I heart my beta, Mynxi. She puts up with me, airballs and all!

The Twilight characters are owned by Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter Three

BPOV

I woke slowly, feeling unusually rested and peaceful. I kept my eyes closed while I relished the sensation of not waking up in fear. I was so cozy under the blankets that I was reluctant to move. I noticed my right hand was cold and started to pull it back under the covers. I felt resistance to the movement and with a jolt I was wide awake. I sat straight up and looked down to see my hand clasped firmly in Jasper's. He was on the floor next to the bed, looking up at me.

I couldn't read the expression on his face. I remembered my nightmare and realized he must have held my hand while I slept. I was surprised at how calm I felt about the fact that he was in my apartment and wondered if Jasper was using his power to relax me. "Are you doing that?" I asked softly. He shook his head slowly, but I could tell he knew what I was referring to. "Do you feel it too?" I whispered. He nodded affirmatively.

I opened my mouth to chide him for his reticence, but before I could form the words, he spoke.

"I'm not projecting anything to you, Bella. I can't read your emotions now for some reason," he said in a puzzled tone. "Every once in a while I get a flash of what you're feeling, but then it disappears. I didn't want to try to send anything to you since I didn't know how you would react. But every time we touch, I feel that…" He trailed off, apparently unable to find the words to describe what we were feeling. It was peace, comfort, and calm all wrapped together, but something more as well. Neither of us moved as we looked down at our hands and then back into each other's eyes.

The silence grew in intensity and I finally had to break the moment as I began to feel overwhelmed. "Um, sorry but I need to pee," I mumbled as I slipped my fingers from his. He didn't try to stop me, but I heard a tiny sigh as our hands parted. I felt an instantaneous rush of anxiety as we broke contact. I quickly made my way to the bathroom as I struggled to keep my emotions in check. I forced myself to begin my morning routine, and by the time I rinsed my face and brushed my teeth I felt under control again.

I was intensely nervous about telling Jasper about the past two years of my life, but at least I wasn't falling apart. I was surprised that he couldn't feel my emotions now. He had been able to manipulate my anxiety in Phoenix without difficulty, and I wondered what had caused the change.

He was standing at the window as I entered my room, looking out into the early morning sky. I looked at the clock, surprised to find it was only 6:00. I felt as if I had slept much longer. He turned to look at me and I could almost see the questions in his eyes. "Will you tell me, Bella?" I sat back on the bed, leaning against the wall. I closed my eyes for a moment before I nodded my agreement. When I opened them, he was sitting on the floor beside the bed at an angle from me.

I struggled to organize my thoughts. I had never spoken about my past to anyone. Not a single person knew what I was about to tell Jasper. I hadn't let anyone become too close to me so I wouldn't have to answer questions about my history. Sharing my past would increase the danger to the few people I allowed in my life. Even Andy didn't know the details. I had just told him my family was dead and I had no friends to stay with. He hadn't asked for any more information after that, respecting my obvious desire for privacy.

Jasper raised his eyebrows, pointedly waiting for me to speak. I looked down at my hands and picked up a pillow to hold. "OK, so here it goes…" as I began to tell him what had happened. I told him about my last moments with Edward and wandering in the forest. I told him about finding Charlie when I returned home. He gasped when I told him of Victoria's note. I kept my eyes on my hands, stroking the pillow back and forth. I told him of the library where I found out about Renee and Phil. I described my journey to Las Vegas and my short time there.

The words came smoothly, almost automatically. My descriptions were clinical and I made no mention of my battle with grief and loneliness, choosing to keep my emotions private since he couldn't feel them. I did tell him how scared I always was, how certain I was that Victoria would find me. I allowed pride to enter my voice as I described the precautions I took to stay "off the grid" of public record. I knew I was a missing person and that the authorities were looking for me. I only worked for cash and gave Andy the rent directly. I had no bank account and no credit cards. So far my false identity of Isabel Sanders had kept me hidden. I figured if the police couldn't find me easily, Victoria would have a hard time too.

He remained silent as I spoke, allowing me to tell my story without interruptions. I didn't watch his face, afraid I would lose my tenuous grip on my emotions if I met his eyes. I briefly mentioned the cities I had lived in as I made my way across the country. My voice slowed as I described my arrival in New York. My anxiety increased as I struggled with what I was about to tell him.

"Bella?" he asked softly. It was the first he had spoken since I began talking. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

I finally peeked at his face. His eyes were sad and full of the questions he hadn't asked yet. "This is hard, Jasper," I sighed. "I've never told anybody any of this stuff. I've had to make hard decisions and I've had to do some things I'm not proud of. I live with it, because I have to. But I'll be honest, I won't handle it well if you can't take what I'm about to tell you. So if you can't handle hearing bad shit, I need to know now so I can stop talking and you can walk out." I looked away as I finished but he moved onto his knees directly in front of me. I waited for his words, still unable to look at him.

"Bella, I know what it is to make hard choices to survive. I know what it is to live with the memories of those choices while you go about the daily business of surviving. Whatever you're about to tell me you've done, I can take it. It won't make me think less of you and it won't make me want to walk away."

I sighed, knowing there was no way he could be so sure of that until he knew the whole story. I debated silently with myself for a moment before deciding to tell him. Even if my revelation caused him to leave, I was no worse off than I had been yesterday. It felt good to talk about what I had been through, to acknowledge how impossible my life had been. I raised my head up and began again.

"I made it here to Manhattan last year. It took all my money to get here, so I had nothing to live on at first. I was looking for work, but it's hard to find someone who pays cash and doesn't ask too many questions." I realized how quickly I was speaking and forced myself to breathe and slow down. "I didn't have anywhere to stay. I checked out a couple of shelters, but they were really scary, lots of drugs and crazy people. I started hanging out down near NYU, reading help wanted signs, still looking for work. People thought I was a student, and I started getting invited to parties. I was too scared to drink or try anything else, but I would just crash with the other people who passed out afterwards." I felt my heart rate increasing as I remembered how difficult that time had been. "I never knew if I would find a place to stay or if I would be forced to wander from bench to bench all night, watching for cops and crazies."

I looked away from Jasper and tried to prepare myself for what I had to say. "The summer wasn't too bad, but things got tough as it got colder. It was getting hard to find a place to stay as people began to recognize my face. I didn't want to wear out my welcome or attract too much attention. I went to a party at a place I'd never been to before, hoping I could sneak a few hours sleep after it was over. But the guy who owned the place cleared everyone out when the party ended. I was getting ready to go, but he stopped me." I cut off again, struggling to keep control of myself. I avoided thinking about these memories at all costs, and talking about them aloud was almost more than I could bear.

Jasper waited quietly for me to continue. "He asked if I needed a place to stay. I told him that would be great, that I really appreciated it since I was still looking for a place. Then he explained that I could only stay if I was going to 'be useful.' I knew exactly what he meant, Jasper. If I would have sex with him, I could stay the night. Otherwise, I had to go out into the cold." I grabbed the pillow I was holding to my body, holding it tightly. I swallowed hard and forced myself to finish.

"So I did it. We fucked and I had a place to stay that night. I got my gig at the bar the next day, but I didn't get paid until the end of the week. I stayed a few nights in a women's only shelter, but they had a three day limit so I had to leave. It was so cold, and I had nowhere to go, so I went back that Friday night. He offered again, and I would have done it again, even though it made me sick. But then I met Andy, and he offered to let me crash with him that night. So here we are."

I felt crushed with shame, wishing I could change my past. A single tear slipped free and fell down my cheeks. "I can't regret surviving, because I owe it to my mom and dad and Phil to fight, but it's a hard thing to live with." I forced a weak smile on my face and dragged my eyes to meet his. "So now you know what I am. The person you're sitting in front of is a whore," I whispered. I held my pillow tight and waited for his reaction. I was so afraid to see the pity and disgust I was sure he was feeling. He leaned forward over the bed and I made myself look up at him. His eyes were sad, but they held no condemnation.

"You're no whore, Bella Swan." His words were quiet but full of conviction. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You are not a whore." I slowly raised my head to look at his face. I met his amber eyes, so full of compassion, and the thin control I had over my emotions broke. I buried my face in the pillow I was holding and sobbed. I cried every tear I had held back since leaving Forks. I rocked myself back and forth and let the sobs take over, unaware of Jasper's movement until I felt his cool hands on my arms. "I'm going to hold you, Bella. Please let me hold you."

JPOV

I watched the darkness in Bella's room grow lighter as I held her hand and waited for her to wake. She was sleeping peacefully, and I felt grateful that I could at least give her that comfort. I felt her begin to stir and waited for her to speak. I felt her move her hand and she gasped when she felt it still entwined in mine. She sat up in shock and met my eyes. She questioned me about the peace we felt. Her eyes showed surprise as I mentioned my inability to feel her emotions. We fell into silence and I watched as her eyes clouded with an unknown discomfort. She broke our contact, excusing herself to the bathroom. I sighed at the loss of the peace her touch had brought me and stood up to look out the window. She spent awhile in the bathroom and I began to worry she would decide to ask me to leave. I heard her approaching the room and smelled her sweet scent as she reentered.

I turned to look at her, certain I would see rejection in her eyes. She didn't speak, so I decided to ask her to start her story. "Will you tell me, Bella?" She sat back on her bed and I was still unsure of her answer. I moved to kneel by the bed, holding my breath nervously.

I watched her internal struggle and prepared to be disappointed, when finally, she began. "OK, so here goes…" So I sat and listened as she gave me her story. I was shocked by the details of Edward's departure. He left her in the woods? This was disaster magnet Bella we were talking about. He had been so adamant about leaving her for her safety, but I failed to see how walking away from her in the forest was good for her well being!

I was horrified when she spoke of Charlie's murder and the fact that Victoria was his killer. The only motivation I could guess at was revenge for James' death. I was dismayed that I hadn't picked up on the level of her devotion to James. It seemed I had failed Bella in yet another way, although I was slightly consoled by the fact that Edward hadn't picked up on the connection between James and Victoria either. I knew he would never have left Bella unprotected if he thought Victoria would want retribution.

I listened in silence as she told me of her journey south and about finding out that her mother and stepfather were dead as well. I was swamped by my grief for her losses and her pain. I regretted the three innocent lives of her family taken in revenge for the death of James. I felt no emotion from her and noticed that her voice was flat, almost robotic. The urge to comfort her physically was almost overwhelming, but I was afraid she wouldn't welcome my touch.

She spoke of her travels and her struggles to survive. Her voice became more animated as she described how she stayed hidden. I marveled at her success, given how few resources she had. No diploma, no money, no friends, yet here she was alive and well. She was surviving poverty and evading a stalker vampire simultaneously. I was in awe of the strength of spirit it must have taken for her to keep going.

I noticed her growing more distressed as she went on. Her heart rate increased and she broke eye contact as she began to rock back and forth. I could tell that she was hesitant to tell me what happened next. I braced myself, knowing it must be pretty bad for her to be so upset. I hated to put her through more pain, but I knew that talking about it might help her come to peace with whatever it was. I

told her she could tell me about it, that I could take it. I winced as she explained she was afraid of my reaction to what she had to say. I moved directly in front of her and forced myself to remain calm. I had to be able to give her the reassurance she needed to continue. So I explained that I knew all about making hard choices and having to live with the aftermath. I was still hesitant to send her my emotions, so I tried to tell her with my words and my eyes that she wouldn't scare me away with what she told me next.

I watched her debate internally about whether to go on and was relieved when she met my gaze again. Again I listened in silence as she described her struggle to find shelter. My cold heart broke when she told me what she had been forced to do. Listening to her tell me about fucking a guy so she wouldn't freeze to death was almost more than I could take, but I forced myself to remain in control. I could see her shame and felt rage at the miserable excuse for a man that had taken advantage of her situation. She told of meeting Andy and my opinion of him improved, as she explained that he had offered her a place to stay. I hated that she was dependent on a drug addict, but clearly he was a decent person when sober.

I noticed a tear sliding down Bella's face and listened as she named herself a whore. My heart sank as I struggled for the right words to convince her that she was nothing close to a prostitute. I leaned forward and filled my words with meaning. "You're no whore, Bella Swan. I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You are not a whore." She raised her eyes to meet mine and I hope she saw my honesty reflected in them.

She looked at me a moment and then I watched in horror as she literally dissolved into tears. Her sobs were quiet but intense, and at last I felt the waves of emotions she had been holding back. Sorrow, anger, fear, and shame all battled for dominance. She clung to the pillow for dear life but seemed to draw no comfort from it. I had no idea what to do to help her. I was unsure of how she would receive comfort from me, but as I watched her sob I couldn't stop myself from trying. I reached out and gently grabbed her arms. "I'm going to hold you Bella. Please let me hold you."

I waited, knowing I would let her go if she resisted. She didn't speak, but made no move to push me away, so I gathered her into my arms and held her. I wrapped a blanket around her so she wouldn't become chilled by my body and just held her. I noticed the intensity of her emotions had decreased upon our contact, but that amazing sense of peace we shared earlier was absent. I tucked her head under my chin and began to rock her gently. I felt her begin to relax into my arms. She curled her body into my chest and my shirt was damp with her tears.

I began to talk softly to her. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. You've been so strong, so brave. You did what you had to do to survive." Her sobs quieted as she listened. "You're sitting here alive even though a vampire is trying to kill you. That's something to be proud of. Your family would be so proud, knowing you're fighting so hard to live. They'd be so proud to know you're still a kind person who cares about others, even after everything you've been through."

Her heart rate began to calm and I could feel her reigning in her emotions. It was almost a physical sensation to me as she got herself under control. I felt her begin to stiffen slightly in my arms and I loosened my hold so she could move away. As she broke contact, I felt her emotions sharpen briefly before they snapped quickly away again. I noticed she twitched as it happened, leading me to believe she felt it as well. She eased herself slightly away from me so that we were sitting side by side, but not touching.

"I've never talked about it to anyone before," she whispered. "It's hard, but it feels kind of good to have it out there." I nodded my head in understanding. She looked at her hands for a moment before meeting my eyes again. "Tell me it gets better," she said desperately. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and moving a lock of her hair behind her ear. She stiffened and I moved my hand away.

"It gets better, Bella. After awhile, you'll sort of realize that you don't think about it as much. I don't think the regret ever goes away entirely, but it gets less heavy as time goes on."

Bella nodded and looked down again. I heard her heart rate pick up again before she quickly looked up at me. "Jasper, will Alice come now?" she blurted out. My heart sank as I realized I would have to tell her something she didn't want to hear. "She'll see that you found me, and she'll come right?" Bella went on, looking excited. Her eyes narrowed as she saw my expression. "You don't think she'll want to see me?" she said slowly.

"No, Bella, it's not that…" I started to say before she interrupted me.

"I was so sure she would miss me like I miss her," Bella whispered. "I guess she didn't really care about me either."

I was confused by her last comment, and shook my head negatively. I knew Alice had felt genuine affection for Bella and that she hadn't wanted to leave her. I wondered if Alice had truly followed Edward's orders not to watch for Bella. I desperately hoped that was the case. If not, she had just allowed Bella to suffer alone, and I didn't want to believe that about the woman who had been my partner for decades.

I snapped out of my thoughts as Bella gasped. "She's OK, isn't she, Jasper?" she asked as she grabbed my arm. I felt her panic over Alice being in danger before the peace took us over. I put my hand over hers on my arm, and shook my head again.

"Bella, she's fine as far as I know." I felt her relax at my words, but her expression was confused. I knew Bella would be upset by what I had to tell her and I struggled to prevent my own sadness from showing. "Bella, I haven't seen her since about a month after we left Forks." She gasped and clutched my arm tighter. "She left me," I blurted out awkwardly. "Well, I guess I was the one who actually left, but she ended our relationship," I clarified.

Bella was absolutely still, but I could feel how rapidly the blood was pulsing through her arteries. "She did WHAT?" Bella ground out. I struggled for the right words to explain what had happened.

"She had a vision that really upset her. I'd never seen her so devastated, but she just kept shutting me out. She finally told me we weren't going to be together anymore, and that was it," I said quickly, trying to sound calm, but failing miserably.

She opened her mouth to speak, but I was distracted by a sound from the living area. I tuned my senses outward and realized Andy had awakened and heard our voices. I groaned internally as I realized our conversation would be interrupted. I had many questions I wanted to ask Bella and I was sure she would want answers from me as well. "Your roommate's up and worried about you, Bella," I told her.

"Shit," she sighed, moving to get up from the bed. I heard his steps approach her door and felt a wave of the anxiety he was feeling for her. He knocked before she could reach the door.

"Izzy," he called. "Are you OK? I heard you talking. Is someone with you?" I felt his surprise and confusion at the situation and guessed that Bella wasn't in the habit of having company.

"I'm fine, Andy," she said as she opened the door slightly. "I ran into an old friend last night and invited him over so we could catch up. Give me a minute to get put together and I'll introduce you."

He didn't speak, but must have nodded his agreement since she shut the door and turned around. I felt his concern for her as well as intense suspicion at my presence. Bella grabbed a hairbrush and pulled it quickly through her hair several times. She looked nervous and her heart rate was rapid again.

"Andy's going to be worried about me. Take it easy on him, he's a good guy," she blurted out quickly.

"I'm glad he's looking out for you, Bella," I said sincerely. I wasn't thrilled about being interrupted, but it was good to know her roommate cared enough to check on her.

I followed her into the living room, where her roommate was sprawled on the couch. He was very thin and his skin was an unhealthy pale color. His hair was dark and hung into his face. I noticed his eyes were clear and alert as he looked at me long and hard. Despite his substance abuse problem, he appeared to be very observant. I mentally prepared myself for the awkwardness Bella believed would come.

"Andy," she said hesitantly, "This is Jasper. He's an old friend."

"Hey, man," I said as I nodded my head at him.

"Jasper, huh? That must have been tough when you were a kid." He continued to watch me closely. I smiled slightly.

"It wasn't so bad. It's not that unusual of a name in the part of Texas where I grew up," I said smoothly. Bella began to relax slightly beside me.

"So, Jasper from Izzy's past," he began as his eyes locked with mine. I felt Bella tense up at his words and automatically reached out for her hand. She started in surprise but didn't pull away as that amazing calm began to flow between our hands. He widened his eyes at my action. "Are you from her life Pre Bad Shit or After Bad Shit?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I didn't know how to reply, unsure of how much Bella had told him. She drew a rapid breath before I could answer.

"Really, Andy? Are we going to start asking hard questions now?" she said in a snarky tone, glaring at him. My opinion of him rose again as he didn't back down.

"Maybe it's time we did, Izz," he said softly. I could tell she was ready to argue, so I pulled gently on her hand.

"It's OK," I said softly to her. I looked him in the eye as I answered. "Well, Andy, I guess you could say I caused the Bad Shit ." He seemed oddly satisfied by my reply, but I felt a sharp stab of anger from Bella before it faded away.

She tugged her hand away from mine and turned toward me. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to this shit. I'm going to go take a shower." She pointed at Andy. "You," she snapped, "Don't be nosy. You got a problem with him being here, we'll go. No Spanish Inquisition, got it?"

He nodded once and she turned to glare at me. "You had better be waiting for me when I'm done. Then you're going to take me to breakfast and answer my questions." I couldn't stop my grin at her attitude, although I knew it would probably piss her off.

"Yes ma'am," I said as I sat down in a chair. I noticed Andy wore a slight smirk as well, and Bella stomped off toward the bathroom. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow again. This should be interesting, I thought to myself as I settled into the chair to wait.

AN

As always, a huge thank you to Mynxi! You're the best, baby. Not only do you have mad skills with words, you're a pimp extraordinaire! Thanks for everything you do to make my writing better and thanks for helping get the word out about my fic! Loves you!

If you are one of the three people who did not find this fic from Mynxi's recommendation, stop what you're doing and read her Saving Bella. Great drama, yummy Jasper, and a doggie! Total package!

Thank you to all who alerted, favorited and reviewed. Your reviews really do make my day and motivate me to keep going.

Thank you to kelleygirl for your detailed observations! Keep it coming, you helped me make sure I was explaining things clearly! I know some things weren't addressed yet, but I promise future chapters will clear things up!