He didn't want to leave.

He still stood there on the clifftop, the sea breeze whipping through his hair, blue eyes focused on the horizon. This place sure was beautiful...and peaceful. Funny. He'd been here before, to join up with the Orb fleet, but never really had time to look at the country itself. Now that he had, he understood a little why that ship wanted to protect this place so much. He had watched them take off, the swan-like outline of the strange ship rising into the air from below the cliff he stood on. He had simply watched, his eyes focused on the bridge until the ship was out of sight. That had been at least fifteen minutes ago, but he still hadn't left. Why not?

Because something's keeping me here...

He had watched the bridge because he'd known she would be there. The captain.

"You're not Mwu," she had said softly, so quietly he could barely hear her. He could see the tears shining in those unusual eyes, could see the sadness she was trying so hard to hold back. The soldiers with her hadn't seemed to have noticed it, but he had, clear as day. The captain had been trying her hardest not to cry, and had turned away so he wouldn't see her weakness. She was right, he wasn't Mwu - but in that moment, he'd wanted to be. I wanted to be her Mwu so badly...I almost said something, but held it back..

Instead, he had leaned over her shoulder, trying to see her face, and breathing in the floral scent from her dark hair. He'd wanted to say something to her, but couldn't think of the words. But in the end, it hadn't mattered. The captain had run away, leaving him standing there alone on the windswept clifftop.

Sighing, Neo placed his hand on the cool metal of the jet aircraft. She had given him this - so he could go back to his own ship, to the Earth Forces. Just gestured to it and told him to take it. It was a Skygrasper, an older model than the ones he was used to seeing, but it appeared very well taken care of, the blue and white jet gleaming. He didn't know why she had done this, had given him this plane. Why should she be concerned for his welfare when he had been a prisoner? Had been rude to her, had made her cry?

She told me that if I stayed here, I'd be hurt again. Why does she care?

In any case, he had to leave. Whatever her reasons for doing it, she had given him a means to escape. To return to his own ship and command. But something...was keeping him here. A little voice in the very back of his mind, a voice he had kept suppressed along with the lighter side of his nature, was saying you can't leave..because this is where you belong.

How could I belong here? I've never been here before that time we joined up with the Orb fleet. This isn't my home. My home is...but he couldn't answer that. Because he didn't know where home was, or had been.

Neo looked up at the plane again. This was ridiculous. He had to go back. Back to his own ship, to his crew, to his duties. To...being a puppet. He sighed, resting his forehead against the cool metal of the plane. Did he really want to go back?

I know I should, but...Djibril's in hiding, I doubt I'd be able to find him even if I did leave. And...if I do go back, I'll be his loyal shadow again. Is that what I want? I don't have to. They saw my suit get shot down...they all think I'm dead. So I could go anywhere I want, anywhere in the world.

And where he wanted to be - was right here. Not so much in this country, although it was a beautiful place. But he wanted to be here when she got back. Even if he did decide to go somewhere else...at least he could say goodbye properly this time.

Goodbye...

Did he even want that? He closed his eyes as a memory washed over him, a memory of one young girl.

"Goodbye is a very sad word.." Neo looked up at Stellar's soft words. Her expression was much the same as usual, innocent and childlike. But there was worry in those magenta eyes. He smiled a little. "Is it? Why?"

"Because it means you're leaving someone.." replied the girl. "I don't like it. Leaving people is sad." She glanced up at him, suddenly afraid. "Neo won't say goodbye? Not ever?"

He placed a hand on Stellar's blonde hair, reassuring. "No. Not ever. I promise."

Neo smiled for a moment, then the smile faded. That was one promise he had been able to keep, only not in the way he'd imagined. Stellar had died. The three Extended children...taking care of and training them had been his task, and now that was over, he had no reason to return, did he? What was it he really wanted? Where did he want to be?

Closing his eyes again, he searched his mind, and his long-closed heart. What do I want? Clarity, and his answers were frustratingly absent for a few moments, confusion swirling within.

"You're not Mwu, right?" He heard her last words to him before she had run away, and behind the darkness of his closed eyelids, he could see her there, the first time he had ever seen her. She had been sitting there beside his bed in sickbay, dark hair curling over her shoulders, those curiously golden-orange eyes focused on him. Even then, half-conscious, he'd thought that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

And what did I do? I made her cry. Sure, it had been because everyone had thought he was someone he wasn't. But now, when he thought about it, the memory of the tears streaming down her cheeks gave him an intense sharp pain in his chest. He...hated seeing her sad. Why? For some reason, Neo knew that the captain's smile, a true smile, would be the most stunning sight he'd ever see. And if he left, he would never get the chance to see it...

I want to stay here. I want to be here when she gets back. To see that smile, to get to know her properly. To apologise for making her cry. For the first time since I can remember - I want to do something for me. This is what I want. Where I want to be.

Looking up at the Skygrasper again, Neo grinned. Right now, she was fighting. Against Minerva, more than likely. This was his chance, both to get some measure of revenge on that ship for all it had done, and to make amends to Archangel's captain for his behaviour. I can do something..I can help them. Help her.

Putting on the helmet, he climbed into the plane's cockpit. And as he did so, Neo was mildly aware of a strange feeling coming over him. As though someone else was here with him...living through him. Someone very like him, but at the same time, not him.

Don't let them get you till I get back!

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( Hmm. I just wanted to write about Neo-san's thoughts. I remember that scene in phase 42, when the Archangel left Orb, and Neo-san was standing there on the cliff, watching them go. And Murrue-san glanced to the side, where she knew he would be, bless her.

I just wondered what he must be thinking...And the last line..well, didn't Mwu use to say that? XD

Please read and review! )