When Gibbs and Jenny walked in, Mrs. Mallard turned around and her eyes lit up. "You man, have we met before?"

Gibbs smiled indulgently. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs, ma'am."

Looking down shyly, Mrs. Mallard glanced at Gibbs from under her eyelashes. "You're very handsome Matthew. Are you...married?"

Gibbs looked at Jenny and pulled her closer. "Yes ma'am. This is my wife, Jenny."

Mrs. Mallard looked her up and down critically. "Don't you think he's handsome Rebecca?"

Jenny smiled. "Yes Mrs. Mallard, I do."

Abby was having a hard time keeping her laughter contained, finding this situation hilarious. Life was never boring with Ducky's mom around.

Victoria leaned close to Jenny. "I don't suppose you'll be done with him soon?"

Jenny squeezed her husband's hand. "No ma'am, I'm afraid not."

"Well, you really should come over and see me sometime Matthew," Mrs. Mallard continued. "We could have tea." She waved her hand. "I don't remember my number, but you can get it from Donald later."

She lost interest in them then, giving Gibbs and Jenny a chance to say hello to everyone else.

Ziva came forward first. "Shalom Jen." She kissed both of Jenny's cheeks. "Gibbs."

"Ziva."

"Glad you guys could make it Boss," McGee said with a smile.

"Gibbs!" Abby yelled, rushing to him for a hug.

"Hey Abs," he managed.

"Hi Jenny!"

Jenny got the same treatment and could only smile in response. "Hello Abby."

Mrs. Mallard was standing off to the side with Ducky, watching all this.

"That's Abigail, Mother," Ducky explained.

"You remind me of my sister Gloria," Mrs. Mallard told the Goth. Then she frowned. "I hated her. Did you know she-"

Ducky interrupted with a hand on the old lady's shoulder. "No one wants to hear about Aunt Gloria tonight Mother."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs nodded at his senior field agent.

"Hey Boss." Tony looked a little nervous.

Mrs. Mallard looked at Tony when she heard his name. "You're Italian!" she exclaimed.

Tony winced. "Uh...hi Mrs. Mallard."

"You're a gigolo!"

All the girls bit their lips or covered their mouths to keep from laughing.

"Well I..." Tony began, but Ducky just sighed and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Anthony. Just ignore her. Mother!" he glared at her, taking her arm. "Stop threatening people with your cane and sit down, please!"

Mrs. Mallard eyed her son suspiciously. "Where's Contessa? Tyson!" she called. "Honestly, I can't even trust you to watch them for a moment."

"Calm down Mother," Ducky said as if they'd gone through this already. "The dogs are at home."

"Is Mrs. Leary with them?" she demanded.

Ducky sighed. "Mrs. Leary left for Ireland ten years ago Mother."

"Oh." She looked deflated for a minute. "Well she's been gone a very long time. When is she getting back from her sister's? The house is a disgrace." Victoria looked at the others. "I keep telling Donald that but he never listens." Suddenly she looked confused and frowned. "Where are we Donald? Do I know these people?"

Ducky rolled his eyes. "Yes Mother. These are my co-workers. Now please, come. It's time for dinner. I'm sure Ziva has made us something wonderful."

Mrs. Mallard looked up at her son. "Haven't I had dinner yet?"

"No, you haven't," Ducky answered patiently.

Victoria glared at Ziva. "I hope you used butter tonight. Donald always uses bacon fat."

"I use canola oil Mother."

"Whatever." Mrs. Mallard shook her head. "It makes everything taste like dog food."

Ducky groaned. "Mother tell me you haven't been eating the dog food again!"

She ignored him and moved towards the tables that were set up with place settings already arranged. Jimmy was standing closest and pulled out her a chair for her.

"Hello Mrs. Mallard," he said cheerfully.

"Oh Leonard, good," she said. "Pour me a drink, will you? A single malt would be lovely."

Ducky took the chair next to his mother. "Jimmy is not a servant Mother and you don't get a drink tonight."

"That's not fair," she complained.

"Doctor's orders," Ducky said firmly.

"But you're a doctor Donald, can't you talk some sense into him?"

There was no reasoning with the woman. But just as Ducky thought she might stay silent for a moment, she gave the room an odd look.

"Why are we eating in the lounge? Where is the dining room?"

Ziva gestured to the room. "I do not have a dining room Mrs. Mallard."

The older woman shook her head. "Don't be silly my dear, everyone has a dining room."

But that was as far as the argument got. The rest of the group found seats, with Ziva at one end, Tony at the other, and the two couples in-between. It wasn't planned, but it would make it harder for the two partners to bicker, Gibbs reflected. When McGee sat down, his shirt lifted enough that his sidearm was visible. Mrs. Mallard dropped her knife on the plate with a clatter.

"Donald!" she whispered urgently, pointing. "That man has a gun."

She wasn't being very quiet and McGee overheard. "It's alright ma'am," he tried to explain, "I'm a federal agent."

Victoria frowned. "That's what they all say."

When everyone was comfortable, Ziva smiled. "Dig up!"

Although most of the guests caught her drift, a couple people wore confused looks.

"What?" Ziva asked.

"It's 'dig in', Ziva," Tony corrected.

"Fine. That too. Enjoy," she said.

Tonight Ziva had prepared a stirfry buffet for them. One pot held noodles, another rice. There were bowls of cooked vegetables, as well as one each of chicken and shrimp. Several different sauces were available and everyone helped themselves to what they liked best. It was delicious.

Mrs. Mallard refused to touch the noodles, declaring that they looked like worms, and Ducky's admonition not to be rude did not stop her. Jenny tried just a little of the stirfry, swishing it around on her plate and starting with a roll, hoping no one would notice she wasn't eating much. He may not say anything with so many people around, but she knew Jethro would worry regardless. Besides, Jenny had a headache threatening and she wondered if white chocolate could cause them. Still she smiled, because these people were her friends now and she couldn't help but enjoy their familiar antics.

"This is very good Ziva," Ducky commented after his first bite. "Thank you for having us tonight."

"Thank you Ducky," Ziva smiled. "But it was Abby's idea to have a 'family' weekend."

Abby shrugged. "I just love it when we're all together."

"So do I Abby," Jenny agreed, taking a small bite.

Gibbs looked around at the people seated in Ziva's livingroom. This was his family. And though it was hard to think of them like that at work sometimes when he was ordering them around or trying to keep the high school behaviour to a minimum, seeing them now he realized it was true.

Abby and McGee were definitely holding hands under the table, and sharing gooey glances, not bothering to hide their obvious infatuation with each other. There was no need to now anyways. Jimmy and Ducky were trying to have a conversation on the other side of the table, but Mrs. Mallard was constantly interrupting to ask Jimmy for a drink and demanding of Ducky why she had to eat dinner again.

Tony and Ziva were shooting each other funny looks, almost as if they were having ane entire conversation without saying one word, and Gibbs made a mental note to keep an eye on them. Rule 12 was pretty much shot now, with half his team, including him, breaking it. But he could still grumble about it if he caught them doing something at work.

About halfway through their meal, Mrs. Mallard caused a cessation of all conversations by scanning the table and asking her son a personal question. "Donald, why haven't you married any of these women? Really, it's about time I had some grandchildren."

Ducky looked like he wanted to disappear. "I'm afraid they're all taken Mother." His eyes implored Ziva not to contradict him. And besides, he had a feeling that his statement would eventually apply to her and the other currently single male agent at the table.

Mrs. Mallard fixed her eyes on Abby. "Your lady, are you married?"

Abby shot a sideways glance at McGee, who shrugged. Not wanting to lie, Abby said truthfully, "No ma'am," even if she expected to be before long. McGee couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her since they started dating. Well, before too that had been an issue, but now it was different.

Victoria looked at Ducky in triumph. "See Donald, I told you! There's still time." She looked back at Abby. "He's not getting any younger you know," she whispered, "you need to move fast missy."

"Mother please!" Ducky protested when Abby looked at him nervously.

Jimmy distracted Mrs. Mallard by asking a question about her corgis, and the rest of the table went back to what they'd been talking about before. The little woman made them nervous though, she was capable of anything. Abby mentioned something to Jimmy about her hippo, Bert, whom he seemed to have forgotten existed. Before she had a chance to get disgruntled about that, Mrs. Mallard jumped in.

"I once swam with hippos, when I was on safari in Kenya. But of course, over there women swam with noth-"

"Mother!" Ducky reprimanded. "We've talked about this!" He looked over at Ziva, who hadn't heard the entire conversation and now just looked confused. "I'm sorry my dear. Some days I can't do anything with her."

Ziva smiled warmly. "It is fine Ducky, I am glad to have your mother here."

Ducky stopped short of warning her that it was bound to get worse. Maybe tonight would be different.

Mrs. Mallard smiled charmingly before her expression dropped and she surveyed them all with a worried look on her face. "Who are you people?"

As everyone gradually finished up their meals, plates and cutlery and dishes were taken into the kitchen a few at a time. Ducky excused himself for a moment to make a necessary trip to the facilities and put Jimmy in charge of keeping an eye on his mother.

"Try to keep her from doing any damage Mr. Palmer. I shan't be long."

He'd been gone barely a minute when she jumped up from her seat, moving much more quickly than anyone expected and ninety-six year old lady could, and pulled a small knife from her blouse.

"Stay away from me, whoever you are! If any of you come near me, I shall disembowel you! Where are you keeping my son?" Ignoring their flabbergasted expressions, she yelled, "Donald? Donald! Where are you?"

"I'm here Mother," Ducky said, coming down the hall and looking concerned. "Whatever is the matter with you? Put the knife away please."

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

"I just went to the loo. I've barely been gone three minutes."

"Well, next time don't leave me with all these strangers."

Ducky sighed. "They're not strangers Mother."

Her forehead wrinkled even more. "Do I know them? They must be friends of yours Donald. I think you're forgotten all the manners I taught you. Are you going to introduce me? Who are they?" She looked at the others. "I'm sorry, I don't know what is wrong with that boy. Although," she reflected, "I once left him on a bus. Pity. He was such a pretty child."

"Oh dear," Ducky muttered, closing his eyes. It was exhausting to bring her out in public, but at least these people would understand better than most.

That seemed to be as good a time as any to finish cleaning up. While Ducky saw his mother safely seated in a chair away from everyone, the group pitched in to bring things into the kitchen, do dishes, find leftovers a home, fold up tables and chairs and put them back behind the door, and rearrange the furniture for the movie Tony had brought.

Mrs. Mallard lit up when the television was turned on, but when the opening scenes of Raider of the Lost Ark began to play, she turned to Ducky. "That's not wrestling!"

"No Mother, we're watching a movie tonight."

She banged her fist on the arm of the chair. "Donald, I thought we were going for a drive."

Ducky went over to Ziva and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for a lovely evening Ziva, but I think it's time we head out. She'll be ready for bed soon." He moved back to where his mother sat. "Time to go Mother."

"Very well," Victoria sniffed. "But you mustn't drive so fast this time."

"Of course Mother."

Ducky helped her into her coat, shook Gibbs' hand and waved goodbye to everyone else.

"Oh, Ducky!" Abby called after him.

"Yes Abigail?"

"Are you coming to church with us tomorrow?"

Ducky shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't think it's going to work for me. Mother likes to sleep late on Sundays. If I were to wake her, you might very well find me in Autopsy Monday morning, and not as the medical examiner!"

Abby laughed. "Okay Ducky. 'Night Mrs. Mallard." But she was already down the hall.

Tony jumped up from the couch. "Oops! Forgot the popcorn."

Ziva followed him. "I do not want you in my kitchen unsupervised Tony."

"What? Don't you trust me?"

"Not with anything that can be blown up." She crossed her arms and stared at him.

Tony held up his hands innocently. "Hey, you're the one who can make a bomb out of a styrofoam ball and some toothpaste like MacGuyver, not me."

Ziva frowned. "Who is MacGuyver?"

The only thing the other's heard was Tony's groan. A couple of minutes later they appeared back in the livingroom with three bowls of popcorn they passed around to everyone. Then Tony pressed play, Ziva hijacked the remote and the movie began.