a son? You really want one, Damon?" she whispered, her eyes wide.

Damon shrugged. "It would be fun teaching him how to use sarcasm and how to wind his other daddy up." He smiled subconsciously.

Danny+Jackie x3