AN: Okay, so I know some people had mixed responses to last chapter…I feel like I'm always so mean to Blair and I'm sorry…but I still like happy endings, as I said before.
Chapter 13
I wake up in my own bed, but it takes me a moment to realize that. I feel like I should be in Paris. I sit up and look around. I'm alone.
What happened last night?
I know that Chuck is dead. I can feel it. But that's all I'm sure of.
I get out of bed and go downstairs. Serena and Nate are eating breakfast, talking in low voices.
"…just have to wait until she wakes up, he keeps calling me-Blair! You're awake!" Serena says, noticing me walk into the room.
I just sit down next to them.
"What happened last night?" I voice my thoughts out loud.
Serena and Nate exchange a look. "We were afraid this would happen," Serena says sadly. "What's the last thing you remember?"
I search my mind. "Mia."
"What?"
"This little girl I met at the Empire State Building. After…after he didn't show up."
My eyes fill with tears and Serena quickly takes my hand. Serena nods. "Okay, Blair, I-" she looks at Nate. "-we-are going to talk to you about a few things."
Nate nods and it strikes me that they've rehearsed what they're going to say. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for a speech on how I should deal with Chuck's death, about how they're all upset too, etc.
Nate looks at me. "Blair, after you left, we all stayed here and rooted for Chuck. We helped Lily with everything. We supported each other, but most of all, we supported Chuck. After the press found out, we had to handle that. I just think it's important for you to know that before we begin. Chuck wasn't alone."
"Wait," I say suddenly. "Can you just-can you tell me exactly how it happened? Like, when?"
Serena nods. "We'll get to that. But first…we have to talk to you about what happened to you last night."
"When you came back, you went to the Empire State building to meet Chuck, and he didn't show up. I guess you talked to this Mia girl and then left. You went to Chuck's hospital but didn't go inside. You went to a bar nearby. A pretty sketchy bar."
"How do you know all this?" I interrupt Nate.
"You told us a little last night."
"I talked to you last night?"
He nods.
"So then you met some guys. You were just talking to them, and they brought you one drink," Serena continues. "But they must have drugged it. They tried to take you with them somewhere but once you were outside I guess you got rid of them. And…you saw some pink peonies in the trash. Peonies that were thrown out by Nate and I. Then you listened to a voicemail from me telling you that Chuck wasn't going to show up, which you already knew. But it wasn't for the reason you thought. You didn't finish my message, so you didn't hear what I was going to say. Then you came home, very distressed, and we brought you to bed."
"What do you mean, it wasn't for the reason I thought? And you just brought me to bed?"
"Well, something else happened, but we'll get to that in a moment," Nate says, uncomfortable.
"What happened?"
They ignore me. "Now we'll get to what happened with us. We were here with Chuck, and well, things weren't going great," Serena starts. "Chuck was getting worse instead of better. Finally, the nurse told us that they were going to do the surgery anyways, because he was only getting worse. He could die before they had the chance to finish the surgery. They thought it would be better to get it done then see if he could recover. They let us decide, and we agreed. So they did the last surgery, around the same time you thought they would."
"He survived it," Nate cuts in. "But things were worse with his recovery. We had them try everything they could, but nothing was working, and Chuck was becoming completely unresponsive. It didn't seem like he had any brain activity. They asked if we wanted him taken off life support because they whole thing had gotten even more expensive, but we wanted to wait until you got home, so you could decide."
"So he's not dead yet?" I whisper, my lips curving into a smile. I'm still upset, but now I see what they're telling me. That's why he didn't show up. That's what Serena was trying to tell me in her message. He may be unresponsive, but he's still alive. And maybe I can do something to help him wake up. No, I know I can do something. There has to be a reason he survived all of his surgeries. They said he couldn't do it, but he did. And now he's going to wake up, no matter what they say.
"No, he's not dead," Serena smiles. "And that's not all. Two days ago, something amazing happened. We've been allowed to visit him since his last surgery, so we've been going in a lot. We were talking to him about the Empire State Building thing. And then he just…woke up."
"What?" I gasp, not believing what I'm hearing.
"Yeah, the machines just went wild and his eyes opened. He seemed pretty surprised to be alive, but there he was, alive and well."
"Oh my god," I say, breathing very heavily and grinning. "Where is he? Why didn't you tell me this earlier?"
"We did," Serena says. "That's what happened when you got home. Chuck didn't show up because they wouldn't let him out yet. But he threatened, bribed, and pleaded his way out. He has to live with a nurse-don't worry, she's old and unattractive-but he got out. He didn't want to be late like you were. It was too late by the time we got there. Chuck was pretty tired but he was determined to see you, so Nate and I brought him here. Nate left after a while but I stayed with Chuck to wait for you. Eventually I went up to bed, because I figured the two of you would want to be alone once you came home. I thought you'd go to The Empire. But I woke up when I heard you shouting for me and something breaking. I thought someone had broken in or something, but when I ran to the stairs I saw that it was just Chuck. Only you didn't see that. You were still drugged, and you had pushed him into the vase because he was trying to walk towards you. I guess you'd had enough for the day. You kept saying it was all some cruel trick, just like the flowers you found."
"Oh no," I breathe. "Chuck…is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. I had to send him home and then I tried to calm you down. He was upset but mostly just worried about you. Then I called Nate and we put you to bed, and then you woke up and that brings us to the present."
"I have to go see him," I say immediately, standing and running to the elevator.
"Blair, don't you want to change and grab your coat? You'll freeze!" Serena calls after me, but I ignore her and take the elevator quickly down.
I don't have time to change. I have something else to do.
I make it to the Empire in record time and head right up.
I can remember bits and pieces of last night. I remember Mia, then I remember a little of the bar…
And I know that they guys didn't drug me. I know what really happened.
But I don't want to think about that, and no one ever has to know about it, as long as it never happens again.
I don't remember much else, except I do remember pushing someone and then a vase breaking. I guess that must have been Chuck.
I feel awful because I can only imagine how he's feeling now. He's probably worried and very hurt that when we finally were reunited I just yelled at him.
I step into the hotel room.
"Chuck!" I call, and an old nurse glances up at me from the couch as I rush past her.
"Blair?" I hear his voice and then there he is, right in front of me, and I throw my arms around him, almost knocking him down.
"I'm sorry," I say, crying into his shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry…"
"Blair, it's okay," he says. "It's not your fault."
I don't say anything because I know it is my fault, because I never should have taken those pills.
"I can't believe you're okay-you're alive-"
"I know," he says. "Me neither."
I laugh and then we're in his room.
I lean in to kiss him and everything just feels perfect…
Everything just feels right.
We fall onto the bed and he pulls away.
"Blair, wait. We should…we need to talk about this."
I sigh. I should have known this was coming.
"I know. But can't it wait?"
Chuck shakes his head. "We've been through so much…surely waiting a little longer won't matter? The only way we can be together right now is if we work out all of our issues…from ones that are years old to ones that are weeks old. I want to make sure we both know what we're getting into."
"Okay," I agree reluctantly. "You're right. We do have a lot to discuss."
He nods. "First, I want to apologize for what happened with Jack. I know it was a long time ago but what I did was wrong. I got too caught up in the game. I was wrong to think that you would stick by me through it. I shouldn't have forgotten what was really important. I never wanted to hurt you, or lose you. I just didn't want everything I'd worked for going down the drain. But that's no excuse."
"I know why you did it," I say. "And yes, I know it was wrong. But I also know that it was a mistake. It's not who you are. You may play games but so do I, and neither of us would normally make the stakes so high. I know that. And I've forgiven you for that. Can you, in turn, forgive me for tricking you at the freshman dinner? I shouldn't have used you like that. I should have asked you or not done it at all. I shouldn't have made you a piece in my game."
"I forgive you for that, of course. It's much better than what I did to you."
"Don't do that. This isn't about getting even, or making things up to me. We both made the other a piece in our game. We both lied to the other. We both tricked the other to get what we wanted. We both gave away the other's…services for free. What you did was not much worse than what I did. We both made mistakes. I was going to sleep with Jack without even knowing about the game. That was another mistake. It was only to help you, but it was wrong. I meant well, but it was the wrong decision. I'm sorry."
"You wouldn't have done it if I hadn't driven you to."
"Right, but I still shouldn't have given in. You shouldn't have been able to get me to go so easily."
"We both messed up. But that wasn't the end, as we both know. With Jenny…I'm so sorry. But you need to know that it wasn't about you. It wasn't about getting back at you, or hurting you, or making you jealous. It wasn't about making you upset. I had hit rock bottom. I was someone with nothing to lose…and Jenny was in the same position. It didn't mean anything. It was just two lonely people turning to the only person they had left."
"I know, and I shouldn't have blamed you so much for that. I know that you had every right to sleep with someone else when we were broken up and had been for a while, and it was even to be expected of you, especially when you were upset. I was just so upset that it had happened…so I blamed you. And Jenny. When in reality it was all just bad timing and bad luck. I forgive you and I'm sorry I blamed you. Maybe if I hadn't, you wouldn't have left, and then you wouldn't have gotten shot…"
"Don't blame yourself for that. That was also just bad luck and stupidity on my part. I shouldn't have been still carrying around that ring…and I shouldn't have fought against them. And I forgive you for blaming me, of course. I know why you were upset."
"Let's fast-forward a few years," I say. "I'm sorry it took so long to visit. I was hurt and I didn't see any point to go looking for someone who had hurt me so much if they weren't even going to make the effort of apologizing. I know now that you were going through a lot, and I wish I had been there for you. I wish you had called me when you got shot…I can't believe you told them not to call anyone, that you had no one there with you…"
"I accept your apology, and I'm sorry I didn't call you, I just didn't want to hear that you didn't care. What if I had called, and you didn't show up? Anyways, I didn't want you thinking of me differently because I'd been shot. I didn't want to worry you or make you forgive me. I didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position. And I didn't even know you still cared about me."
"I will always care about you," I say. "Even though I was mad, I would have wanted to know if you'd been hurt. I would have wanted to be there for you. And I'm sorry of the way I handled myself when I did visit you…I let you wear that mask at first. Then I yelled at you to try to get it off. It was another game, in a way. I shouldn't have snuck into your room when you weren't there and read your letters. I'm sorry. But I'm glad I did, because otherwise I may not have found out until it was too late. Even then it was almost too late."
"Don't apologize, I'm glad you did too. It was unfair of me to keep that from you. I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you. And I'm sorry for not telling you that there was a way to save me. But I didn't want you to know about it because I was worried it would hurt you even more. I didn't want to drag out my death. I just wanted you to have the chance to forget about me. I didn't want you to have hope that I would survive only to have me die. I didn't want you getting too attached, which is why I pushed you away and wore that mask before, and I'm sorry. About the mask…you should know that I am different. It's not all a mask. I don't know if I can be the same man you were in love with, but I can try. At the same time, I'm still me. I won't hide things form you anymore. I won't hide my emotions, and the mask will be gone. I just don't want you to be disappointed when I'm not the same."
"I know you're different, and I am too. I love you no matter what. I just need you to be you, and not wear a mask. As long as you don't, I'll love you. Even if you do I might. I just don't think our relationship would work very well if you did."
"I know. I think that we should try it out. We should just…jump in."
"Me too," I smile.
"But we have to move slowly. And we can't keep things from each other anymore. And we can't play games anymore, at least not ones where we put the other person's feelings at stake."
I nod. "Wait, there's one more thing I want to apologize for…I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't in my right mind."
"I want to talk about that too. First of all, I want to promise that I will never hurt you like I used to. And I didn't mean to hurt you by letting myself die, or anything."
"Wait…what did I say to you, exactly?"
"Well…one thing you said was that all you'd ever done was love me and all I'd ever done was hurt you…you said that even then I was hurting you by dying and then coming back to taunt you of what could have been."
"I said that? Chuck, I didn't mean that at all. I was just upset. I know that I've hurt you too, and I know that you haven't just hurt me. You've loved me too."
"I just want you to know that I'm done with hurting you. I never meant to, but it doesn't matter. It's over now."
"I won't hurt you either. If we break up, it will be because we no longer love the other, not because one of us hurt the other."
"Right. And Blair, of course I forgive you for last night, but what happened? Who drugged you?"
I bite my lip. "I…I…it was…" I look up at him guiltily.
"It was who?" Chuck questions. "Wait…don't tell me you did what I think you did…"
"It's not like you haven't taken drugs before!" I say defensively. "And it's not like I'll ever do them again! I was just upset…"
"I haven't taken anything besides medication prescribed to me since Prague, and before that it was just high school and after we broke up. I was stupid then. And you better be telling the truth about never doing it again...I can't believe you did this because of me...I'm so sorry…"
"It's not your fault!" I say quickly. "I shouldn't have done it."
Chuck still looks worried.
"Don't worry," I say, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It will never happen again. Just please don't tell Nate or Serena…they'll get upset…"
"Fine, but only if it never, ever happens again."
I nod quickly.
"So…are you ready?" I say, grinning.
"To jump?" he asks.
I nod.
"I've never been more ready for anything in my life," he says, grinning back.
I laugh and pull him in and we fall back onto the bed.
AN: Sorry, I meant to post sooner! Also something about this chapter seems off to me. And I know it was a lot of talking and "I'm sorry for this, I forgive you" over and over again but they had a ton of stuff to discuss before it felt right to put them back in a relationship. Hope you liked it anyways! I think the next chapter will be the last.
Thanks for…
Reviewing: QueenBee10, ilovecujo1993, xoxogg4lifexoxo, mcrs, RomanticSoul693, HughLaurieLover (for chapter 11), HughLaurieLover (for chapter 12), bwlm2011, Hoey, , aleshaa, svenjen (for chapter 11), svenjen (for chapter 12), JissyLuv13, and serapy
Story Alert: grace-grace13, , and Jane42
Favorite Story: JissyLuv13 and A73104MG
Author Alert: Rach181203
Thanks for so many reviews last chapter! Sorry if this chapter was boring! Oh and this story hit 100 reviews I think 2 chapters ago so that's awesome thank you guys so much! Please review!