Vices
"Oh, fuck. Does he know?" Dean panics, shutting the front door behind him.
Sam stands in Dean's living room, looking around, obviously surprised by how neat everything is.
"So, man, how ya doin'?" Sam asks in that annoying way that implies he knows something and is waiting for Dean to confirm it.
"I'm alright, I guess." Dean says, his voice flicking up at the end, making it seem as if isn't sure; and honestly, he isn't.
"Good. That's good to hear, Dean." Sam responds, his back still turned to the door since walking in the house.
Sam takes a deep breath after his words, turning around, eyes shut—obviously gearing up to what he has really come here to say.
"So, I umm, I talked to Cas last night."
". . . Oh." Dean whispers, eyes traveling down to his shoes.
He was worried that, that is the reason Sam went back on his claim of being "done" with him. Dean knows his little brother usually doesn't change his mind so quickly, not unless there is something else going on-something bigger. Has Sam upgraded from sober-coach to predator-watch? Dean doesn't want to know, but then again, he needs to be prepared for whatever is about to thrown his way. He doesn't want to fight, and really, he knows he deserves anything Sam can dole out; but Dean just isn't sure if he can have this conversation with him now. He feels Sam's eyes on his brow. He doesn't want to look up; there is nothing worthwhile in meeting his glare.
"What . . . what did he tell you?" Dean finally chokes out, directing his query towards the floor.
Sam pauses a beat before answering; he obviously wants to watch Dean suffer.
"He said . . . that you were sober and that you seemed, better."
Dean snaps his head up, focusing all his attention on his brother.
"He did?"
Sam gives him a concerned smirk.
"Yeah. Why? Was he lying?"
Dean wants to say yes, but at the same time, he is feeling better. Ever since yesterday evening, ever since the "incident" with Castiel, he is feeling better; but, for the life of him, he can't understand why.
"No, you know Cas; he can't lie for crap." Dean lets loose a quick smile "I guess, I guess I do feel better."
"That's great man, it really is." Sam grins big for a moment, just before his mouth drops somberly once more. "So, no drinking?" Sam doesn't blink, as if he will miss Dean's answer if he does.
"Uh, yeah, man. I haven't had a drink since the night before last." Dean says while rubbing the back of his neck uneasily.
Sam's eyes light up as he takes one giant step towards his older brother and wraps him in a hug that nearly crushes his ribs.
"Jesus! Yeah . . . love you too Sammy, but you're going to break me in half!"
Sam lets out chortle and releases Dean from his vices. Dean shakes his head and gives a shy smile; he doesn't like all this attention. Drunk or sober, he still feels like a project to Sam. He is only ever something in need of editing or grading.
"You want a beer man?" Dean asks while walking to the kitchen, desperate to change the subject—instantly realizing that he is doing the exact opposite.
Sam gives him the bitchiest of looks.
"Dean, you just said—"
"Relax Sammy, there's only one bottle left and I am having apple juice."
The bitchiness is soon replaced with complete confusion.
"Apple juice? How old are you, five?" Sam snorts, his eyebrows in the air and a curl in his lip.
"Shut it! Cas bought it and, in any case, apple juice is good!" Dean shoots back while his head buried in the fridge.
Sam smiles and gives him a comforting laugh as Dean makes his way back into the living room.
"Okay, okay man—as long as it's only apple juice in that glass."
Dean flips his brother the bird with his left hand while handing him his last beer with his right. Sam smiles and takes the bottle; giving him a slap on the back just before Dean turns once more towards the kitchen.
"I am really glad to have you back, Dean."
Dean feels his neck turn hot and red, Sam is just determined to make this all about his apparent "recovery."
The apple juice sloshes into the tall glass and Dean finds himself searching for the scent of whiskey as the last drop hits the surface. A drink would be nice right now; especially since he feels himself getting frustrated. He can't handle another Sam-lecture, and he wants to tell his baby brother to zip it; but that would probably bring about an even more infuriating speech from the giant's lips. Dean chooses to fight the urge to be an ass.
"Well, I didn't really go anywhere Sammy, but I know what you mean."
"You may not have gone anywhere Dean, but I sure as hell felt like you were lost for a while."
Dean rolls his eyes as he walks around his moose of a sibling, who seems to be taking up half of his small living room.
"Jesus, can we stow the chick flick moments, man? I just want to have a drink with my brother; even if it is apple juice."
Dean plops down on the couch and Sam follows suit, sitting in the armchair that sits just off to the side. They both stay in silence for a few minutes, slurping their drinks and letting enough time pass, that Dean hopes there is a subject change on deck.
"So, Cas says you pushed him into the wall?"
Dean lets out a groan, letting his head dip back onto the couch cushion.
"I was drunk Sammy, what do you want me to say?"
"Well, apologizing to Cas would be a good place to start."
Dean shoots an inquisitive stare at his know-it-all brother. He thought Sam would have been better informed about what happened last night with him and Castiel, but apparently, Cas left out a lot in their phone conversation. Dean gives a little grunt as his rubs his thumbs along the sides of his misty glass, watching intently as the water beads and falls to the base.
"That was why I stopped drinking, Sam. I wanted to be dry when I apologized to Cas. I owed him that much."
Sam looks down at the rim of his bottle and nods.
"Yeah."
The short response is music to Dean's ears. Sam must finally be content with how he is handling something; at least enough to not already have another to-do list prepared. His little brother has always felt it necessary to micromanage everything and Dean is usually the main subject of all that managing. For now, however, Dean relaxes into the couch as the cleared air fills the room.
"So, you find any work recently?" Sammy looks at him, a soft expression about his face.
Dean smiles at his brother's silent acknowledgment of the need to talk about anything else.
"Not yet, but I am thinking about giving my old boss a call—see if he has anything available. I think he is running that new construction sight downtown. Looks pretty big, they may need some extra hands."
Sam nods again and begins commenting on the other construction jobs he has seen listed on work websites or in the paper. Dean isn't surprised that Sam has kept an eye on such things for him; the guy prides himself on being helpful, even in spite of everyone else.
Dean listens vaguely as his brother rambles on, happy at the normalcy of the moment; Sam, talking too much and Dean, pretending to listen. He has Cas to thank for this, in a roundabout way-with some horrible consequences; but Castiel was behind it all. If he hadn't come over and kicked out that hooker, Dean would probably still be drowning in his own mess.
In fact, that's the only thing missing, the only thing leaving Dean wanting. Cas isn't here. He isn't contributing to the conversation, distracting Sam from Dean's complete distraction. He isn't eagerly, offering to clean up or to cater to everyone's needs. Dean would usually be calling him a "house-wife" by now or making some joke about how Cas is whipped—at least that is what he used to do; presently, however, it all seems to take on a different meaning.
Dean misses the guy. He misses his presence here. He misses his laugh. He misses the blank stare he would get with almost all of Dean's jokes. Dean even misses the way he always had to explain the punchlines, eventually making them painfully un-funny. Cas makes every moment interesting in some way and he always has some hilarious little tid-bit to offer; even if he didn't intend for it to be hilarious. Yes, there was something missing from the normalcy of this moment alright, turning it more awkward and uncomfortable by the second.
Sam's voice fades away completely as the realization dawns on Dean- he may never see Cas like that again.