A/N: I just felt like writing. I like this chapter. It's depressing. But hey, that's how I've been feeling over the past month, so here's a way of getting it out.

Disclaimer: I made a painting. But Noel Fielding owns it now. I don't even own things that are mine! Freaking ridiculous!

Enjoy!

It was one of those mornings that consisted of people running in and out of the cafe, going to work, going to school, going to "work", going to "school". I hated these mornings. It was so busy, yet at the same time nothing was happening. Howard and I weren't talking, because there were too many people coming and going. Naboo was no help either. He was still in a soma holiday type world, sitting in the chair by the window. Vector had run in, gotten her mocha, and had run out, shouting something about audition rehearsals. I hadn't listened. I was watching Howard make small talk with the customers. I had watched Howard get Naboo back up to his flat so he wouldn't scare anyone.

I decided that maybe I should just tell Howard how I felt. That would have made it a lot easier. If he never wanted to see me again, fine I would leave. I was just about ready to up and leave anyway. I couldn't though. I couldn't leave, because we were much too happy. It's strange to say that you're happy, when actually you're heart is broken. Nevertheless, we were living a happy life and I couldn't just leave that. I couldn't just ruin it by telling Howard my heart was broken and he was the one that had broken it. That, I'm sure, would break his heart as well. I knew he cared about me. I knew that if I left, he'd be sad. I knew that we couldn't live without each other. But I was holding on by a thread. I was holding on so that Howard wouldn't be left without a best friend. Though I'd been left without a lover for three years. Awh the unfairness of it all was hilarious.

"You, know, Mrs. Gideon! Monsoon Moon!" Howard exclaimed. "Comin' atcha like a beam, like a ray, like a shark in the dead of night. I'm like a-"

"Howard," I interrupted, feeling the need to save him for the millionth time from falling into deep and utter humiliation. "I think Mrs. Gideon needs to get to work. And so do you! Have you seen the bloody line up?"

Howard looked towards me and then to Mrs. Gideon (who was already sprinting out the door) and then to the line that had formed in front of the bar.

"Sorry," he said.

It was strange how he never commented on my getting him away from Gideon. He used to all the time, but now I think he'd gotten used to the fact that he wouldn't get anywhere with her, as much as he tried.

I loved him.

"It's alright, but look Howard, you can't be talking to girls when we've got a bloody line up!"

"You talk to girls when we've got a bloody line up!"

"I talk to girls in the bloody line up," I laughed. "Come on, one frapuccino, one mocha, two lattes, three iced chais! Hop to it!"

"Hop to it?" Howard scowled. "I will hop to it, sir."

"Good, cos that's what I've told you to do, isn't!"

"I'm sensing a bit of role reversal here," Howard pointed out, grabbing a mug from the shelf. "Aren't I supposed to tell you what to do and you think it's all 'genius' and then ignore me."

"Well, that's what kind of day it is, Howard," I sighed. "I'm you and you're me and we're all just bloody insane."

"Hey, Vince," he said, touching my shoulder as I pounded numbers into the cash register. "What's wrong? You're definitely not you today. You're more me."

"Like I said: I'm you and you're me and we're all just bloody insane."

"I'll just leave it then," Howard said. He turned away from me and continued making drinks as I shouted out orders to him. Both kinds of orders. They were orders to make the orders. There were too many orders. Both kinds of orders. There were too many orders to make the orders.

It was a tiring day.

I thought of leaving that day.

But Howard and I needed each other. There hadn't been a day in 18 years that we hadn't at least talked on the phone. We always had some sort of contact and that's what kept us together. The fact that we always would be together was a stronger thought than being an actual couple.

Wouldn't that have been wonderful though? If we were an actual couple.

If we were an actual couple we would have been closer than we ever had been.

I'd be him and he'd be me and we'd all just be bloody insane.

Thoughts, concerns, compliments? Then review! Please!

Because I love you

~Winter xx