Chapter 18
To go or not to go, that is the Question?
Almost an entire week has passed since Finn had told her the truth. They had not talk since then.
Finn had feared that maybe she would spills the beans to the others, but she hadn't done it. He had hoped that telling Rachel the truth would ease her mind and make them grow closer, but instead it had pushed her away only further. He thought he could talk to her in their common USA History class, but she had switched place with another student.
He tried to talk to her repeatedly, but she had always managed to escape him.
She had spent all her time in the choir room with her watchdog, Puck. He really wanted to get her alone. He really wanted to talk her to make her understand that he still cared about her even if he was forced to remain confined in his cool guy uniform.
In glee, she was acting like a dictator, sometimes even interrupting Mr. Shuster to give her opinion on things. He knew that Rachel wasn't happy about their situation and he really wanted to settle things between them.
All week, Rachel has been trying to avoid Finn. She didn't want to fall into his claws again.
Finn had really made her feel like trash the other night. Rachel couldn't believe that he preferred his reputation to her.
For the past year and a half, Finn had been her world, with or without a football uniform. She had even found him gorgeous in his Brad Majors dorky outfit when they had done the Rocky horror picture show tribute. He wasn't a good dancer and the sharpest tool around, but she loved him for all that and she still did as much as she wanted to convince herself otherwise.
On Thursday, to avoid Finn, Rachel decided to have lunch with Puck at her house.
At noon, they met in the parking lot and got into Rachel's car. Once settled inside, Puck put one of his own CD to avoid a new deluge and started to sing as the song started to relax the atmosphere.
Ten minutes after, Rachel parked her car in the driveway. They both got off the car and walked to the front door. Suddenly, Rachel saw a paper exceed the letter box. Her heart made three turns when she saw that she was the recipient and that the letter came from NYC Art Scene Academy. Receiving a letter so soon could only mean one thing; they hadn't like her. She took the letter and put it in her pocket abruptly and opened the door.
Puck saw her expression and he knew something was wrong. So, he went next to her, grabbed the letter from her pocket and ran into the house with it. Rachel started to run after him.
"Give me that Noah, it is private." Rachel said sighing, trying to take her letter back from Puck once they were in the kitchen.
Puck protected himself from Rachel's attacks. He opened the letter.
"Dear Miss Berry, that's you." Puck said as he looked at Rachel. "We are very pleased to inform you that you've been accepted at NYC Art Scene Academy. Due to a sudden departure of one of our scholarship holder, we would be glad to welcome you at our institution on the beginning of the new semester, on Monday January 17th 2011. You'll find, joined to this letter, all the information that you need to access our school. We know that our letter comes on short notice, but we really believed that it would be a rewarding experience for an already talented singer like you to join our ranks. However, if you are in the impossibility to be there for your admission on Monday, please call the number above mentioned to remove you inscription. If you are able to join us on Monday, January 17th, please, bring copies of your school record with you.
Thank for the interest you've shown for our academy and hoping to see you on admission day, have, Miss Berry, a..."said Puck as Rachel took the letter from his hands.
"You are kidding me, right." said Rachel taking the letter from Puck's hand.
She reread the letter, not believe what she had heard from Puck's voice.
"I esteem my life way too much to be kidding about something as important as this." Puck said, almost laughing.
Rachel read the letters another time to be sure she wasn't dreaming.
"It can't be true, Noah, I must be dreaming." said Rachel throwing the letter on the table.
Puck walked toward her and pinched her arm, but she had only a small reaction.
"Monday, it's so soon. I have so many things to do if I want to be ready. I don't know if I'll have time to do everything I need to do. I have to notify school and glee…" She said out loud, thinking about the glee club and Finn…
"I don't know what to do Noah?" she asked Puck, sighing.
"You are kidding me, right! They are offering you a trip to NYC, your dream on a silver platter and you are considering not going; what's wrong with you Berry?" said Puck, almost screaming at her.
Rachel sat on a chair.
"You have always known that you would get out of here; things are only going faster than you thought it would." added Puck, sitting next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"What about glee?" Rachel asked, trying not to break into tears. "And Finn." she added, one single tears falling from her eye.
"Hudson is a dumb ass. Don't you dare ditch your dream for him! He isn't worth it." Said Puck, patting Rachel's back.
"I bet your NYC school is full of tools much sharper than Hudson." he added, almost laughing to relax the atmosphere, but Rachel expression didn't change.
"First, you should call your dads." added Puck rising from his chair. He stood up behind Rachel and massaged Rachel's shoulders,
"My dads won't be a problem Noah. They will be beyond happy for me and money isn't an issue for them when it comes to my career. I am only wondering if it is the right time to go, the Regional's and probable end of the club." said Rachel, rising from her chair to face Puck.
"Come on Rachel, we are in High School. Lima won't strop turning without you, as much as you'd love it to." said Puck, grabbing Rachel's hand.
"You are right Noah. I need to call my dads and see how they see things. Secondly, I have to ask Mr. Figgins for my school records, then Glee." said Rachel swallowing hardly.
"Noah, would you please be there when I tell them. I might really need an ally when I'll drop the bomb." said Rachel looking at Puck.
"I'll wait for you in the auditorium at 4." said Puck taking her hands.
"Thank you Noah." Rachel said, as she hugged him.
Puck held her during few seconds and stepped back.
"I should go back to school or maybe you need help to settle your things." said Puck taking his coat from the sofa and putting it on.
Rachel put on her coat too and drove Puck back to school.
She came back twenty minutes later and called her dads.
They both reacted very loudly at Rachel's news, both very happy and agreeing deeply with her decision to leave for NYC. They told her not to worry about details and that they would take care of everything. They both frenziedly congratulated her and told her that they would have diner out tonight to celebrate the good news.
After hanging up, she went to get her coat and she went back to school.
She directly went to principal Figgins office. She waited fifteen minutes and finally entered in Mr. Figgins's office. She explained the situation to him. The principal quickly agreed to her demand, saying that his secretary would copy her file in the afternoon and that he'd wait for her dads to sign the legal documents to confirm her departure of McKinley High. He also congratulated her on her success and told her that they were loosing a great student. Rachel shook the principal hand's saying that they would miss them too. Tears were coming to her eyes, but she succeed no to let them fall.
After her meeting with Figgins, she went to the auditorium. She needed the magic of this room to calm her, to prepare her for what she was about to do.
Rachel jumped went she heard her phone ring. She answered it. It was her dad and he had big news for her. He had manage to get her a train ticket for New-York City on Friday at 6 o'clock PM, that everything was already settled for her arrival in the academy's residence that she would be attending and that everything was set for her admission on Monday morning.
She thanked her dad, trying to sound happy, but she truly had mixed up feelings. Yes, she wanted to live her dream, but living this dream would mean living another one behind. Her mind and her hopes were settled on NYC, but her heart longed for Finn. She hoped she could get passed it.
After hanging up, she closed her eyes. She relived, in her head, every song she had sung in this room from Don't stop believing to Collide. She knew stage was her natural habitat, she had always felt she was born to be a star; that feeling had reminded constant and have stayed along her previous years, but Finn had passed and gone away from her arms more than once.
Then, Rachel opened her eyes and went on stage, under the spot light. She imagined herself being on Broadway with hundred of people cheering for her, loving her and she really hopped that could replace the love she felt for Finn. It was her dream she had to go. Her decision was made and she wouldn't budge. She just hoped that what would happen on glee wouldn't change her mind.
The auditorium doors opened. She saw someone walking toward the stage. Puck was coming to get her. She looked at her cell phone; it was 4 o'clock. At this moment she wasn't so sure anymore that she had taken the good decision.
Puck got on stage and took her hand. She followed him unwillingly as he dragged her toward the choir room.
They set foot in the room holding each other's hand tightly. Everyone looked at them in disbelieved, including Finn who was sitting on the front row.
"Rachel got something to tell you guys." said Puck, looking at everyone, squeezing Rachel's hand.
"Don't tell me you knocked her up." said Artie sighing.
Hearing the last sentence, Finn rose from his chair, ready to knock Puck onto the ground.
"No, that's not it, guys. I have been accepted in an art school, in New York City." said Rachel getting in Finn's way, almost crying.
Finn went back to sit on his chair, his fists still clenched.
"Why are you so sad Rachel, isn't it always been your dream to study in NYC?" replied Mercedes, walking closer to her to congratulate her.
"I am living tomorrow." replied Rachel quickly before Mercedes had the chance to hug her.
At this moment, everybody stared at her, not believing what they were hearing.
"I am starting Monday morning, I received the letter today." said Rachel trying not to break into tears.
They mouths all dropped.
"I think I am not only speaking for myself when I say that another baby would have been greater news than this jam!" said Artie breaking the heavy silence.
"I am really sorry about leaving you guys, but if I don't go, I'll regret it all my life. This art school can open Julliard's doors to me! It has always been my dreams for as long as I can remember." said Rachel, letting go of Puck's hand.
"You have no rights to leave us Rachel." said Finn, rising up, placing himself in front to Rachel. "You cant' go and leave us! We're a team, you can't leave us." whispered Finn, takings Rachel's hand.
Tears started to fall on Rachel's face.
"Try to understand Finn." said Rachel, looking at him and whipping her tears away.
As she tried to reach out for his hand, he stepped away from her and left the room, kicking a chair, as usual, on his way out.
After Finn's sudden departure, everyone came to see Rachel, to congratulate her. Rachel accepted their good words, crying. She knew she should have been so happy at the moment, nevertheless she couldn't stop crying.
After few minutes, they all left, one by one. Puck wanted to stay, but Rachel wanted to be alone for a while. Thinking about all the emotions she had experienced there and how much she had grown up between those walls, she couldn't stop crying.
"You should stop crying Rachel." said Mr. Shuster, walking toward her, sitting next to her. He put his arms around her shoulders.
"I just can't Mr. Shuster, I hate the fact that I am letting you guys down." said Rachel, whipping her eyes for the X time.
"Don't worry about us! We'll get through. You got to live your dream Rachel, no matter what people say." said Mr. Shuster, patting her back.
"A part of me doesn't want to leave." said Rachel, sniffing.
"It doesn't have to be forever Rachel. Ohio will still be on the map in a few months or years or even decades. You will always be welcomed here. And maybe that room is going to be renamed after you." said Mr. Shuster, smiling and laughing.
His last comment made Rachel smile.
"You should go home. I am sure you have a lot of packing to do." Mr Shuster said, rising off his chair and putting his bag on his shoulders. "When do you leave exactly?" asked Mr Shuster, helping Rachel to rise off her chair.
"Tomorrow night, my dad booked me a train trip at 6 tomorrow night." said Rachel, rising off her chair. She walked to the door accompanied by Mr Shuster.
"So, you won't be at school tomorrow." asked Mr. Shuster sadly.
"No. As you said, I have a lot of packing and others thing to do if I want to be on time at the railroad station at four o'clock to be sure not to miss my train." replied Rachel as they were walking in the hallway.
"So, you won't come to say goodbye." said Mr. Shuster as he stopped walking arriving to the teacher's room.
"I just did. I don't think I could take more goodbyes." Rachel said before jumping into Mr. Shuster's arms and hugged him.
"Thanks for everything, Mr. Shuster." said Rachel, kissing him on the cheeks.
"No. Thank you, Rachel." The teacher replied smiling.
Rachel took a few steps back and whipped the tears that were falling freely on her cheeks. She walked toward the entrance and passed the door. Once outside, she turned herself to face the façade of the school. She couldn't believe that she would actually miss McKinley High.
Then, she walked to her car and drove home.
Her dads were waiting for her home to take her out for dinner. She didn't want to hurt them, so she accepted their invitation, but she wasn't really hungry.
They didn't stay long at the restaurant. After her meal, Rachel told her dad that she was tired. So, they went home. Rachel said goodnight to her dads, thanked them for dinner and went upstairs to her room.
She put on her pyjama and jumped into bed. She was closing the lamp on her bedside table went her phone rang.
She looked at the ID and saw that it was Kurt. She knew she had to answered, someone had probably told him about her sudden departure.
"Is this true? You are leaving tomorrow." asked Kurt panicked.
"Finn told you?" asked Rachel, hopping Kurt would tell her how Finn was doing.
"No, he isn't home yet, but Mercedes called me right after she left school." replied Kurt quickly. "You're really getting out of Lima!" added Kurt, not believing it.
Rachel started to cry.
"Don't cry please, it is supposed to be a happy moment Rachel, soon you will be leaving your dream." replied Kurt to her, gently.
"How do I feel so bad, Kurt?" replied Rachel between two sobs.
"You are entering an unknown territory, it's normal to be scared." said Kurt gently, trying to comfort her.
"I am not supposed to be scared, I have been preparing myself for this, since I was 3 years old Kurt." replied Rachel, a bit angry.
"But now, you are facing the real thing. Go and embrace it!" said Kurt enthusiastically. "But I'd like to say goodbye before you go." said Kurt sadly.
"I'll be at the railroad station at 4 o'clock tomorrow." said Rachel crying. "I really want to say goodbye to you too." she added between two sobs.
"I'll be there." Kurt said, whipping a tear of his own. "Now, go get your beauty sleep, god know you'll need some in NYC." Replied Kurt, sniffing.
"Goodnight Kurt." said Rachel, calmer.
"Goodnight Rachel." said Kurt, in the same tone.
Rachel hung up and laid herself in bed. She didn't think she could sleep much, but she had to try to be in the best possible shape for the start of her new life.
When he left the choir room, Finn went to the locker room and put on his gym suit. He went to the gym. He ran, ran, ran and ran. After 50 laps, he did some weight training. Then, he took a very long shower. He let the water falling down his face, down his body, masking the tears falling from his eyes.
She was leaving them, leaving him to satisfy her dream of greatness. Once in New York, he was sure that she would meet a Jesse St-James copycat, win a bunch of Tonys, get ready to have intercourse and babies and she would forget all about little Finn Hudson from a loser town named Lima Ohio.
Imagining a happy family, his right fist hit the wall. He let out a loud moan. He had ruined everything. He told himself that if he had listened to his heart in the first place, none of this would have happened and he would be happy with Rachel and this giant hole in his heart wouldn't be killing him right now.
After the shower, he went back to the locker room and got dressed. Next, he went to his locker to get his backpack and went home.
He parked his car in front of the house and entered it. All the lights were closed, so he climbed up the stairs, went quietly into his room, undressed himself and jumped into bed without opening the lights.
Two minutes after Finn had laid himself in bed, he heard his bedroom's door opened.
"Finn, are you awake?" whispered Kurt softly.
Finn didn't answer. He pretended to be fast asleep. He didn't want to talk about the Rachel leaving situation. He just wanted to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.
Kurt finally left few minutes after.
All night, Finn kept tossing and turning, telling to himself that his cold mind had chased his heart forever.