Disclaimer: Just checked, and I'm still not J.K. Rowling, darn. The characters all belong to her.

A/N: I don't have to much to say right here but the usual. Read & Review, please.

Chapter 16

October 1977

For a time it was simple. During the day it seemed to the rest of the world that I was with Lily. We even got caught a few times in a broom closet together. At night I reveled in the truth, I was Sirius and Remus'. If the things I did to protect the two true loves of my life hurt them, they never let me see it. The year before they wouldn't have been able to hid it, I watched them too closely for them to hid anything from me. That year I was busy showing the world that any suspicions they could have had were false, and thus did not have the time to watch them as I wished I could have. I had promised both Lily and Remus I would be a good boyfriend to her, and so I had to do what I did. I never wanted to, I didn't want to be with her, but I had to do what I had to do. They would not see the inside of Azkaban as long as I lived.

For a month it was simple, and I thought I had actually found a girl that could leave things simple. Not that they all were complicated, surely. My life had to be more complicated then it was simple anyways. By day I seemed to be straight, and at night I was most definitely not. Then Lily, sweet Lily that accepted that I could never be fully hers, because my heart had already been taken, went and complicated it even more.

"James," She said as the two of us studied in the library one October afternoon. N.E.W.T Year was upon us, and the homework was intense. I understood why Flitwick wanted us to practice the new charms more, and McGonagall had us writing longer essays, and Slughorn was giving us more chapters to read. I understood, but that didn't mean I could stand it. Homework was boring, homework had always been boring.

I looked up from my transfiguration essay, I had two more feet to write and I had just finished the third. I smiled, but then I saw her emerald eyes shining with something I thought only belonged in Sirius and Remus'. I knew then that things were going to get complicated, but I didn't know how to stop it. I did lean over and kiss her, maybe if I kept her mouth busy with other things she couldn't say it. Eventually I had to pull away and let her breathe though.

"James, please." She insisted, and I allowed her to say what she wanted said. "I know that you don't feel the same, but I still think you should know. I love you." There it was, the words that a little less then a year ago had changed my world. Well maybe it wasn't actually those words that changed my world, maybe it was more a tickle war that brought about those results. Still, Remus, Sirius, and I had said those words, meaning the same way Lily meant them, a little less then a year ago.

Now I had to ask myself, was she right, can I not feel the same way as she did because I had my pups? Most said it was only possible to love one person, and yet here I was telling two every night and every morning that I loved them. Was it possible to add a third to that? Did I even want a third to be added to that? Before I could answer that I had to decide if Lily even meant half as much to me as Sirius and Remus.

The were my world, they were mine, they had always been mine. They had been mine to make happy for the first time in their lives, and were mine to keep that way. They were mine to protect from the cruelty of the world that I was able to. They were mine to stand beside when we did what we were known for. They were mine to show how much they meant to me every night.

Was Lily? Could Lily be? I liked her smile, and I liked being the one that made her smile. I liked her laugh, and I liked being the one that made her laugh. When she got upset, usually because Snivellus had called her that name, I liked being the one that cheered her up. She was soft, and I enjoyed snogging her.

The one major difference was that I would die for Remus or Sirius. It was sad, but I could imagine a world without Lily Evans. It was a bleak, darker world, but it still functioned just as it did with her in it. I couldn't even dare to imagine a world without Remus or Sirius, without them both was worse. If we were to get attacked on a date or something, I would do what was necessary for both Lily and I to survive. I would probably even lie down my life to make sure she survived. There was that difference though, probably for Lily, definitely for Remus and Sirius.

"Lily," I said after a while. Her red hair had fallen back over her face, like a curtain that hid her expression from me. I tucked it behind her ear, and she looked up at me. "You're not them," I started.

"I know, you don't..." She interrupted.

"Let me finish," I did the same. She smiled apologetically at me, and allowed me to continue. "You are not them. They are my best friends, no one means as much to me as they do. But in my own way, in your own way, I love you too." She smiled shyly, and I kissed her softly.

It wasn't a lie. In a way reserved only for Lily, I did love her. In a way reserved only for Peter, I loved him. In a way reserved only for my parents, I loved them. The difference between the feelings I had for Lily, the protectiveness I had for Peter, the bond I had with my parents was intensely different then the need I had for Remus and Sirius. I loved Lily, Peter, and my parents. I was in love with Remus and Sirius.

Even telling Lily that I loved her didn't complicate my life completely. We still hung out the four, or five when Peter came around, of us. Lily and I would say those words when we were alone, other couples said it when they were in the corridors. Lily believed that it was something that should be said in private, that it wasn't something that should be used as a show. I was just thankful I didn't have to hurt Sirius and Remus by having them hear something that should have only been reserved for them.

"What's it like to kiss a girl?" Remus asked a week later. The three of us were sitting on our bed studying. Well Remus and I were studying, Sirius' hand was moving to quickly for him to be doing anything other then writing. I had Remus' back pulled against my chest, arms wrapped around his waist, legs on either side of him, chin resting on his shoulder. He had the transfiguration text book propped in front of him, and we were reading it together.

Sirius was laying across our feet as he wrote in a journal I had gotten him for his birthday. He wasn't actually supposed to get it for two more days, but when he found he was out, I took pity on him and gave it to him early. The look he gave me whenever I did something like that, his "superman" look, was enough to make me forget about what day his actual birthday was anyway. Not to mention I had three other journals, a new personalized beater's bat, and a box of Bertie's Every Flavor Beans for his present.

"Sticky," Sirius answered without missing a beat. I laughed. Kissing girls was nice, kissing Lily was really nice, kissing my pups was nicer.

"I'm serious," Remus said, putting the book down. Sirius looked up at that. "Don't say it. I've never kissed a girl. I've only kissed you two. I'm curious."

"I'm Sirius," Sirius said enunciating so we knew which "serious" he was talking about. "Their gloss gets sticky, and it starts getting all over your face. Prongs always washes his face before kissing us." I nodded. "Kissing you two is nicer, because we don't feel like we're getting stuck to each other. We don't have to worry about that shit, and can just keep kissing and kissing and kissing."

"Your a Marauder, girls have, and sometimes still do, line up to kiss you." I pointed out. "Why didn't you take one of them up on the offer?"

"I was just curious, but I don't want to. I like being the one that has only ever kissed you two." Remus explained with a shrug. I smiled and kissed that shoulder that had bobbed up and down. "Do you think that Prongs, that kissing us is better then kissing girls?" He had turned to look at me the best he could. I cupped my hand around his cheek and drew him into a lazy kiss.

"I believe that kissing someone you love is better then sex with a relative stranger." I answered.

"So that would be a yes?" Sirius asked as he moved to knell next to us.

"You two know I love you," I said, and they shared a quick look. Their, "I know it, but when does he stop," look. "Don't you?" I pressed. "How many times do I have to tell you before you believe it?"

"We know it," Sirius assured.

"We just don't understand it." Remus explained. "Just like we know we love you, we just don't understand it."

"Everyday I wonder if I'm doing it right." Sirius added.

"Oh loves," I sighed as I cupped Sirius' face and drew Remus closer to me. "You're doing it just like you do everything, perfectly."

"I'm too much of a screw-up to do something perfectly." Sirius said turning away from my face, but into my hand.

"I'm too big a freak to be perfect," Remus mumbled as he tried to get me to loosen my hold.

"Who told you that?" I asked, and when I looked back at their faces, I knew. The four people I hated the most in the world, their parents. "You two asked me to teach you what love is. I'm no expert, but I've figured a few things out. Lesson number one, I think you're perfect, not despite your faults, but because of them. They are what makes you who you are. Come here Pads, lay down Moony." As Sirius came to knell beside me, Remus laid on his back in front of us. Both were looking at me with strange expressions. "Pads, do you think Moony is perfect, or at least pretty damn close?" Sirius shot me a look that said I was asking a stupid question, and nodded. "Good," I smiled. "This is what we're going to do. I'm going to undress him for you, and you are going to tell him everything that makes you think that. From head to toe, inside and out."

"I love your scars, especially the ones on your face." Sirius started, locking eyes with Remus.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"He'll explain," I said as I pushed Remus to lay down again. "Just be patient Mister Needs and explanation for everything." We laughed, but Remus consented and made himself comfortable again.

"I think they make you mysteriously sexy," I agreed. "Plus you have all these stories, most of them hilarious, about how you got them. When a first or second-year finally gathers the courage to ask you about them, and you tell them one of your stories, it reminds me that you trust me, even with my mistakes, with the truth. These scars, and the few on your hands are the only ones you can't hid.

"You almost always manage to avoid the detentions Prongs and I get, so you've avoided the hard work and the quidditch that have mixed to make our hands rough. You have scars on your hands, but no callouses. Your hands are this in between soft and rough that only you could pull off.

"Your scars, the ones on your chest, stomach, back, sides, and legs, at least the bigger ones, that you've gotten since Fifth Year, I've got memorized. I know the story behind each one. This one," he ran his finger along a long, thick scar that was just over Remus' heart. "Prongs and I had needed to duck out of a detention in Fifth Year, and weren't with you as soon as Moony would have liked. He thought you had done something to make his pack not want to be with you, so he scratched you. This one," he moved to a scare that stretched across Remus' stomach. "I don't know the whole story, I just know it's from the summer between Fifth and Sixth Year, when Prongs and I weren't there with you during the moons. This one," he traced the scar on Remus' leg. "Moony was trying to rip your leg off last year, and then when you woke up you told us you love us, for the first time.

"Besides being God-damned sexy, you're the smartest, kindest person I know. No one could blame you if you were hateful, but instead you are friendly. Firsties and Seconds know that if they are struggling with their classes they can come to you, and you'll tutor them. Fifth and Seventh Years know they can go to you when they start freaking out about their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S and you'll study with them."

"Do you understand why Padfoot loves you?" I asked Remus. He opened his mouth to reply, but decided on shaking his head. "You don't understand why Pads loves you?" He nodded at this. Sirius looked at me, wondering if he had done it wrong. "You feel honored that he trusts you?" Sirius nodded. "This sexy man, this smart, kind, nice, loving, friendly, sexy man trusts you. How does that make you feel?"

"Wow," Sirius gasped before his face broke into a wide grin.

"You getting it yet?" I asked Remus. He was smiling shyly and I couldn't tell if it was a funny site to see him turning red while he was laying in front of us naked and hard, or as Sirius had said, God-damned sexy. Looking away from us, he finally nodded his head slowly. "Good, Sirius do you want to show Moony what he means to you?"

"Oh God yes," Sirius groaned and I had to laugh when Remus' head spun back to look as us excitedly.

"Too bad," I laughed again when they glared at me. "It's Sirius' turn. Remus, come sit over here." Groaning from his ache, Remus pushed his self up and came to sit beside me. "Sirius, lay down." Sirius did as I ordered. "Now, again I'm going to undress him for you, and your going to tell him what makes him perfect to you." Remus nodded, and looked back at Sirius.

"You're beautiful, I know you don't think you are, but I see it. Sometimes I catch myself staring at you, and I wonder, "does this boy realize he's in the wrong time period?" Sure you live in a castle, but with your gray eyes, and your thick hair, and your lips that, I know you're going to hate this, but they are red. You look like a prince, like you just stepped out of a fairytale. After your years of playing beater, you have these muscles that allow you to hit the bludgers across the pitch, but at the same time, when you're holding me, I almost feel like you could hold Moony or the full moon or something back. It's almost like your strong enough that I wouldn't have to transform.

"I was locked in my room from the day I got bit until the day I came to Hogwarts for my first year. I had never laughed, or had any real adventures, and then you walked into my life. Well, more like waltzed, because you never really walk anywhere. You do this glide thing, where I wonder if your feet have actually even touched the ground. Then you forced me, and yes forced, because you grabbed my shirt and I was a lot weaker back then, and dragged me out of the common room to the knight you wanted to put that dungbomb behind, and we did our first prank. I realized after that day I liked having adventures, and you were the one that brought that to my life. Well you two, but I'm not sure if we are even supposed to be remembering Prongs is in here." I laughed at this, and when they looked at me I shook my head. This was just about the two of them deciphering what they felt for each other.

"You're smart, but you're so lazy, and I know it's just because you like annoying me when you ask to borrow my homework, and when I refuse, you remind me you'll fail and how I don't want that and once again you get your way. It's not like you're manipulating me, because the way you do it is too funny to make me think like that. You always make me laugh, and when I laugh you do too. When I hear our laughs together I remember that you're animagus is a dog and I change into a wolf, it's almost like we were made to be together. You're smart, and lazy, and funny, and strong, and beautiful, and those paired together make me think you're perfect. That's why I love you," I smiled, thinking that they had finally gotten it. "Right?" He asked it like he did when he knew, he knew the right answer, he just didn't want to look like a know-it-all. I nodded before leaning over and kissing him.

"So you get it now?" I asked when I pulled back. "That these things they make you who you are, and sometimes you might not have even seen it, but because he loves you he does. By the way, I was agreeing with most of the things you two were saying. I know you sometimes think it's just because we have good sex together, but it's more then that. It's because of this that the sex is as good as it is. Why kissing each other, is better then having sex with some girl. We're best friends because of these qualities, we love each other because of these qualities. Now do you get it?" They were smiling, and nodded. "Okay, now you can show each other what you feel for the other one." I sat with my back against one of the middle posts, and they shook their heads. "What?"

"You or me?" Remus asked looking at Sirius.

"I want you, so you can do him." Sirius answered. Remus' nodded at this, before motioning me to him. I crawled over to where he was pointing. Together they quickly, nearly ripped, my clothes off of me. Sirius laid down, and Remus moved so that he was hovering above Sirius' lips, and Remus' head was above me. At the same time, Sirius wrapped his lips around Remus, and Remus took me into his mouth. I sighed, the image of Sirius sucking Remus making the feelings of Remus sucking me even more intense.

A/N: At the beginning of this I invited you all on a journey to discover what love really is. This has been something I've been wondering for...six months rounding up I'd say. What do you think of James' theory on what love is? Or, "they aren't perfect because they are flawless, but because they are flawed." It is their flaws that make them the boys he loves. Good, bad?