Chapter 27

Back to NYC

During her ride back to NYC, Rachel couldn't sleep; she just kept crying. She cried about leaving, cried about Finn, cried because she would have wanted to stay in his arms, to feel him close to her, feeling his mouth on hers, his body on hers, him in her. She shivered thinking about how their bodies had fit perfectly with one another. Hardly, her mind pushed that thought aside. No, she had to think about her career first. No, she couldn't let Finn take her mind off it, she told herself, trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing, but failing miserably.

She arrived in NYC on time for rehearsal. She even had the time for a quick shower and went to the school's auditorium.

When she arrived, Mrs Simmons and her classmates were already there, waiting for her.

The first half hour, the rehearsal went well, but, soon, Rachel began to look very tired and she started having trouble concentrating herself on the play. So, Mrs Simmons had no other choice but to cancel the rest of the rehearsal.

When everybody left, the teacher walked to Rachel. The older woman told her she looked terrible and that she clearly needed some sleep, sleep she obviously hadn't had last night. Hearing her teacher's last comment, Rachel turned red and her mind flew right back to Finn.

The teacher snapped her fingers in front of Rachel's face, bringing her back to reality. Mrs Simmons ordered Rachel to go back to her dorm and get some sleep. She also recalled her to be there at seven o'clock, at St-Georges restaurant, for their dinner with the school's big investors.

So, Rachel went back to her dorm where she took another shower and let herself fall onto her bed. Lying there, she closed her eyes and hoped that sleep would come and bring her sorrows away.

But, sleep never came. Instead, she kept tossing and turning; her memory kept replaying her the night she had spent with Finn, her heart was reliving it and it hurt Rachel like hell to know that they were miles away from each other at the moment when they had been one the night before.

At six o'clock, Rachel was still lying in her bed awaken. She hadn't slept at all during the whole afternoon. She was worried about being presentable to the investors. Luckily for her, she was a great actress. If she could prevent herself from falling face first in her plate, it would be fine.

The dinner with the investors went well. Mrs Simmons had told her that her main job consisted in smiling, answering questions with as much enthusiasm as she could, what she did it. She knew she was a great actress, but she knew that, once in her room, her mask would crack in thousands of pieces like her heart was broken deep into her chest. She told herself that the only way to pull back the puzzle together was to do what she was here to do and to stop thinking about Him. She tried to convince herself that she could do it. Sure, Rachel Berry was a good actress, but not good enough to lie to herself.

For the next two weeks, Rachel succeeded to keep her head above water. She worked hard on her academic and on the play. We woke up at 6 o'clock every morning, including Saturdays and Sundays, doing her exercises for an hour. She spent all her time studying, going to class, eating lunch like a robot, rehearsing until 8 PM every night, doing her academic assignments. She went to sleep, listening to music, every single night, not to lose herself on Finn's memory.

Her efforts took a solid punch in the face when she received few letters from Finn. In his first letter, he was telling her how much he still cared and loved her. In the second one, he was asking her why she hadn't answer to his first later. Had he done something wrong? He wanted to know if she regretted giving him her virginity. In the third one, he wanted to know if there was someone else.

Finn's letters broke her, but she decided not to write back to him. Doing that, she was trying to convince him that she wasn't coming back, but she wasn't sure to fool him because he knew her, the real her.

Once again, to forget the pain and emptiness her heart were feeling, she dived into work.

At this moment, she was spending all of her time in the auditorium doing rehearsals, often helped by her friend Anna. Some rehearsals went well and others little less. In a group rehearsal, during a touching and private moment between Maria and Tony, she slipped; she said Finn instead of Tony.

When she realized her mistake, Rachel excused herself and asked Mrs Simmons if they could replay the scene.

Instead, the teacher asked the other students to take a short break and walked toward Rachel. Mrs Simmons faced her student.

"What is wrong with you Ms Berry?" said the teaching glared at her.

"There's nothing wrong with me Mrs Simmons. I must be a little tired that's all, nothing I can't work on." said Rachel, looking at her teacher trying to smile as widely as she could.

"You don't have the right to be tired young lady. You have to be ready and concentrated, to stay focus on the task ahead and nothing more, do you hear me Ms Berry." said her teacher, almost screaming.

Rachel tried to speak, but her teacher interrupted her before she could say another word.

"You have the lead you wanted so desperately. Here, you got the life you always wanted to have and you consider leaving it all up for a boy you met when you were a kid. Do you really want to say goodbye to this?" said Mrs Simmons, trying to regain her composure.

"Don't waste you talent Ms Berry. I see great thinks for you, but you've got to give it all to what you really want. You moved miles away from your home; make it count for something and live the dream out loud." said her teacher, taking Rachel's should and hugging her briefly. Then, she stepped back.

The second part of the rehearsal went wonderfully, but a surprised waited for her on her bed.

She had received a package from Lima Ohio. She really hoped it was from Kurt. Looking at it, she had an idea of what it was, since she had sent one almost identical to Finn a month ago.

Her heart started to beat madly when she recognized Finn's handwriting. At that moment, she pried it wasn't what she thought it was. However, she had guessed right. She had just received a tape from Finn. She was reluctant to listen to it because she knew it contained a powerful love song and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to hear it.

Not listening to her head, her hands took the DVD and she couldn't stop her legs from running to the school library where she could listen to Finn's gift.

Once in the library, she sat in front of a computer and put the DVD in it. Then, her good old Finn appeared to her. He was looking at the camera and he started to talk.

Rachel couldn't stop sobbing listening to his words and when he started to sing, she could have drowned in her own tears.

At the end of his song, when Finn disappeared from the screen, a part of her was angry at him, wondering how he could do that to her, trying to crush her dreams with his so tempting and tender love.

She sincerely wanted to send him a note, but regained her composure. Her mind was telling her not to sink into pure emotion, but to take time to think before doing something she could regret.

The day after seeing Finn's performance, she returned to her old habits, she became an even bigger workaholic that she was before.

She was spending her whole days rehearsing, singing, dancing, sometimes not even taking time to eat. She slept little because she was afraid to dream about Finn; her heart getting scratched with every dream she was dreaming.

She reached the bottom of the barrel during a rehearsal, 4 days later. Exhausted, she lost conscience during a singing number.

She came back to her and one of her classmate brought her up. After the little incident, Mrs Simmons asked them to rehearse Maria and Tony's encounter scene. Matt was portraying Tony in his dress suit, but Rachel saw a tall fellow passing her with a pack of cola's bottles. Rachel rubbed her eyes, she couldn't believe it; it was Finn. She walked to see him and stood in his path, but he passed through her like she was a ghost. Then, Matt came to her, took her by the hand and started to sing, while Rachel was still trying to get Finn's attention, making gesture, screaming at him, but he never looked at her. Then, she freed herself from Matt's grip and run to Finn who was now leaving. She waved to him, asking him to wait for her. Then, she saw her hand, it had changed, it was wrinkled and ring less and Finn was already gone.

"Come back to me". Rachel whispered, breathing hardly.

Then, she opened her eyes. Rachel was still lying on the floor, Mrs Simmons and her teammates were all around her. Mrs Simmons was whipping her forehead with a towel.

After the commotion, Mrs Simmons cancelled the rehearsal and signed a paper to Rachel telling Mr Hatwood, her academic teacher, she would miss his class for a day or two. However, Rachel insisted to remain on stage, but Mrs Simmons was stubborn and didn't give a chance to her student. So, Rachel walked toward the exit of the auditorium slowly, but turned her head when her teacher spoke to her.

"Go home and everything will be alright!" said Mrs Simmons, looking at her paper.