Only a short chapter, but it seemed to work like this! (: thank you to the support on my twitter again, everyone! :D Short chapter but the next one is extra long because of HO dialog! (: x
HS-xx [JP]
The SU bar, is relatively quiet. Quiet enough for me to be able to do nothing more then lean on the bar, drink and watch. There are clutters of students in the corners, barely drinking anything, mainly chatting and gossiping. I hate students.
Steven is wiping the tables clean, totally unaware of the lengths I went to in order to save his life last night. He leans over a table to wipe it and I revel in the way his arse sticks out, just like that. I pour myself another glass of Jameson's whisky, watching him again. He comes near the bar to put a few empty glasses down and I choose this moment to try and tell him.
"Steven," I address him softly, trying not to let my voice quiver like my nerves.
He looks up at me brightly, smiling. He wanders over, eager to speak to me. He wouldn't be if he knew who - what - I was.
"Yeah?"
"Can I have a word?" I ask. I'm not used to 'asking' to talk to someone. It's normally an instruction. My nerves seem to have subdued my powerful, domineering nature somewhat.
Steven looks puzzled. He's noticed my use of questioning too. He nods, listening. I glance over at Cheryl, chatting cheerily with a customer. I shake my head, lowering my tone.
"In private," I request, moving round the bar, then I add, almost nervous he'll say no: "Please."
Steven nods. He thinks I'm after a bit of action, and while that would be great and would definitely take my mind off things, that is not my motive.
"Where d'you wanna go?" He asks me, thrusting his hands in his pockets, shrugging. I pause. Chez-Chez is shut, I guess it would be pretty quiet. I might be able to show him the blood, the terror and tell him how I felt better there.
"Chez-Chez. It'll be nice and quiet," I grin, chewing my gum harder to emphasise my words.
We swiftly leave together.
I pour myself another glass of Jameson's, watching Steven stand awkwardly in the half light of the club. I stride over to him, standing close enough to smell him. He gives me a puzzled look, probably because I haven't made even the tiniest move on him yet. I wet my lips with the whisky, putting it down on a nearby shelf.
I do not know what to do. I keep thinking of that image of Steven, dead, being dragged to some remote place by Danny. Being left there, to rot. Thank god he's okay. Overwhelmed by some thankful, yet fearful feeling, I close the gap between Steven and I, wrapping my arms round his waist and burying my face in the crook of his neck, drinking in his smell. I feel him tense then he relaxes into my embrace, wrapping his arms round me. I think he's pleased to have me so passive, so vulnerable.
"Brendan, what's happened?" He asks, his voice vibrating against my cheek. Why must he break the moment? Although, it is to be expected that he is confused. I pull away, moving only my head, keeping my arms round his waist. I gaze into his eyes, staring right into him.
"Steven…" I begin. Oh, Jesus, what am I doing? "I've done a bad thing."
Steven laughs, shrugging. "As per usual, innit really?" His face falls when he sees my expression. I shake my head, willing Steven to understand.
"Your okay now," I say randomly, remembering how much danger he was in. "He was going to…" I exhale deeply, trying not to think of horrid things. "You're okay now. You're safe. I made you safe."
"Brendan, what are you on about?" Steven looks confused, lost. I don't blame him, I'm speaking in riddles. He needs to know the truth. I need to show him…
No.
I chicken out. Smile and shake my head.
"Nothing… I just… Doesn't matter anymore. You don't need to worry," I lean forward and my lips brush with his briefly. Everything feels wrong, different, new. Because I have, in actions only, admitted my feelings for him. I have murdered for him. That is how much he means.
I step away, smiling, then I leave. Leave him there, in the half darkness, confused. Probably wondering if I could get anymore complex. Oh, Steven, you have no idea…