The Practice of Love

by belladonnacullen

When the disarmingly handsome Edward Masen turns up as a new patient, the life Dr. Isabella Swan has carefully put together will be shattered forever. What will it take to put the pieces back together again? What does it take to heal? AH/AU, canon parings

16. Chapter 13

A/N: Hey guys! TPOL has been nominated for Fan Fiction of the Month over at Twilight Fan Fic Addicts on facebook. If you're on facebook, I'd be flattered if you went on over to the TFFA page and clicked on the link for The Practice of Love under the Fan Fic of the Month Poll. Voting is only open until Tuesday, August 31st. Here's the link, (just take out the spaces around the dots.)

http:/www . facebook . com/twilightfanfic?v=wall&ref=notif

BPOV

He kissed me.

He. Kissed. Me.

And it wasn't just any kiss. Holy crap! His lips, his hands, his chest, his erection all pressed me against the wall. His lips brushed against mine and there was that spark again, lighting a flame inside, and I was burning, and it was a good thing he was holding me up. Yeah, that's right. He held me up. He wrapped his arm around my naked waist and I almost came right there. And his hands. He has these huge hands, and he used one to hold my ass, his fingers so close to where I really wanted them. And I was off the ground, against the rough wall of the shower stall, and better yet, against him. He held me there, heavy, muscular, and his breath hitched as he kissed me, so that his sigh was audible, almost like a grunt. That little involuntary voice said so much about his eagerness, his need, and it ran through me so I shivered, and his fingers held me so tight, as he moved his hips and made sure that I felt him between my legs. And my towel slipped, and his kiss came harder.

And after the darkness of his past, he still managed to taste like sunlight, and that light poured into me when our lips touched, and we were lit together from the inside out, finally. And it was perfect. My heart raced, his fingertips curled just a little and I tried to grind against his hand, against his dick.

And Ness shouted something and broke the spell.

And then he gave me his shirt. He pulled it right over his head and handed it to me, and what else could I do? I dropped my towel right then and there. He didn't touch, but he watched me, and instead of his hands or his lips, this time his soft cotton and his sunshine smell caressed my skin. And I did come, a little, right then.

I pressed my hands against the old wooden boards of the stall for support, and pressed my thighs together. They were damp, and I wondered if he noticed, and I decided I was okay either way. I took a breath and turned around, and he was gone. Like he was never there, like it had all been another one of my stupid fantasies. Because, face it, this weekend had been the silly fantasy Rose and I cooked up over margaritas. But it was so much better, because it wasn't a fantasy anymore; it was right on the edge of becoming real.

After that kiss, I knew. You couldn't fake something like that. He more than 'liked me, liked me'. Much more. It had seemed so inconceivable just a few days ago, but this weekend, something changed between us. And even though it could be awkward, it was awkward because we were both trying not to cross a line. And sometimes we didn't know what to say, but that was just because we were both afraid to say too much. And even with so much untouched and unspoken, when we were together it still managed to feel comfortable and right, and dizzying and exhilarating… and I only wanted more.

Five seconds later, Ness was grinning in the doorway of the shower stall wearing a Tinkerbell nightgown. I could hear Alice's footsteps and stop short on the other side of the wall.

"I wanna take a shower too, mama! And why you wearing -"

"Not now, Ness!" My voice came out sharper than I'd planned, but I knew what she was going to ask, and I didn't want to go there. Not now. It brought to mind the idea that this weekend, and that kiss, and everything I was feeing, and wearing was wrong. And that idea was so incongruous with the way that my body was singing, that it would have been nearly impossible to explain to my daughter why I was wearing Edward's shirt. "It's after your bedtime, Ness. You can shower again after the beach tomorrow."

"Okay," she agreed, studying the shirt instead of my face, and she lifted her arms asking to be picked up. "I tired." She nestled her head against my shoulder and breathed deeply and grabbed a tiny fistful of worn cotton. I couldn't help chuckling under my breath. "Like mother, like daughter," I whispered in Nessie's ear, and she sighed and closed her eyes.

"You decent in there, Bella?" Alice called.

"Um, yeah?" I really wasn't sure. Alice gasped a little when she saw me wearing only a U Penn Law, Class of 2003 T-shirt. She tried to hide her surprise, but it didn't work.

"Hey, so, um, we're all going out in a little while. You want to come?"

"All of you?" I couldn't keep the edge of eagerness out of my voice.

"Probably not. Not everyone, I mean." I understood, and Alice smiled sheepishly.

"Right. Well, I've got to put Ness here to bed, and I can't keep asking your mom to babysit. I should probably stay in."

"I think you could probably ask my mom to pay for Nessie's college education. She'd love to babysit."

"I think I'll stay behind, anyway, Alice. Thanks, though, for the invite." I had the ridiculous impulse to wink. We were talking in code and it was silly and absurdly fun. I should have said, "No thanks, I'll just stay behind and make out with your cousin some more."

I grinned just thinking about it, but Alice looked worried and her smile seemed brave. "Oh, Bella, can I help you with something?" she asked, eying Ness, my wet clothing, towel and toiletries.

"Alice, I'm fine," I assured her. I was better than fine. Now I knew without a doubt that breaking up with Jake was the right thing to do. Now, maybe Edward and I had a chance at something. That idea was enough to make me shiver where I stood. I knew Edward and I both had issues to work through, but we could do it together, we could make it work, we could try.

I was glad to be carrying a mostly sleeping Ness when I walked back into the house. Instead of focusing on Edward's T-shirt, everyone admired my daughter and whispered their good nights, and I was able to slip quickly upstairs. Ness fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, and I took a little more time than usual choosing my clothing and brushing my hair before going back down. I thought about make-up, but after checking the mirror, I realized that I didn't need it. After that kiss, my cheeks were still pink, my eyes were bright, and I hadn't smiled like this since I was a kid. I did brush my teeth and take a couple swigs of mouthwash. A girl could hope.

When I walked back down the stairs, the house was quiet and dark, and I guessed Alice, Rosalie and the boys had left for the bar. But there was a light glowing in the kitchen. It was Esme, putting water on for tea, alone. She smiled warmly when she saw me.

"You look lovely Bella, like you got some good sun this weekend." And I couldn't help remembering how Edward had felt like sunshine in my arms, and my cheeks grew instantly warm, and I found something very interesting to examine on the hem of my sundress.

"Everyone's gone?" I asked.

"You could have joined them, dear. I don't mind checking in on your daughter, at all. Last night I almost wished she'd wake up, so I could have her all to myself for a little while."

I felt instantly warmed by Esme's words. "I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not be a fifth wheel, and Ness wakes early. I can't expect Edward get up with her each morning we're here." I smiled as I remembered walking into the dining room, catching Edward cutting Nessie's pancakes, and the way she'd been grinning up at him.

But Esme's face fell, and she turned abruptly to attend to the kettle. "You haven't heard, then?"

"Heard what?"

"I suppose after their talk… I thought he would at least have…"

"Esme?"

Esme turned back to me, smiling for all she was worth. "Would you care for some tea? I'm having chamomile."

"Uh, sure."

Esme took her time with a very old and very expensive-looking tea set, and set out lemon slices and a jar of honey, as well as some cookie-like thingys that I suspected were tea biscuits. It was formal and cozy at the same time. Finally, after too much fussing, Esme settled into a seat across from me. The house was very quiet except for the buzzing of cicadas, and I wondered when Edward would be down. I couldn't imagine that Nessie's laughter had scared him so much that he planned on hiding upstairs all night.

"I'm not sure what I should say, and what I shouldn't, Bella. I'm so glad you and your daughter feel comfortable here, with us. You two have really brightened our weekend. As has Edward. He hasn't been down here with us since he was a child."

"He told me that," I said, glancing towards the stairs. I felt self-conscious talking about Edward when he might come down at any moment.

"He did? That's good." Esme took a sip of her tea, settled her cup in the saucer and rubbed her forehead. "You have to understand, though, Bella. My husband worries too much. After having his twin sister Elizabeth taken from this world at such a young age, after everything that happened to her son, to Edward… And Carlisle is a physician: you know that worrying comes with the territory."

"Esme, please just say whatever you're trying to say. What don't I know? What does this have to do with Carlisle?"

"I'm afraid my husband had a talk with Edward this evening, and now, Edward's on his way back to Philadelphia."

"What?" That couldn't be right, not after that kiss.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything about my husband's involvement. He had your best interest at heart, but he certainly shouldn't have meddled in the lives of two adults, and I've said as much to him. I simply couldn't let Edward leave without letting you know that it wasn't his idea, entirely."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because my husband should not have gotten in the way of your happiness. And Edward shouldn't have let him." Esme shook her head, and poured another cup of tea. "Men," she sighed.

And suddenly, it all clicked. Carlisle was there when Edward called me baby, and he'd caught us holding hands. Jake and I had dinner with the Cullens only weeks ago. Carlisle, my own boss, must have thought that I was a horrible person, and he advised his nephew to stay away. And that feeling came back, the same one I tried to ignore when Ness asked about Edward's T-shirt: the feeling that I was doing everything wrong. And now Edward was gone, and my boss thought poorly of me. I'd really screwed everything up.

Esme's warm hand clasped mine from across the table. "Don't be so sad, dear. This will all work itself out."

"Oh, Esme, you don't know that."

"But, I believe you do know that… I saw it in the your eyes when you came down the stairs just now. Bella, you can't live as long as I have and not know that look. Hold onto that feeling, sweetheart, and remember it when the going gets tough. And when the time comes, I'll remind you of the way my nephew lost himself listening to you talk about Lyme disease this morning. He cares about you a great deal. It reminded me of the first time I met Carlisle."

I smiled trying to picture a younger version of Esme, without the wrinkle lines, without the wisps of gray hair at her temples.

"Freshman Biology… we were in the same study group."

"Wow, you were…?"

"I'd just turned eighteen. There was something about his passion for cell signaling… but it was more than that. I wouldn't have fallen for just any biology nerd. It was Carlisle. He was handsome and bookish, and well, to me at least, somewhat… sexy." Esme actually blushed and I gave her a moment and took a long sip of my tea.

"To this day, I'm sure he said something very indecent to me about ion channels, but he still won't admit it, all these years later. I proposed to him a week after we met."

I coughed as I swallowed my tea. It was the last thing I'd expected from such a proper woman. "You're kidding? You were so young!"

"I didn't think age mattered, and all these years later, I suppose I was right." Esme smirked and sipped from her cup. "Not to mention that my parents didn't approve at all, so that was a plus. But they did send me to university to find a husband, so the joke was on them, it seems."

"Because of your age?"

"Because Carlisle was a second generation Irishman, instead of a Rockefeller or a Carnegie."

"Oh."

That was so far removed from what my own parents might want for me, that I couldn't think of anything else to say. My parents probably just wanted me to find someone that wouldn't abuse me, and with Jake, they thought I had found that guy. My dad would be really upset when I told him about the break-up. He'd known Jake since he was a kid, and he knew he was a good man. And dad was always going on and on about how hard it had been to raise me alone, and how glad he was that Jake had stepped in. More than anything else, I was worried that my dad was going to be disappointed in me.

I'd gotten lost in my thoughts and Esme was studying my face, her forehead lined with worry. "Bella?"

"I tried to break up with Jake before I came out here, Esme," I said in a rush. I hadn't told anyone yet, and I certainly hadn't planned on saying anything to Edward's aunt, but it felt so good to get it off my chest, that I couldn't stop. "And I don't know how that's going to work when I finally do end it. Nessie's known Jake since birth. He'd need time with her, and I don't know if he'd even want to stay in Philadelphia. And he's going to hate me, and I probably deserve it. My family is going to hate me. I just hope you and Carlisle don't hate me too. I wasn't trying to do anything wrong here. I really wasn't. I'm sorry."

In a flash, Esme was on my side of the table. For an older woman, she could sure move fast. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and she kissed the top of my head.

"Of course I don't hate you. Carlisle doesn't either. He doesn't want to see you or Edward hurt, and he doesn't want to lose you as an employee. But with anything worthwhile, you have to take chances. Like getting married at eighteen without your parent's approval. I suppose my husband forgot."

Esme squeezed my shoulders before she let me go, and she walked off into the dark front room and picked a small card off of the mantle.

"Here, dear, Edward left this for me. Excuse my language, but my nephew was an ass for not saying goodbye. I hope this might hold you over until you see him again."

Esme,

Sorry to leave on such short notice, but it couldn't be helped. In my absence, there will be a car stationed outside the house until you all leave tomorrow. Please, also ask Emmett to keep an eye on Bella and Vanessa. Much appreciated,

Edward

"And is there…?"

"There's a black sedan directly across the street. I offered the gentlemen some tea, but they've brought their own refreshments. I imagine it has something to do with the young woman on the beach."

Edward had hired a security guard to keep Victoria away? Talk about overkill. The gesture was touching and insanely over the top, all at once.

"I don't know if that's necessary, Esme," I said, waving my hand towards the front window.

"That wasn't my point in showing you the note, dear. You can keep it, if you'd like."

Of course I wanted to keep it. "Will he mind?"

"If he does, he only has himself to blame. If Edward wanted to keep his feelings locked inside, he should have stayed."

I tucked the note card into my pocket and helped Esme clear our cups and saucers before we turned off the lights, and headed upstairs to bed.

xXxXx

"Ewoord! Ewoord! Mama, where he is? Where's Ewoord?"

I opened my eyes to see Ness peering under the bed across the room from me, and my heart broke a little. If this was how she acted after waking up with Edward once, how would she react after I ended things with Jacob? And no matter how much Jake might hate me afterwards, he'd always love Ness. I knew he thought of her like a daughter. I was about to break the two of them up as well. I hated it, but I couldn't avoid it. I just hoped Jake and I could speak civilly, that he'd hear me out, and maybe that he'd agree.

"Edward had to go back to Philly, baby."

Ness flopped onto the bed and folded her hands across her chest, giving me her best pouty face. "He not say-ed goodbye."

"I know, baby. And that was very wrong of him. Do you want to make breakfast with me today, instead?" I sat down next to her and tried to pull her into my arms, but she kept her arms crossed, her little back stiff and straight.

"I not a baby. And I wanna make breakfast with Ewoord."

"I know, sweetie. I'm sad that he's gone too. But he asked Emmett to hang out with you today. Maybe Emmett could show you, I don't know… how to throw a football?" I tried to sound encouraging. I looked into her big brown eyes and smiled.

"I can still go to the beach and play in the water without Ewoord?"

"Off course. We don't need Ewoord to play and have fun."

"And I can wear the swim suit with the mermaid? And I can pretend to be a baby mermaid, and you can be the mama mermaid, and then, maayybee, umm, maybe Emmett could be the daddy?" Ness scrunched up her face when she said 'Emmett', but she looked so hopeful, almost excited at the idea of having a mer-family. I didn't have a choice, and neither did Emmett. I hoped he was up for it.

"Sure, Ness. Of course. Emmett can be the daddy."

"Well… okay," she allowed, getting to her feet, her hands still folded across her chest. "But I not like it as much as Ewoord."

"Me either, Ness. Me either." And finally, she gave me a genuine smile.

xXxXx

Emmett was practically walking on top of me, holding Rose's hand, as the family made their way down to the beach after breakfast. We smiled awkwardly at one another.

"I guess you're mine for the day, pret-, I mean, doc," Emmett said, nudging me in the arm with his elbow.

"I don't know, Emmett. I'm a big girl. No matter what Edward asked, I think I can take care of myself. Especially considering our, um, security detail."

Rosalie, Emmett and I glanced up towards the dunes, where the two tattooed guys in black suits were mopping the sweat off their faces, and failing miserably if their objective was to look inconspicuous.

"Yeah, what's up with those dudes?" Rosalie asked. "Are they undercover cops or something, because of what happened with Victoria yesterday?"

"Something like that," I answered, not wanting to give away Edward's overblown concern. It felt too personal.

"Dude, Edward would kill me if anything happened to you. You're not getting away from me that easily. So today, you and Ness are mine."

"Geez, what's it to Edward?" Rose asked, and I tried not to hate her. She was my best friend, but she was going to have to get past her hang-up about Edward.

Emmett managed to smooth things over by laying on the charm. He wrapped his huge arm around her little waist, and they looked a little too much like Barbie and Ken for my taste. "You gotta understand, Rosie baby. I'd never be able to live with myself if I let something happen to you."

Rose's expression softened, and she pecked Emmett on the cheek. "That's sweet, Bear. But you and I are totally different from Bella and Edward." And I tried not to hate her again, because she was right, it was completely different.

I spent my Monday learning about football, and playing mer-mommy to Emmett's mer-daddy, and watching couples make-out more than I had since the prom after-party in Jenny Portifino's basement. If nothing else, I got to watch Emmett watching Rosalie. There were no straying eyes, or hands or anything. The man was focused, and Rosalie knew it too, and loved it. I was glad for her.

Alice and J played like a couple of kids: building sand castles, catching little fish in the water, body surfing on the waves. J had come out of his shell a little more, and I watched in semi-amazement as he carried on a full conversation with Carlisle and Esme. And towards the end of the afternoon, he held Nessie's hand and walked down the beach collecting purple seashells. Alice came over to ooh and ahh about how sweet and fatherly J was. Rosalie shared Emmett's recent mer-daddy role-playing fiasco, and the two went at it, subtly competing about which of them was dating the best daddy material.

I knew the answer to that question. Neither of them was dating him, and he wasn't on the beach.

J came back with a pink plastic pale full of shells and a little girl hungry for some food. Esme grabbed Nessie's hand and offered to take her back to the house to make something special, just for her. I agreed immediately, happy to finally give Esme the alone time she was craving with Ness.

"So, uh, Bella?" J asked, smiling shyly. "I, uh, wanted to apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable the other day. I didn't mean anything by what I said."

"By what?" I honestly had no idea what he meant.

"By assuming you and Edward were family. You guys seemed so upset after. I'm usually good with that kind of thing, but I really stuck my foot in my mouth, I guess."

I sighed. After J called me and Ness Edward's girls the other day, I'd been irrationally excited, flattered that anyone could consider me worthy to be that man's girlfriend or wife, or whatever. But a second later I was hit by intense guilt, because Jake always called us his girls, and I hadn't though of him first. There was no way J could have known that, though.

"J, I didn't even think twice about it. No need to apologize."

"Then you'll still come to the show tonight? I could use all the friendly audience I could get. Philly's kind of different from Texas. I'm a little frightened, actually."

"Please Bella! You should come." Alice whined a lot like Ness did. "Besides, I think there's going to be someone there you might want to see."

We were talking in code again. "Really?"

"Someone might just be there to check out J's music, to meet the band."

"You're serious?" I could see Edward tonight. We could talk, I could tell him about Jake, and there'd be no misunderstandings between us. We could start being 'we'.

"Nope, I wouldn't kid about someone like that. So, you're coming, then? Definitely?"

"Definitely. I wouldn't miss it for anything, J."

J looked back and forth between Alice and I and shook his head. "I don't know exactly what just happened, but thanks, Bella. I appreciate it."

xXxXx

"She wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, you know," Emmett said, gesturing towards his sleeping girlfriend.

I was driving back to Philly with Emmett, Rosalie and Nessie. Rose was in the back seat for the simple reason that Emmett couldn't fit back there. After three days of sunshine and water, and I'm sure with precious little actual sleep, Rosalie had fallen asleep almost as quickly as Nessie had. She was even snoring.

"I know," I agreed. "You used my exact words, Emmett. For a while, it just confirmed for me that you were the world's biggest douche, you know?"

He laughed a little, but didn't disagree. "Usually, that would be a pretty fair description. Maybe it takes a little while to unlearn that shit. I just wanted to get it perfect, so she'd see me again. I didn't want to risk anything, so I went with what you said. I don't want to be a douche with her. She's it, Bella, I just know it."

"This is where I'm supposed to say, 'if you hurt her, I'll kill you.' But I don't know if I could make that happen."

Emmett checked the rearview mirror. "I'm sure my shady cousin could find someone if you really wanted to get the job done."

I snorted. The black sedan was following us, two cars back.

"And I figure, since you helped me, I should do something nice for you," Emmett said sincerely, ignoring the topic of his untimely end.

"You already watched me and Ness. I'd say we're even, Emmett."

"No, advice… I've got some. Edward really likes you, Bella. Has hasn't said as much, but he's never been nutty the way he's nutty around you. I met Jake and all, and he seems like a nice enough guy. But, my cousin… he doesn't usually do this kind of shit, dude. I'm not telling you to throw out your boyfriend, but, I don't know… if you wanted to, you could totally, uh… date my cousin."

I raised my eyebrows, trying to figure if Emmett was just out to get Edward laid. I couldn't think of a polite response.

"He's been with Tanya forever, and I was sure Tanya was just crazy enough to get with Edward's shit, to make it work. But Edward's had crazy his whole life, man, and maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe he was just waiting for the right kind of normal, for someone smart and pretty… like you."

"Emmett, that was really kind of sweet."

"I'm gonna shut up now. Anymore and I'll probably land myself in the douche category all over again." I laughed and Emmett laughed, and it was good. I was happy he was with Rose. And I was planning on breaking up with Jake, leaving me free to date Emmett's cousin. And I smiled wider and laughed harder, in awe that my life could suddenly feel so exciting, and that maybe Edward and I could both have what we'd never even considered before.

xXxXx

Leah showed up at seven, with finger paints and pastels, and a big roll of rough brown paper. She was twenty and beautiful, with dark skin and almond eyes, and black hair that hung almost to her waist. She liked to wear flowers in her hair, and flowing skirts, and peasant tops without a bra, and she had a huge crush on Jake. I'd always been secretly pleased that Jake never gave her a second glance, and Leah, aware of Jake's total admiration, kind of held me in awe. I'm sure she thought I had some magical bedroom moves that kept Jake's eyes on me instead of her. Having her around was definitely good for my ego. And as a student and a struggling artist, Leah needed the money. The arrangement worked for everyone.

We'd planned on her staying the night, anyway, even before my plans to go see J's band. With Nessie's summer camp over and one extra week before pre-school started, I needed serious babysitting help. It was easier for Leah to sleep over and wake up with me and Ness, rather than get across town and to my house by six in the morning. So, going out tonight wouldn't be a big deal. And as I opened the door to let Leah in, I saw the black sedan sitting across the street from my house, and I felt that much safer leaving Ness for a few hours. Thanks, Edward, I said in my head.

"Hi, Leah!" I cheered out loud.

She bounded across the entrance, and sure enough, she'd left her bra at home. "I brought a few things to keep Nessie busy," she said, holding out the art supplies.

"She's going to love it. But, uh, maybe you should set up out back, because she's going to make a mess of epic proportions. I can just feel it."

"Of course. So, uh, Jake's gone until tomorrow, right?" And there were the mooneyes; Leah hadn't changed a bit in the month since I'd seen her last: braless and crushing on my almost un-boyfriend.

"Yeah, tomorrow. And I'm heading out tonight, if you don't mind. Here's the address, and you have my number if you need me. I shouldn't be too late. I have work in the morning."

"No problem at all, Bella. Nessie sleeps like a rock. Have fun."

After kissing Ness goodnight, and showing her how to charge her 'pink music', I headed over to Alice's house. I told Alice I'd pick her up, so she didn't have to go alone. Rose and Emmett said they'd meet us there, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. When I'd dropped the two of them off at Rose's condo, the way his hands were all over her, the way she practically pulled him up the front steps, I didn't know if Rose would come up for air until the next time she was due at the hospital.

I wasn't surprised that Alice lived in Northern Liberties, an artsy part of town full of single twenty-somethings with attitude. She would fit right in. I was expecting her to live in a row home, like everyone else in the city, but I had to do a double take when I pulled up to the address. The house was all wood and stone and glass, high and airy and enormous. Leave it to the Cullens to make a statement.

Alice answered the door and threw her arms around me and it reminded me of the first time we'd met, back at her parent's home. This time she was dressed in a pair of electric blue leggings and a clingy black off the shoulder top that set off her hair and eyes. She looked stunning and quirky, and totally Alice.

"Oh, no, Bella. Not that!" she said, turning me around before she even let me through the door. "Jeans and a tank top? Really?"

I thought I'd looked pretty good. "What's wrong with it?"

"Ness and I are going to have to teach you a thing or two. Come in, come in! We have just enough time to fix this."

Judging by the outside of the house, I'd expected to see something sparse and modern and empty when I walked through the front door. But the front room was a cluttered mess. Alice weaved her way through the random furniture and boxes filling up the enormous space, and came back with a drink in each hand. "You strike me as a cosmo kind of girl," she giggled, handing me the drink.

"Uh, well, I'll see, I guess." I was more of a beer kind of girl, but I was nervous enough about seeing Edward again that I'd take whatever was offered to calm my nerves. "So, your place is, umm -"

"A complete mess," Alice said, finishing my thought perfectly. "It's all Edward's. He needs a storage space, or better yet, a place of his own. Seriously, it's coming up on a month. In his defense, he only asked Tanya to send three things, but I think she wanted to wipe the slate clean. She sent over Christmas mugs, for god's sake. I guess he just hasn't been in the right headspace to go through it all."

"Wow, a whole life in boxes." For some reason, it was painful to see.

"It could probably stay in those boxes, as far as he's concerned. I don't think he wanted that life, he only thought he did." I understood completely, and my chest ached, wondering what Jake would do with his belongings, what he'd want to take.

"Which three things did he ask you to keep?"

"Well, the piano," Alice replied. "It was his mom's."

I spotted my office chair in a far corner of the room and remembered Edward telling me that he had the same one. "And the chair?" I asked.

"Yeah, funny, huh?" Alice laughed a little, as she weaved back through the boxes to a little bar, where she started mixing another drink for each of us.

"I don't know if it's funny. It's a really good chair." It was the kind of chair you could spend hours in, Googling your attorney.

"And this thing," Alice added, walking over to a monstrous canvas leaning against the wall. "The movers should have at least covered it. Tanya probably told them not to, or something. Still, I don't think it was damaged in the move." It was a painting of a castle, glowing silvery-white against a gloomy background. The lines were all clean and straight, the corners all right angles. It was an angelic castle, an ideal of a castle, and it had the biggest tower I'd ever seen.

I laughed a little out loud and Alice's eyes glittered as she took another sip of her cosmo. "You see the big shining dick too, huh?" And the two of us laughed together as she brought me up to her dressing room to find something else to wear.

By the time we made it to the club, I realized that Alice had gotten me perfectly buzzed. I was all smiles and swagger and hyper-aware of my body; drunk just enough to think I looked kind of sexy, yet not enough to do anything stupid with that idea. I felt like I was six feet tall in the tight leather pants and heels I'd dressed up in at Alice's place, and the shimmering blue top she'd chosen for me hung on my boobs in a way that made them look pretty hot, even though they were small. Having Alice around could really come in handy.

"Thanks for coming, Bella. I really appreciate it."

Edward was supposed to be inside. There wasn't a chance in hell I wouldn't have shown up tonight, especially with Nessie's own private security detail back home.

"Will you stop thanking me, Alice? I want to be here."

"I know, I know… I just have this feeling that I can't quite put my finger on. I think that tonight might be, I don't know… intense."

Intense: like Edward, like his history, like every word that came out of his mouth, like our kiss in the shower. I'd take intense, gladly… my intense mystery man, my Edward. He was all I could think about as we made our way to the front of the line, as Alice pointed to our names on the guest list, and as the bouncer checked my I.D. And his face was the only one I was looking for as Alice and I got our bearings and looked around inside.

The club was dark, the walls covered with something like velvet, the bar lining the semi-circular back wall, and tables set up front, with booths along the sides. It was crowded for a weeknight, and the large room hummed, people milled and shouted to friends across the bar.

"We need to get a seat up front," Alice whisper-shouted in my ear, as she pulled me towards the stage. "We can get drinks afterwards." I didn't need another drink; my eyes scanned the room for what I needed. It didn't take long; I would have known that messy mop of copper hair anywhere. Suddenly, I was the one pulling Alice, no matter that I was in four-inch heels.

"Edward!"

Two heads turned, and I stopped dead in my tracks in horror. Two men stood to their feet. Alice clutched my wrist, and I felt sick to my stomach. Two sets of eyes, one set black and overjoyed, the other set blazing green, hot and hungry and angry all at once, and he blinked, and I saw a glimpse of the sadness that he always hid inside.

"Jacob," I mumbled in shock, unable to take my eyes from Edward's face. His features were hard, his jaw set, and his eyes... I had to look away. I wanted to apologize, to take his hand and leave, but my boyfriend was bounding over to me like some overgrown kid.

What the hell was Jake doing here?

Jake held my face in his hands and brushed his lips over mine. His dark eyes were bright, and he took a step backwards to look me over from head to toe. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

"What are you doing here?" I managed.

"I couldn't stay away any longer, Bells. I made our dads take me back early, I changed my flight. I had to see you. And, damn, you should hang out with fashion designers more often, babe. You look smokin' hot."

It was hard to concentrate on Jake. I could tell without seeing him that Edward's eyes were no longer on me, and I felt rejected, somehow. I irrationally wanted to be the only thing that could hold his attention.

"But how did you find me?"

"Leah gave me the address when I got home. Ness was already in bed, so I came right over. You weren't here, but your lawyer was. And, you know, I'm glad I got a chance to talk to him again, one on one. He had some sweet things to say. He's not so bad."

"No, he's not." I wanted to cry. "Jake, we need to talk."

"I know we do, Bells. That's part of the reason I'm back early. There's been too much unsaid, and I want to say it. It's like we've been walking around with all this stuff in the air, and I don't want to live like that anymore."

"Should we go now then?" It wasn't how I'd planned to spend the evening, but it had to be done.

Jake smiled and rubbed my bare shoulder with his big, rough hand. "I just ordered a beer, and I paid twenty dollars to get in here. Let's stick around for a few and see the show. We can talk after, somewhere quiet."

I should have insisted that we leave. Because there, in that empty moment, there was no reason for me not to grab Jake's hand and pull him towards the exit. I pleaded silently with him to spontaneously change his mind, and I thought of all the things I had planned to say, about what his reaction might be. But I said nothing, and Jake's hand moved from my shoulder to my waist, and he whispered in my ear that he loved me.

The moment ended, and I hadn't said a word. Edward's eyes met mine and they were dull and flat, like paint on a wall. Alice came by and placed another drink in my hand with a hangdog expression on her face. In another second, the lights went down, and the crowd cheered, and J and his band walked on to the stage.

"We'll talk later, Bells," Jake whispered into my ear. "I'm gonna make sure we have plenty of time to ourselves later." His hand brushed my ass, as he led me over to the booth where Alice and Edward were sitting. Alice was whispering something in Edward's ear, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick.

"Thank you," J said into the mic, in his hushed Southern drawl. "Good to see all of my new neighbors out here tonight."

Alice whooped and waved her arms in the air, and J winked in her direction, before taking his seat and adjusting his mic. Jake's hand was on my thigh, his lips brushed my shoulder, and I downed the drink Alice had given me, and coughed too loud, trying not to choke. It was stronger than what she'd made back at her place. People turned to stare, a few shushed me, and I held my face in my hands, trying to block it all out. Trying to keep the world straight, because it had suddenly tilted sideways.

The band launched into a sweet melody with a layered and lush sound that filled the room and made it's way through your bones. J's voice joined the instruments, throaty and low, and sexier than I'd imagined it would be. He kept his eyes down, and his foot tapped out the rhythm on the ground, and his voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The emotion that he was able to convey with his voice blasted right through me, sad and lonely and resolute. I couldn't catch all the words, something about a father and a son, and leaving, and dying, and being reborn. When it was over, it was silent for a second as the crowd sat in awe. Alice was the first in the crowd to jump to her feet and clap and scream, and the rest of the room erupted after that.

Only then did J lift his head and give a shy smile. "Thanks. Now, this one's a new one. It's for my girl." He blushed a little, and glanced in Alice's direction, before turning back to his band to give them a count-off to start. I looked over to see Alice grab Edward's hand, and all the emotion in J's voice hit me again, and his sweet adoration washed over me and over everyone around me, and the crowd gave a collective sigh. Alice nearly climbed onto the table in front of her, and Jake wrapped his arm around my waist. I wanted to cry again. Edward hadn't even glanced in my direction.

I pulled myself away from Jake and hurried back to the bar and ordered a shot. I hadn't had a shot of anything since college, and when I downed it, my eyes burned, and I held on to the edge of the bar for support. The song ended, people applauded, and as I looked back towards our booth I saw Alice run up to the stage. J bent down and whispered something in her ear, to a chorus of 'aww!'.

Jake and Edward were talking in the booth, their heads bent close. Edward was nodding in agreement to something, and Jake clapped him on the back. I felt like I'd lost all control over my life, my night, and my equilibrium. My head was swimming, and I made my wobbly way to the bathroom, where I plunked down on a toilet, locked the door and hung my head while the world spun around me.

The longer I sat, the more my confusion and self-pity turned to anger. How could Edward sit there and calmly chat with Jake when I knew he wanted me, when I knew he cared about me? How could he sit in a booth with me and not even say hello? And I was an avowed pacifist, but shouldn't Edward have been at least kind of cold to Jake? Not all chummy, not sharing secrets, not talking to my boyfriend and avoiding me!

Edward hadn't called me all day. And now that I was here, after that first tortured glance, he'd hardly even looked at me since.

Of course, I was wrong. Completely wrong. Jake was still my boyfriend. I'm sure Edward had been as surprised as I was that Jake was here tonight. And he was behaving better than I was. But it still bothered me that he could be so calm and chatty. Wasn't he upset, at all?

I was thinking this over, and concentrating on walking, slowly, one foot in front of the other, as I made my way back to the bar. I tried to climb onto a stool, but almost pushed it over instead, and I paused before mustering my courage to try again.

That's when I felt the hand around my wrist, and my heart sputtered, and I looked up to see Edward: angry, his lips pursed, his eyes narrowed, glowing with green light. My body just about fell into his, but he held me up with his hands on my shoulders, and kept space between us.

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" His voice was a low rumble, and my body shook.

But, while my body was busy betraying me, my mind soldiered on alone. I couldn't believe that was the first thing he'd say to me! The last I'd seen him, he was pushing me up against a wall, his tongue in my mouth. "Are you serious?"

"I'm always fucking serious, Bella. Do you need help back to your boyfriend?"

I glared at Edward, and stepped away from him. He lowered his arms to his sides and dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans. They were those jeans… the worn-looking ones that hung on his hips, and his gray button-down was open at the collar, and hugged his chest perfectly.

"Some guy's watching my house," I mumbled, my eyes still lost somewhere between his hips and his chest, remembering how he looked on the beach, his muscles rippling as he wrestled with Emmett in the water.

"I couldn't be there." Edward's voice came softer and I chanced a look at his face. He was back: his eyes full of concern, biting his bottom lip, blinking slowly. And I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck, but some shred of sanity held me back.

"I'm sorry about Jake. He was supposed to come back tomorrow."

"Why are you sorry?" He closed his eyes; he shook his head, almost like he was arguing with himself.

"We need to talk, and Jake and I need to talk. What happened, yesterday… it was,"

"Wrong," he cut in, his voice loud enough that the people around us turned to look.

"What?"

"From the moment we made the bet about Emmett and Rose, I was being selfish. I knew what could happen, but I did it anyway. I have a fucking track record a mile long, and I didn't want to screw things up for you and Little Bell. You two don't deserve that shit. I thought I could help you…"

"Edward, you didn't screw up anything, you made me realize how I felt about… my relationship."

"Good." Edward's voice was clipped and hard. "And the kid still likes you. He just told me. I'm happy for you… both." And even thought the words that came out of his mouth sounded sincere, he looked like he wanted to vomit. "Now I just have to fix the case, find you someone who can -"

"Wait! Find me someone? What the hell do you mean?"

"There's no way I can represent you, Bella. I thought the one thing I could do was to fight for you in court, but I managed to fuck that up too. As soon as my boss gets back from Russia, we can get this fucking mess sorted out."

"You were just holding my hand." I stomped my foot like Ness did when she got angry.

"I was holding your hand, on a beach, and you were four small triangles of fabric away from being completely nude. That's not going to fucking look good in court, or professionally, for that matter."

"Professionally? Is that what this is? You're worried about your reputation?"

Edward shook his head dismissively. "I don't fucking know."

"Don't give me your fucking 'I don't knows'!" I shouted.

"And don't expect me to have a fucking heart-to-heart with you after watching his hands all over you, after listening to how much you mean to him."

"But you won't even listen to me when I bring up his name!"

Edward looked like he wanted to punch something. He should have. I was being unfair. "Nessie told me that she thought the kid was really cool. I thought I'd tell him that."

"What?" That sick 'I'm doing everything wrong feeling' returned, only worse, now that I was wasted and angry with Edward and myself. "And you didn't say anything about…"

"That's not my place to tell him." Edward's eyes were burning with anger, and he looked me up and down, and I saw that spark and knew what he wanted. "Nothing happened, Isabella. He doesn't need to know that shit."

"Don't say that!" I stomped my foot again, except this time I twisted my ankle, and had to catch myself by holding onto the bar. Edward didn't make a move to help me. In fact he turned and looked over his shoulder, instead. I resisted the urge to slap him in the back of the head.

"So, that's it? That's all you have to say to me?"

"Not quite." Edward looked back at me and his lips were drawn tight, his eyes hard and glassy. "If you chose to find a replacement for me on your own, I'd like to make sure your counsel is adequate. Of course, the decision is yours to make, but it would be irresponsible of me to walk away. I will continue to represent you until another attorney is appointed to your case. Nevertheless, we shouldn't have to meet face-to-face again."

My heart dropped through my chest, and I was surprised I couldn't hear the thud when it hit the floor. My knees went weak, and I forced my feet to walk in Edward's direction.

"Why are you doing this?" I hissed. "Why now? Here? After the shower, after the kiss, after everything we -"

"There was no everything, Bella. It was a fucking kiss. Just a kiss. You'll get over it."

"That was not just a kiss, that was the most -" But before I could finish, Edward wrapped his hand around my wrist again, and my heart raced as he bent his head to mine. His lips were so close that I was sure he was going to kiss me, and all I could see were his fiery green eyes and all I could smell was the sunshine on his skin.

"I told you after the barbecue that our relationship would have to remain platonic, but you won't leave it alone, Bella. You've left me no choice but to walk away. Now let me fucking go," he growled.

"But you're the one holding me."

I could feel his fingers moving on my arm, and his breath was coming hard and fast, and with his eyes locked on mine, that electricity that always erupted in the space between us was there, again. How could he ignore this, deny it, when it was real? I leaned forward and he inched backwards until his back collided with the bar. He swallowed as I brought my body flush with his, and he bit his lip again as his hand tightened around my wrist.

"Fuck," he half groaned, half whispered. I lifted my hand, trying to touch his cheek, trace his strong jaw line, but he grabbed my arm, holding me back. I could feel him against my hip, hard for me. He was lying. It wasn't just a kiss.

"Let me go," he hissed.

"No."

"Let her go, you asshole."

Those five words shattered everything, and Edward released me, and I staggered backwards and turned around.

It was Rosalie. I guess she'd made it out of Emmett's bed just in time to interfere with my life.

"This is none of your business, Rose."

"What the hell was he just doing to you? Did he hurt you?" Rosalie asked, trying to grab the wrist Edward had been holding. I pulled it away from her.

"Jesus, no. Get a grip!"

"He's the one that had a grip. Your arm and wrist are red! And this asshole's supposed to be your attorney?"

"No, I'm certainly not supposed to be Ms. Swan's fucking attorney," Edward cut in. "I was just leaving."

"Edward, get back here. We're not done!"

He didn't listen to me, either. He kept walking, and I actually considered running after him. Because I was an idiot. Rosalie knew me well enough to guess what was going through my mind, and she grabbed my shoulder and sat my ass on a barstool.

"For god's sake, Bell, let the asswipe go. Sit down, have a drink. Tell me what the hell is going on here. Because I just spent all weekend with you, but somehow I managed to miss something big."

I took the drink Rose offered me and I started talking, and after that things got blurry, and finally black, until…

xXxXx

Opening my eyes caused pain, focusing my eyes was excruciating and near impossible. My head felt like it was being pounded by a mallet, my stomach was an empty, violent place, and I was swimming. A loud, screeching buzz, came over and over and over. It took too long to figure out that it was the alarm.

Holy crap. It was seven in the morning! Where was Ness? Jake? I stumbled out of my empty bed, only vaguely aware that I was wearing one of Jake's white T-shirts, and made it to the bathroom just in time to dry heave over the toilet. I splashed water on my face. My arms felt weighed down with lead. I looked green. I had to go to work.

We were finally upgrading to an electronic filing system at the office. I was supposed to be in charge of a cadre of technicians while Dr. Cullen saw our patients. Dr. Cullen… the man that advised Edward to leave his house because of me. My stomach lurched again, and this time I managed to bring up some bile.

Ugh.

I brushed my teeth and popped two aspirin in my mouth with a minimum amount of water. The water came back up, immediately. Holy hell, I hadn't been this hung over since my honeymoon when I drank too much ouzo in Greece and the fish all came back up the next day. With that thought, I hung my head over the toilet one more time.

I splashed my face with water again, pulled my hair into a tight ponytail and dragged myself into the bedroom where I pulled on the most comfortable thing I could find: a cotton wrap dress. I thought maybe my favorite lemon yellow sandals could lift my mood, but they only made me think about him. How we'd joked about my sandals at the barbecue, how he'd been so angry last night, how he'd told me we never had to see one another, ever again.

I pressed my eyes closed and took a few deep breaths. I hadn't broken up with Jake and I'd ruined things with Edward. When did I start sucking so much at life? I wiped the tears from my eyes and glanced at the clock, trying to figure out what happened after Edward left last night, trying to figure out what was going on.

Right, Ness finished camp last week and Leah stayed the night. I groaned out loud, not looking forward to confronting a fresh-faced twenty year-old when I could hardly open my eyes. But I wearily made my way downstairs; I had no choice.

"Mama!" Ness ran at me and jumped into my lap as I collapsed into a chair.

"Baby, please. Mama has a headache."

"Mama, how many times I have to tell you? I. Not. A. Baby!"

"Ness, please, honey. Shh!" I felt like the worst mother in the world.

Leah slid a plate of fried eggs and toast in front of me, along with a tall glass of tomato juice. My stomach turned and I held my head in my hands.

"It's my mom's home remedy for hangovers. Never fails," Leah explained, smiling a little too much for my taste. "Jake said you might need it this morning."

I tried smiling as I pushed the eggs around on my plate.

"He also said to remind you about the fundraiser tonight."

Oh. My. God. I had to call Jake. He couldn't go to that. I couldn't go. We certainly couldn't go together!

"And he said he'd be working late, and that he'll meet you there."

"What? He can't go straight from the garage!" I had a vision of him wandering into the ballroom wearing his grease-stained overalls and work boots.

"He took his tux with him this morning."

"Leah, I feel like I woke up into a slightly different reality. Jake's going to change into his tux at the garage, and then meet me at a black tie fundraiser?"

"I guess. That's what he said." She shrugged before turning around to rinse the dishes in the sink.

I had to get in touch with Jake. And I had to get to work. I quickly pecked at my eggs and sipped the tomato juice and nearly threw up right there. "What is this?" I coughed.

"Mom's secret recipe," Leah laughed, her eyes twinkling, "without the fish sauce. You didn't have any."

"Thank god for that."

"It works, take my word."

I coughed into my napkin, my mouth on fire, eyes watering. Nessie patted me on the back.

"You sick, mama? You gonna stay home cause you sick?"

"No, I've got to go to work, honey. It's my own da-, darn fault that I'm sick today."

"You gived yourself bad germs?"

"More like bad drink. Before you try alcohol, remember how I look right now. Okay, honey?"

"Okay, mama. I don't wanna look green."

xXxXx

By three, I'd stopped trying to get in touch with Jake. Each time I called, his cell went straight to voicemail. During lunch, I even tried calling the garage. Paul said Jake was out, and that he'd give him the message. Jake never called.

I had a few options. Option number one: I wouldn't go to the fundraiser at all. Jake would eventually come home and we could talk. Option number two: I could try to head Jake off at the pass. That way Jake wouldn't wander around the benefit. He might bump into Esme, who already knew about my intentions. He'd see Rosalie, and I couldn't even remember what I'd said to her last night. And then there was Edward… No, I couldn't let that happen.

So, after work, I headed straight for the garage, and surprise, surprise, Jacob wasn't there.

"He's uh, out picking up some parts, Bella." Paul explained, not looking me in the eye.

"Parts? Paul, this is a freaking garage. Don't you have parts here? Isn't that what people come here for?"

"Aw, Bella. You just don't get it. We've got to get the parts from somewhere."

"UPS, maybe?"

"Bella, he's not here. What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Paul. Damn it! This day couldn't get any worse."

"It's only looking up from here, Bella. Trust me on that. I have a feeling you're gonna go to bed happy tonight."

Paul smiled and winked, and offered his hand to lead me out the door.

xXxXx

"Mama!" Ness ran across the living room and jumped into my arms. "You feelin' better?"

"A little, Ness. I had a long day."

"I played at the park, and I go'ed to the store with Leah and she getted me a candy bar and said it was a secret. So don't tell anyone, okay?"

I laughed, sure that the candy bar had been a secret from me. "I won't tell. Promise."

"And you getted something, too!"

"Is Leah going to surprise me with a candy bar?" If a candy bar was the only good thing about this day, I'd take it. Actually, I'd take a couple if they were lying around. And maybe a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

"No, mama! You gett-ed flowers! A lot, a lot of them!"

My heart stopped for a beat, and then shuddered back to life at a distinctly faster rhythm. Jake never sent flowers.

Sure enough, Leah was in the kitchen adding water to an enormous arrangement, all white and yellow. They towered over Leah's head, and the kitchen smelled like the tropics. "Oh my god," I mumbled, my hand over my mouth.

"I know, right?" Leah laughed. "It came with a card."

The first thing to pop into my head was that the little square of paper she handed me was the same size as Edward's prescription. The message inside was typed.

I'm sincerely sorry about last night, baby. I can't wait to see you. I sent a car to make sure you arrive in one piece. Save a dance for me, ok?

It was unsigned. But Jake had never sent me flowers before, ever. And he hadn't done anything to apologize for that I could remember. And there was one word in the card that gave it away: baby. Edward slipped on Saturday, but I was almost certain he said it on purpose on Sunday. Baby. Just thinking about how intense his eyes were when he said it, how he smelled like sweat and sunshine, how close he'd been… Right before I told him I still loved Jake.

No, Edward had nothing to apologize for. This was entirely my fault. And I should have made up for it by finding Jake and keeping him from the fundraiser. By finally breaking up with him. But it was like my brain had been overridden by my heart. He was sorry… he wanted to see me.

"Jake really went all out, huh, Bella?" Leah asked. "Where should I put this thing?"

"Oh, uh, the dining room table, I guess?"

And that's when it struck me: once Jake saw these, he'd know something was up. It meant that tonight was the night; no more stalling, no more drinking myself into oblivion, I had to break up with Jake. But with these flowers, it didn't seem like such an awful task. It was just a bump in the road on the way to what I really wanted. All these years I'd been living complacently, going with it, going with Jake.

But I wasn't going to sit back and let chance or coincidence do the driving anymore. I wanted Edward, I needed Edward. I was going to go for it.

"Thanks for looking after them, Leah. They're really… something, huh?"

"Yeah, Bella. You should get wasted more often," Leah laughed. "Cause it looks like you're in for it tonight."

I found Ness playing with her 'pink music' in her room, more of a confirmation that I was right about Edward. My daughter loved him. And I knew he wasn't a replacement for Jake, but he was better than a consolation prize. He was Edward, and Nessie's life would be brighter with Edward in it.

So I ran up to my bedroom and showered, feeling brighter and happier than I had all day. I was doing this for both Ness and myself, and Edward was sorry, and he called me baby again… and I was in the shower, hands over wet skin. My hands were half the size of his, but with eyes closed, I could pretend, I could remember how he touched, where he touched, and I braced myself against the wall as my fingers found the spot where I wanted him the most. I pressed my body against the wet tiles, and drove myself home, hard, just like I hoped he would, soon.

xXxXx

"Oh my god, lady! Jake is going to pee his pants when he sees you!"

Leah circled around me, like I was a show pony or something. Actually, I don't know how people circled show ponies, but anyway… Leah was circling, evaluating.

"It makes the girls look bigger, that's for sure. Like way bigger!" she observed, staring at my sudden cleavage. "And you always did have that tiny little waist."

The gown Alice had loaned me was dark blue, and made of a filmy fabric. It had a stiff bodice that lifted and separated and elevated, and cinched at the waist. The fabric was woven over the bodice, dropped from my hips, and swirled to the floor, all gauzy, like a raincloud. When I walked, you could see a lot of leg. I paired it with these amazing heels I'd found while I was school shopping for Ness last week. They were blue and strappy and they had this chrome hardware along the top. They were edgy, and sophisticated, and would have turned heads on their own, I think.

"Man, Bella, you clean up good."

"You look bootiful, mama," Nessie piped in, hugging me around the hips. "Your boobies look so big, and your butt looks like this big!" Ness held her hands out wide and Leah doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my god, really?" I asked, trying to get a peek at my backside.

"Just big- in a good- way, Bella!" Leah choked between peels of laughter. "You don't have a butt to begin with, so this is an improvement. Right, Ness? Your mama's butt looks good, right?"

"I guess." Ness didn't look convinced.

"And my oh my, Cinderella, it looks like your carriage it here."

Sure enough, there was a black stretch limo parked in front of the house. My heart fluttered, blown away that Edward would choose to make such an enormous gesture. He seemed so understated, and a limo didn't seem his style. But I wasn't going to argue. Leah, hugged me, and looked almost as excited as if she were going herself. Ness whispered in my ear that if I was Cinderella, I had to be home by midnight.

I tripped over my own front steps, but the driver was quick, and caught my hand just in time. "Miss," he said, gravely serious as he helped me into the car. "We have one stop to make prior to your arrival at the event. Relax, and we'll be to our first destination shortly."

I did as I was told and I relaxed as best I could. But my stomach was jumping. I hoped we were driving someplace where Edward and I could be alone before we'd be surrounded by people, and before I met up with Jake. I was desperate to see Edward again, to talk to him, and to apologize, and I was overjoyed that I had another chance to make it all right.

And when the limo swung onto Kelly Drive, my heart started racing. We were turning into the parking lot where Edward and I had shared lunch, where he'd licked my fingertip. I wanted to jump out of the car, but I wisely waited until it came to a stop at the far end of the lot. The driver opened the door and waved his hand towards a gazebo set on top of a rocky hill, right next to the river.

And my heart stopped, because Edward wasn't up there gazing down at me. It was Jake.

xXxXx

"God, you look so beautiful, and so surprised. I did it, I surprised you, didn't I?" Jake murmured as I struggled up the mountain of steps in my heels and my dress.

"Yeah, umm…"

"Remind me to thank Alice for that dress."

Suddenly I was self-conscious and dying for a jacket, even though it was eighty-degrees outside. Jake's eyes were caught somewhere between my cleavage and my face."

"You're gorgeous, Isabella."

"I said we needed to talk, and this is where you wanted to talk to me? And you sent a limo to do it?" I tried not to get angry, but I was more disappointed than I'd possibly ever been. "And why did you apologize in that note?"

"Jake smiled and laughed a little. "You don't remember?"

"If I remembered, I wouldn't be asking you."

"Uh, well, this isn't how I wanted to start, exactly… But, uh, last night you looked so amazing, and I was gone for days, and I tried to… you know, when we got home."

"Oh my god. You didn't!"

"Dude, of course not, Bells! You could hardly talk. I felt bad for even trying. That's why I apologized." Edward hadn't apologized. Another day passed, and he was still pretending he didn't want to see me.

"But I don't want to talk about that, Bells. I want to talk about us. All of this, everything that's happened lately, has me thinking. It's reminded me that I can't lose you."

And that's when it caught my eye. Each night at dusk, the Circa Center was lit up with a different abstract design. I gasped and his eyes twinkled and I could tell from his smile that he knew exactly what I saw. Jake held my hand, his fingers twining with mine, and turned around so that we were both looking out across the river at the glass and steel skyscraper. Tonight there was no artwork, no Phillies logo, no patriotic stars and stripes. Instead, it said 'Marry Me' in big red letters.

"No," I whispered.

"Bella, I can't remember a time when I didn't love you."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I know how you feel about marriage, but it's almost like we're already married. I asked your dad for his permission."

"Oh my god, you didn't!"

"And he gave me this: your grandma's ring, Bells. She always meant it for you." And he pulled a ring out of his pocket: a pretty little diamond set in a platinum band.

"Jake, no. No."

His face fell. "Don't be like that."

"I can't. You know I can't. We've talked about this."

"But, Bells, we've been together for more than four years! I want to be more than 'Jake' to Little Bell. I'm more a dad to her than anyone has ever been. And you're all I want, Bella. I want you to really be mine. To finally own up to it. And now, with James, with just the possibility that that asshole could get partial custody… God! You won't even marry me to keep Ness?"

And all of the sudden, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "What are you talking about?"

"I asked Edward last night. He said you'd have a better chance in court if you were married."

"He said that?" I was furious. Instead of sending an apology and a limo, Edward was urging Jake to marry me. Who the hell did he think he was?

"It's not surprising when you think about it. It makes sense," Jake continued, confused by my sudden silence.

And looking at Jacob, eager and frightened, I wanted to kill myself, because I'd done everything wrong. I shouldn't have let him go fishing. I shouldn't have gotten drunk last night. I probably shouldn't have asked him to come to Philly with me and Ness in the first place.

"I can't, Jake. I'm sorry, but I can't do this."

"Fuck. There's no reason not to, Bells. If we live like man and wife, why not get married? If you love me -"

"I don't want to live together anymore, Jake.

Finally, Jake fell silent. He stared at me blankly, blinking.

"Wh- What?" he finally asked.

"Jake, I can't do this anymore."

"Why?"

"I love you, Jake. And I can't tell you how much having you in my life has meant to me. But, I've been thinking a lot lately. And it's not right. I should want to marry you; I should want to have kids with you. I should want it all, and you should have someone that wants it all, Jake."

"You don't want to marry me?"

"We need to separate. We need to figure things out so you get time with Nessie."

"You're fucking dumping me?" Jake was raising his voice, and people in the park below stopped to figure out what was going on. Two people dressed for a ball, arguing with one another. I'm sure it was quite a show. I tried to keep my voice low.

"Jacob, I love you. I'll always love you. You are like family to me, but I don't feel the way I should feel with you. You deserve someone that loves you like they should."

"Fucking James, again!"

I couldn't understand how he'd gone from marriage to James. "What?"

"It's been different between us ever since that asshole came back into our lives. I worried that having your ex-husband in the picture again might scare you away from marriage. But, I'm nothing like him, Bells."

"Jake, it's got nothing to do with James. It has nothing to do with anyone. It's just me."

With those words, Jake's fist punched one of the poles of the gazebo, and a small crack spread across the grain in the wood.

"Fuck, Jake! You're going to break it."

"What the hell do I care if I break a goddamned gazebo, Bella? You're fucking breaking up my family! Fucking taking me away from Nessie."

"I want you and Nessie to have time together, I do. I just don't want to pretend it's all okay, when it's not."

"It seemed okay before James came back. That fucking asshole!" Jake punched the wood again, and the crack spread, the structure creaked.

"Jake, if some guard sees you or something, you're going to get in trouble."

"I don't fucking care. Don't you get it Bella? Without you guys, I don't fucking care." With that he began marching back down the steps. I tried my best to catch up with him, but in my heels, with that dress, it was hopeless.

"Jacob! Jake, come back!"

"Give me some fucking time, Isabella! After everything you won't give me, the least I could ask for is time."

By the time I made it back down to the parking lot, Jake had disappeared around the corner. The driver was red-faced, embarrassed. Apparently, things hadn't gone as planned.

"Miss?" he asked, hesitantly.

My anger flared. There were two men responsible for this proposal, and one of them was about to get a piece of my mind.

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A/N: So I managed to get this baby out by Monday! Don't say I never did anything for you, okay? I want to thank Lindz who got all Obama on my ass last night and gave me hope. And to Peaks, who might never read this, but gave me a fun and upside down way to break up writing on Sunday. And to all my readers who review and read each week: THANK YOU!

And, yeah, I'm going to go and ask if you'd vote again. Please and thanks, all in one. !f you want to catch me on facebook, I'm Belladonna Cullen, in Philadelphia, PA. I send out teasers and stuff to my facebook fans. Until next week, xxx, M