A KLAINE/ PUCKOFSKY FANFIC
What I Did for Love
Author's note:
Hello, Readers! In this chapter I felt the need to explain why Blaine treats Kurt the way he does on the show. (especially in episode 9, jerk!)
I like to challenge myself to use as many AVPM quotes as possible. Can you find them?
*** I do not own Glee or Starkid, I am merely borrowing the awesomeness.
CHAPTER 3: IN WHICH BLAINE CONTINUES TO PINE, CONFLICTED AND CONFUSED, AND PUCK MEETS THE TRINITY
Warning: more window-pining, more homework (they're in high school after all), awkward Puck
*Dalton *
Blaine leaned back in the window seat, resuming his thoughts of Kurt. He did believe the new student needed a mentor, someone to show him the ropes and help him adapt, far more than he needed a boyfriend.
Did Blaine want to be Kurt's boyfriend? There was a part of Blaine that screamed "Oh GOD yes!"- a part that Blaine was trying very hard to suppress. Blaine had tried to keep his poker-face at the auditions, but despite gesturing at Kurt to nix the "Diva Hand", Blaine had felt something take hold of him as Kurt sang, sending chills down his spine, stilling his breath. Blaine tried to tell himself that these feelings were merely because he had never heard a voice like Kurt's, but deep down he knew it was something else. He'd easily pushed that thought away, overcome by a desire to close his eyes and know nothing but Kurt's pure voice. As much as he wanted to, he could not tear his eyes from the glorious countertenor; the honesty in Kurt's face added unprecedented meaning to the song, and by the time the song ended Blaine was so filled with emotion he felt like he was going to cry.
Blaine guiltily recalled the aftermath. In council, Blaine had championed Kurt's case to the point of the other boys giving him strange looks.
"...all these boys can sing, yes- and sing well, but Kurt has this voice! It's like nothing we've ever had at this school- we need to let him shine!" Blaine argued passionately.
But it was true, the others had waited longer than Kurt, and the lead singer was overruled. Blaine did not look forward to bearing the news; he'd seen Kurt's disappointment at the previous Warbler meeting when his ideas were shot down. It wasn't anything against Kurt; all the boys acted adult-ish and professional in official settings, even Wes and David; it was just something private school did to you.
Blaine pasted a charming smile on his face and steeled himself to face Kurt, vowing to not let his feelings get the better of him.
"Nick, Jeff, congrats- you're moving on."
He was doing a shoddy job of it. Blaine was well aware of the fact that, trying to hide his true feelings, he came across as standoffish and patronising.
"Any sage advice?"
God, he felt like such a jerk for the way he'd treated Kurt next, Blaine told himself that the less-than-warm response was better because it might curb Kurt's feelings for the older boy, so Blaine had tried to instil that private school indifference in Kurt.
"Don't try so hard," he'd said.
Because I hate to see you disappointed, because I want to see you find a place at Dalton, it would be so much easier if you weren't so set on standing out.
"I didn't realize caring was frowned upon."
It killed Blaine to see Kurt's stiff, humble composure- all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around the younger boy and hug him until the disappointment vanished from those gorgeous eyes. Instead he had stood back and given a bitchy speech about uniforms and being part of the team. The worst thing was Kurt lowering his eyes and agreeing with it.
Blaine kept his composure he as promised Kurt he'd fit in soon enough, then walked down the hall into an empty room. Blaine's face crumpled as he turned the corner and leaned his forehead against the wall, feeling terrible, and let his thoughts run wild.
Kurt wasn't meant to fit in; he was like the moon in a sky of stars- too special and different to even consider blending in- he was meant to shine. However Blaine knew that the new Warbler didn't just need Blaine's acceptance; but that of all of Dalton. It would be a hundred times easier if Kurt would deign to assimilate, but Blaine could see that wasn't part of Kurt's personality; bullies and homophobes were always pushing Kurt to be normal, to sacrifice who he was and sink under the radar. Kurt had always resisted, head held high in defiance. Dumpster tosses, locker shoves, insults, names, and slushies couldn't change him, and now here he was, in a place he had nothing to fear, and for the first time he was actually trying to blend in, to please everyone. The countertenor had fled to a place where he was accepted but not celebrated. Blaine knew it was the price Kurt was paying, and it wasn't fair.
These were the conflicting interests that Blaine struggled with, wanting to see Kurt shine, but wanting him to fit in; wanting Kurt to adapt to Dalton yet wanting him to never change the way he was, wanting to be a mentor to the boy and craving to be...something more. The whole mess was driving Blaine crazy.
After the solo incident, the lead singer worried he'd gone too far in discouraging Kurt, and had decided to be a little kinder. He was grateful for the opportunity to do so when the newbie had texted him, concerned for Pavarotti. Blaine had almost laughed as he realized the similarities between the new boy and the little bird. Blaine also noticed that the other boy didn't really look at him, but kept his eyes on the bird, and how Kurt had leaned away when he'd leaned in. Now Blaine was the one with questions- had he put the other boy off? Had he upset Kurt at auditions? Was the hand on Kurt's knee too much? Had he got what he wanted-for Kurt to be not so into him? Blaine found the idea didn't put him at ease like he'd thought it would, instead he felt... disappointed?
Blaine shook himself mentally and remembered the first and foremost reason he'd tried to push Kurt away in the first place. When it had become apparent that Kurt liked him, Blaine had tried to distance himself from the younger boy, it was partly, as he'd told his friends, because Kurt needed a mentor, not a boyfriend, but the main reason was that Blaine was afraid Kurt's feelings for him were simply not going to last.
Blaine knew the type- passionate, flighty, emotional and dramatic- easily distracted- they'd be infatuated with you one day, and the next they'd be off chasing someone else.
Blaine worried that because Kurt had been on an emotional rollercoaster the last few months, he was letting his feelings run away with him. Blaine didn't want Kurt throwing himself at him because he was lonely and Blaine was the first friendly, openly gay guy he'd met. That was Blaine's deep fear: that Kurt didn't really like Blaine for who he was, but rather for what he was, and what he represented. And that was why Blaine held back, protecting his heart, toeing the line between keeping Kurt as his friend but nothing more. It was a shaky balancing act, and Blaine didn't know if he could do it much longer.
Blaine strummed at his guitar again. Screw this, if there wasn't a song that described his situation, he'd make one up. He hummed a melody as he picked out a few of his favourite chords, then he closed his eyes and let his worries spill out into the music.
Is it love or am I just your latest crush?
Is it gonna last boy, or blaze by in a rush?
Sure you like what you see,
But do you really see me?
Or are you seeing all the things that you want me to be?
You gonna kiss me with one eye open, babe?
Will you be gone,
The moment someone better comes along?
Oh, baby, is it love?
*MICKINLEY*
Noah Puckerman sat in his truck, after school, debating with himself. He'd put off following Rachel's advice, hoping that things would change over the weekend, but Monday had returned with none of his former badass.
He'd been ticked off to see that Ben Israel kid pass him in the hallway with none other than Lauren Zises on his arm.
Are they going out? WTF?
Puck felt like he'd fallen into an alternate universe.
Why does everyone have a girlfriend except me? When Ben Israel has a girl and I don't something ain't right.
That sucked because a) it reminded Puck that he'd failed to keep his Glee recruit, and b) he could have sworn he'd heard Jacob say "I have a girlfriend and you don't" under his breath as they passed.
Puck pounded on his steering wheel. "OK, that's it!"
He revved his engine and pulled out of the school, in the opposite direction of home.
45 minutes later, Puck arrived in front of Dalton.
Holy shit this place looks like an asylum or a mansion or something.
The mohawked jock parked his truck beside a fountain and jumped out, looking around shiftily. No one in sight. He wasn't even sure if he was allowed to visit unannounced. It was probably against the rules. Then Puck remembered he was a badass. A badass who liked to break the rules. He straightened up, smirking to himself, Puck felt more confident now that he knew he was probably breaking some rules. He sauntered up to the big double doors and raised his fist to knock, then stopped.
I'm a badass, screw knocking- I'ma walk right in.
So Noah Puckerman opened the doors and did just that.
He regretted it the instant he stepped inside. Puck had never seen set foot in such a prestigious building in his life. He found his new confidence ebbing away as he took in the sweeping staircase, domed ceiling, and gilded walls. Heavy, gleaming doors led off the entrance hall in all directions.
How am I going to find Kurt in all this?
Just as Puck began to worry, a tall boy in a Dalton blazer appeared. The boy caught sight of Puck, and made a beeline towards him.
Is he gonna to kick me out? No. Look tough.
The boy stopped and stood importantly beside a set of sweeping velvet curtains. He looked at Puck's mohawk and grubby jeans suspiciously.
"Can I help you?"
Not being kicked out. Good.
"I'm looking for Kurt. Uhhh... Kurt Hummel"
"Oh." The tall boy raised his eyebrows "Hang on; I'll get him for you." He disappeared through one of the doors.
Kurt and the trinity were sitting in the common room, studying. Or trying to study. They were all rather distracted by David, who had come up with an interesting way of learning biology; comparing components of the bloodstream to Harry Potter creatures.
"... And so, the white blood cells are dragons, destroying the acromantula bacteria. The platelets are Nargles, cuz they clog things up. The red blood cells are... are owls. Cuz there's a hell of a lot of owls, and they carry stuff. The mail! Oxygen is the mail! I'm a freakin' genius!"
The other boys watched their friend bounce up and down with excitement.
"I've never seen him this keen on homework." observed Wes.
"Best. Study method. Ever." said David under his breath.
Wes was just about to ask David what the hippogriffs were when a fellow warbler stuck his head in the room.
"Kurt, there's a big grouchy-looking jock in a McKinley football jacket waiting outside," the tall warbler announced, "says he's looking for you."
Kurt paled. Blaine took one look at Kurt's face and stood up, eyes wide.
"Oh no."
"What?" Wes looked alarmed "What is it?"
"He wouldn't. He wouldn't come here." Blaine tried to remain calm. He could see the terror growing in Kurt's eyes.
Wes narrowed his eyes, watching his friends. "Wait," he said in a low voice, "Do you mean that Karofsky kid is here?" Wes stood up, cracking his knuckles, "I'll go talk to him."
"No!" Kurt leapt to his feet.
"Wes, no violence." Blaine moved slowly, "Let's go see what he wants; maybe he's come around."
Blaine looked at the blue-eyed countertenor. "Wait here, Kurt. We'll go see what he wants."
Wes took two vengeful strides toward the door, and then looked back over his shoulder to where David was still rambling, unperturbed, about the mail being searched by the Ministry of Magic.
Wes grabbed his best friend by the back of the collar- "Guhhkrkrkhkk!" squawked David as he was yanked towards the door.
"I'm coming with you!" Kurt scurried after them.
"What's going on?" asked David, rubbing his throat.
"Shhh!" whispered Wes
The four boys peered around the corner.
There stood Puck, slouching in the hallway, hands jammed in his pockets, scowling up at the Victorian paintings as though they had personally offended him.
Kurt burst out laughing in relief.
Puck jumped and spun to face the boys.
"Puck!" laughed Kurt in surprise, "What are you doing here?"
"Not Karofsky?" asked Wes, a little disappointedly.
Blaine sighed in relief.
"Oh, hi, Kurt" Puck wandered over to them, looking slightly happier "How're ya doin, man?"
"Great," Kurt smiled, puzzled. "now that I know you're not Karofsky."
"What?" Puck growled, "He's not still bothering you, is he? Cuz he's still top of my list to go all Death-Star on."
Wes beamed in approval.
Kurt smiled at his friends, "Guys, this is Puck. He's from my old Glee Club." Kurt gestured toward the others "Puck, meet the Trinity. This is Blaine, Wes, and David. They're Warblers."
"Hey."
"Hi."
"If you ever have to go 'Death-Star' on that Karofsky guy, I want in." Wes and Puck pounded fists.
Puck looked a little happier.
"Why are you here?" Asked Kurt.
"Well, uh..." Puck shuffled his feet, looking down. "Apparently I suck at clothes and stuff and... well, Rachel said you could help."
Kurt stared. "You. Are asking me. For fashion advice." He raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Who are you and what have you done with Puck?"
Puck opened his mouth-
"Why don't we go back to the common room; we won't get grilled by the teachers." Suggested Wes.
The boys trooped back in and sat down around their table. David happily pulled his papers towards him and began drawing dragons over his Phagocytosis diagrams.
After much prodding from Kurt, Puck explained to the Warblers his decline in badass-ness and rejection by Santana.
"Ahhh... girl troubles!" said Wes wisely, "Ask Blaine- the ladies are always after him."
The lead singer rolled his eyes.
"Girls are so much work;" Wes observed, "you go to all this trouble for them and then you realize they're not the person you think they are."
David hummed dreamily. "That's why I'm holding out for a 10, cuz I'm worth it."
"Santana's a 10, let me tell you that, and once I have the hottest cheerleader in school on my arm, Puck is back."
"I don't understand," pondered Kurt, "she liked you before."
"Yeah, back when I was feared," said Puck moodily "and I know that when she wants me back, the rest of it will fall into place, but right I'm just not good enough and every time I look at her I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault, that bitch!"
Blaine looked concerned. "Have you told her how you feel about her?" He asked.
"No no no!" Wes interjected."Rule number one, boys. You never tell a girl that you like her - it just makes you look like an idiot."
Blaine blinked at him.
"Girls have this weird power," Wes explained, gesturing wildly "like horses, they can sense your fear, or lust, or whatever. Then they scamper away and tease you. You've got to make her want you. Make her jealous!"
"That. Is the worst advice ever." said Blaine "Making girls jealous does not work."
"Yeah, I tried the jealousy thing, but Mercedes shot me down too."
Kurt gave the jock a threatening look.
"Relax bro!" Puck raised his hands "She told me no cuz our outfits didn't match or something. Santana said that too. Girls don't want to be seen with me if I'm not dressed right, so I was thinking you could help me."
"Hmmmm..." Kurt rested his chin on his fist thoughtfully, looking the jock up and down, a slow smile spreading across his face.
Kurt suddenly leapt forward, grabbed some blank paper and started planning outfits, scribbling furiously.
"You just have to work with your best qualities and amplify them, using items girls find attractive." Kurt explained, eyes gleaming.
"But tough and badass, too, right?" Puck added, worriedly.
"Yes, yes." Kurt agreed hastily. "I'm seeing dark, slim jeans, very tight white T-shirt,- oh don't give me that look it's not like I'll be there to see it- paired with an open suit jacket."
"Suit jacket?"
"Girls love a guy in uniform," smirked Blaine
"The jacket is the female-attention grabber," lectured Kurt "Leading their eyes to your steroid-enhanced torso, barely disguised by the Tee, the dark jeans keep it classy and focus the attention upward."
"And the badass part?"
"I suppose a pale graphic on the Tee- make sure the print doesn't detract from your pecs... or a macabre-themed belt buckle!"
"Yeah, said Puck, getting into it, "Like a skull, or brass knuckles."
"Or a grenade!" supplied Wes.
"I like the brass knuckles," the fashionista decided. "the elongated shape goes better with the jacket."
Blaine leaned back in his chair and watched Kurt plan the jock's new wardrobe. He grinned bemusedly at the enthusiasm with which Kurt attacked his project. The fashionista had once compared makeovers to crack, but Blaine hadn't really understood what he'd meant until now; the younger boy was completely in his element. Blaine had never seen Kurt so animated.
Kurt continued on, finding just the right balance between leather and loose ties, dress shirts and skull motifs, drawing it out on paper so Puck could remember it all. Finally, the boys looked around and realized it was later than they'd thought.
"Guess I'd better go" Puck said, rising from his chair.
They walked to the front doors
"Thanks for the help, man." Puck clapped Kurt on the shoulder. "I appreciate it."
"It was my pleasure." Kurt smiled as Puck nodded at the other boys and stepped outside.
"When in doubt, wear the football jacket;" Kurt called after him "it shows you're part of the big, scary football team."
"Bye Puck!"
"Good luck!"
"See ya, bro!"
The four Warblers watched Noah Puckerman jog down the steps, into the night, waving his fistful of paper in farewell.
Author's note:
Writing Blaine's angst, I couldn't help thinking of the Harry Potter quote in OotP when Ron says "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."
I couldn't find a song that expresses Blaine's feelings, so he had to make one up. Do you know any songs that describe Blaine's struggles?
I am a huge science nerd and enjoyed writing David's biology bit a lot more than I should have. XD