Beca blinks, taking a single, literal second to remember her position – hovering overtop of Aubrey with Chloe slack-jawed in the doorway – and that's all it takes before Aubrey shoves against her chest and wipes the back of her wrist across her mouth, frantically jolting to her feet and flailing her hands anxiously through the air.
"Chloe, I- I'm so sorry. She- I didn't- oh my God, Chloe, I'm so, so sorry."
Beca's hands are folded in her lap, her eyes watching them studiously, and she's still struggling to gather her thoughts – but they're murky, and she's a little confused, and she's almost positive that this was not how that conversation was meant to end.
"Beca," Chloe calls softly, ignoring her (unnecessarily) apologetic friend, "are you okay?"
"Is she… what? Chloe, what?" Aubrey demands.
"I'm- fine. I think. I- She was talking, and it just- happened. I told her to ask you," Beca frowns. "I told her, Chloe. I'm not good at this."
"Obviously!" Aubrey cries, ashamed and obviously confused.
Chloe smiles over at her softly, and takes her hand. "Bree, sit down. I'm not upset, okay? Sit down."
"You're not?" Aubrey asks, small, and weak. "But I- we – "
"I saw," Chloe bites her lip to hold back the grin that's already edging up the corners of her mouth, anyway. "But it's okay," she promises. "We just need to talk, that's all. Okay? It's alright, Aubrey," Chloe soothes. "Come on," she tugs her hand gently. "Come sit, okay?"
Aubrey follows her lead like a lost fucking puppy, and allows Chloe to seat her back on the couch, with the redhead situated in between them.
Beca swallows, and looks pleadingly at Chloe. "I'm sorry. I should've waited, it's just that- she was asking, Chloe, and she wouldn't stop. And I – "
"Calm down," Chloe laughs lightly. "You know it's okay, Beca."
"I know, but I just didn't think that- I would be the one to…" Beca trails off, gesturing feebly in Aubrey's direction.
"That makes two of us," Chloe winks. "But this is good."
"Good?" Aubrey all but screeches, incredulous and bewildered. "Chloe, do you even understand what just happened?"
"Do you?" Chloe smirks at her.
Beca's actually momentarily proud of the redhead's execution; Chloe doesn't usually smirk, and when she tries, it mostly emerges as a semi-perverted, semi-creepy grin that just makes Beca laugh, more than anything else.
"I – " Aubrey furrows her brows and looks between Beca and Chloe like their faces will provide an answer that their words have yet to deliver.
"Aubrey, it's okay," Chloe saves. "Beca and I have talked about this. It's okay."
"Talked about what?"
"You," Beca answers carefully, and holds her breath.
"What?" Aubrey frowns. "What the hell are you talking about, Beca?"
"She's right, Bree," Chloe sighs, and Beca watches as her hand pales over Aubrey's, under the pressure of a soft squeeze. Beca reaches her hand out for Chloe's free one and applies pressure, too.
Hard pressure.
Lots of pressure.
Because Beca and rejection don't gel together at all, and she feels like that's a sincere possibility, here.
"Beca and I have talked about- you, and- all three of us, really."
"What does that mean?" Aubrey asks desperately. "I don't understand, Chloe."
"Fucking Christ," Beca puffs out. "Being with you, Aubrey."
"I beg your pardon?" Aubrey requests, her voice several octaves too high and her perfectly sculpted eyebrows rising with it.
"Well, I mean, it was my idea, initially," Chloe bites her lip nervously, and watches Aubrey, waiting for a reaction to peek through the shock.
Beca watches her, too.
"It's okay if that's- not something that you're interested in," Chloe says quietly. "But I don't want you to feel badly about kissing Beca, okay? She wouldn't have done it if we hadn't talked about it."
"You've- talked about it," Aubrey echoes vacantly.
"Yeah," Chloe nods. "And, I mean, like I said… no pressure, or anything. It's just something that we thought could be- interesting."
Beca knows that Chloe's carefully choosing her words, because 'interesting' is very, very tame in comparison to the words that Beca has heard on this subject before.
"It took Beca a while to think it over," Chloe tells her. "We understand if you need some time, too."
Beca nods hesitantly, but murmurs (in true Beca Mitchell form), "But it didn't feel like you needed much time to think."
Aubrey flushes.
Beca thinks it's pretty, watching her composure fall to pieces; she wonders why Aubrey's so keen on maintaining it, because she looks much more human without it.
"I- I didn't – " Aubrey glances fretfully over at Chloe, holding her free hand over her stomach, like the contents of it are threatening to release.
Beca squeezes Chloe's hand tighter.
"Aubrey, it's okay," Chloe insists. "Really."
"But this is- insane," Aubrey frowns. "You realize that, don't you?" She asks expectantly, flitting her eyes between both Beca's and Chloe's. "You can't just throw three people into bed together and say, 'hey, this is a really good idea, ladies; let's fuck,'" she remarks bluntly, clearly struggling to grasp the concept altogether.
"Well," Chloe hesitates, "it wouldn't necessarily have to be that way."
"What other way could you possibly mean that, Chloe?" Aubrey demands impatiently.
"Well, Beca and I – "
"We like you, okay?" Beca huffs abruptly. "This is stupid. We're tiptoeing around the point, and it's not getting us anywhere," she says to Chloe. "Look at her," she frowns. "Aubrey's completely lost, and clearly being gentle and easing our way into it isn't benefiting anyone."
Beca takes a deep breath and turns to face Aubrey.
"Look, Chloe- had a sex suggestion, like you thought," Beca begins to explain. "And it involved you, and the two of us. So I thought about it, and then you're- you know… You're you," Beca rolls her eyes at her own inability to communicate, even as the heat returns to her cheeks. "You're gorgeous, and you're smart, and you're annoying as shit, but you're supportive, and you're there for us, and we like you. I love Chloe – "
"And I love Beca," Chloe smiles softly, gripping Beca's hand until it actually hurts.
"But we probably- love you, too," Beca sighs. "And it's confusing, and it's weird, and we get all of that, so if you want to run for the hills or whatever, now would be the time. But if you think that- that maybe there's a chance that you could want to do something crazy and unorthodox and totally outside your comfort zone, then you should- stay. And we should talk about it."
Aubrey laughs airlessly and holds her palm up to her forehead, like she's checking her own temperature. "Are you for serious right now?"
"We are," Chloe swallows. "I know that this is- strange. And it's probably worse for you, because you're- well, you're Aubrey, and there's so much disorder to what we're suggesting that it probably just sounds unrealistic to you. But- we are serious, Bree."
"And you?" Aubrey rounds on Beca. "With all of your hatred toward me, you're okay with this?" She asks disbelievingly.
"I don't hate you," Beca huffs. "I never hated you. You just grate on my nerves, sometimes. And weren't you listening? I said we, Aubrey. We love you. Both of us."
"I- need to think," Aubrey announces. "I need to think," she repeats.
"Okay," Chloe sighs softly. "But if- if you're just thinking to find a way to tell us no without destroying things between us, then you don't need to. We'd understand, Bree."
"I wouldn't like it," Beca grumbles, "and I think Chloe might be heartbroken, but- we'd get it, okay? So if you already know that it's something you don't want, then you can tell us, and we'll figure it out, somehow, without fucking everything up."
"I – " Aubrey shakes her head. "It's not- without its appeal."
Wow.
That's flattering, almost. And so… Aubrey. Like, how can she even think to be that diplomatic, right now? Beca can't think beyond the fact that her lips are still buzzing and her heart is stammering in nervous anticipation.
But Aubrey's always been impressive.
"Really?" Chloe beams. "I mean, I know that's not a yes," she waves dismissively, detangling her hand from Aubrey's to do it, "but- really? You don't completely hate the idea?"
"I'd- be lying if I said that I never felt anything for you in all the time we've known each other, Chloe," Aubrey frowns, eyeing her lap contemplatively.
"So it's me," Beca realizes, swallowing thickly and turning her eyes to the coffee table as she feels them begin to tear.
Okay, she knows she feels strongly for Aubrey, but… damn, that hurts more than she thought it would. In her mind, Beca's rejection had only come paired with Chloe's. It- stings more than Beca would like to admit to know that she's the part of this equation that Aubrey would like to factor out.
"Hey," Chloe murmurs, turning to whisper against her cheek. "It's okay."
Beca nods, but she doesn't exactly mean the agreement that she's indicating. It doesn't really feel okay at all.
It hurts.
It hurts badly.
"You're actually upset," Aubrey realizes, shocked.
"She just told you that she loves you, Aubrey," Chloe frowns irritably. "Of course she's upset."
"It's not that I don't feel anything," Aubrey tries. "For Beca. For you," she flinches, and Beca can see that the blonde is turning to face her from her peripheral vision.
Beca sighs, and steels her voice. "It's okay. I mean, it's not like we always- get along, or whatever. It's not exactly surprising, is it?" She tries for a weak smile, but she feels it waver on her face.
Chloe's hand moves to hold her thigh, and she squeezes tightly.
"No, I- I mean that I do- care about you," Aubrey admits hesitantly. "It's just that- you were always Chloe's. I was never allowed to feel anything for you. But that doesn't mean that I didn't," Aubrey confesses softly.
"What does that mean?" Chloe asks, frowning.
"I- care about Beca now," Aubrey clenches her jaw nervously. "I cared about you for years, Chloe, and Beca- was the only real thought that took away from what I felt for you."
"I'm- still lost," Beca shakes her head.
Aubrey sighs impatiently, and snaps, "What don't you understand, Beca? I'm in love with you, and I was in love with Chloe until you existed in my life. I didn't like it – I went from one seemingly impossible option straight into another – but I couldn't exactly help it."
Beca feels herself warm a little, but deflation comes with it. Aubrey's words are troubling, sort of. Beca doesn't wholly understand, still, but she certainly didn't miss the use of past tense with Aubrey's feelings for Chloe.
"You- were in love with me?" Chloe asks hoarsely. "Are you- not, anymore?"
Beca wraps her arm around Chloe's shoulders as her bottom lip trembles, and she turns to face Aubrey with a look of warning in her eyes.
Beca does understand if this isn't something that Aubrey wants, or if she doesn't feel for both of them the way that they each feel for her – it's complicated, after all, and very complex, and Aubrey can't help her feelings any more than they can – but she needs Aubrey to be gentle with Chloe.
"I- think I'll always be a little in love with you, Chloe," Aubrey murmurs softly. "I'm just trying to- clarify. This is- It's a lot, alright? I'm trying to work through it in my head, and explain it to you both all at once, and things aren't necessarily- coming out the way that I want them to. I just meant that- this is really confusing, for me. I've spent the past few months trying to forget about my feelings for both of you, and then…" She motions toward the two them. "It's just a lot, for me. But I- suppose it's fair for the two of you to know my feelings for you, since you've shared yours with me. So, I guess to put it bluntly, yes, I'm in love with you both, too."
Chloe's hand pats elatedly over Beca's leg, and Beca feels a few of her muscles relax. This is what they wanted. It's what Chloe had hoped for, and exactly what Beca hadn't allowed herself to hope for.
"So," Beca clears her throat, "how does this work?"
"Bree?" Chloe asks softly. "Beca and I have- thought about this. Obviously. You know that, by now," she laughs airily. "But- you haven't had the same time that we have. So whatever you want to do next, you can tell us."
"I- I don't know," Aubrey breathes on a chuckle. "This is- overwhelming, right? I mean, I'm not alone in that, am I?"
"Dude," Beca puffs out. "No."
Aubrey rolls her eyes.
Chloe giggles.
"Look," Beca frowns, "excuse my lack of grace, here, okay? I don't care how much time I've had to think about it, I never actually thought that you would say yes," Beca says to Aubrey. "I'm excited. And I'm nervous. And I don't really have the mental capacity to make my words sound pretty, so excuse the fuck out of me."
"Well," Aubrey chews momentarily at the inside of her right cheek, "can I ask a question?"
"Of course," Chloe nods enthusiastically. "Ask anything you want."
"How long has this idea been- floating around?"
"A little over a month," Chloe says. "For Beca, anyway. I had the dream a couple weeks before that."
"Dream?" Aubrey asks, lofting her brows.
"Oh, totes," Chloe grins. "It was really- involved."
Aubrey blushes, but Beca can't really blame her at all, because – even with a month of exposure to filthy murmurs detailing all about Chloe's dream – she still blushes, too.
"Don't ask," Beca cautions. "I promise, no matter how far your thoughts have evolved since we started this conversation, you're not ready for that."
"I believe you," Aubrey replies huskily.
Chloe bites her lip, and Beca squirms. Husky isn't exactly something that she's often heard fall from Aubrey's lips, and it's- humid. Beca's body just feels like the air around it is hot and humid, and she almost feels like she's suffocating.
"Can I ask a question, now?" Chloe asks, tipping her head to the left with a cheeky little smile.
"Sure," Aubrey answers, though her tone indicates suspicion.
Beca knows why; Chloe sounds mischievous, and that sometimes leads to trouble. Or embarrassment.
Often both.
"Well, Beca got to…" Chloe begins. "And I wanna- kiss you, too. Can I- Will you let me kiss you, Bree?"
Aubrey flushes, her cheeks ruddy with either embarrassment or excitement (but probably a mixture of the two, Beca guesses), and hesitantly nods her head.
Chloe releases a squeal of eagerness, but it only lasts for a moment before she cradles her fingers around Aubrey's neck and leans in until their foreheads touch, her opposite hand still holding Beca's leg behind her.
"Is this okay?" Chloe murmurs.
"It's- yes," Aubrey nods. "Yes," she says again.
"Good," Chloe smiles softly, and then tips her mouth up to whisper across Aubrey's once, then twice, with those sweet, butterfly kisses that Beca just adores.
But Aubrey clearly adores them a little less (or is really anxious to know what the real thing actually feels like), and puts a little more insistence behind it. Chloe's response is to trace the line of Aubrey's lower lip with her tongue, and when Aubrey's slips out to meet it, Beca thinks her heart might actually be failing.
She swallows.
Hard.
And tries to coach her breathing through the shock of arousal that just stabbed through her system, without much success.
A moment later, Chloe pulls away, slightly, and bites her lip.
"That was- sort of amazing," Aubrey whispers as her eyelids flicker apart.
"Yeah," Chloe breathes, nodding excitably. "Sort of… really amazing."
Beca kind of wants to know what Aubrey thought of her kiss, too – but that seems like an awkward question to ask, so Beca digs her teeth into her bottom lip to refrain.
"Beca?" Chloe asks, turning back to face her. "Are you- was that okay?"
"Uh… yes?"
Is that even a serious question?
"Are you- sure?" Chloe inquires anxiously. "I know you were- nervous about being – "
"Oh," Beca realizes. Yeah, that makes sense. Chloe's trying to figure out if Beca's jealous, because Beca had mentioned that it might be an issue – but that was way before Beca had fallen in love with Aubrey (or, at least, before Beca had realized that she'd fallen in love with Aubrey). But, truthfully, Beca hadn't had time to feel jealous, because all she'd felt was heat and a desperate urge to drag her hand down her pants. "Yeah, no. Not a concern."
Chloe giggles.
"Bree?"
"Hm?" Aubrey hums distractedly. "Sorry, yes. What is it, Chloe?"
"Are you- having second thoughts?" Beca ventures, spying the dazed fog covering her eyes.
"No," Aubrey laughs. "After that? No. I'm just- wondering where we go from here."
Beca glances at Chloe, but she's fidgeting with her hands in her lap, so Beca sighs. "Well, we could- go on a date? I mean, I don't want to- do anything that you aren't ready for, and I know this idea might take a while to settle. For all of us," she adds, watching them both for a response.
"That- actually sounds nice," Aubrey says, looking surprised. "It's weird that you're the one to suggest it, but it- sounds nice."
"I'm not a heathen," Beca scoffs.
"We know," Chloe coos, briefly pressing her mouth into Beca's to pacify her.
"I didn't," Aubrey snorts.
"Aubrey," Chloe scolds playfully.
"Yeah," Beca scowls. "Give me some credit every now and again, Posen."
"Sorry," Aubrey chuckles, offering her palms up innocently. "Sorry," she repeats. "So, when are we doing this date, then?"
"This weekend," Chloe determines. "But I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to cuddle."
Beca blinks. "Is this- supposed to be a surprise, to us?"
Chloe pokes out her tongue and folds her legs beneath her, promptly tucking her cheek against Aubrey's chest. "Fine. Aubrey can have all the cuddles that you clearly don't want."
Beca frowns.
Aubrey sort of… smirks, and hesitantly raises her hand to curl through Chloe's hair.
It's not like they haven't cuddled up before, Beca knows – Chloe's very affectionate in general, but has always been more so with Beca and Aubrey – but she imagines that with all of the revelations of this afternoon, Aubrey probably feels a little uncertain about what she's now allowed to do.
Beca stands up and moves around Chloe to sit on Aubrey's opposite side, and drapes her legs over the armrest with her feet dangling in the air to fit her head into Aubrey's lap.
Aubrey looks surprised, so Beca challengingly lifts her brows and wordlessly dares the blond to make a comment.
Aubrey rises to the occasion, like Beca knew she would; she knows Aubrey's feeling out of place, and a little bickering couldn't hurt to help nudge her back into normalcy (or help her find a new version of 'normal,' maybe).
"Look at you, all boundary-less and snuggly," Aubrey titters.
"She's just jealous that I got all the attention," Chloe winks.
"Am not," Beca rolls her eyes. "I just- want to be close with you," Beca admits uncomfortably, slanting her cheek to face toward the coffee table with her slight embarrassment.
Confessions like that (and all the others that Beca had unpredictably spearheaded tonight) are not exactly her forte, and while she knows that Chloe's smiling down at her adoringly, Beca's hoping that Aubrey isn't about to poke fun at her for it.
"That's- really sweet, Beca," Aubrey murmurs. "And I'm sorry; I- want to be close with both of you, too."
Beca's heart swells.
This is- sort of the best feeling she's ever had. Which is crazy, because Beca was sure that kissing Chloe for the first time had rocked her into an emotional high that could never be replicated or outdone.
But this is somehow even better.
Author's Note: I'm just not feeling the angst for this one. I know I'm making it easy for them, but whatever. Also, I've decided I don't like how I've done chapter three, so I'm going to rewrite it, but I'm putting it on hold until I update Sixteen Days and I Know You in My Soul, because I feel like I'm cheating on them. Ugh. My muse needs to get it together, guys. Seriously. But! If it makes you feel any better, I've pretty much decided that I want this to be a full-length story, when I've finished Sixteen Days. I think I can manage two stories at once, but three is overwhelming. Anyway, please review!