Trent: No way. No way in hell am I jumping off this cliff.
LeShawna: Come on sugar, just jump! It's not hard! (Pats him on back and he falls off) Oops.
Chris: Guess I should've mentioned the sharks first, right?
Justin: Whoa whoa whoa. Sharks?
Chris: Yeah, but it's totally safe. Only two interns died.
Gwen: DIED?
Chris: Yeah. And only three others were seriously maimed.
Beth: I don't think I can do this!
Chris: Well, there's one chicken. Looks like the Gophers are at 1-1. Next?
Katie: OMG Chris, I need to be on the same team as Sadie!
Sadie: Yeah, OMG!
Izzy: I'll switch with them.
Chris: Fine. Katie, welcome to the Killer Bass. Izzy, welcome to the Screaming Gophers.
Katie and Sadie: EEEEK!
Duncan: See what just happened?
Michael: (peering over cliff) That's a long way down.
Izzy: Yeah, I know!
Michael: Oh, hi. I'm Michael – (interrupted as Izzy pulls him over the edge)
Izzy: YEAH!
Michael: AHHHHHH!
Chris: All right, that's two more. Next?
(Gwen, Cody, LeShawna, Noah, Lindsay, and Heather jump)
Justin: My turn! (Lands with sharks)
Duncan: Holy crap! That guy is so going to die!
Chris: I know! Great for ratings, right?
Justin: Not to worry! (Sharks carry him to beach)
Izzy: (to Noah) That guy has powers.
Noah: (glaring at Justin) He's the anti-me.
ConfessionalNoah: That Justin guy? He is the anti-me. He's just another pretty boy. Does he actually have a brain?
EndChris: Owen! Last jumper, or chicken, for the Gophers!
Owen: I am going to die now. I am totally going to die now. (Jumps)
Chris: All right, Bass. The Gophers have finished at 11-1. You guys should – Wait, where's Duncan?
Ezekiel: Over the edge, man.
Chris: All right, he didn't even say goodbye. That hurt my feelings.
Geoff: Well, bye dude!
Bridgette: Peace!
Eva: Sayonara!
Harold: Did you know that cockroaches could live for days – (Chris pushes him over edge)
Ezekiel: AH!
DJ: I am not jumping! Nuh uh! Momma says that nobody can pressure me into doing what I don't want to do!
Chris: Looks like it's the loser escalator for you, big guy.
ConfessionalDJ: Hey, I'm not insane! What sane person would jump over that?
Michael: Well, now they've only three jumpers left. One more needs to quit and we win!
Lindsay: (uses bathroom)
Ezekiel: I'm going to win this, dude! (Heather screams to hurry up)
Heather: Ugh! Surrounded by imbeciles!
EndTyler: (to Kiana) Hey, babe, watch this!
Kiana: All right, okay.
Tyler: (jumps, but cliff hits him all the way down; he lands awkwardly on water and sharks attack him)
Kiana: I hope he's okay!
Tyler: (faintly heard screaming from below) I'm okay!
Kiana: I'm up! Luck Courtney! (Kiana jumps)
Chris: All right Courtney. If you jump, your team ties for the win. If you don't, your team loses.
Michael: Come on, sugar! Don't jump!
Izzy: She's your sugar?
Michael: NO! (Awkwardly steps away)
Duncan: Come on girly! I'm not losing cause of you!
Courtney: I'll have you know, I was a CIT and class president and –
Noah: I stopped caring after 'I'll'.
Michael: Oh, nice one! (The two fist-bump)
Courtney: You know what? I'm going to jump!
Killer Bass: YEAH!
Courtney: (looks over edge) No I'm not! I'm out!
Killer Bass: BOO!
Michael: Yeah, D. You can have dibs on her.
Heather: Yeah. CIT? More like a B-I-T-C-
Chris: No rude spelling, Heather! And the Screaming Gophers win the first challenge! Now go to the mess hall, and Killer Bass? Someone will be voted off tonight!
ConfessionalCourtney: I don't feel a little guilty. I will not be pressured! And it's not because that cute guy called me sugar. Nope.
EndMess Hall
Noah: Um, what is this slop?
Chef Hatchet: This SLOP is you MEAL! I served PRISONERS this SLOP, and they smiled and said THANK YOU! I DO NOT need to be serving BRATTY LITTLE TEENAGERS at some rundown SUMMER CAMP! I could let you all STARVE! Anything ELSE to say?
Noah: (smiles) Thank you Chef Hatchet! (To Gwen) This guy is insane.
Michael: (sitting next to Izzy) Hey, you're Izzy, right?
Izzy: Yeah, Izzy is Izzy.
Michael: You know, dating is going to be pretty hard on a small island with only twenty-two people.
Izzy: Yeah. Izzy sees how this would be hard.
Michael: I guess I'm just wondering, would Izzy like to go out with Michael sometime?
Izzy: Yeah, Izzy would love to! (Kisses him) Izzy will see her man later!
Michael: (Flustered, to Noah) Wow. She's something.
Noah: You're going out with the crazy girl? Congrats.
Michael: Thanks. You know, Izzy and me will probably be voting together. Why don't you vote with us, like an alliance?
Noah: What, like a get-to-the-final-three kind of thing? Sure, why not?
ConfessionalNoah: So the couple can vote me off in the final three? Pfft. But who knows?
EndMichael: Sweet. I'm Michael.
Noah: Noah.
Michael: This looks like the start of a beautiful friendship.
Noah: So it does.
(Over at Killer Bass table) Courtney: All right, whom are we going to vote off?
Duncan: Easy, sugar. Either you or the big guy. And if a challenge down the road involves lifting a truck, I'd much rather my chances with the big guy.
Courtney: But, what about him (points to Tyler)? He sucks at sports!
Geoff: At least he jumped!
Ezekiel: Yeah, let us big strong men handle the challenges.
Eva: What did you say?
Ezekiel: I'm just saying, my dad told me to help all the weak girls in the game because as men we're stronger and better at sports and stuff, eh.
Eva: (Grabs Ezekiel's neck) Still think we're so weak?
Geoff: Whoa, let's put the poor dude down. He was home schooled, he probably doesn't know any better. And it's not like he thinks guys are smarter, right?
Ezekiel: But…. They are, right?
ConfessionalGeoff: (Slaps forehead) You try to help some people. But you have to know the lost causes.
EndLater That Night, Campfire PitChris: I have eleven marshmallows here. One for each of you, except one. That one will walk down the Dock of Shame to the Boat of Losers and ride off of Total Drama Island, never to come back. Ever.
Geoff: Harsh.
Chris: Marshmallows for Geoff. DJ. Duncan. Kiana. Katie, and Sadie. Bridgette. Harold. Eva.
(Tyler, Ezekiel, and Courtney wait nervously)
Chris: Tyler.
Kiana: YES! (Backs away shyly)
Chris: And now only one marshmallow is left. Courtney, or Ezekiel. It goes to….….….….
Courtney.
Courtney: YES!
Ezekiel: Aw man, eh.
Chris: Dude, can't say I didn't see it coming. You picked your nose. Not cool.
Courtney: Later, home school.
Chris: (closing off episode) So Ezekiel becomes the first person voted off of Total Drama Island. Who will leave next? Tune in to find out!