SUMMARY: Ward can't pretend any more. Three times Ward almost told Skye about his true loyalty, and the one time Skye find out.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter was very heavily inspired by Tom Odell's song Can't Pretend. In fact, the lyrics are even below. Actually, I recommend listening to it, as I am loving it at the moment. I actually think the lyrics are very fitting for Ward.

I was requested for some more SkyWard, so here we are. It's a little darker, but hopefully it will suffice for now. I hope you enjoy.

Also, we've recently hit our twentieth review! Thank you so much for anyone who reviewed, I absolutely love reading through them.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Can't Pretend

Love, I have wounds,

Everyone's having a drink. Enjoying the day, talking, laughing. Something Ward finds is strangely nice to see. Working for a dangerous agency - it's not something that tends to bring joy to your life. Especially not for Ward.

Well, everyone's drinking except for Skye. Which is odd, as he would have pinned her for the type to jump at the chance for a drink and a party. Excusing himself from the others - not that they were talking to him anyway, what with FitzSimmons explaining something heatedly to May - he grabs a bottle for himself and another for Skye, before making his way over to her with a small smile, offering a bottle to her.

"Here. Why aren't you drinking?"

Skye takes it with a wide smile, and she shrugs at him, slipping her phone into her pocket and cracking open the lid. "Thanks. And I dunno. Just not in a partying mood."

"Who are you and what have you done with Skye?" She grins at him, but he can sense that she's not quite in the mood for jokes. It's a long time before either of them break the peace, simply leaning against the Bus wall with a drink in hand and watching the silhouettes of the others.

"Ward.. do you ever have secrets? I mean, like, a really big secret. Something that you're afraid to share."

Ward almost freezes with the bottle halfway to his lips, and it results in him drinking too much at one time, almost choking. "What?"

"Sorry. I mean, it's kinda stupid. But, you know. Everyone has secrets, right? And you're not exactly an open book, Agent Ward."

Does she know? She can't know. It's not possible, he hasn't given any clues away. He's done as told, been quiet, dutiful, spoken up when needed. This girl can't possibly know what he's up to. Right? Right. "Yeah. Yeah, I have secrets." His mouth is suddenly dry, and his lips feel cracked, but Skye only nods.

"And.. and it's not bad to have secrets, right?" Skye sounds uncertain, paused in drinking for the moment to talk to him.

It's painfully obvious that something is going on, but Ward doesn't notice it, instead caught up in slight terror that she's caught onto his big secret. Skye's so close to home.. maybe he should tell her? She wouldn't be mad, right?

"It's not bad to have secrets."

"Yeah, because.." Skye's talking, but he's contemplating a painful decision. He knows it's a stupid idea to tell her, but some part of him wants to tell her. His mouth acts for him, and the word spills out of his mouth before he can stop it.

"Skye?"

"Yeah?" She's looking at him, and suddenly he can't bring himself to do it, only giving a shrug and a smile.

"Sometimes you need secrets. You need secrets to be.. safe."

...

Only you can mend,

It's a calm evening on the Bus - something that isn't said often. Skye shoots Ward a grin from across the table, and Ward knows that she has some sort of trick up her sleeve.

"F5," she instructs. They're playing Battleship, and it's Skye's fifth run in losing. She claims that it's bad luck, but while Ward admits that it is part luck, strategy also has a key hand in winning. Strategy is not something Skye excels well at, as much as she doesn't like to admit it.

Ward shakes her head at him, watching carefully as Skye's face falls. "What? But that's impossible, I-"

"Strategy, Skye," he reminds her, holding back a smile as Skye huffs and grumbles about the unfairness of it all. "Remember what I told you. It's like a real situation. You have to plan carefully. E3."

"You and your secrets, Ward. Why can't you just give me a clue?" Skye whines playfully, but Ward stiffens without quite meaning to. It's an effort to keep his voice even when he speaks next.

"What? I don't have secrets, Skye."

"That's not true, SO," Skye swaggers. "Everyone has secrets. B6."

Ward moves to place a white dot, finding himself averting his gaze from Skye's and instead focusing on the board in front of him.

"That's true."

"So then, Agent Ward. What's yours?"

It takes him a long while for him to tear his gaze up to Skye's. "Rookie.."

"C'mon, you can tell me."

The terse silence seems to ring in his ears, and he eventually opens his mouth to speak.

"A1."

"What? Hey! Agent Grant Ward, you did not just beat me at another game of Battleship!"

...

You can mend.

Fear. It's an emotion that Ward doesn't often feel. Or at least, that's what he likes to tell himself. But now.. now he's scared. Worried. He hasn't been properly worried in a long time.

But a special little hacker is lying lifelessly in a bed, with a deadly wound in her stomach and a low chance of survival. And Grant Ward feels fear. Fear and anger. Two emotions that combined together, are very, very bad. He's trying to be rational, and he knows Simmons has done all she can to keep her comfortable, but he's scared that it's not enough.

She looks pale, laid out on the hospital bed like she had already passed. It's quite possibly the quietest he's ever seen her. And he thinks that maybe it isn't a good thing. She's fast asleep, on heavy drugs to keep her asleep and keep the pain away.

There's no one else in the room. He's sure the team is hovering somewhere nearby, but he can't see them, at least. That's good. There's something he needs to get off his chest.

"Skye." He feels stupid and sentimental talking to her while she sleeps, but he forges on anyway because he can. Because he has to. "I have something to tell you. On the topic of secrets. You know how you said that secrets weren't bad? Yeah. Well, they are. For me, anyway. I'm not a good man, Skye. I have secrets. A secret. And I don't want it to be secret anymore."

He intended to say more, but now, he can't force himself to speak the truth. So many years of keeping his mouth firmly shut are kicking in, and he can't say it no matter how hard he tries.

"What's your secret, Skye?"

...

I guess that's love,

"Secrets." Her voice is cold, matched equally with her glare. For a bizarre moment, Ward wonders if Skye has been taking lessons from May. Assuming she's still alive, of course. But somehow, Ward knows that she is.

"All this talk about secrets. Do you still remember that, Ward? Or was that moment as meaningless as every other; an act?"

"I remember, Skye." It's true, he does. He remembers it like it was the day before. Which is funny, really. Not really, but Ward needs something to distract him. "You cut your hair," he says absently.

"That's all you care about?" Skye hisses suddenly, and she's taking a step back from the iron bars that separate them. "After everything you've done? You murdered Eric. Do you know who runs this base, Ward? His brother. Do you feel ashamed, you worthless-"

"Yes! Yes, I'm ashamed, okay?" He's on his feet now, marching angrily to the bars to stare Skye in the face. "You're not the first person that's been to visit me, Rookie. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm not sorry. Not for what I did."

"He brainwashed you, Ward," she spits.

"He saved me. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Garret. You have no idea what I have gone through. I owe him everything. Absolutely everything. And I can't. I can't say that I regret it. Because I don't. Do you understand, Skye?"

"Yeah." He only just notices the tear tracks that stain trails down her face. "Yeah, I understand. You're a bitter soul, Ward. Bitter and.. and messed up. This guy did one thing for you. One thing. Why did you keep it a secret?"

"I had to," he growls fiercely. "If I had told anyone, I would've been thrown straight back into jail. You have no idea how hard it was."

It's a long time before she finally speaks again, and by then he's turned away.

"You were going to tell me, weren't you?"

"I owed him everything, Skye."

Her voice dips into a whisper suddenly. "Why? Why were you going to tell me, Agent Ward?"

I can't pretend.