Disclaimer: In too much of a rush to write anything other then, belongs to J.K . Rowling.

A/N: You think you've seen angst? You think you've seen heartbreak? You've seen nothing yet. (That is for this story.)

Chapter 35

April 1979

The air whipped Remus' sandy-brown hair into his face, and Sirius laughed as he reached across our half circle to smooth it back behind his ear. Remus' brown eyes were glowing in happiness that I haven't been allowed to see in much too long, probably not since that day everything crashed around our feet. Sirius was slow about bringing his hand back, dragging his fingers across Remus' jaw, and with a chuckle Remus turned his head swiftly to kiss the digits as they trailed his skin. Sirius groaned as he let his fingertips linger on the pink skin of our lover's mouth, before the preacher's cough made him drop his hand.

"I love you," Remus mouthed before reaching across our circle for the dropped hand, receiving both of Sirius' as he did so.

"I love you too," Sirius mouthed back as he squeezed Remus' hands, I looked down at my own empty palms and wondered why they had not taken mine. My heart clenched when I realized that I wasn't standing in a half circle between them, but behind Sirius. My heart broke when I looked at my hands and realized that I already had a gold band on my hand, but the bulge in my pocket told me that I had another ring there. I turned and saw that Lily was standing behind Remus, her eyes soft with a sadness as they locked with mine.

"Friends," The preacher started as he addressed the crowd. "Sirius and Remus have invited us here today to share in the celebration of their commitment to one another. Sirius and Remus were best friends since they were young, and through happiness and sadness, laughter and tears, pain and joy, that friendship has grown into the strongest bond of all, the bond of love. The bond of love is what we all search for throughout our lives, and so very few of us are every allowed to find it as true as Sirius and Remus have. There have been times through their friendship that this bond could have been broken, thrown to the wayside for other things.

"Sirius and Remus have had to fight to keep this bond so that it could grow into the love that we see radiating off of them today. Sirius and Remus, you must always remember that it is not always easy to love, for the simplest of arguments can turn into anger, and anger is a vicious force. It thrives on tearing happiness from those it is trying to control. Anger spreads by pointing out the flaws of those that we cherish, and it is a hard force to fight. You have encountered this force before, and you have come out the other side of the fight victorious. Those victories have lead you to stand here together, ready to pledge your lives to each other. Sirius and Remus, always remember the good times that you have shared, for it is these moments that anger cannot rid you of. It is these moments that have won you the battles against that force before, and will do so again."

I tried not to visible cringe every time the preacher addressed only Remus and Sirius. It was an easier task as the preacher's speech went on, and eventually I was agreeing with the rest of those gathered to celebrate Sirius and Remus. I saw the happiness on their faces, and I knew that it was because of choices I had made, hard as they may be, I had given this to them. I had moved away, stepped down, and when I did that, they were able to live a normal life. So when the preacher said, "At this time Sirius and Remus will exchange the vows they have written for each other,"I smiled as I eagerly waited to hear what they wanted to say to each other.

"Remus John Lupin," Sirius started, "I tried to think of what I wanted to tell you on this day, but as you know I'm not really good at it. Something eventually did come to me, though they are not my words, they are true. I love you, you are my best friend. You stood beside me when I watched my dreams fall apart. You put me back together, and because of you I dare to dream again. I have seen you at your weakest and at your strongest. I have been the shoulder you cried on. I will continue to be that shoulder. I will continue to be the rock that has given you shelter. Many people spend years searching for the one that will bring them their joy. Some find it late in life, others in their teens, I am one of the few that gets to say, I found my love when I was still a child. Some say I cannot feel the way I do about you, and that is why for several years we broke the law every time we showed each other how we feel for the other. Thankfully this is no longer the case, sadly not because the law has been done away with, but because we are now old enough to say what we want. We were Marauders, and we did not care about this law. We only cared about how we felt for each other, and even four years since the day you told me how you felt, the words we spoke a month later ring true. I, Sirius Orion Black, am madly in love with you, Remus John Lupin."

I don't know who sobbed louder. It could have been Remus, with the happiness overwhelming him as he listened to Sirius' words. It could have been me, because though Remus knew where those words Sirius had spoken to him came from, so did I. They were not from a poem or a speech that he had read, and they were not something his skills in writing came up with. He underestimated his romantic writing skills when he said he couldn't put to paper how he felt, and I had to wonder if he just wished to use the words I had once spoken to him and to the lover we had once shared.

"Sirius Orion Black," Remus said as he got control of the happiness that bubbled inside of him. "You are much more than my best friend, and my lover. You are my mate, which a powerful thing. Too many times husbands, wives, and lovers, have the ability to allow anger and resentment to cloud their judgment, and walk away. Too many times lovers find they cannot fight for the things they love, and so they give up, and find an easier life to live. My love, this will not be easy, you know me well enough to know I can be stubborn, I can be quiet, I can be sick, I can snippy. I know you well enough to know you can be stubborn, you can be loud, you can be rambunctious, and you can fly off the handle. I also know that you can be surprising, you can be joyful, you can be playful, and you can love me better than anyone else ever has. You know that I can be smart, I can be helpful, I can be funny, and I can only love you as best as I can, and yet for some reason you always seem to think that is enough. My love, my mate, I will never leave you, I love you more than life itself."

I tried not to let my tears run as I listened to Remus' vows. I tried not to shut my eyes to fight them back so that their audience could see my struggle. I saw Sirius' twitch though when he heard my sharp exhale, and knew that when I had put that band on Lily's finger, I had hurt them as much as I was hurting right now. This wasn't supposed to be this way. Sirius had spoken of that night when Remus had told us how he felt, he had spoken of that morning when we said we loved each other for the first time. Remus had called me out in his vows, shamed me for walking away from them, as though it was my choice. As though they hadn't kicked me out of their lives long before I was forced to walk away so they could have a life.

"It was a beautiful ceremony," Lily said as she hugged Sirius and Remus. I had to fight the churning of my stomach as the many people watching the couple as my wife hugged them, and I knew I had to give them a handshake of congratulations. When Sirius' hand slipped into mine, I still had the same intense reaction to pull his to me and snog him until he was senseless, and then move on to his husband. I may have walked away, but that band between the three of us was still there, they were still mine.

"You're still mine," I growled quietly when I found a chance at the reception to talk to the two of them quietly. "I don't care what these ceremonies mean, you Sirius Orion Black, and you Remus John Lupin, you're mine.'"

"Yes," Sirius whispered, his voice was meant to come out as a growl but it was more husky then menacing. "We're still yours, and you are still ours. Those vows you made to us are broken though, you left."

"As though I had a damn choice in the matter?" I shot back, thankful that we had slipped onto the patio away from everyone else. "Do you know how many times I used to think about dragging you two off to some other country, not giving a fuck about the Tornadoes?"

"You left," Remus sighed, and the sadness in his voice broke my heart again. "You wanted to make us happy, and we told you to do it, and you left. You could have fought me again, you could have said "we're nineteen, and we're not getting married, and they can shove there laws up their asses." You didn't do that, you didn't fight again. You saw that the girl you said was going to be your wife when you were "just a child" was waiting for you at an alter, and you ran to it."

"Moony," I moved to argue my case again.

"Face it James, you'd left us as soon as the quidditch season started. You felt how the fans adored you, you saw how they all felt about your sweet little fiance, and you left. You found an easier life." Remus continued before I could get past my sigh. "You're still ours, and we're still yours, but your our past, as we are yours. We started a new life today James, one that you are only in as the best friend. Go back to your wife, go back to your child."

The word "child" struck me, I had a child with Lily. That made my decision, I could not leave Lily to raise our child by herself. I had thought about it during that ceremony, and that party to celebrate that ceremony. I had thought about packing my bag and going back, walking away from the easy so I could fight for the hard again. I could leave Lily, it might be an awful thing to do, but it was something I could do. I could not leave my child, that was an unforgivable thing, and something I would never do. So, with a sharp nod so that I didn't do any of the other things I was thinking about doing, I did as Remus told me to, I headed back to my wife.

"Wait James," Sirius called to me, and I spun back around. Closing my eyes as I did so, as to hold back my tears. "Remember that we will always love you, we wouldn't have this if it wasn't for you."

"You taught us how to love James, and for that we will always be grateful." Remus continued, and then he pulled me to them so that we could share one of our mind altering three-way snogs. "You are our first love James, that is something no one can take from us." He said as he and Sirius pulled away long before I was ready for them to.

"You will always be the only ones I was ever in love with my pups," I sighed, and with that I walked back into the room where the party was taking place. The speeches had long been over, and for that I was thankful, because I didn't think I could say something without spilling that the rumors that had been spread when we were in Hogwarts was true. Sirius and Remus Black-Lupin, and I, James Potter, had once been involved in a polygamous, homosexual relationship.

"Potter, if you don't wake up NOW, you'll be late for the match!" I heard a voice shout through my door at the inn the team was staying at that night. I groaned and muttered something along the lines of being down in a minute. My dream had me waking up with a headache, and if I wasn't mistaken, a soaked face from the tears I had allowed to slip in the night. I felt horrible for the jealousy that had risen in me after I thought back on it, but at the same time I wished I really could give them that happiness. Now I had to decide if walking away, maybe even before I got married wouldn't be better for them.

Sirius wouldn't let me though, he would drag me into our bed every time he saw me doing anything that looked remotely like leaving. Remus would probably suggest that I do whatever I think is best, but then I would have to figure out what that was. It was moments like these that I wished I could get that time-turner, bring us back to the moment where the shit hit the fan, and stop Lily from walking into that alcove. It wasn't fair, was starting to sound redundant in my head, as though I had thought it enough to never want to hear those words ever again. It didn't take the truth out of them, it wasn't fair that the world only let a guy and girl be together. I wanted to know why it had such issues with other types of lovers trying to give the world to each other.

"Potter, are you ready, we have a match!" The first voice I hadn't really recoginized, I knew it was one of my teammates, a fellow chaser if I was correct, but I couldn't truly register. This second voice I knew a lot better, Fletch and I had lunch together after every practice. Hell I was getting so comfortable with him that I had almost once told him about my secret relationship. I didn't actually think he would tell anyone, especially the ministry.

"Fletch," I said on our way to the field from the inn. "Can I tell you a secret?" I asked, cursing the fact that I sounded like a little boy talking to his big brother.

"Sure kid," Fletch said as he clapped his large hand on my shoulder. He always called me kid, and maybe it was because he treated me like a big brother might treat a younger sibling that I felt as comfortable with him as I did.

"I don't know if you know about the case that is following me around." I started, chancing a glance at the man's face. He was built, obviously strong, which was good since he was a beater.

"About the polygamous, same-sex relationship?" He asked, and I nodded. "Yeah, we all know about the case. Some caseworker, Bradshaw I think his name was, came to talk to us about you and the way you react when your friends Sirius Black and Remus Lupin come to practice. I told him the truth, you don't react since I have never met these guys." Fletch chuckled, and I smiled weakly. Once again having to fight an ache back, I hated the fact that they hadn't stayed after the game when we had a match at home. We had had another home match the last week as well, and still they had not stayed to congratulate my team.

"What would you say if I told you it was true?" I asked, looking at my feet as I mumbled my question. I felt the hand on my shoulder jerk me to a stop, and turning I saw Fletch looking at me like I had grown an extra head.

"What about the red-head?" He asked.

"My door," I shrugged, "That's what we call her."

"You're marrying her." Fletch said as though I had obviously forgotten. I wish I could forget that I was marrying someone that was not the loves of my life.

"I know," I sighed as I turned to start walking back to the pitch.

"But...why?" He said as he started to follow me, his longer legs had him back at my side in minutes.

"Why what?" I asked, looking at him through the corner of my eye.

"Why hid it?" Fletch continued. "You love them, I just saw your face light up in a way it should, but didn't, with the red-head. You're nineteen, legally old enough to do whatever you want, and unless you plan on marrying the both of them, you're not doing anything illegal."

"How do you think the rest of the world would take it if the press got a hold of this story?" I asked remembering the headlines that Remus had put into my head before I asked Lily to marry me. Fletch smiled sadly at me, and nodded understanding why I had to do what I was doing. It was nice someone understood, because after my dream, I was even less certain of why I wasn't fighting for them.

A/N: Poor James, his life sucks. What do you all think?