A/N: Hey guys! This is sort of a TBC chapter...the rest should be up Monday night sometime so don't panic. And I promise things are going to get better. But sometimes it has to get worse first. PS. The 'worse' part is almost over, for now anyways. Thanks for reading, please keep reviewing. I love all you guys for being so supportive! Thanks a lot!
Dr. Renway sat quite still in her chair, silently observing the couple across from her. Something was radically different today than it had been last time they'd met in this room. That day they had come in hand in hand, prepared to do this together. Today they had arrived minutes apart from each other and so far, had done no more than glance at each other out of the corners of their eyes. They sat on opposite sides of her modest sized couch and thus far, in the ten minutes they'd been here, had yet to utter a single word either to one another or to her. Kristyn was getting fed up. If need be, and if they were going to act like grade schoolers having a fight, she was going to treat them that way. But a couple of preliminary questions first, just to check their reactions.
"So," she began, pasting on a smile, "how was your weekend?"
Gibbs grunted and Jenny refused to make eye contact.
"Anyone at all," Kristyn threw it out there.
After another minute of silence, she'd had all that she could take. Here in her office, patients played by her rules. And they were about to play hardball.
"That's it!" she said with force, standing up. Both sets of eyes snapped to her, wondering what was going on. "Jenny, outside to the waiting room," Dr. Renway ordered and pointed. "If you guys won't talk while you're together, you're going to talk to me separately. And at the end, we're going to get to the bottom of whatever is going on." She stared at them, steel resolve in her eyes. "Today you don't leave this office until I am satisfied. Out!" she said to Jenny, who was hesitating.
Resisting the urge to exchange glances with her husband, Jenny meekly got up and removed herself from the doctor's office. Plunking down on the first available chair in the waiting room, she stared straight ahead, wondering what was going on in there.
The receptionist gave her a sympathetic look. "I see she's playing 'Two Sides of a Story', huh?"
Jenny shrugged, somewhat bewildered. "I don't know what game she's playing, but she seems to have changed the rules on us."
"Dr. Renway is very good at getting people to talk about things they don't want to talk about," the girl responded.
"She's going to need every one of those skills. My husband does not open up to strangers."
"Oh," the girl smiled knowingly, "you might be surprised."
NCIS
Gibbs fixed the therapist with his patented stare. "What's going on here?"
"Intervention, Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said calmly, sitting back down. "United together in silence, separately they fall. If you won't talk and she won't talk with the other one sitting there, I can fix that. So," she smiled again and Gibbs was suddenly sure he had underestimated this lady, "why don't you tell me what happened this weekend that was so bad you won't even look at your wife?"
He leaned back against the couch cushions, fully intending not to share intimate details. At the same time, he'd been hoping for this so Kristyn could tell them how to fix what was going on. Regarding her for several minutes, he finally gave up on holding onto his pride and decided that for the good of their marriage, he would answer any question the doctor asked. Unless he didn't like it, he amended quickly.
"Saturday," Gibbs began, "started out great but quickly became one of the worst days we've had."
Kristyn knew talking wasn't easy for this man, she would work on him with care. "Can you elaborate?"
He sighed. "Jenny thought she was ready to try."
The doctor raised her eyebrows, afraid of where this was going. "Try what?"
Shifting uncomfortably, he didn't look at her as he answered. "Making love."
"Oh no," Kristyn sighed. "I think part of that is my fault." Gibbs looked up at her and she explained. "Our session on Friday, she asked me about how long the healing takes. I gave her ballpark figures, statistics really, but made sure she knew everyone is different in how they react. And I also did throw in the advice that being with someone you love might help with the feelings." She shook her head. "I should've asked Jenny what she was thinking. She was distant for the rest of the session and I figured she was just thinking about things. Now I'm wondering if she even heard anything else I said."
"A warning would have been nice," Gibbs mumbled.
"It wasn't your fault, Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said softly. "I know it can be very hard on a spouse to wait for intimacy while the other one heals. And Jenny probably thought that would fix everything, when, if I'm reading this right, it made an even bigger mess."
"Pretty much sums it up," Gibbs nodded, crossing his arms.
Kristyn tapped her pen against her folder. "Tell me how you feel about waiting." Gibbs' head popped up, his eyes protesting the question. The doctor shrugged. "I know it's personal and you feel like I'm intruding..."
"Darn right," Gibbs interrupted.
"Well, maybe I am a little. But you telling me what's going on in your head is the only way we can work on any of it. I can't give you any advice for approaching or working with your wife if you can't tell me what you're thinking about everything the two of you are going through."
Leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees, Gibbs looked at Kristyn, then dropped his eyes to the floor. "I know I'm not supposed to rush her Doctor, but I need her. I need to feel and touch Jenny to show her that I love her. I'm better with my hands than with words. I want to express my love for her by touching, holding, and hugging her." He rubbed his hands over his eyes, still not wanting to look into her face as he told her things he would never admit to anyone else. "I miss my wife. I miss making love to her, but not just that, I miss the intimacy we shared, because our hearts were so close together we were almost the same. I miss wanting her and knowing that yearning will lead us together. I miss kissing her with the intent of seducing her, knowing she will love it." He sighed. "I hate knowing that I hurt her, knowing that I let her convince me that it was okay, knowing that I could've stopped it. Since then," he held out his hands, "there's been a distance between us I don't know how to fix."
Kristyn took in this monologue with nothing short of shock. She'd been expecting to pry the answers out of him. "Mr. Gibbs," she said quietly, "you must love your wife an awful lot."
"Not enough to help," he said in a broken voice.
"Yes," she stated firmly, "enough to help her with everything she's going through. I believe that. But you need help too Mr. Gibbs. Supporting a spouse after rape is not something you can do without having others around to support you. Do you have anyone you can talk to?"
He nodded slowly. "A couple old friends."
"And have you been talking to them?"
"Occasionally."
She nodded. "That's good, but it needs to be more than that. Last time you said you had your boat to work on, and I'm sure that helps. But sometimes you will need more than that. Even for a man of few words," she smiled, "talking about what you're feeling can be an incredible release. I really urge you to contact those friends, daily if you need to, and let them help you work through the emotions."
Gibbs was silent, refusing to promise anything. Talking to Jenny's shrink was a huge step. For right now he had to leave it at that.
"I'm going to give you some advice Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said next, "and I want you to listen very carefully. If you are going to try to be with your wife again, and I think that should definitely be a capital 'IF' with how shaky things are right now, here are a few ideas that might help." She started listing them off on her fingers and Gibbs felt extremely awkward getting love making advice from a psychiatrist. It didn't matter anyways, there was no way he wanted to go through Saturday morning again, even if Jen decided to let him touch her anytime soon.
"While you are making love, keep eye contact with her. Jenny will be able to read your intentions, and your love, in your eyes. Talk to her to keep her connected to this reality. Tell her why you love her, embrace her, use gentle touches to convey that you care. Watch out for sudden silence, frightened facial expressions, a refusal to look at you. All those are signs that she could be in the middle of a flashback."
"Sometimes she scares me," Gibbs said honestly, "because I don't know where she is."
"If it scares you," Kristyn said slowly, "I can guarantee you that it terrifies her. Whisper in her ear so she can hear your voice and knows it's her husband she is with, not her attacker. Ask her if she wants to stop. Remember that if she says yes, it's not you she's rejecting. The same goes for if she moves or pushes you away. Stop if she asks, but keep touching her in some way - a hand on her shoulder, stroking her hair, something so you don't lose that connection."
The doctor leaned closer. "I know none of this will be easy for you Mr. Gibbs, but following her cues, letting her lead and make the decisions for what is okay, will go a long to help her healing. You have done so much for her already and I can see how much she depends on you. Please, keep doing it."
Gibbs acknowledged her praise with barely a nod. He did not feel like he was doing enough. He could not see how his love was helping her. Right now he felt like his love was hurting Jenny more than helping her.
"So, after Saturday morning, what happened?"
He shrugged. "Neither one of us knew what to do to fix what had happened, since we clearly couldn't take it back. Jenny came with me to my house and spent the afternoon with files while I was in the basement working on my boat. She was in bed before me and Sunday I went to church without her. When I came back to the house, Jenny had gone to the office. I went to bed before she got home that night."
Dr. Renway nodded. "Everything that happened over the weekend just worked together to push you both apart."
"Yes."
"And today?" She stared at him curiously. "I get the feeling it's more than just the weekend that's coming between you now."
"We had a fight, in her office earlier," Gibbs managed. This sharing thing was harder than he thought. He wasn't sure he talked this much in a whole month, let alone in one single half hour.
"About what?"
He frowned. "Kind of nosy, aren't you?"
Kristyn smiled. She knew he was frustrated with all the questions but was glad that he cared enough for his wife to keep talking. "It's my job. And the only way I can help the two of you," she pointed out again.
He sighed. "She had a doctor's appointment this morning. The call came before she left for work. But she wouldn't tell me why and when she got back from it, I wanted to know. The fight was stupid really. Jenny tried to play director to keep me from actually getting her to talk. It escalated, the whole office probably heard it and we both left mad. That's pretty much it."
"Except it's still very much affecting both of you."
"Yeah," he said dryly, "except that."
"Okay." Kristyn looked at the notes she'd been making. "I think it's Jenny's turn. Unless there's anything else you want to tell me?" Gibbs gave her a disbelieving look and she laughed. "I didn't think so." She got up and lifted the phone on her desk. "Sophie, could you ask Director Shepard to come in here please? Thank you." Looking back at Gibbs, she explained. "Once I'm done hearing Jenny's side of the story, I'll have you both back in here together. Maybe while you're waiting, start thinking about what you can do to bring that closeness back. I hope to fix some of it today, but even something little might help. I'll leave it to you since you know Jenny better than I do."
The door slowly opened and Jenny peeked in. Gibbs got up off the sofa and moved passed her, ignoring her curious gaze. She waited until he left the room before she sat down. She was beginning to feel like a child in the principal's office, a sense of sheepishness overtaking her. She and Jethro really were acting like children who needed adults to solve their problems. But after Saturday morning, Jenny wasn't sure how else they were supposed to react. Maybe this was her chance to find out.