The door slammed shut leaving her ears ringing as she tried to adjust to her new predicament.
As she'd been thrown back into the dark cell she'd hoped they'd just leave her alone in the darkness so she could regroup, rest her sore body and re-find her focus. Instead, they'd followed her in, the two guards pulling her up by her still shackled arms, yanking her already abused shoulders back and up. From behind her one of them looped a noose over her head, pulling it taught as she tried to move away, then running the other end of the rope through a hook in the ceiling of the cell.
Stepping away from her the smaller of the guards got in one last ferocious punch to her gut. A sadistic smile crossed his face as she was stopped from doubling over by the rope around her neck keeping her upright. As she gasped for breath they left, slamming the door, throwing Kara back into utter darkness.
And with the darkness came another part of the game. Loud, deafening static played on a loop incessantly into the cell. Kara assumed this was all part of the plan to break her. Sustained physical abuse followed by light and sleep deprivation. Well, she was trained, she'd been through the POW course in flight school, she knew what to expect. And she was damned if she was going to let him win.
But, knowing what to expect and experiencing it were two different things. The static was increasing the thumping headache she'd picked up after being repeatedly punched and slammed into walls, tables and knees compounded by several forced submersions in ice cold water throughout the day. She knew that in her current predicament being forced to stand on her newly re-damaged knee was not going to be that comfortable for very long. And in the dark she had nothing to look at, nothing to take her mind away.
This was going to get pretty old, pretty soon. And Kara wasn't altogether sure she wanted to find out just how long he was going to make her stand there, surely not all night? But, what choice did she have? Arms tied behind her, feet shackled together, rope around her neck, she couldn't get free, couldn't rest. And she was tired, bone tired, and falling asleep was not going to be an option, Kara had no death wish.
As she tried to adjust her mind drifted. Of course she'd had imagined what would happen if she was ever captured by the enemy, any enemy. She wasn't stupid, she knew her job carried the risk and she had been over in her mind how she'd react, how tough she'd be, how strong, how defiant. But, the one thing that she had never imagined, that no-one had told her that despite all the training, was the soul deep terror she felt at being so utterly controlled by another. Even in her darkest moments with her mother she'd been able to escape to school, to her painting, to go for a run. But now, her every move was being controlled and she was terrified, truly, deeply terrified.
"Suck it up Starbuck, this is no worse than boot camp. Endure, resist, you're stronger than this. Lee and the Old Man know what's going on, they'll be here soon. Just stay strong". The damned Cylons couldn't take this away from her, control over her own body sure, they had that, but her mind was her own. It was the one thing she would not let them have. For any price.
And in the darkness, in the deafening noise, Kara couldn't help but replay the events of the day to see where she went wrong, what could she have done differently, and how was she going to approach the next session of torture, because without a doubt there would be more to come, Leobon had told her that hour after hour. As she shifted her weight further onto her left leg and tried to tune out the noise and the pain and the cold she reflected on how it started.
There is a time between deep sleep and consciousness where the mind is in blissful peace. No thoughts of what needs doing today, no remembrance of what went wrong yesterday, not even a real concept of what or who you are.
Just peace.
And then, without inviting it, consciousness takes hold and instantly you know your name, you can form words and sentences, you know without moving that you have arms, and legs, and that they are attached to your body. Before too long the brain kicks in and before you even open your eyes your planning how much time you've got before you really, really have to get up. This gradual awakening happens every day of your life, its something you take for granted, it's a given, a fact of life.
For the first time since the dark days post-Zak's funeral, Kara was damning whichever higher power had invented the cycle of waking. That blissful, painless unawareness was gone so fast and try as she might she couldn't persuade her damned brain to switch back off. In that moment she hadn't been aware of just how much she hurt, or more worrying, why she hurt.
The same instinct that made her lay-out superior assholes was screaming at her to get up and go beat the crap out of whoever had managed to get the drop on her when she'd dropped into an exhausted sleep on the Pegasus. But, her brain actually took over in this case and demand she stay still, play dead, gain more information. And then, maybe, she could get up and beat the crap out of someone.
Her internal pep talk kicked in, 'OK Starbuck, first things first, damage inventory. Sore head, sore ribs, cold, very cold.' She made the tiniest movements of her arms and legs, 'Frak, apparently tied up, keep calm, just keep calm.'
And then she felt it. Eyes still closed she had no idea where she was, or what else might be in the room with her. But, she could feel someone watching her. Almost like a sixth sense the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Listening intently she could just make out soft breathing in front of her.
Fear, an all pervading sense of dread clogged her senses, her mouth dry like the desert, her instinct screaming to get out of there. But, of all the things she may be, a coward was not none of them.
Mentally calming herself she took a deep breath and decided to get the show on the road.
Opening her eyes slowly she got her first glance at whoever was holding her captive.
Instant recognition.
The fear came flooding back, her eyes wide and startled for a split second, a gentle murmur under her breathe.
"Oh frak me"