Discaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl...not the show or the books.

Chapter 7-If This Were a Movie

I'm not quite sure where I am anymore, or what's going on.

Sometimes it feels like a dream. Nothing seems real to me, not my hand in front of me or the empty glass on the table. It's replaced with another, and I still can't tell if this is reality or dreamland.

I'm vaguely aware of an angry voice. Someone shouting. And then a lower, calmer voice, to me. I can't hear them, and I don't answer. Suddenly someone's put their arm around me, and as I reach for the drink it starts to move farther and farther away.

It's a while before I realize it's me moving away from the table, not the other way around. And that someone's carrying me out of the bar.

I don't protest, because there's something about this person that seems so familiar. And it doesn't even register how dangerous this is, a stranger carrying me out of a bar, for another moment. But this doesn't feel like a stranger.

I want to ask who this person is, but it doesn't come out that way.

"Did you get my bag?" I ask tiredly.

"Nate has it," he says. "Blair, you had us worried sick. You can't just disappear like that."

I want to argue, say that I'm an adult and can take care of myself, but that seems a little contradicting when I'm not even able to walk.

"Serena will be here soon. I called her and Nate as soon as I saw you. We've all been looking for you."

"Chuck," I say. "You're…you're…"

But what I was going to say just dies in my throat. I can't remember. All I know is that something terrible is going to happen, and I need to stop it. I need to talk to Chuck. But I can't remember why. I can't remember what this terrible thing is. It's there in my mind, I can feel it, but it's like there's a blanket over it, hiding it from me. I can almost remember it, and then it's gone.

"I'm fine, Blair. You're the only one we need to worry about right now," he says, as if sensing my worry.

"Tell her," Nate urges.

"I don't want to stress her out by mentioning it," Chuck says in a low voice to Nate. They clearly don't want me to hear.

"I think she'll be a little more stressed if she doesn't know," Nate says.

"Fine," he says. Then, louder, to me, he says "I'm going to be fine, Blair. I don't know what you thought you found, but I'm alive and well and I will be for a long time. I'm not going anywhere."

"No," I say, because at this, I'm starting to remember it, or at least parts of it. As much as I want to believe him, I know he's lying.

"No! I know it's true, you can't hide it! You are leaving. You're going to-you're going to…"

"He's not going to die, Blair," Nate says gently. "It's not real."

"No!" I insist, needing to say this, needing to tell Nate the only thing that I know right now is real. "He's fed you lies, Nate; he does it all the time. You don't know how he's gotten over the past few years! He won't talk, he doesn't say anything about his life, he lies! And then this, and then the letters…"

"What letters?" Nate asks, curious.

"She's not thinking straight, she doesn't know what she's saying; let's just let her get some rest first. This can wait," Chuck says. He's trying to be gentle, but I can hear the undertone of agitation and fear in his voice.

"No, I want to know what she has to say," Nate says, quieting him.

I want to tell Nate everything, but suddenly the letters feel too personal, something just between Chuck and me. But proof would help. I start to fumble in my purse and pull the last letter out.

"These letters! I can't show it to you, but you just need to know that he's sick! He's dying! Don't let him lie himself out of this! I care about him, we all do, but you know that this is something he would, and easily could hide. Don't listen to him!"

"Is this true?" Nate turns to Chuck.

"No, of course not! Do you know how drunk she is right now? She has no idea what she's talking about."

"And why is she so drunk? Why is she so upset? Why would she be so certain of this, huh? What happened that made her so certain than you're doomed, Chuck?"

His voice is rising in volume, and I can hear the slight undertone of fear in his angry voice too. He has only just started talking to Chuck again, but I think he's missed Chuck for a long time. He's had Serena and me, and he's made new friends too, but Chuck was his best friend. You can't just replace him, especially when he just leaves and never comes back. Especially when he needs you. And Nate cares about him, even if he hasn't shown it for a long time.

Nate can be oblivious sometimes, but right now, he wants answers. And he's going to get them, if I have anything to say about it.

"Oh, thank god you found her! I was so worried!" Serena cries, quickly entering the scene.

I look at her through blurry vision.

"She doesn't look so great, though. I don't think I've ever really seen her this drunk…Chuck, we should take her to your hotel room. She can sleep in Nate's old bed."

She has no idea what she's walked in on.

"Serena, you have to believe me," I say, trying to turn towards her. I'm vaguely aware that I'm still being held up by Chuck. "Serena, S…believe me. Please."

"About what? What is this all about?" I can hear the concern in Serena's voice.

"Blair is convinced Chuck is in danger." Nate explains.

"And I'm a little worried myself…" he adds quietly. But I'm closer to Nate than Serena is at the moment, and I can hear him better, even in my state. I don't think Serena even hears him at all.

"Blair, Chuck is fine! He told us himself!" Serena tries to convince me.

"He's lying! He hides his emotions, he always has!" I shout, not giving in. "He didn't want me to know! He didn't want us to know! He didn't want us hurt when he died! But it's soon, so soon, Serena, it could be any day, it was supposed to have happened already, even, he's bought time but still, S, it's so soon, too soon, and still, he's denying it, he's acting like it's not happening, like we're not going to lose him…"

"Chuck, what's going on?" Serena says slowly. "Is any of this true?"

"No, it's just-"

"Because if it is, we have the right to know!" Nate cuts in angrily.

And with that, he's done it. He's triggered an emotion in Chuck.

"A right? You have a right to know?" he asks incredulously, almost laughing at how ridiculous he thinks this is, but also very, very angry.

"What, because you've done so much for me? Because you've been there for me through all of this?" he continues sarcastically.

"Tell me what gives you any right to do this, Nathaniel. And you, Serena. Go on. Tell me." Chuck fires at Nate and Serena. "You all come into my life after abandoning me, after leaving me alone, and now all of a sudden I'm interesting because I'm a dead man walking? Because I can count the maximum number of days I have left on one hand? Because I'm dying?"

I can feel the shock in the air as this sinks in.

"No…" Serena says. "You can't be…"

"Yes, Serena, I can."

And then I pass out.

I wake up much later, in Nate's old room, on his bed. It seems to be morning, and when I look at the clock, I see that it's ten o'clock.

I feel groggy and tired, and I have a headache, but otherwise I'm fine

I get slowly out of the bed and walk to the door. I want to go out and talk to Chuck about everything, but I can hear voices coming from the other room, so I wait.

"I should've known I couldn't keep you away."

"Well, we were all worried about Blair last night, and we agreed it was best to let her rest and rest ourselves. But this is serious, Chuck. I can't believe-"

"You can't believe I didn't tell you, Serena? You can't believe I didn't call you up after three years just to say 'In case you wanted to know, I'm going to die soon'?"

There's a pause.

"I would've wanted to know, no matter what," Serena says quietly.

"Why? What would it have done?"

"I'd want to at least say goodbye. Say sorry."

There's silence, and Serena sniffs.

"You'd be happier not knowing," Chuck says, gentler than before. "We both would be. It would be useless to get close again, just to have it end soon. It would be cruel to take something away that you just got back. It was better….it is better if we just stay apart. I tried to tell Blair that, too, but she wouldn't listen. She didn't understand. I wanted to tell her, but…I couldn't."

"We're here now, though. We need to…make the most of our time. I'm so, so sorry it's taken this long for us to contact you…"

"It's done," Chuck says simply. "It's over. Just…the only thing you can do now, the last thing, is just to leave me alone. It's better for all of us."

"No," she says stubbornly. "We can't just leave."

"Yes, you can."

"Is there really nothing you can do, Chuck? I still don't get it…what happened?"

"I already told you, Serena, it's an infection. There's nothing I can do about it, some doctors delayed it but they can't completely stop it from reaching my heart eventually. And eventually has come pretty fast. I went last week…and they don't think I'll be in for my next appointment, which is a few days away. It's funny, I used to think I didn't have a heart, and now it's going to be the death of me."

A weak attempt at a joke. Neither of them laughs.

I choose this time to walk into the room.

Chuck says "You just need to leave. Nate too. And as for Blair, I think that-"

"Blair!" Serena says suddenly. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug. "Headache, and I'm sore, but otherwise I'm fine."

I just stand there, feeling a bit awkward, for a moment. Chuck's back is still to me. I go and stand right in front of him, but he just looks away. I sigh and sit down next to him.

"Chuck," I say cautiously. I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry for…sneaking around in here. But I saw those pill bottles, and the dates on them, and the names. I was worried. I knew you were hiding something about Prague. And I needed to get you to show your emotions, and break your mask. I needed you to let me in. I'm sorry I did something to upset you, but I'm not sorry that it happened. If it hadn't, I would have never known about…" I can't say it. "…and that's something that I needed to know. I can't believe you kept it from me."

He doesn't look up.

"But most of all," I say, taking another deep, shuddering breath, because I feel like I'm going to fall apart again."I can't believe you….you're really…"

I can't continue. My eyes well up with tears. Serena rushes to me and puts a comforting arm around me.

"Serena, I need to talk to Chuck alone right now," I say, after I've gotten myself under control.

She hesitates, clearly not wanting to leave, but agrees and leaves with the promise of returning soon. I feel bad taking the limited time she has left with Chuck away from her, but I need to talk to Chuck, and I need to do it alone.

"Please," I whisper when she's gone. "You can't leave me. There must be something…we have to do something…"

"There's nothing I can do. It's over."

"Don't say that. It's never over. You can keep fighting…we can try new treatments…we can bring you to the hospital now, we can do something, we can't just sit around here and do nothing…"

"There's nothing we can do, Blair. And it's no use wasting the last of my time trying to do the impossible. I've already lived my life out. I'm not living anymore. This is just making it more literal."

"But you're so young," I say. "You're not even close to having lived out your life."

"I already had everything worth having in life. And then I lost it. It's over. There's nothing I can do to live. I don't want to die, but I don't even know what to live for anymore."

The last part is said so quietly I almost don't hear it.

"What about me?" I demand, blinking away tears. "You have me. You can't leave, I won't let you."

"I'm sorry, Blair! But I can't stop this. I can't work miracles."

"But you can't just give up!"

"Why not? I can't do anything to fix this."

"Because of me! Don't you want to stay here for me? You don't want me to have to go through this, you said so yourself in those letters, along with a lot of other stuff! I know how you feel about me, and I know how I feel about you, so I don't understand why you're being so stubborn."

There's silence.

"Blair, we've talked about this. We can't be together right now, and you know why. The truth's out. It's too late."

"You can say it a thousand times and I still won't believe you," I insist. "It's never too late. There's something we can do. There has to be."

"Look, you're not exactly making it easier for me! You're telling me I can have my friends, you, my old life back. You're telling me I can be happy again. But it's too late for all of that. I don't need you dangling everything I've ever wanted in front of me when I'm practically on my deathbed."

"Are you sure you're really sick? I mean, you seem fine…"

"That's because we don't see each other very often, Blair. A lot of the time I have to work at home, or not work at all. And I spend so much time at the hospital…you have no idea."

I just look at him. I don't understand how this can be happening. We were never supposed to really be over. We were inevitable…but fate had other plans.

I feel like I'm living a different life. Maybe I'm just watching another movie of someone else's life, instead of my own. My life was always supposed to be like a movie, but it was never supposed to be a tragedy.

If this were a movie, it would be fake. Chuck wouldn't really be sick.

Or there'd be a miraculous cure. The doctors would discover it and give it to him just before he died, and he would live.

If this were a movie, it would have a happy ending. It wouldn't include the death of the person the main character loved most.

If this were a movie, Chuck would live.

But this isn't a movie, and I finally accept what I've been denying since I found out-

Chuck Bass doesn't have much time left. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

And when I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder because I can't stand the thought of being apart from him, he accepts something too-that I'll be there until the end.

I don't want to stay away that night. I don't even want to sleep at all, but Chuck tells me I have to. So I try to sleep in Nate's old room again, texting Serena so that she knows I'm okay.

It's been an hour and I just can't sleep. The thought that Chuck may be dead by the time I wake up keeps me from even getting close to drifting off.

Finally, accepting that I'm not going to fall asleep, I creep out of the room and into Chuck's. He's asleep.

I think for a moment that I shouldn't, but quickly brush it aside. I crawl into bed beside him, and it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

"Blair?" he asks quietly.

"Mm-hm?"

"Can't sleep?"

"No," I say. "But maybe I will now."

He's either too tired are too sick to argue, so we fall asleep there.

AN: Aww…

Anyways, I know Blair thinks she loves him again, and you guys might think that's weird because it's been so long, but certain circumstances just bring out true feelings. And it's not so much her falling for this Chuck as remembering what it was like being with the old Chuck and still being in love with that one. Not that they aren't the same person, because they are…well, it will be explained better later on. And they both just need each other so much right now and it's so easy to fall into old patterns… you get the picture.

So I have never been drunk, and I really can't describe it. I know Blair may have seemed a little too sane for being supposedly very drunk but writing from her point of view I didn't want to make even her thoughts hard to understand because that just wouldn't be any fun for the readers.

Oh, and have I done the move thing before? I feel like I have for some reason, but I looked and couldn't find it. You guys shouldn't search for it or anything, but if you remember me using it in another story or this one let me know and I'll change it here.

If you're wondering whether or not I'm going to kill off Chuck very abruptly, maybe in the next chapter or so…well I don't really think that'd be fair to you. I won't tell you what's going to happen and when because I want to keep you guessing but I will tell you that I've written rather a lot lately, and where I am, there has been a tragic event. As for if it's Chuck's death or not, well, you'll have to keep reading!

Thanks for…

Reviewing: HnM skinnys, awakeningezgi (for chapter 5), awakeningezgi (for chapter 6), Tiff xoxo, Aleshaa, avrilk, ilovecujo1993, HughLaurieLover, and QueenBee10,

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Please review! I'm not sure when I'll update next but probably this weekend. There's a lot I have to edit, and I'll probably end up putting that off and writing more instead if I have time to spare.