Thanks to everybody who keep on reading. I really appreciate it.
Chapter 16
Hopeless
Friday morning Rachel woke up happily, knowing that she will have lunch with Finn. She sang while preparing her shake, doing her exercises, dressing up and driving to school; she couldn't stop. She knew she should refrain her hope and bliss outbursts, but she had no desire to.
Couple of blocks away, Finn woke up smiling too. He just had a dream about winning National's in New York and getting back with Rachel. He hoped that he wouldn't have to wait that long to hold her in his arms again. He took a shower, got dressed and went downstairs. In the kitchen, he took his breakfast, smiling, humming.
Sitting in the Kitchen, Kurt couldn't help smiling seeing his brother in such a good mood.
"I Heard we have competition to worry about." asked Kurt, sipping his tea.
"You and your new buddies will bite the dust at Regionnals." Finn replied to Kurt, smiling, taking a huge bit in his toast. "We are back on track." Add Finn, enthusiastic.
"New directions is back on track or you and Rachel?" asked Kurt smiling.
Finn starred at Kurt and didn't answer his question.
"So, you guys are friend again." asked Kurt at the edge of his sit, curious.
"Yeah, I think we can say that. In fact, we are having lunch together to prepare a set list." said Finn, smiling.
"Have you guys thought of something in particular?" Kurt asked, without looking at him.
"Don't you take me for dumber than I am Kurt. I am not telling you. You'll have to wait and see." said Finn, finishing his breakfast.
"Can't blame a guy for trying!" Kurt replied, laughing as he put his plate in the sink.
Finn mimicked him and they both went to the living room to get their coat and school bags. They put it on and went out the house. They said bye to each other, got into their mutual cars and drove to school.
Once at McKinley High, Finn looked everywhere for Rachel; he wanted to confirm their meeting. In fact, he just wanted to see her, but he needed a pretence to. He was on his way to her locker when his phone rang. He looked at the Id. It was Santana. God, he had forgotten to pick her up. He knew she would be pissed about that. He really wanted to ignore her call, but he knew he couldn't. He knew that things would only get worse if he did.
"Hudson! Where are you Hudson?" screamed Santana pissed.
"School; I had to come here early." said Finn calmly.
"Let me guess, study." said Santana even more pissed.
"Can't lie to you, baby." said Finn, hopping that the nickname would smooth her a little and let him off the hook so he could go to see Rachel before class.
"I am in the middle of something, can you please come on your own, honey." he said faking tenderness, putting the emphasis on honey to gild the pill.
Santana answered sighing loudly. Finn took advantage of her silence.
"You're the best." Finn said quickly and hung up.
"One problem solved. Now, Rachel before the tiger catches me." Finn thought to himself walking in the hallway.
Rachel arrived to school singing. She went to her locker. She took off her coat and bonnet. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Finn." she said, surprised.
"You sound surprised." said Finn smiling at her stupor expression.
"Yes. No. I thought it was Noah. Usually, he is the one who comes to see me that early." she said to explain her attitude.
"Okay." said Finn, losing his smile, a bit disappointed.
"But I am glad it's you today." replied Rachel quickly.
Finn answered her with one of his own half-crooked smile. Rachel smiles back at him. For few seconds, they kept looking at each other.
"I just wanted to confirm our lunch together, just to be sure you haven't changed your mind." said Finn feeling his face becoming redder.
"No, it's still on, if you're up to It." replied Rachel who couldn't stop smiling.
"Great, I'll see you at noon, in the auditorium." Finn said, starting to walk backward and collided with a freshman as he left.
"Yeah." said Rachel, watching him, laughing at Finn's goofiness.
"My old Finn is back." she thought as she started to hum to her classroom.
Finn was running to his classroom when he ran into Santana.
"Hey baby." Santana said, trying to kiss him.
Finn accepted the kiss and extended it, only because he didn't want to arouse Santana's suspicion about his meeting later with Rachel. He took her hand and he walked her to her class, hoping this strategy would give him immunity from questioning. Once at her class's door, he stopped and took her hand.
"See, I have this team work to do during lunch, but I could take you to bread's stick tonight, for forgiveness." Finn said, kissing the back of her hand.
"It's going to take more than that to satisfy me Finnocence." Santana said, as she tore her hand from Finn's and entered her class.
Finn kept looking at her as she went sitting on her chair, trying to look as into her as he could, but the problem was he wasn't such a good liar.
Rachel and Finn spent their entire classes looking at the clock. They would have wanted to spin the clock's hand to noon to finally the able to be together.
At noon, Finn ran to the cafeteria to get his lunch. There, a lot of football players hi-fived him and cheerleaders smiled at him seductively. He took the time to answer to his teammates, but ignored the girls because the only girl he was thinking about was waiting for him in the auditorium.
Rachel was settling thing for their lunch meeting when Finn arrived, almost running. He slowed down and joined her on stage. She had prepared a blanket and cushions. She was pulling out her sandwich from her little lunch basket. She seems so calm, so peaceful, so beautiful...
Rachel lifted her eyes and saw Finn sitting next her, his lunch bag in hand. The minute he sat down, she turned herself and put her hands in her bag. She took out music sheets out of it.
"I have been spending some time thinking about songs selection for Regionnals." Rachel said to Finn, handing her the music's sheet.
Finn smile faded and he looked at her disappointed. Rachel had jumped directly to business. Somewhere, he had hoped that they could talk a little, solve issues and make peace.
Trying to regain his smile, the tall guy laid down his lunch and took the music's sheets from Rachel's hands.
"So, what do you think?" asked Rachel, after taking one bite of her sandwich.
"These are great songs Rach, perfect, I wouldn't have thought of anything more from you..." Finn said, as he laid down the music's sheets. He grabbed his lunch bag, took his sandwich out and started to eat it.
They both eat in silence. Either one of them wanted to talk to the other, but they didn't know what to say. They both took a deep breath and spoke at the same time.
"Thanks for..." said Rachel.
"It was really... said Finn at the same time as Rachel.
They looked at each other and laughed.
"You go first." said Rachel, regaining her composure.
"It was really nice of you to sing with me, to take one for the team." said Finn, looking at Rachel.
"As you said, we had to do it for glee club salvation. We cannot deprive others of such an experience." said Rachel smiling. "And I have always enjoyed singing with you." added Rachel a bit weaker.
"I love singing with you too." said Finn, half-crook smiling, and giving her a shoulder hit.
Then, their eyes met and they couldn't stop starring at each other. Finn wanted to caress her cheeks, her hair. His senses were urging him to lay her down on the blanket, like he had done last year, a bit before his mailman incident, but this time, he wouldn't back off, he would gladly take advantage of the situation and make her scream out for more...
Rachel really loves spending time with Finn, but keeping her distance was really difficult; his eyes kept drawing her in like magnets.
"Finn!" asked Rachel, breaking the trance.
"Where were you?" Rachel asked him.
"Heaven Rach, I was in heaven." answered Finn, coming back to reality, unwillingly, starring before him.
Then, Rachel picked up her lunch basket and stood up. Finn imitated her helped her to fold the blanket, disappointed of letting his fantasy fly away.
"You haven't told me what song you prefer?" ask Rachel, seeing Finn's smile fade a little as they were folding the blanket.
"I don't know. They are both great, but I think I prefer the first one." said Finn coming closer to her, taking the blanket from her hand and putting it into her basket.
"Do you want to give it a try?" said Rachel to Finn as he stood up.
"Sure." Finn said smiling.
Then, facing one another, they started to sing.
Finn:
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
Rachel:
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Both:
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
Finn:
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
Rachel:
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Both:
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Finn:
Don't stop here
Rachel:
I lost my place
Finn:
I'm close behind
Both:
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
Finn:
You finally find
You and I collide
Rachel:
You finally find
You and I collide
As the song ended, they found themselves very close to one another. Rachel's hands were holding Finn's waist and Finn's hands were on Rachel's shoulder, they were slightly leaning in, Rachel slightly perched on tip toe.
Lost in the moment, they hadn't seen the football team who had entered in the auditorium thirty seconds ago.
"Hey Hudson!" screamed Azimio from a far.
Finn and Rachel turned themselves to face their audience. As soon as he saw his teammates, Finn removed his hand from Rachel's shoulders and stepped back.
"Get your ass hereudHud, stop having fun with your little glee loser on the side and bring your muscles here. Special practice ordered by coach Beast." added Azimio screaming.
Finn looked at Azimio forcing a wide smile. Then, he looked at Rachel.
"I have to go." Finn said weakly to Rachel who was looking at him lovingly, her senses still in the trance.
Quickly, he took his backpack and ran to his teammates who were waiting for him dissatisfied.
"See you at glee". Rachel half screamed to Finn, falling off her cloud.
Dragged out of the auditorium by his teammates, Finn didn't have the time to answer her. He just smiled at her from a far.
Finn and the rest of the football missed their third period to undergo an intensive football practice foreseen by coach Beast for their next game.
Finn had run and sweated a lot on the field. Once back in the locker room, he decided to take a very long shower. There, he thought of his duet with Rachel and smiled. Then, he closed his eyes and started to sing the last song they had sung together. Once his shower over, he went back into the locker room, still signing. Azimio and Karofsky were waiting for him.
"Hey guys." said Finn joyful as he walked to his locker, still humming.
"Look QB, we, the team, talked about it and we are worry about our captain's sanity." said Azimio, closing Finn's locker before he had totally opened it.
"Fact is, you can fool around with your glee loser ex-girlfriend, I am sure she could be fun between sheets, but here, in real world, you date Santana." added Azimio really seriously.
"Yeah, you proved yourself not to be a complete stupid and worthless idiot by bagging her. Now we can almost believe that you actually are a man and a true leader." said Karofsky arrogantly.
Finn didn't know what to say. He just starred at them, stunned
"Don't let the team down Hudson, or we'll find another captain…" said Azimio, hitting the locker next to Finn's with one of his fist.
"You can't do that." Said Finn, not believing they were threatening him.
"Try us, captain!" said Karofsky, hi-fiving Azimio and leaving the room.
Dumbfounded, Finn got dressed, went out of the locker room and went to his locker, but an unpleasant surprised was awaiting him at his locker.
Santana was pressed against his locker, talking with another cheerleader. When she saw Finn approaching, she went to him and kissed him fiercely and stuck her mouth near his hear.
"You, you follow me now, keep smiling and looking happy or you are going to regret it." Santana whispered to him, squeezing his hand tightly, dragging him into the janitor's closet and slammed the door behind them. As soon as the door was closed, Santana pushed him away harsly.
"I just heard about you teamwork with the dwarf. People are saying that you fucked her on the auditorium's floor. This was not part of the plan Hudson; we were supposed to become top dogs around here, and all you think about is going back with your hobbit of an ex-girlfriend. No. No way I am allowing that!" said Santana, forcing herself not to scream to preserve the appearances.
"You're not going to glee club this afternoon and neither am I." said Santana, sounding very serious.
"What?" asked Finn, not sure he had heard right.
"We are not going to glee club practice, we are going to my house and have sex." said Santana proud of herself.
Finn looked at her, disgusted. He stepped further away from her.
"Don't worry, I don't expect you to be man enough to actually do it, I lost all hope about that a long time ago, but people have to believe that you are my man Hudson and not Rachel's Finn…" said Santana, coming closer to Finn, caressing his face with one of her finger.
"What if I refuse." replied Finn, pushing her hand away and crossing his arms on his chest.
"If you dare not filling your part of our bargain Finnoncence, I can always tell anyone that I am your big gay beard or that you pay be to be your fake girlfriend. I can also expose your mailman problem and amplify it a little. I think those few things could pretty much kill your reputation." added Santana smiling, knowing that she had made her point.
Then, she came closer to him and kissed him, taking care to smear his mouth's side of her lipstick and quit the closet. Leaving Finn's breathless. He really had concluded a pact with the devil.
Rachel thought about glee club meeting hopeful. She knew that singing together had brought them closer and it had increased with their lunch today. She knew that she would have a great time at glee, as long as Finn was there.
Finn was sitting in his English class, watching the clock, trying to slow it. He didn't know what to do; his heart and his mind were showing him to different avenues.
If he decided to follow his heart, he would go to glee club, going back to Rachel, hoping he would win her love and trust further down the road.
If he decided to listen to his mind, he would force himself to stay with Santana, continuing faking their coupling and remain captain of the football team, socially loved and respected
He chose the least worst option, hoping that Rachel would understand.
So, when the clock indicated 4 o'clock, he went to his locker, took his stuff and went to Santana's. He pressed himself on her locker. While he was waiting people stopped to say hi and to hi-five him. He forced himself to smile back, but smiling was the last thing he wanted to do right now.
"Glad you took the right decision Hudson." said Santana grabbing him by behind, putting her hands under his shirt.
Finn jumped feeling Santana nails scratching his belly, but he let her do it because it was all part of their agreement, right, to stay on top of the dog pound.
"So, I'll tell you how it works; you take my hand, we walk happily to the parking lot and you drive me home. Then, you can take you sorry self home, but you stay there all night. People have to believe what I will tell them tomorrow, you are going to be a legend Hudson, so don't you dare fuck this up." said Santana smiling, pressing herself against Finn.
He did exactly what Santana told him to. They exchanged few kisses in the parking lot, he drove her home and went back to his sadly.
Seeing that Kurt was already home from Dalton Academy, the entered his house and went quickly upstairs. There, he let himself fall on his bed. He couldn't believe he had agreed to this, but he knew he had saved his ass, but he hoped that it hadn't cost him his heart.
Rachel arrived first on glee club rehearsal. She had decided to wait for Finn to tell everyone about their researches.
At 4h10, Mr. Shuster stepped in the room, his bag on his shoulder and he closed the door behind him.
"Has anybody seen Finn and Santana?" said their teacher, seeing their two vacant sits.
"Santana told me she had planned something special for Finn tonight. She told me that they would work all night long on a long and hard song selections." said Brittany libidinously.
"Too much information Brittany!" said Artie, sighing.
"They're a hot and young couple, it's normal to have sex." replied Brittany, twisting her gum around her finger.
At the mention the X word, everybody looked at Rachel, hoping she wouldn't have another break down.
"I'll be okay guys, it's not like something actually happened between us, we sang together, nothing more." said Rachel dryly, trying not to break into tears.
"Did you guys find some interesting songs we can try out for Regionals?" asked Mr. Shuster enthusiastic, hoping to pump up his troop's spirit.
Their all shared their ideas and opinions, but Rachel remained silent. At 5 o'clock, once everybody had shared their thought, Mr Shuster called it a day.
One second after, Rachel, who had already prepared all her stuff, went out the room almost running. She knew wasn't in the mood for the others' pity.
She ran to her car, letting tears fall freely on her cold cheeks. God, she found herself so stupid for believing that something, something real, had happened between them earlier that day. If it had, he would have come to glee and be with her. They would have forgiven each other and started a new chapter of their life.
She drove home really fast. Once her car parked, she got off it and ran upstairs. She took her application for NYC Scene Art Academy and her envelope of videos and put it in a bag. Then, she came back downstairs and went back into her car.
She drove to the post office and mailed it. Wishing that she would be accepted, wishing that they would want her more than Finn did…