EPOV
"Ewoord!"
I was woken up by the worst fucking pain in the entire world. I groaned and curled into a fetal position, and tried not to throw Little Bell on the ground. She had the deadliest knees, ever.
"Ewoord! You sleeped here! You sleeped here!"
I opened my eyes to see two enormous brown eyes framed by impossibly long lashes, just centimeters away from my face. Her curls were all over the place, her cheeks pink, her little hands pressed against my chest, her knee still pressed in the wrong fucking spot.
"Yep, uh…" I pushed Little Bell backwards and leaned up on my elbows, reminding myself that the pain would fucking fade, and that she had no idea what she'd done. I wasn't sure what surprised me the most: the abrupt way I'd been woken up, or the fact that I'd been sleeping in the first place. I blinked, trying to focus through the tears.
"You hurt?"
"A little," I groaned.
"Mama a doctor. She can get you mecidine."
I glanced up at the top bunk across the room. Bella's back was to us, her long brown hair fanned out around her head, her back rising and falling evenly.
I liked the idea of Bella treating my aching balls, and couldn't help grinning at the thought, but I decided a better idea would be to let her sleep. If this was how she was woken up each morning, then she could probably use a break. Not to mention, that after my first full night's sleep in fucking forever, I felt I owed her something.
"How about we let your mama sleep? You want to help me make her some breakfast?"
"Yes!" Ness scurried off my lap and started jumping up and down on the bed. "Yes! Yes!"
"Shh, Little Bell. Quiet," I hushed, grabbing her little hands and trying to calm her down. She took it as an invitation for a hug, and threw her arms around me.
"Cause mama a baby?" she asked, snuggled up against my chest.
I prayed she let that go before they went back home to Jake. "Because we're letting her sleep."
"Right," she giggled. "I forgetted."
I took her hand and led her out of the room and down the hall as quietly as possible. Nessie practiced skipping the entire way, her tongue peaking out the corner of her mouth, and then she showed me how she could go down the stairs sideways.
Once in the kitchen I set her on a bench, and started pulling eggs and vegetables out of the refrigerator, deciding a frittata would be big enough to feed everyone. But I went back for a second round of ingredients after I considered Emmett's appetite.
Nessie, however, was not the kind of girl that was content to sit in place. In the time I'd been in the refrigerator, she'd climbed onto the counter and began pouring all of Esme's dried herbs into a big mixing bowl. "Nessie!"
Little Bell smiled and pressed her ear to her shoulder and held her hands behind her back. "I helpin', right?"
"Umm… not exactly." After considering knives, salmonella and third degree burns, I settled on putting her to work mixing the dry ingredients for pancakes, and I kept her directly in my line of vision. I looked quickly through Esme and Carlisle's CDs for something to listen to while we cooked. Luckily, amidst CD after CD of smooth jazz, there was one disc that piqued my interest. I pressed play, made sure the volume was turned low, and went to work.
"This not on my pink music," Nessie commented, concentrating intently her mixing duties.
"You're right. It's not."
"Can you put this song on there?" she asked, sneaking a glance at me.
"You like it?"
Nessie stopped stirring and stared at me, looking gravely serious. "It's bootiful, Ewoord."
"It's my mom," I whispered, returning my focus to the vegetables in front of me. It was a piece she taught me before she died. Chopin.
"She playin' this music?"
"She did. She played the piano. Really well." I'd started chopping an onion, but it wasn't the only reason I had tears in my eyes. Nessie fell silent, and I tried to get a grip. I hadn't planned this Lifetime TV moment, but there it fucking was. I couldn't ignore the vague memories of my mom and me waking up early on Sunday to make a big breakfast together. She'd always let me mix the pancake batter, and I guess now, I knew why. It was something a little kid could do without hurting themselves: post mortem evidence that she'd cared.
"And is Car-isle your daddy?" Ness asked, breaking the silence.
"No, close. He's my uncle."
"Oh." She paused to think. "Where your daddy is?"
"Well, uh, my dad died a long time ago." I dropped the onions and potatoes into a hot pan, then moved between the pan and Nessie, just to be safe.
"When you were a little boy?" she asked, taking a seat on the countertop, placing the mixing bowl between her legs, kicking her feet against the cabinets.
"Not so little, but little enough. And no banging, okay? People are sleeping."
Nessie stopped moving her legs, but it seemed to take a lot of effort. "Maybe it's okay if your daddy died, if you had two daddies."
"Well, Carlisle almost is another daddy."
"I don't have a daddy, eiver. I have a Jake. He's like a daddy, but he's not."
My breath caught in my throat and I held it there, not sure how to respond. More than anything, I was struck by how sweet she was, trying to relate. "You like Jake, though, right?"
"Yeah. He's kind of… really cool. He comes to get me at my bus, and I help him cook dinner for mama and we go'ed to baseball games togever."
I couldn't say I'd classify the kid as cool, let alone 'really cool', but I was happy to hear that they seemed to have a good relationship. Little Bell deserved a good dad.
"Jonah says Jake's my daddy cause he sleeps in the bed with mama. But he not, and Jonah maked me mad."
I tried not to get sidetracked by the idea of Bella and Jake sharing a bed. It was a foul fucking image and I beat the wet ingredients a little harder than necessary. Nessie's big brown eyes were waiting for a reply.
"Sometimes, even if it's not your actual daddy, the people that stand in, like Jake, are better."
"Is Car-isle better?" Nessie asked, pushing the mixing bowl towards me, so that I could pour in the contents of my bowl into hers.
"Definitely. He's a really good dad."
"Morning Vanessa, Edward."
Little Bell and I both jumped. I glanced over my shoulder to see my uncle grinning like a fucking Cheshire cat. No, that wasn't the kind of shit I said to his face, but he had to know after all these years.
Ness hid herself against my chest, giggling and shy in front of my uncle. Carlisle didn't say another word. He simply turned up the volume on the stereo and set to work making a fruit salad and toasting some bread. Esme soon followed, and Nessie jumped at the chance to help her make coffee. Literally jumped, almost off the countertop. Luckily, I caught her just in time.
Rosalie and Emmett came down next, Rosalie laughing as she tried to pry Emmett's hands from her body. But she became much more serious when she saw the audience that awaited her in the kitchen.
"Good morning, Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen. Edward," she said, swatting Emmett away. The way she said my name, you'd think I killed her dog.
Emmett sat down at the table and tried to pull Rosalie into his lap, but she somehow managed to get her ass into a chair of her own. I chuckled to myself as Esme breathed an obvious sigh of relief. According to Alice, a couple of years ago, one of Emmett's dates actually straddled him at the dining room table.
"Hey, Vanessa, why don't you come hang out of here?" Rose asked, patting the seat next to her. "Emmett has something for you."
"No, it okay. I makin' dinner."
"Breakfast," Esme corrected.
"I forgetted," Nessie giggled, carefully pouring water into the coffee maker.
Rosalie pulled something out of Emmett's back pocket and made her way into the kitchen. "Look, Vanessa, your very own little Eagles jersey!" I rolled my eyes at Emmett and he shrugged his shoulders in response, looking more than a little pleased with himself. He played pro for three years and was still milking it for all it was worth.
"Oh. Thanks," Nessie replied. Not bothering to fake interest, she placed the gift on the counter next to her and got quickly back to work with the coffee. I don't think it was the reaction Rosalie was counting on. She turned her attention to my aunt.
"Can I help with anything, Mrs. Cullen?"
"Not a thing dear, I think we have it all covered. Edward and Nessie did most of the work before I even made it downstairs."
"Oh, that's… nice. Huh. So, umm, where's Bella?" Rosalie asked, and I could feel her eyes on the back of my head.
"Bella's sleeping in," I offered, as I opened the oven to check on the frittata.
"You tired her out?" Emmett chuckled a little too loud.
And aside from the sound of my mother playing Chopin's Piano Concerto #1, the kitchen was suddenly silent. When I glanced up from the oven, Carlisle was studying me carefully, and Rosalie was glowering in my direction. The irony was not fucking lost on me that Bella and I were probably the only two adults in the house to keep their clothes on last night.
"Sometimes you're not fucking funny, Emmett," I muttered.
"What? You two went jogging together last night, didn't you?" Emmett explained, in mock indignation. "You all have dirty minds."
"She was sleeping when Little-, when Nessie, woke me up this morning," I informed Rose. It was all the explanation she was owed. She could do with it what she would.
"Well, it's so nice that we can give her the chance," Esme cut in judiciously, as she placed two cups of orange juice in Rosalie's hands and pushed her towards the table. "I remember when Alice and Emmett were Nessie's age. Sleep was a hard commodity to come by."
Actually, even childless and single, sleep could be elusive. But in that room with Bella and Little Bell, something had been different. I could lie down and close my eyes and enjoy stillness and peace that never came to me otherwise. It felt good to lie there, relaxed and excited all at once, eager for the next day. And now, the next day had come, and it was good.
I excused myself, ran upstairs and thankfully found the 'boy's room' unoccupied. I pulled the little paper out of the pocket in my bag where I'd kept it carefully hidden, and smiled as I read the messy handwriting. I would never have been here if Bella hadn't written this. Instead of this weekend, I'd have a home and a girlfriend and a complete wardrobe and a gym to work out in, and I wouldn't have to deal with the fundraiser falling apart before my eyes. But, somehow, I didn't give a shit. Those things weren't on this list. And I could feel a hint of what it might feel like to truly let go, and it felt fucking phenomenal. I was getting closer. I took a deep breath, and took out a pen, and jotted another bullet point to the bottom of the prescription.
Sleep (thank you for that)
I was pretty sure I was right about sleep being part of the equation, because I felt practically buoyant, even after the tears, the talk about Jacob, and Rosalie's snide comments. And on my way back down the hall, I slipped the paper under the door marked 'Little Girl'.
xXxXx
Alice was practically tugging J into the dining room when I came back down the stairs. He addressed Carlisle and Esme as sir and ma'am in a whisper-soft voice, and besides that, he mostly kept his eyes lowered in palpable misery.
When I noticed his wide, sheepish smile whenever he looked at Alice, and the way he tried to secretly hold her hand under the table, I found myself liking J, despite myself. I wasn't the only one that took to him, either. Little Bell plunked herself down in the chair between J and I, and stretched out her finger to trace a flaming confederate flag on his forearm.
"Why you color on yourself?"
"Lots of different reasons, little darlin," J drawled.
"Why you drawed this one?" J began a very quiet story under his breath that held Little Bell spellbound. Alice rubbed his other arm as he spoke, and across the table, Emmett and Rosalie bent their heads together, softy laughing. And it was nice, and it felt right. Bella walked into the dining room, and her eyes caught mine, and she smiled, and clutched something in the pocket of her sundress. She was beautiful: fresh-faced with hair tumbling around her shoulders, wearing a black linen sundress, barefoot. It was a good morning.
"Mama!" Nessie cheered, running over to her. "You waked up!"
"I worried when I woke up and you weren't there, Ness."
"I maked breakfast with Ewoord."
"I had a feeling it was something like that."
Bella mouthed thank you, her eyes on mine, as she picked Little Bell off the floor and kissed the top of her head. Breakfast was eaten and Esme beamed with satisfaction. Bella, Carlisle and Rosalie sat to one side and talked medicine, something about Western blot versus PCR in the diagnosis of Lyme disease. Bella knew more about the subject then the other two doctors, and rattled off the names of exclusive labs in California where the most advanced testing was performed. Listening to Bella talk about statistics and studies with easy confidence reminded me of the first day I met her, how I was struck by her brilliance and humor and grace. Now that I knew her better, it was hard not to be awed as I listened to her speak.
"Earth to Edward." Alice nudged me, grinning.
My face grew warm and I turned my attention to Alice. "Pixie?"
"Pixie?" J chuckled.
"Edward," Alice whined.
"Pixie, that's sweet," J said, clutching Alice's hand. I saw him move his leg and would have bet money they were playing fucking footsie.
"You are not allowed to call me that!"
"Now, why not, Pixie?" Alice blushed this time, pressing her lips together, trying not to smile.
"See what you've done?" Alice asked me.
I knew exactly what I'd done. Alice hated being called pixie. I smiled at my cousin and she narrowed her eyes in mock anger. "You were asking?"
"Are you coming down to the beach with us?"
I could sense Bella's eyes on me from across the table. "No, I have work. Losing Lauren's computer… we have to start from scratch on cases, on the fundraiser."
"Well, don't shut yourself up all day, Edward. It's a rare treat to have you here. And I wouldn't want you to waist your vacation time in this stuffy house," Esme added. She squeezed my shoulder as she walked past on her way to the kitchen with some plates.
"Yeah, not to mention the view outside is awesome." Emmett laughed and subtly nodded in Bella's direction. I kicked him under the table.
xXxXx
After that, my day went quickly down the toilet. Catch-up is the least of what Lauren and I were tasked with. The band that was booked for the fundraiser cancelled sometime last night while I slept. Lauren was on the other end of the line talking bravely about how her cousin was a DJ for kids' parties and I worked to keep my voice down.
"No DJs, Lauren. That's ridiculous."
"How are we supposed to get another band in two days? Do you know someone?"
And, unless I wanted Philadelphia's high society waltzing to some washed up hardcore band or another, the answer was a resounding 'no'.
"Fuck."
"Should I call my cousin?"
Emmett walked into the room and I excused myself from the call without answering. I'd be damned before I had some pimply kid from the suburbs playing the electric slide for my funders.
"Let me fucking guess, Emmett. You're here to interrupt my work."
Emmett grinned and threw himself onto one of the twin beds. It creaked and shuddered under his weight. "I'm bringing Rose on Tuesday."
"Are you sure you want to commit to Tuesday? That's two days away," I teased.
"I was serious about that shit I told you in the car. I'm in this for good with Rose, man." And I knew he was, and I was happy for him. "You bringing anyone?" he asked.
I laughed. "Besides my new ulcer? No."
"What about -?" And my eyes met Emmett's and he ate his words. "I always fucking forget. Am I the only one that thinks that's messed up? Anyway, are you coming down to the beach?"
"Yeah, I need to get away from this shit. It's fucking killing me."
Five minutes later, I was walking along the shoreline with Emmett, looking for the Cullen's outpost on the beach, trying to shake my growing anger at Tanya for making my life hell. Trying not to think that I had this shit coming. It was almost cool on the edge of the ocean, and the swift wind made the sand feel like pinpricks against my shins. The first thing I saw was Bella. She was wet and stretched out on a beach chair, still, possibly asleep.
"Are those the best pair of mom tits you've ever seen, or what?" Emmett asked under his breath.
"Aren't you here with someone," I growled, certain Emmett wasn't talking about Esme.
"Rose isn't a mom, yet. Give me a few months and I'll get on it. But moms, they've got… nipplage, and Bella's tits, man -"
"Say another word, Emmett. Go ahead. Try it. I'm in no fucking mood."
"And dude, her ass -"
I dove at Emmett, knocking him into the water, something of a feat, considering he probably had a hundred pounds on me. I locked my arms around his neck and put all of my weight on his chest, but within seconds, I was flipped over, my face in the sand. I could hear his laughter, even underwater, and I braced my legs against the shore, and pushed for all I was worth, until Emmett lost his balance again, and I could jump on his back, and push his face into the breakers.
We struggled, Emmett laughing the whole time, only making me angrier, until I was so tired that it took too much energy to care, and we both sat our asses on the shoreline, panting and laughing, resting on our elbows. I was covered head-to-toe in sand.
"I'm serious, Emm."
"You always are, you dipshit," he laughed.
"About Bella."
"I know."
I sighed, tired of his innuendo. "I'm serious about not wanting you to say that kind of shit about her. I don't want you even looking at her in the first place," I clarified.
"And why exactly do you care what I do, if that's the only thing you're serious about?"
"She's a good person, she's been through a lot. I don't fucking know."
Emmett paused and glanced over his shoulder at the blanket. "You ever do it with a mom?"
"Just when I think you're listening."
"I haven't, at least I don't think so. Do you think it's different? Like maybe there's a little more… give or something?"
"Fuck you, Emmett."
"I'm not talking about Bella, necessarily."
I was about to shove Emmett back into the water, when Alice squeezed between the two of us and plopped down into a non-existent space in the sand. "So? What do you guys think?" she asked, nodding back toward our family.
"About?" Emmett asked.
"J's, uh, well he's sweet, Alice," I said. Alice smiled and wrapped her arm around my waist.
"It means a lot to me that you like him."
All three of us looked over our shoulders at the Cullens. J was sitting cross-legged and Little Bell was tracing the artwork on his bicep. His head was bent as he spoke to her, and she was laughing again. My chest hurt.
"She's only into him for his body art, big brother. Her heart still belongs to you."
I laughed and shook my head, and tried to look unfazed as I leaned back on my elbows and gazed out at the horizon. Rosalie began walking over to us, and Emmett jumped up and chased her into the water, tackled her, pulling her under. Alice snorted, and turned her attention back to me. I knew there was a conversation brewing inside her little head, one that I didn't want to have. "J's got some crazy ink on his arms, Alice. Esme's gonna be pissed when it mars the wedding photos."
"Oh my god! You can't say anything like that to him, okay? He's nervous enough around you guys already."
"The fact that he's a bundle of nerves this morning makes me like him even more, Little Sis. You've known him less than a week, and by the sounds of it, he fucked you silly under your parent's roof. He's lucky Carlisle's opposed to guns."
Alice was silent, she had no comeback, and it wasn't like her. She could usually take anything I dished out. "It wasn't like that," she almost whispered. And there was something just under the surface, waiting to be said, waiting to be addressed, but instead, Alice snapped out of it and the pixie was back.
"How are things with you? With the benefit?" she asked.
"Fucked. The band pulled out. Now why do you think a band would pull out, last minute, like that?"
"You don't know that Tanya had anything to do with it."
"Do you? Have you spoken to her?"
"She won't talk to me."
"Maybe it has something to do with the way you ditched her the minute you found a couple new friends."
"God, Edward! First you blame Tanya for all of your problems, and then you're blaming me for abandoning her. I'm just getting to know Rose and Bella because they're gonna be in our lives for a while. I really like Bella and there's no rule that says I can't be her friend." Alice sighed and focused her attention on Rosalie and Emmett making out in the water. Thankfully, the sea was cloudy today. "Rose, well, I have a feeling it's best to be on her good side."
"What do you mean, she's going to be in our lives for a while?"
"Who? Rosalie or Bella?"
Alice grinned. I didn't answer.
"She works with dad. I'm working with her daughter."
"And that's all you were trying to say?" I hated when Alice played games. Coupled with her other gifts, it could be especially annoying.
"What do you mean?" she asked batting her eyelashes and crossing her legs in front of her.
"You know what I fucking mean, Alice. Don't play all innocent with me."
"Listen, Edward, it doesn't take any kind of intuition on my part to see how that woman's good for you."
"You think I don't know that? That, with her around, my whole life can fall apart and it feels right. That I can actually begin to imagine... I don't know, having a real fucking life, or something. But, what about her? She has a fucking life. She's got a boyfriend that's ready to kill for her, who's good to Little Bell. She doesn't need me around. In fact, she'd be better off that way."
"Can you seriously say that?"
I didn't get a chance to answer, but it's not like I would have anyway. J came over and sat next to Alice, careful to keep about half a foot between the two of them. Alice quickly scooted closer, and I watched J smile, his eyes on the sand. Alice's finger traced the same bicep Little Bell had been touching just minutes ago, her lips found his shoulder. "You know, Edward, if you need a band, I uh, happen to know this amazing singer/songwriter. He plays guitar, and he's got a back-up band."
Hell fucking no. There was no way I was turning the benefit into some country hoedown. J looked between Alice and me and swallowed nervously. "What's this about?"
"Edward has a charity for homeless kids. He's got a fundraiser Tuesday, and the band just backed out." Alice batted her eyelashes, her lips traveled to J's neck.
"It's not exactly a country music venue, Alice."
J pulled away from Alice, and held her hand in a way that put some space between them again. "Hold on a second, Edward. I'm free Tuesday, and I'm sure I could draft some of the guys. We don't have to play country. I grew up playing in the church, and I went to conservatory after high school. I told you I wanted to make a good impression, and I kind of ruined that in a couple different ways."
"I don't know."
"Oh, Edward, please. It would be perfect."
And seeing Alice hugging the guy, practically bouncing up and down as she begged, I found it nearly impossible to say no.
"Could you call the other guys, then? See if they'd agree to it? It doesn't pay anything, and it's going to be a pretty… reserved crowd. I don't know what you guys would get out of it."
"I'd get my girl's family's approval, and my buddies would get a happier version of me to deal with. I'll call. I'm sure we can work something out."
I breathed a sigh, and Alice curled up against J's bare chest, lazily running her fingers over the vine-covered red pick-up inked across his ribs. Their feet tangled, and a wave washed up to their knees. I was cautiously relieved and lonely and I glanced back at the blanket where I'd spotted Bella earlier. But, something was wrong. There was something in the way Bella was holding herself, the way her attention was focused on something down the beach, the way she instinctively grabbed for Nessie. Alice was talking again, saying something silly and sweet, but I wasn't listening.
I stood to my feet at the same time Bella did, trying to figure out what held her attention. I looked down the beach, but saw nothing but people: laying, playing, swimming, walking. Nothing seemed off, but Bella was searching frantically for something, and when she saw me, she began tugging Little Bell in my direction. I met her halfway, leaving Alice and J to catch up on their own.
"What is it?"
"Take her, please." Little Bell held up her hands and I scooped her into my arms. Bella turned to go without another word.
"Bella!" I grabbed her arm, stopping her. Her eyes had that same edge of fear I'd seen in her office last weekend, that same shattered light poured out of them, warning me and making me want to hold her and help her all at once. "What is it?"
Alice came up besides Bella and me, looking back and forth between the two of us, silent for once.
"Okay," Bella said, too fucking calmly. "Alice, could you take Ness?"
"No, I no wanna -"
"Vanessa! Stay here with Alice. This is not up for debate!"
Nessie was immediately quiet, and as I handed her off to Alice, she clung to my cousin's neck. Bella grabbed my hand. "You really want to hear this shit?" she asked, using the same words I used, well, every time she asked me a question.
I squeezed Bella's hand, and she walked us down the beach. It would have been nice to pretend we were just walking hand in hand, like some lazy couple in love and on vacation. But there was tension in Bella's fingertips, and pissed off determination in each of her steps.
"What's going on?"
Bella wouldn't look at me.
"Victoria."
It was an answer to my question, and an address, all in one. We'd stopped in front of a long, skinny woman that looked like she was in need of a bath and a hairbrush. She was pale in a way that looked unhealthy, and her red hair was curling wildly around her head in knotted clumps. She had black leather bracelets up one arm, and black beaded bracelets down the other, and was lounging on a green beach chair. Her eyes were shaded with sunglasses that seemed to take up half her face. I'd bet a thousand dollars I could find track marks between her toes.
"Isabella. Funny meeting you here."
"What the fuck are you doing, Victoria?" Bella seemed to grow taller with each word she spoke. She was frightened and fierce all at once, and her muscles were tensed, as if she was ready to attack.
"Who's the guy?" Victoria asked, tipping her glasses so there was no barrier between me and her bloodshot hazel eyes.
Bella shuddered and dropped my hand, but she clenched her jaw, and didn't back down. I curled my fingers into a tight fist, suddenly sick to my stomach because I'd been caught holding Bella's hand at the wrong fucking time.
"You didn't answer my question, Victoria," Bella challenged, her voice low. And I stood there like an idiot, like a kid caught doing something wrong. Fuck.
"I'm enjoying my Labor Day, Isabella. The same as you." The redhead's eyes lingered on my chest.
"Here? On this beach? I thought you were in New York."
"New York beaches are shit. New York men are… lacking." She sat up, her eyes still glued to me.
"Stay out of my life, Victoria. You have no business here. And tell your brother to do the same."
"You're the one that marched over to me, Isabella. I was having a lovely afternoon until you interrupted me. I am glad to see that you've expanding your horizons, though. That boy you cheated on James with was so… juvenile."
Bella took a step backwards and gasped. That was fucking it; I was tired of Bella getting shit because of my presence, because I couldn't stay the fuck away from her.
"Lady, I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but as Ms. Swan's attorney, I'd consider packing your bags and leaving this beach, without another word and without looking back. Unless you'd like to see yourself charged with stalking, harassment and invasion of privacy. Do you want to see how long it takes me to make that happen? We could time it, I have a stopwatch function on my cell."
"Your attorney, Isabella? How cozy. How yummy."
I took a step towards Victoria, and my shadow loomed over her. I'd never wanted to hit a woman more in my life. "Did I make myself clear?"
"It's clear that she's got a new savior and that Isabella is… versatile. You're so different, from what was his name… James? No, not James, that was my brother. Jason? No, that wasn't it either…J, J- "
That's when Bella darted past me, her fist raised, but I caught her arm before she made impact. Thankfully. I wasn't a criminal attorney. "Stay away from me, Victoria! Stay the hell away from my daughter and me! I just want to be left alone."
"Not completely alone," Victoria purred, her eyes on me again. And it took every fucking ounce of willpower that I could find not to pick up where I'd stopped Bella. But Victoria stood up, and folded her chair. I was proud of Bella as she held her ground, alone and strong, each of her scars showing silver in the sun, and we watched Victoria walk back towards the dunes.
"Fucking shit," I muttered.
"You're fucking telling me," Bella murmured back, defiant. And it was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard her say, and I knew that reaction was wrong for about fifty different reasons, but I couldn't help grabbing her hand again. She gripped it back.
"What does this mean?" she asked.
"I've already got Jenks on it. I called him about her this morning. We'll deal with her."
But when I glanced at Bella, she was looking at our hands instead of at Victoria's retreating figure.
"That I fucked with your case," I said, grim reality sneaking in under the adrenaline and the electric warmth of Bella's touch.
"But I still want you."
"I'm glad." And I fucking was.
xXxXx
"Dr. Swan, is everything all right here?"
Carlisle approached us from behind, and Bella and I, still holding hands, got tangled in one another's arms as we tried to turn to face him. Carlisle's gaze went from Bella's face, to our hands, and I was the one to let Bella go this time.
Bella's fierce demeanor disintegrated and she leaned against me for support. "Sure, um, Carlisle. It's a long story, but, uh… she's gone." She looked at her toes and let her hair hang in front of her face.
"Is this a matter for the authorities?"
Bella glanced up at me, and her eyes were pleading with me to say no. I understood immediately. I'd been embarrassed around the Cullens more times than I cared to remember. I could only imagine how she'd feel as Esme fussed over tea, Alice offered unsolicited hugs, and Carlisle kept a close eye on the proceedings while Bella told her story in detail to a pair of cops from the beach patrol. But it had to be done. If Victoria was following Bella, we needed all the evidence we could get.
"Carlisle, can you keep the family away from the house for the next hour or so? Could you all keep an eye on Nessie? Bella and I would like to handle this alone."
Carlisle's eyes narrowed. "I could go back to the house with Bella."
"I'm her attorney."
He sighed and smiled, and the good-natured doctor was back. "Yes, you are. Certainly. We won't bother you."
xXxXx
Police officers can be assholes, especially when they feel they're wasting their precious time in your presence. They listened absently to Bella's story, and only conceded to write up a report after I'd fucking informed them that it was their duty. It was frustrating and maddening, and I could tell that as the minutes ticked by with those dispassionate douche bags shaking their heads and raising their eyebrows, Bella felt more and more helpless. They left us with copies of our reports, and with business cards, but with no illusion that they would keep an eye out for Bella or Nessie, no indication that they would monitor Victoria.
After the cops left without looking back, after the patrol car pulled away from the curb, I took Bella in my arms without hesitation. I pressed her face to my chest and held her tight. She kept her arms curled in front of her, a tense little ball of sadness and anxiety. I rested my chin on her head, and then my cheek, and I whispered about how strong she'd been on the beach, about how much she fucking blew me away at every turn.
She lifted her head to look at me, and her lips parted. "A run? Please? Or I'll explode."
I tried not to laugh, because I hadn't been considering a run. At all. Because I was an asshole. Because I'd just thrown a giant wrench into her case and now I wanted to wreck her home life too. I dropped my arms. "Of course."
She stepped backwards and my body missed hers.
"Let me text Alice, she's got Ness."
Five minutes later we were dressed and running. The deep blue of the sky drowned in the dark blue of the ocean at the horizon, seagulls searched the empty beach for scraps of leftover lunches, couples walked their dogs, and teenagers huddled on benches.
We didn't look at one another, and I might as well have been running alone except for the sound of her breath in the wet air and her scent mixed with the sea breeze. It reminded me of Thailand: how they floated flowers out into the sea. The soft sound of her footsteps, like the lapping of waves, hitting the sand over and over and over, in a steady, mind-numbing, dizzying pace.
"Race you to the lifeguard stand?" Bella gasped. And before I could agree, she broke into a sprint, and I had to run to catch up. I still beat her easily. I didn't fucking let girls win. Bella was about a second behind me, and she nearly collided against the rough wooden legs of the stand, gasping for air, laughing. Her smile was easy and natural, and I felt relieved.
"You won," Bella gasped, her hands on her knees. Of course I fucking won. I climbed onto the lifeguard stand and held out my hand. She took it without hesitation, and climbed up next to me. The sun was setting behind us, and the water and sky met at a black line on the horizon. The ocean was calm, shimmering in the slanting light, and it was chilly up on our wooden perch.
Bella pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around herself. I resisted the urge to do the same. But it was warm where my side touched hers and I settled into that feeling. I was aware of every breath, every movement, every time my body rubbed against her.
"How come every time we talk, it's so serious?" she asked.
"Habit?"
"I wish it wasn't." There was a hint of sadness in her voice and I could tell the high from the run was wearing off. "Sometimes I see you laughing with Ness, and I'm jealous."
"What?" I looked at her, smiling, but her eyes were on the horizon.
"I feel like everything's coming apart at the seams, Edward. I tried so hard, I try so hard, each day: to make a good, healthy life for Ness and me. But it's like it's all unraveling, and I don't know what's right, or… or..."
I knew she was talking about Victoria and James, but it felt more personal, and all I could hear in her words was that I should go, that I wasn't supposed to be here. She belonged with my family more than I ever would.
"Bella, I get what it feels like to -"
"No, Edward, no. Don't assume you know what this feels like. I feel threatened, and my life is in complete turmoil. And it's all happening in front of my boss and his family."
"I don't know. I -"
Bella huffed and shook her head, shutting me up. "You always hint about how you're so messed up. Like that's supposed to keep me away, or it's supposed to bring me closer. But instead, I don't know what to think. You know that?"
"I don't know."
"And then you do that: you finish it all up by saying 'I don't know'. Could you just say it, already? Say something different. Say what you think."
"I think you're upset, and maybe embarrassed. But, fuck, Bella don't be. Who am I to fucking judge? Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No, I don't. You're either a lawyer, or a vegetarian anarchist, or a health nut, and a cancer survivor and a humanitarian that acts like he hates everyone around him, except Ness and… and… So would you tell me who I'm talking to? Please. Tell me about you."
It was all I'd ever wanted to do since I'd met her. I had a million excuses to turn her down, to climb down off the lifeguard stand and walk away. But I was selfish, and there was a restless feeling just under my skin, and I wanted her to understand me.
"Bella, I'm… I don't know… Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It's just… I don't know where to start." I sighed, the decision made.
"I saw a picture of you and your mom. At Esme's." She glanced at me and quickly looked back at her feet.
"I hardly remember my mother. I remember the way she played piano. She was a concert pianist. I don't remember a time before I would sit on the bench, playing with her. We were a lot alike. When I try to picture her, sometimes I see myself."
I fell silent, remembering the little things: how she liked yellow M&M's, and how she would let me drink coffee when dad wasn't looking, and how I'd sleep with her hairbrush because it smelled like her
"And she died," I muttered.
"When you were -"
"Seven," Bella and I said at the same time. "I didn't understand what happened, just that she was gone. Her smell started to fade from the house. I tried to put it in a jar. And my dad lost it, or held on too tight, however you look at it, it was fucked. He was a drunk, but after he met my mom, he stopped. After she was gone, he picked up right where he left off. And after that, he just ignored me, mostly. There was no blood and guts abuse; it was more subtle: no food, no heat, no new clothes. Every so often I'd provoke him, I guess. That's when he'd hit me, that's when he looked at me."
"But what about Esme and Carlisle?"
"They suspected things were… off, but it's not like I had bruises. And if I had, I would have hidden them. The Cullens were perfect, rich, and led easy lives filled with everything I wanted. I fucking hated them.
"I left home, for the most part, when I was twelve. I'd been taking care of myself already, and it was easier not to see him. I was a self-righteous prick; so sure I was right when everyone else was fucking wrong. I was going to tear down everything and rebuild it. I'd see Alice or Tanya every once in a while. Philly's not that big, and when you're a kid into a certain scene, you cross paths."
"You've known her that long? Tanya?"
"Forever."
"Is it really over between you two?" Bella looked at me now, her brown eyes wide, sparkling with the light of the sun glancing off the ocean.
"We never ended it like this before. Neither of us knows what we're doing right now. But, I don't want to go back to that shit. I was cheating her and cheating myself. I want to feel better than that, to stop pretending."
Bella reached inside the pocket of her hoodie and pulled out that little scrap of folded paper, and pressed it into my waiting hand. I folded my hand around the paper, around her fingers. But that wasn't the end of the story and I couldn't stop now, especially now that I had the support of her touch.
"I was the one that found my dad. He'd been dead… for a long time."
"Oh my god." Bella's voice was a whisper; her hand clutched mine tighter.
"The smell. The fucking smell…" My anger flared, my chest burned.
"And that's when the court fucking stepped in, after I'd lost everything. No one ever said to my dad, 'hey asshole, stop drinking or you're going to lose your kid'. No, it was only after I'd run away and pumped my body full of fucking drugs and did unspeakable fucking things to stay fed and warm that the court presented me to my new, perfect family."
I kicked the platform of the stand. Waves lapped against the shore. Bella pressed her lips to my knuckles.
"The Cullens adopted you?"
"I didn't want them to adopt me. I said no. I walked away, and the only thing I worked on was not being found and not being sober, to keep the memory away in order to deal with my fucked up life. I blamed myself, because if I'd have been there, I could have saved him."
"You've got to know that -"
"That it's not my fault, Bella? Sometimes it doesn't matter whose fucking fault it is. It's so devastating that it doesn't matter.
"When Alice found me two years later, I knew I was dying. But I thought it was the drugs, or, I don't know, HIV or hepatitis or something. I didn't care. It seemed fitting. The cancer was more advanced because I'd lied around for months, not giving a shit.
"The Cullens, they took me in without a word. They never gave me shit for any of it."
Both of Bella's hands encircled mine. Her breath was on one cheek, the cold ocean air on the other. "Because they love you."
"Why?"
"Who wouldn't?"
And I didn't answer, because I'd gone over the answer thousands of times in therapy, but it had never made a difference before. You've got to love yourself first, and all that crap.
I glanced up at Bella, and I saw so many questions floating in her dark eyes, and I'd fucking answer anything she asked. Anything. My chest was gaping void that those eyes had somehow begun to fill. And, for a second, it didn't matter that everything I was doing this weekend was wrong. Because she was filling me, and it felt better, even though I was supposed to be helping her. And I would have given her anything for that.
Bella opened her mouth, she licked her lips, but then she looked out towards the water instead of talking.
"What?"
"I… I mean… you… You shouldn't talk about yourself like you do, Edward. You were a kid." And her eyes were on me again, and they were glassy and bright.
"I'm not a kid, now, Bella. I should fucking know better."
Bella dropped my hand and the moment was over, a wave came in, and swept it out to see. "We should get back."
I knew we should. I had to call Jenks, again. I had to tell Lauren that we had a replacement for the band. We needed to get back to Little Bell. I held out my hand to help Bella down from the stand, and she paused in front of me when her feet hit the sand. She stopped me with her eyes, in that way that only she could. "Thanks."
"I didn't fucking do -"
"Just accept the damn thank you for what it is, Edward."
"You're welcome, baby." It was intentional, this time. And that look in her eyes was back, and Bella's back made contact with the lifeguard stand, and I knew I could put my hands on either side of her face and lean in. I was afraid to tell her that I wouldn't do that. I'd be admitting something neither of us had acknowledged.
"Do you love him?" It was the first thing that popped into my head.
Bella's eyes widened and she swallowed. "Yes, of course… but -"
"Of course you do. The kid's a saint. I have to get back."
"Why did you ask me that?"
I shook my head. I fucked up her case and I wasn't going to fuck with her home, with Little Bell. I turned to go back to the house.
"Edward!"
"Because I'm an asshole, Bella," I called out without looking at her. "But I don't want to leave you here. Not with that stalker bitch around. Are you coming?"
xXxXx
Everyone was back at the house when we came in, and I couldn't stand their prying eyes. I mumbled something about work, and shut myself up in the 'boys' room'. Jenks had nothing on Victoria Hunter, yet. Lauren was ecstatic that J would play at the benefit. And my boss Laurent was unreachable. He was in Russia with Irina on an extended holiday. I was irrationally satisfied that I couldn't get a hold of him. I knew what I had to do, and I wasn't looking forward to it. At best, I needed co-counsel. But I knew that after I spoke with Laurent, he'd set me straight. Bella needed a new attorney.
I couldn't even have her as a client. I would only fuck things up.
After I dealt with all that crap, I was wound even tighter than I'd been before. Bella loved Jacob and she was going to go up against James and Victoria without me. As quickly as I had fallen into this make believe life, I was being booted the fuck out. My first thought was to go for another run, but I suppressed that impulse. I knew where it came from, and I'd been doing well with the OCD lately. I didn't want to backslide.
I stood and stretched and little grains of sand fell to the floor. I shook out my T-shirt and in a couple of seconds there was a little pile of sand on the carpet. I grabbed a change of clothes and walked down the hall to the bathroom, intent on a shower. But when I reached the bathroom door, I heard running water and laughter. I didn't wait to hear any more. Esme and Carlisle had a shower in their suite, but their door was closed and I could here them talking behind it.
Without another thought, actually, trying my best not to think about loosing Bella Swan, I marched out the back door, around the corner of the house, parted the bamboo screen, to find… Bella… and a towel. She'd been drying herself off. Her body stilled except for the subtle rise and fall of her chest, her nipples kissed the air, and her big brown eyes locked with mine. I needed to walk away, and she needed to cover herself. Instead, my eyes strayed to the gentle curve where her tits met her torso, over her ribs, the flare of her hips, the juncture of her thighs, the pink folds of her sex. Bare.
And it was only a second, or two, but it felt like forever before Bella wrapped her towel around herself, and I closed my eyes muttering an apology, and turned to leave.
But I could feel the damp air moving around me, and I could smell her: all flowers and salt. And suddenly there was a warm silken touch on my wrist and warm breath on my face. Stopping me. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move.
"Edward."
With my name on her lips and her hand on my wrist, it was hopeless. Warmth traveled from my arm, covering my skin, until I was sweating and charged, and all I could feel, all I could smell, and I could ever want is in front of me.
Grasping my wrist, Bella brought my hand between the folds of terrycloth, and placed it on her bare hip, and the touch was exquisite, better than I imagined weeks ago in the crowded garage: satin over stone, so easily broken, stronger than I could ever be. And I simply held her there, breathless, scared out of my mind. Scared to move, to talk, to take her like my body was commanding me to do.
"Edward?"
A finger traced my jaw, and terry-covered tits brushed against my chest. My head fell forward until my lips brush against soft skin, her forehead, and I felt her breath against my neck. I rested my forehead against hers, and my free hand held the back of her head, holding her to me. And barely touching, we stood silently breathing, hearts racing, afraid to move and afraid to let go. My hands itched to wander, my lips wanted nothing but hers, until it was more painful to stay still, and my one hand traced a path slowly down her spine, fingertips barely touching strong bones under silken skin.
"Edward." She murmured, so soft and low, our lips so close; I could almost feel their movement in the air. And that's all it took. My name. Her lips. All it ever took. I brushed my lips against hers, and she sighed into my mouth. Her lips moved under mine, soft, hesitant, the tip of her tongue swept over my lower lip. I wrapped my arm around her bare waist, and her towel slipped and I felt her hardening nipple suddenly pressed against my chest.
I breathed in her scent, tasted her salty lips, my tongue and hers, my body against hers, until her back was against the wall of the shower stall, and her leg was pulling me closer. Her breath hitched when she felt me hard and needy against her. Her hand fisted my hair, and I cupped her ass and picked her up off the ground, and held her between my body and the wall.
And somewhere nearby Nessie giggle. "You can't get me," Nessie laughed.
"I'm going to get you, all right!" Alice called.
Little footsteps ran through the grass and onto the rocks in the drive. Bella stared into my eyes, pleading, but I didn't know what she wanted. I didn't know if she realized I'd been kissing her good-bye.
"Fuck," I mumbled, setting her on the ground, staggering backwards.
Her fingertips fell from my face, but her eyes held onto me. "She's with Alice," she whispered.
"I need to go."
"We need to talk."
"There's no way I can talk to you right now." I let the hunger in my eyes speak for itself, and I think Bella understood, because she refastened the towel over her tits.
"Mama?" Nessie called.
"Leave your mama alone. She's taking a shower."
"I wanna shower with mama!" Nessie's voice was closer.
"Fuck."
Bella glanced around the stall, and the clothing she brought with her was now trampled and wet on the ground. "Damn," she breathed.
"Here, take my shirt." Bella watched as I pulled the T-shirt over my head, and her fingers brushed mine as she took it from me. She turned around and dropped her towel and lifted her hands to pull it over her head. My eyes explored the slope of her slender back, the swell of her breasts, and her tight little ass, pinking where it had rubbed against the wall of the shower.
I couldn't think of anything to say. I left without another word, careful to avoid Nessie and Alice on my way back to the house.
xXxXx
I met Carlisle on the second floor landing.
"Edward, I wanted to speak to you. This is somewhat difficult for me. Perhaps we could talk in my bedroom." I shook my head, trying to focus my thoughts, trying to forget Bella's naked body and the way it felt against mine, the weight of her in my arms. I could still smell her on my shorts, and taste her on my tongue.
"What is it?" I asked with a sigh. We both settled into matching chairs in front of an unlit fireplace.
"I notice you've been spending some time with my new associate."
"Her name is Bella."
"Dr. Swan."
"Everyone thinks of her as a member of the family. You can say her name."
"Bella… yes, Alice and Esme have really taken to her and her daughter. And Emmett and Jacob seemed to get along well when we had them over for dinner last week."
I knew where this conversation was going, and Carlisle may have been right, but it pissed me off nonetheless. "What are you trying to say?"
"What exactly are your intentions with my newest employee?"
"It's really none of your business."
"No, son, that's exactly what it is. It is my business. My practice is about people, and when I find employees that my patients like to interact with, I don't want to lose them. I almost lost Angela and she'd been with me for close to ten years. I don't know what happened with you and my nurse, but I'd prefer not to have a repeat performance with Doctor Swan."
I'd flirted with Angela and fooled around with her, in the office. I knew she thought it was leading somewhere, but it never was. Then, one day, Tanya walked into the waiting room, kissed Shelley on the cheek, and gave Carlisle a big hug. I was a scumbag. But that didn't mean my uncle wasn't crossing a line.
"Bella and I are adults."
"Then perhaps you should act like it. The woman has a live-in boyfriend and a young daughter. I'm sorry, Edward, I don't mean to speak out of turn. Perhaps since she's young enough to be my daughter, since her family is so far away, I feel the need -"
"To protect her from me?"
"Edward." But I could see in the set of my uncle's jaw that it's exactly what he felt the need to do.
"I understand, Carlisle."
"I'll speak with Dr. Swan in the morning."
"There's no need to embarrass her. I'll speak with her. Tell Esme I'll see her at the fundraiser. Perhaps you'd like to sit it out with Sasha?"
"Is that your plan? Dismiss your family when it gets too hard?"
"That's what I do, isn't it, Carlisle? You go ahead and do what you want."
As angry as I was, I knew Carlisle was right. Sure, right now it was about finger touches, and smiles, and Bella wet and naked in front of me. But what would happen when I started rearranging the books in her study, when she came home to find me scrubbing her floors, or when I hired a cleaning service for her? What about when I shut her out because things got too hard. When I shut out Little Bell. Or when I lost my shit because Little Bell broke the rules and brought something sticky into my car? What if I smacked her like my dad did, sometimes. Or worse, what if I just ignored her?
You throw around a term like OCD, and it's quirky, and it means you don't smell, and it means you've got a nice car and your clothes are neat. But Bella couldn't know that I was fucking insane, she didn't. And I didn't want her to see it.
I had to talk to her: to let her know my limits, to let her know that I shouldn't have led her on. I'd gotten caught up in a stupid dream, in airy-fairy ideas about being in love, not on the hard facts that I couldn't open myself up to a life with her. I wanted better than that for her, and it was fucking frightening.
And I couldn't talk to her now. If I went to her this minute, we weren't going to talk. The last fucking thing I wanted to do with Bella Swan was to explain to her how insane, unstable and undesirable I was.
So I left. It's what I did better than anything else these days. Carlisle was right, again. The shit got too hard, and I left.
A/N: Another Monday, another update! Yay! Here's the thing, though: this week is going to be crazy at work. There's no way I'll be able to get the next chapter out in another seven days. But hang in there, I'll do my best to make sure you don't have to wait two full weeks for an update.
Once again, thanks to Lindz, thanks so much for the reviews, and, umm... don't hate Edward, okay? He's got a long story to work this all out. xxx, M