Author's note - Big thank you's to Vector 71 and Bebus, they helped me a lot to shape this chapter.
I'm grateful for all the Favs and Follows, thanks!
As Liara stepped outside, a feeling of warm contentment swelled up inside of her. The entire day stretched ahead, void of any appointments or responsibilities. She looked at the beautiful sky and relaxed her shoulders. Within that second she decided to forgo the sightseeing and use this day to the fullest - to reflect on her life, think about the future, and make some decisions.
Change is coming to my life, and I want to be ready. I can look at buildings anytime, even on the extranet. This wonderful day is all mine!
Her entire self was smiling right now - exhilaration defined her. Full of purpose she strode towards the zoo. Sol blazed overhead, trying to put London on fire.
What lovely heat! This day truly is a gift to me.
Within 5 minutes, she found herself at the zoo's gate, where she paid a small fee to enter. While handing Liara a map, an attendant welcomed her. The girl was already sweating from the morning's heat, but looked content to be there.
"Glad to have you here, miss. This zoo has been open for 3 weeks now, and we have a limited amount of animals. Is there anything in particular you are looking for?"
"Not really, thank you." The asari did notice the girl's dialect; "what a lovely accent, you are not from Britain?"
"I am australian, came over here to help out with the zoo." Excitement bubbled in her voice, she was obviously pleased to be in London.
Liara was intrigued. "My partner told me many Australians have come to London. Could you please tell me why?"
Flattered by the asari's attention, her face lit up and she looked Liara straight in the eyes. "I'd love to tell you. My country was hardly touched by the Reapers. Guess being down under, they didn't consider us all that important. After the war, the British government asked us to help with the rebuilding of this nation - and I was happy to do that! My name's Jennifer, it's nice to meet you - eh... I have never talked to an asari before...eh, miss."
Apparently she is nervous, never talked to an asari before!
"My name is Liara. It's nice to meet you Jennifer. You came a long way to help this zoo." She emphasized the last point, and the girl picked up on it.
"When people here visit the zoo, I hope they forget about the war and rebuilding for a few hours. If I can help with that, then it's well worth it, at some point things have to get back to normal."
Liara looked at Jennifer in a new light, like she was trying to find out who spoke to her.
This girl is wise beyond her years! The war was... horrendous and will never be forgotten, but life does go on.
"You have been of great help to me Jennifer, and you have my gratitude." Liara replied. The asari pondered an idea and then decided to verbalize it. "Can I give you a small gift?" She opened her purse and produced a small metallic item.
"This is a token from the temple of the goddess Athame on Thessia. Athame brought enlightenment to our people and educated them in various disciplines."
Jennifer looked a bit shocked. "But.. but.. I cannot accept such a precious thing!"
Liara laughed, unconcerned. "Please take this one, I have many. The priestesses give them to all visitors, the tokens are very common among my people. But you are probably one of the first humans to own it."
The expression in Jennifer's eyes was priceless, and Liara secretly enjoyed the emotional responses coming from the girl, shock and gratitude fought for dominance within her. "Eh... wow! Thank you Liara!"
She walked for a while, enjoying the heat, reading some information on zebras and antelopes then seated herself on a bench in the scorching sun. Folding her hands, she used the relaxing technique she learned from the priestesses. As she breathed, her mind became completely empty, and she was void of any thought for close to 3 minutes.
...lovely warmth...
...as life goes on...
...Karli!
As the image of her love appeared in Liara's mind, thoughts came like a speeding train.
Goddess, have we been through a lot together... She saved my life in more ways than one.
Thinking of Therum put a huge smile on the asari's face. But when her thoughts travelled to Noveria it was replaced by a painful frown.
If she had not been there when my mother died... I tried not to show much, tried to be tough, but losing Mom like that... and Karli was right there...
Thinking about Benezia was still unsettling. Liara brushed against the fabric of her dress, to help center her emotions. A complex feeling of unease and gratitude ran through her.
My mother's death was unavoidable, it was not my fault, definately not Karli's fault. She was indoctrinated, beyond redemption. Saren and the Reapers are the ones to blame. Do not blame yourself, T'Soni!
The one who had tried hard to reason with Benezia, had been Shepard.
Liara knew fully, that Karli had always tried to help her.
Of course I should have joined her on Illium! And in the end she guided me to the broker's base, and accepted my decision to stay there, even though she was determined to have me join her on the Normandy...
The asari blushed. It had been very obvious that Karli wanted her on the Normandy, and not just for the sake of the mission. The thought of being wanted, needed, was empowering. It lifted her.
Karli has always been very clear how she feels about me... me! And even if she hadn't told me, joining with her tells me all I need to know... Her love and attention taught me not to look down on myself. I matter. A lot!
Vibrant with confidence, she shifted to get more comfortable on the bench. The light friction on her bare thighs jolted her brain towards intimacy.
Mmm... sex..! Goddess, I never had a clue - another part of my life she turned completely upside down, I am truly changed for meeting her!
Liara laughed out loud, images of their physical joining danced in front of her eyes. She licked her upper lip with her tongue, as she straightened the lower part of her dress.
A man in a wheelchair slowly passed her by, intently looking at the asari. She tried to ignore his stare. Perhaps never seen an alien before? The image of the wheelchair rushed her thoughts to something far more disturbing: Karli's health issues. A painful feeling encroached on her, it was very likely that Shepard would not return to full health.
Goddess, she looked ripped apart when they brought her in from the Citadel. If Miranda had not been there... and even now, the fainting remains an issue...
She frowned and felt definite concern. Two or three times a week Shepard would faint, at the oddest moments. Doctors could not pinpoint the issue.
A rare cloud moved in front of the sun.
Health... death... There they are, my biggest fears. At best, Karli will only live to be about 100 years. How will I carry on from there? Even now the thought of losing her is... unbearable.
Liara cringed, as she tried to imagine a life without Shepard. She couldn't reach that place, it was too painful. Quickly she recalled an asari saying.
"Instead we focus on the time we have together" - focus on the positives... focus on the good times...
Not for the first time, Liara considered the fact that such an extreme lifespan could prove difficult, if it meant outliving loved ones.
I cannot worry about it too much... time will tell.
Quite noisely, a family with small children walked her by, the children with bright balloons in their hands. "Hey! That lady is blue!" - "Look daddy, she has weird hair!" Liara smiled and waved at them as they passed.
Having a child together... are we ready for it?
Reason could not answer that question, this realm was ruled by emotion.
Ever the scholar - Liara, why do you want to analyze this... again? My rational self will just have to be quiet and follow my heart.
As a scientist, she found it hard to accept the most important questions in life were not answered by the mind, or by calculation, they were based solely on love, emotion and instinct.
One more thing my relationship with Karli has taught me... at our core we are beings of love. Reason all you want, love will win the day!
Suddenly she felt someone touch her leg. A small boy trailed his index finger lightly over her shinbone as he intently studied her skin.
"Eh..." she started.
"Are you a lizard?" The little boy asked.
"I could answer that question if I knew what a lizard was," Liara replied friendly, amused and intrigued by the situation.
"You have scales like a lizard!" Exclaimed the boy. Behind him Liara could see his mother, who bursted out an apology. "I'm so sorry Miss! Jimmy did not mean to insult you."
"Please do not worry, I am not offended." She turned to the boy, smiled, and said, "Are all Lizards blue? Could you show me one?"
"Of course lady, they live over there, come!" Jimmy grabbed her hand and pulled her towards a brick building.
The air was warm and humid inside, and Liara soon learned about lizards. "See lady, yellow, green, red... they come in all colors!" The boy was delighted that he could teach this strange creature something. "And look, his skin is just like yours!" He shouted triumphantly. Liara inspected the small animal behind the glass.
The boy was absolutely right. This lizard was green, but the texture of his skin was a near perfect match of her own. After a few minutes, the three of them went back outside.
"Jimmy, thank you for showing me this, and to answer your question, no I am not a lizard. I am an asari from the planet Thessia."
The boy took in this information with a very serious face. He examined her hand, turning it as he spoke. "Asari? And you all have lizard's skin?"
Liara laughed in the warm afternoon sun. "Yes dear, we all have lizard's skin!"
She continued in a leisurely pace, making sure to take in all the sights and smells of the trees and the flowers. A slight breeze caught her yellow dress, and she enjoyed the cool air against her bare legs. She found a large patch of dark green trees, with a very inviting bench right under them. Karli had talked about these strange pointy trees, and in particular their aroma.
What lovely smell, these must be the pine trees Shepard mentioned. Goddess, that smells... alien. But nice!
Liara sat down, the odor of the trees filled her senses; she took a deep breath, and closed her eyes.
Being the shadow broker had become more ... tedious in the last few months. Even more than that, she'd grown tired of being involved in the world of power, corruption and violence.
What did Jennifer say? "...At some point, things will have to go back to normal."
I took the broker's role to help Karli with the war effort. The war is over. Normal is something completely different; normal is not the Shadow Broker. Can I do without all that power at my fingertips? How will my life look like without it?
A few weeks ago she had sabotaged a Salarian plan to uplift the Yahg. When returning the Yahg back to their home planet, there had been casualties on the salarian side.
They died because of my actions. I am responsible - and I do not want to add to that burden - it is time to let go.
Her thought drifted to Shepard and their child, and a natural peace started to build inside her. Just thinking about her being a mother made her glow.
Very soon I will be pregnant. Do I want the stress of the broker on me and my child? No, I do not!
My own self, my body, will be a vessel for new life and love; I do not want the broker in my new life on Thessia.
The thought of motherhood made her instinctively rub her stomach. A huge weight was lifted from her shoulders, and she inhaled sharply, as she allowed all of the emotions to build throughout her body.
I am not the shadow broker - I am Liara T'Soni, and I exist for love and life! My motherhood is almost upon me, and I am done with war and death. I exist for what's good in the universe, I breathe for my mate and our future children!
Liara exhaled.
Deeply.
A gentle smile formed on her lips. Inner peace lit her, as her entire being shined.
Goddess, I am so ready for the next phase of my life.