Chapter Four: Follow your heart.
"So Naomi and Sam are still together, Sam hasn't got another house, you and Sam are still friends and, hang on – am I still Derek's sister?" Amelia asked as a rather nervous looking Addison drove them to Naomi's house.
"I don't know Amelia," Addison replied "just think before you speak, just…."
"I know; filter." Amelia said with a hint of humour in her voice.
Addison silently cursed Sam for insisting she and Amelia joined them for dinner, having to lie to Marion was bad enough but having Amelia's runaway mouth there too was enough to make her go crazy. She had tried to convince Sam it was a bad idea, that it would be awkward for everyone but he was unmovable, he wanted her there, he wanted her to spend Christmas Eve with her friends; with him. She sought little comfort in the fact that Sam had now changed his plans and invited all of their friends to the dinner – that just meant more people liable to slip up – no one could tell what Cooper might come out with after a few beers! It was going to an uncomfortable evening but it was important to him so she was willing to do it.
"Hang on, hang on," Addison's voice was raged with nervous as Amelia extended her arm towards the doorbell.
Addison let out a calming, steadying breath and smoothed her dress over her hips.
"Ok" she said in a steady voice, signalling for Amelia to ring the bell.
Dink opened the door with a sleeping Olivia in his arms.
"Everyone is in the lounge" he nodded in the direction of the lounge and the quiet chattering and then disappeared to put Olivia to bed.
To Addison's relief, everyone else had already arrived and the room was filled with pockets of chattering and laughter. She immediately spotted Sam in the corner of the room talking to Pete, she did her best to avoid his eye, she wasn't taking any chances, she would just avoid him for the evening, be civil but not too friendly. Sam, on the other hand, obviously had different ideas as he crossed the room to greet the two women.
"Glad you could make it" he smiled at both of them.
"I wouldn't have missed this for the world" Amelia beamed back at him, a hint of mischief in her eyes.
Addison shot her a dagger filled look.
"Ok, ok," Amelia protested as she threw her hands in front of herself "I'm going to get a drink," She said she started to make her way across the room to where Sheldon was propping up the make shift bar.
"Hey," Sam said, placing his hand on Addison's upper arm "thanks for coming."
"Sam" Addison whispered as she pushed his hand off her whilst scanning the room.
"We're friends Addison, not enemies. I'm only touching your arm" Sam's voice was calm and controlled, he obviously hadn't spent the entire day worrying about what to wear and what to say, like she had.
"Just, let's just get through tonight" Addison whispered as she watched Amelia gulping down a glass of wine. She had been in Naomi's lounge a hundred times, she had many memories of this lounge in fact. When she first arrived in LA and stayed with Naomi the friends had spent many a night drinking red wine and reminiscing over old times – talking about the future too, about what trials and tribulations LA had in store for her – none of which involved running the practice and falling in love with Sam. If there is one thing she had learnt since leaving Seattle, it was to expect the unexpected.
"Mom," Sam smiled as Marion headed towards them "you remember Addison, we were at med school together"
"Yes, we met at the practice," Marion smiled "nice to see you again dear."
Addison felt her cheeks begin to burn as Marion flashed her a warm, motherly smile.
"Nice to see you again Marion" she managed to reply.
"It's nice to see Samuel with all his friends around him" Marion replied with a smile as she looked around and the busy room.
"Mom," Sam said as he placed his arm on Marion's "I don't think I've introduced you to Sheldon Wallace, he's new to the practice and a very good psychiatrist." Sam, seeing Addison about to combust, led Marion across the room towards Sheldon.
Addison, seeing her chance to escape, headed towards the kitchen in the hope of finding Naomi and a place to hide.
The dinner table was laden with bowls of food and decorations. Addison couldn't help but feel a tiny bit jealous that Naomi was able to play the prefect dinner-cooking, child-baring wife – not a role she could ever properly fulfil herself. She wrestled her feelings back down into her stomach, she was grateful for what Naomi was doing – she could have made it very difficult for her, for both of them but she cared about Sam and, she hoped, about her. Naomi really was a good friend and Addison knew there would be little she could do to repay what Naomi was doing.
"These potatoes are delicious Naomi," Sheldon remarked from the far end of the table as he placed a forkful of mashed potato into his mouth.
"Thank you Sheldon" Naomi smiled in reply.
"Lucas has just decided he hates mashed potato," Violet smiled "which is annoying as it is about the only thing Pete knows how to cook"
"I can cook," Pete corrected her with a humours smile "Lucas just has refined tastes."
Everyone around the table laughed. It was good to see Pete and Violet happy, everyone knew it hadn't been easy for them after Betsey and Pete's brother showing up but they were an example to them all, the way in which they worked through their relationship and put Lucas first.
"At least Pete tries" Charlotte's southern voice emanated form the top end of the table.
"I cook" protested Cooper in a high pitched voice. "Next year, Pete and I will cook Christmas Eve dinner and you girls will eat your words." Cooper said with a sense of pride and achievement.
"Words will be preferable to anything you two are likely to rustle up" Charlotte said sarcastically.
Charlotte's sarcasm elicited a chuckle from the table, Charlotte making light hearted jokes, all be them at the expense of Cooper, wasn't something they ever imagined they'd see again. Charlotte really was starting to heal, she was still closed, still guarded but it was obvious to them all that she was slowly starting to let herself feel again, to let people in – well as much as Charlotte King can let anyone in.
"Ah, sarcasm in the kitchen," smiled Marion who was sat opposite and to the left of Addison and Amelia "the sure sign of a successful marriage. Do you and your husband get on in the kitchen Addison?"
The question was innocent enough, Marion was a kind, friendly woman and it was obvious that she was trying to make conversation with Addison who, up until now, had played very little part in the dinnertime banter. Hush fell across the table as everyone was suddenly very interested in the intricate design of their dinner plates.
"Addison's divorced" Sam's voice was clean and crisp, as if he were simply imparting a coincidental fact.
"Oh, I'm sorry dear I didn't know, I thought…." Marion's voice was calm and collected.
"It's fine" Addison managed with a smile, not wanting to look to her right and catch Amelia's eye, she knew without looking that her ex-sister-in-law would have a grin spread across her face.
"Divorce is a tricky thing" Marion continued, her voice filled with both comfort and wisdom "I hope yours wasn't too painful dear, it is always worse when people are filled with hate and malice. Although of course, it is often hardest on children. Did you and your husband have any children dear?" Marion smiled at Addison, waiting for her reply.
"No, I…..we didn't no" Addison smiled as she felt the room slowly closing in on her, how personal was this going to get?
In the silence that followed, Olivia's well timed cries began to ring out from the spare bedroom a few rooms away. Maya stood up to leave the table, looking around at the multitude of chairs that were squashed around the table and beginning to plan her route out.
"I'll go," said Sam, who was close to the door, "she's probably upset she's missing all the fun" he smiled as he exited the room.
"Well, I hope you've all left room for dessert" Naomi said as she stood up and started to clear the dishes from the table. The evening had gone well so far – apart from Marion's interrogation- and the sooner she served the desert the sooner Addison would be put out of her misery. Regardless of her relationship with Sam, Addison was her best friend, she had been there for her and for Maya and she knew what torture this evening was for her friend, a torture she wouldn't wish on anyone.
"Let me give you a hand," Violet said as she rose from the table to assist Naomi. The tension in the room palpable. Violet wanted to check that Naomi was ok – and catch up on the gossip.
"Yes, you've done all this hard work" Sheldon said as he left his place at the table and picked up a bowl and plate "the least we can do is help."
Sheldon, Violet and Naomi headed towards the kitchen piled with various dirty plates, bowls and dishes.
The sound of Olivia's crying, which had started to dissipate, filled the room once more.
"She's been restless all day," Maya sighed "do you think it could be colic Aunt Addison? She is usually so happy and…" Maya's voice was filled with tiredness and worry.
"I can check her over. "Addison said, attempting to sedate Maya's worries.
"Would you?" Maya asked, sounding like the young girl Addison knew "I'm sorry, I know you didn't come here to…."
"Maya, it's fine," Addison said, glad to leave the table "I'm due a few cuddles anyway."
Maya smiled to herself as Addison left the table, after what Addison had done for her, the she had helped her through the pregnancy, the way she had been there and the way she had saved Olivia's life it was about time she had the chance to pay her back. She had grown up a lot in the last two years and she understood relationships, she understood love and she understood that her mom and dad had reached the end of the road, that their relationship had out grown them and she was happy for her dad and Aunt Addison – they deserved to be happy, just like they wanted her to be.
Addison stood in the doorway, undetected, watching Sam gently rocking Olivia in his arms. Her heart flitted, causing her breath to snag as she watched him lean over and place a small kiss on Olivia's forehead. She could see the entirety of her hopes and dreams in the room before her, the scene she longed for played out before her eyes. She wondered whether it would ever be their baby he held, whether she would ever be able to share in the joy and delight of loving his child. She composed herself and forced her mind back to reality – or rather the surreal version of it she was enduring – and quietly entered the room, softly closing the door behind her.
"Hello Granddad," she whispered as she faced Sam's back and slid her arms gently around his waist. "She looks peaceful."
"She does now!" Sam said with a smile as he looked down at his granddaughter. He planted a final kiss on Olivia's head and placed her gently into her cot. He looked down at her for a second before turning around to face Addison.
"Are you ok?" he whispered as he neared her, raising his hand to move a stray piece of hair that had fallen across her brow.
"I'm ok now." Addison smiled as she felt Sam's touch begin to relax her. The evening t had made her feel like they were creeping around again, like they were hiding who they were, hiding their love and she was glad to be alone with him, to enjoy the security his touch gave.
"Good" Sam replied, moving his face closer to Addison's "good" he closed the gap between them and guided her lips into a slow, tender kiss. He wanted her to know that he loved her, that tonight wasn't about hiding her or denying her importance in his life, tonight was his mistake, was his mess.
"I'm going to tell her tonight," Sam said as he pulled away from the kiss, and took her hand in his and began rubbing small circles around her knuckle "when everyone has gone I'm going to tell her that I'm in love with the most amazing woman I've ever met." He finished his final sentence with a smile, the same smile he'd flashed her when she'd told him not to stop being 'perfect' – he'd certainly fulfilled that mission in the past few days and he was determined to make it up to her.
Addison wanted to protest, wanted to tell him that it didn't matter to her, that as long as they were together it didn't matter who else knew, who else approved of them – they had been there before and she knew happiness often came at a price, this time she didn't want that price to be Sam's relationship with his mother. She stopped herself, they had been there before, he had told her his reasons, it was important to him that his mother knew, that he was truthful, family mattered to him – it was one of things she found most attractive about him.
"We'd better go," Addison's voice lacked any real conviction. She didn't want to leave, not because of the uncomfortable evening that lay ahead, but because she was right where she wanted to be, tonight and always.
Addison and Sam entered the room to a barrage of laughter. Sam, wondering what on earth could be so amusing, crossed the room and took his place beside Naomi.
"Your mother was just telling us about when you used to sing in the church choir Sam" Sheldon filled him in, managing to contain his laughter long enough to impart the information.
Sam's face reddened as he realised his mother was sharing those dreaded childhood stories with his friends.
"Samuel had a beautiful voice," Marion reminisced "there was a time when I thought he would join the church – but then medicine came along and he was hooked, well that and Macie Parker."
"Macie Parker?" Violet remarked with a huge grin on her face, she had been listening intently, interested in Sam's childhood.
Sam, knowing what was coming next dropped his head and prayed for the ground to swallow him up.
"Yes, who was Macie Parker?" Pete asked looking at Sam with a huge grin on his face – seeing his friend squirm was undeniably enjoyable.
"Well, Macie was in the church choir with Samuel, she was very committed, always at the church, rehearsing, helping out with the Sunday school. One Sunday, after mass, Samuel asked if he could be excused from our usual lunch to attend an extra choir rehearsal – I knew it was probably Macie's idea but I was pleased that Samuel was so keen – until, that is, I found out why he was so keen." Marion stopped for effect, enjoying the hungry look on her audience provided. "Father Meehan, on returning to the church to collect his book he had forgotten, "she continued, labouring over the details "found Samuel and Macie kissing in the sacristy." Marion's voice was laced with laughter as she told the story.
"Samuel, sneaking around with forbidden women?" Amelia suddenly felt all eyes on her – not least Addison's. She flashed a mischievous smile before taking a gulp from her wine glass.
Cooper, unable to stop the smile that was spreading across his face, buried his face in his glass of wine he, unlike Amelia, didn't want to make things any worse for Sam although the irony of the story made for fantastic entertainment and provided plenty of ammo for office jokes for the next year or more.
Addison, wondering if this night could possibly get any worse, had an overwhelming desire to tell a few childhood stories of her own about Amelia.
"Well," Violet said as she raised herself from where she was sat on the floor "we have a babysitter who is likely to put Lucas out on the street if we don't get home." As much as she had enjoyed the evening, Amelia's inability to filter was becoming increasingly dangerous.
"We should be making a move too" Charlotte said, following Violet's lead.
"I want to hear more about Sam's childhood…." Cooper smiled, without standing up.
Charlotte glared at Cooper, a glare that Cooper had come to know, and love – when he wasn't on the receiving end of it. Taking the hint, Cooper reluctantly hauled himself from the floor.
"We should get going" he remarked "thanks for a lovely evening Naomi, Samuel" he couldn't resist the temptation to joke with his friend.
Taking their cue, everyone followed Violet's lead and abandoned their seats and drinks, wished each other Merry Christmas and headed for the door.
"Lovely to meet you Mrs Bennett," Amelia beamed as she stood up to leave. "you must tell us about more of Sam's exploits sometime, and maybe we can tell you about some of the things he's…."
"Amelia" Addison's voice was firm and authoritative.
"That's my cue to leave" Amelia whispered to Marion before tiptoeing away and heading for the front door, with Addison following closely behind.
Sam, anxious to grab a last moment with Addison before she left followed them out into the drive and pulled the door half closed behind him. Amelia and Addison stood on the doorstep waiting for Sam to speak. Addison reached into her pocket, pulled out her car keys and dangled them in front of Amelia.
"I guess I'll wait in the car" Amelia said sarcastically before heading off down the drive to Addison's waiting car.
"Olivia is less trouble than her" Sam smiled, attempting to lighten the mood.
Addison smiled, knowing that Sam had not come out into the night to talk to her about Amelia – he was nervous, she could sense it. She wanted to do something to soothe him but she knew this was something he wanted to do; needed to do. All she could do was support him, be there; like she had needed him to be.
"Will you call me later?" Addison's voice was quiet and whispery, showing the sweet vulnerability that Sam loved.
"I'll call you." Sam replied.
Sam felt his stomach lurch knowing what he was about to face, he didn't want to lose his mom, her support, her approval, but she had taught him to act with his heart and it had been good advice. His heart had told him things weren't working with Naomi, his heart had told him to support Maya through her pregnancy and his heart had told him that Addison was his future, that she was worth anything he had to overcome to be with her and it had been his heart that had kept him persistent in his pursuit of her and his heart that had led him to be standing in the driveway of his old house wanting to scoop her up, take her home and spend the night showing her how right his heart had been. He watched drive into the night before taking a deep breath and stepping back into the house.