Jenny sat on the examining table in Room #2 at her doctor's office, dreading the moment when she'd be asked to put on one of those awful paper gowns so Dr. Mariott could check everything on the inside. The door opened and the doctor walked in, Jenny's medical chart in hand.
"Good morning Jenny," she smiled. "I was glad to get your call. I've been concerned ever since the hospital faxed over your incident report. How are you?"
Jenny braved a small smile and shrugged one shoulder. "Depends on what moment of the day you ask."
Sarah nodded and leaned against the counter. "I understand. So," she checked the chart, "what is it you wanted to see me about? Your call was rather vague."
"On purpose," Jenny explained, "some things are rather delicate to leave in a message."
"I see. Okay, well, how about now?"
Jenny nodded, looking down. "I want you to check and make sure I've healed...on the inside...or at least tell me how much longer," she began. "The doctor at the hospital said I had some...bruising and tearing that would take at least a couple of weeks to heal."
Dr. Mariott's eyes reflected compassion. "Of course. Anything else?"
"One thing at a time," Jenny decided and her doctor nodded.
She reached into a drawer and handed Jenny the gown. "Now, I know you probably don't want to wear this, so if you just want to take off your pants and underwear, you can use it to cover yourself while I take a look."
Slowly Jenny reached for the paper gown and Dr. Mariott turned so she could change out of the bottom half of her clothing. When she was settled on the table again and lying down, Sarah took her place at the end and lifted the gown a little.
"I'm just going to take a look Jenny," she said softly. "Just take nice, deep breaths and try not to kick me out of reflex please."
Jenny tried to laugh but was too busy trying to think of other things during the examination. Several minutes later, she let out a breath of relief, finally it was finished. She struggled to sit up, watching as the doctor went to the sink to strip off her gloves and stayed with her back to Jenny until the patient had finished dressing herself again.
"Well," Jenny said, when her doctor finally turned around, "what's the verdict?"
Sarah dried her hands slowly. "Everything seems fine Jenny. You've healed quite well, being that it's only been two weeks. Now," she sat down on her stool and faced the redheaded woman, "may I ask why you were so concerned?"
Jenny sat back on the examination table, looking down at the lines in her pants. "Well...just because...oh brother," she covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. When she looked up at the doctor again, her face was still a sunburned shade of red. "I wanted to know if it should hurt to be with my husband." At last she was able to get the words out.
Dr. Mariott steepled her fingers together and sighed. "There's a few tough facts to face about your body once you are a rape survivor Jenny," she began. "One thing you need to know is that our bodies have pain memories. And while it doesn't necessarily work for something small, like burning your finger on the stove, your normal memory will remind you about the last time you burnt yourself and how that isn't something you'd like to do again."
She moved her stool closer to where Jenny was sitting and watched her closely, making sure her patient was listening. Rape victims had a tendency to zone out whenever someone started talking about rape related things or the word itself was mentioned. "Pain memories are complicated. While being with your husband may not physically hurt, and it shouldn't," she added, "you are healed inside, because of the trauma you experienced during the rape, your body will expect that intimacy now should hurt. And because it expects pain, your body gets tense. No matter how relaxed you think you are or how much time you have spent kissing and touching before the actual act itself, your body is going to make it difficult to be comfortable with having your husband there, and cause it to be harder to enjoy yourself."
Jenny's brow furrowed. More bad news, not what she really wanted to hear right now.
Sarah continued. "But it will get better. If you decide to try again," she met Jenny's startled eyes, "and yes, I can tell you tried recently. If you do, tell him to go slow, be gentle. Try to remember that intimacy is a good thing, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Relax with your husband if you can. Remember, or keep telling yourself that he is not attacking you, he's not trying to hurt you. He is trying to love you. Just so you're warned," she make a face at Jenny, "it can take trying several times, or even several months, before you get comfortable with making love again. If you can't get yourself to relax with your husband, the likelihood is that it will continue to hurt. With the memories you're carrying I know it's not easy, but I urge you to try and do your best and I'm sure your husband will be patient."
"Right now it's not my husband's patience that's in question," Jenny muttered darkly.
"Speaking of your husband," Sarah changed the subject slightly, "I have to say that I was shocked when he answered the phone and identified himself. When did that happen?"
Jenny grinned. "Seven months ago. Did I forget to mention it?"
"You had your annual check-up was eight months ago and couldn't possibly mention that you were getting married in the very near future? It's something your doctor might want to know!"
"Getting nosy now Sarah?" Jenny asked. They'd been doctor and patient long enough to be quite comfortable with each other.
"Curious, not nosy Jenny," she replied with a smile. There was a pause, then, "What was the other thing you wanted to see me about?"
Jenny stretched her arms out in front of her. "I really think it's silly for everyone to be making such a fuss," she started out by saying, "but the people in my life, from my shrink to my husband and anyone else who has noticed, are very concerned that I haven't been eating much since..." she struggled with the wording, "...since it happened."
Dr. Mariott raised an eyebrow at Jenny. "Define 'not much'."
"Well...you know...a little bit here and there...a few bites at almost every meal...but lots of coffee in-between."
The doctor did not look convinced. "And why so little, may I ask?"
Jenny frowned. "Not hungry. Can't. Unsettled stomach. Hate being sick so don't want to get that far. Take your pick."
"Can't as in 'don't want to' or can't as in 'won't?" Sarah narrowed down Jenny's choices.
"A little of both sometimes," Jenny finally admitted.
"I supposed I don't need to tell you that's not very healthy for you?"
"No."
"And you've already heard that eating is a good thing and you might want to try it?"
"In various forms."
"And you can't be convinced to try eating a little bit more?"
"Not as long as my stomach is almost convinced it's going to reject said food."
"Fine." Dr. Mariott crossed her arms. "Then I'm doing some more blood tests, I want a urine sample, and I'm going to give you a prescription for an anti-nausea medication to see if that helps."
"Too much to ask for you to be on my side, huh?" Jenny said dejectedly.
"Jenny, if you didn't want to wear matching socks or refused to drink chocolate milk anymore, I wouldn't be concerned. As it is, what I remember from medical school taught me that if you don't give your body the proper nourishment it needs to sustain itself, you will get sick and worn down and tired and that is not going to help any of the symptoms of RTS."
"Well, when you put it that way..." Jenny trailed off. "Do you have to use me as a pincushion though?"
"If I get you a sandwich from the cafeteria, are you going to eat it in front of me to prove nothing is wrong? Without much thought, Jenny shook her head. "Then yes, I am going to get out my needles and you are going to hold still so I can get the blood drawn."
Jenny crossed her arms, knowing she was pouting like a two year old. "How long is it going to take? I have to show up at work sometime today you know."
"If you stop arguing with me I can have you out of here in about fifteen minutes. Think you'll last that long?"
"I'll live," came the response.
"It's for your own good Jenny," Sarah tried to explain.
"That's what doctors always say."
The doctor shrugged. "It's my job. What can I say?"
"All I know is I'm not coming back until I have to get my next physical," Jenny groused. "That's what you get for being so mean."
"You're welcome for getting you an appointment when I only had an hour's notice."
Jenny brightened. "And can I have a note for my shrink too? She'll want proof that I've actually been to see you. I have a funny feeling she won't take my word for it."
Dr. Mariott reached for her prescription pad. "Sure."
"And if could mention what an outstanding patient I've been..."
Sarah's laughter rang around the room. "Don't push your luck Jenny. I'm seven months late hearing about your wedding."
Jenny tried to smile. "Oops?"
Sarah just shook her head and reached into the drawer for some clean needles and blood vials. Jenny attempted not to watch. She really hated needles. For a second she wished Jethro was here. At least he'd hold her hand and try to take her mind off things. Maybe someday... She hoped Kristyn would make it easy for them to get back on track with each other. She hoped Jethro would decide to come. Sitting there, waiting for the needle, Jenny hoped.
NCIS
Gibbs noticed the minute Jenny returned to NCIS at almost 0930. She walked down the hall without even a glance over the railing and entered the door to her inner office. He watched the door click shut, gave her thirty seconds for getting an update on the day so far from Cynthia, counted another minute for her to get settled in her office, and then got up and made for the stairs. As he passed Tony's desk, he rapped his knuckles on the top.
"If we get a call, I'm on my cell."
"Got it Boss," Tony said quickly, unuttered curiosity in his eyes.
Once more breezing past Cynthia as if she wasn't even sitting there, Gibbs let himself into Jenny office, flipping the lock. Jenny turned around like she'd been expecting him.
"Something I can help you with Special Agent Gibbs?"
"Door's closed Jenny," he informed her.
"I know." She folded her arms and stared at him. "What do you want?"
"I want to know how your doctor's appointment went. What's going on with you Jen?"
Jenny rolled her eyes and seated herself at the desk. "Nothing Jethro, I'm fine."
Gibbs fought the urge to stamp his foot like a child. Instead he thrust his finger into the air, pointing at her. "You are not fine Jenny! Stop saying it, for gosh sakes! That's part of the reason we're having issues right now, because you keep insisting everything is fine when you know dang well it's not!" The longer he ranted, the louder he got, but right now Gibbs didn't care.
The icy stare coming from his wife only served to anger him more. "Are you quite through?"
"Not by a long shot."
"Jethro, please leave our personal lives out of the workplace. We need to keep it professional while we are here."
"Oh, professional, is it, Madame Director?" he sneered. "Professional the way we used to make out in my conferences room? Professional the way we shared dinner after everyone had gone home? Professional the way you'd call me up here just so you could get a hug when you're having a bad day? Is that the way we do 'professional' here?" He was trying to get a rise out of her and judging by the flashing of her eyes and the red in her cheeks, he was doing a good job.
"You know darn well what professional means, Jethro," Jenny said, her voice hard. "It means case related business only. It means if you want to talk about personal stuff, you wait until we get home!"
"Oh, you mean because we're going such a good job talking about stuff when we're at home? That's a good one Jen."
"Did you ever think I might not want to talk about everything Jethro?" She spat the words at him, jumping up from her chair so she felt more in control. She was getting loud but right now she didn't care if the whole building heard them fighting.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should?" he shot back.
Resisting the urge to tell him to go somewhere that wasn't very nice, Jenny instead used her position to her advantage. "My agency, my rules Jethro."
"Ooh, playing by Kindergarten rules now, are we Jen? I'm bigger than you so I can push you around? I outrank you so I can tell you what you can and cannot feel on the job? Is that it?" He was furious now. She just wasn't getting it. All he wanted to do was help!
"Special Agent Gibbs," Jenny bit out, reverting to director mode so she didn't walk over there and slap her husband for being a jerk, "while we are at work, it is Director Shepard or Ma'am."
Gibbs clenched his fists. "Is that the way you want to play that one Jen?" He kept using her name, to see what she'd do.
"That is enough!" she hissed. "You have a job to do and I have a job to do." She pointed to the door. "Now get back down there and do it!"
"Is that an order, Director?"
"Yes." She glared murderously at him.
He spun around and reached for her door handle, flinging it open. Looking back over his shoulder, Gibbs delivered his final parting shot. "You're welcome for caring, Ma'am." Then he left.
Watching his back as he departed, Jenny suddenly felt overcome with remorse. Why did she have to start a fight when she felt insecure? Why couldn't she just let him help her? So much for trying to make things better, she told herself sadly. The worst part was, Jethro had been right. He was just being a caring husband concerned about his wife. At this rate, the session this afternoon would be pretty short. If she wasn't sure how they were doing before, now she was certain that they weren't speaking. And what was Kristyn going to do about that?