A/N: I personally don't think this chapter makes any sense whatsoever. I thought, oooh that's booshy, I'll add it.

Like a FUCKING MOSS!

Well...imma make some small talk. Justin Bieber on SNL last night was quite hilarious. Basically cos Dana Carvey IS A BAMF SO HARD! I love him to deathwads okay. To DEATHWADS. I don't think I'm supposed to make small talk here.

Must stop this. This chapter is short. Angsty...and ummm...some more stuff in here too.

I've been angsty all day. It's the Apple store's fault.

Anywho.

Disclaimer: Nooooooooope. nope. hehehe. Nope.

Have you ever gotten to that point where you feel like nothing is of interest anymore. It isn't because you've found the perfect thing, it's because everything just...sucks.

You feel depressed. Bored. Even scared.

Sometimes you just get so fucking angry for no reason. You never have a reason. You become this being full of pent up rage that doesn't need to be there. You're just angry. You've gone mad. Completely mad.

This happens. And when it happens you feel like you've gone over the edge.

You can't fucking cry, because it won't come out.

You can scream at whoever you want and tell them it's there fault when it isn't really. It has nothing to do with them. But who else have you got to scream at? It's no one's fault but your own. But you're not the kind who wants to die.

YOU NEVER WANT TO FUCKING DIE! I don't want to die.

Goddamit, I had everything in those sweet moments between Howard and I. Those days of perfection.

But I couldn't enjoy one thing because, well...what exactly was Howard's angle? SOMEONE NEEDED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!

Really, Howard, that arse, could've been a bit more clear.

I ignored everything. I told myself that this was PERFECT. It was perfect. It was beautiful. It had been what I'd waited for for so fucking long.

Of course. I'd always been an idiot.

I also hate how cliche my life had become. So very cliche. I was in love. He wasn't in love with me. And then he was, apparently. And now I feel stupid.

Hahahaha. Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.

What was my life. So, I went a week of trying to prove to myself that I shouldn't feel bad. I should feel well fucking ecstatic. And then I caved and asked the question that I felt needed to be asked.

"What about Mrs. Gideon?"

"What about Mrs. Gideon?" Howard asked in return, not sounding all that confused at all. Well, didn't that make all the sense in the world?

"You love her, Howard. Why are you fucking me?"

"I love you."

"No, Howard. You love Mrs. Gideon. I don't understand."

"Vince, I don't know what love is. I was infatuated with Gideon. Love...I don't..."

"Then you don't love me?"

"I don't love anyone."

"You said you loved me."

"I do love you!"

"You just said you don't love anyone."

"I've always loved you, Vince. Not in...that way."

"You're trying..."

"Yeah, I'm trying."

I was feeling confused. As has been mentioned before a million fucking times.

"I told you Howard! You can't just go gay! Having sex with me for a week can't change that!" This was me getting wonderfully angry, because I had every right to. Was he messing with my mind? It felt like it.

"But what if it can?"

"It can't."

"What if it has?"

"Has it?" I asked. Damn straight I was hopeful. I don't know why I couldn't just convince myself that he had fallen for me at this point. His voice calling out my name wasn't enough. Nope.

"...yes." Howard breathed. He'd looked straight into my eyes. STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES. I felt...too much love.

I was watching him carefully. He seemed at war with himself. Not exactly sure how, but he wasn't looking too good.

"Howard, are you alright?" I asked, shifting across the bed and putting an arm around him.

"I just...it's different how I feel...with you...than with Mrs. Gideon," he sighed. "It's stronger..."

"Me too." I said. "Well, I was never in love with Mrs. Gideon. Kind of hated her actually...you know what? Never mind."

"Vince, what should we do?"

"I just want to know that you actually feel sexually attracted to me, cos if you don't, we're not going anywhere."

Howard looked up at me, his small eyes staring deeply into mine. They slowly came closer and closer towards mine until they were only a few centimetres away. Lingering there like tiny brown specks. Not an attractive thought, but to me it was heaven.

I smirked and bit my lip.

"Howard, why're you being a creep?" I whispered.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are, you arse." I said. "You've just stopped there looking at me like you want to rape my guts out."

"I'd rather fuck your brains out." He said completely seriously.

"Woah, Howard! Forward!"

"Vince, I can't ask for much more than another great shag," he said. "Or possibly just a kiss. Or maybe you could even hold my hand! I couldn't complain."

"I couldn't either," I breathed.

I think, maybe, I had let myself believe Howard was finding a way to love me. He had said he wanted to fuck my brains out, which consequently means that he's sexually attracted to me.

3 points for Vince Noir, Rock n' Roll Star.

Has anyone got me a fucking panda yet? I really want one.

I love pandas.

xx