Right, so I've a proper chapter again now. It's long, but fun. And I'm doing a few time jumps, you'll see why soon.
I had A LOT of fun writing this chapter, and researching. Just a warning, it's slightly um, naughty, nothing graphic, just mentions:)
Chapter Fifty Three
A few weeks later James and Emily had set a date for their wedding. They felt the time was right, they had put the Jacob incident behind them and were willing to move on with their lives together. Plus JJ hadn't stopped mentioning it for the last two weeks.
The wedding was fifteen months away, and JJ was already excited. Too excited. ''I haven't been to a wedding in so long! Oh Em, I promise your wedding will be absolutely fantastic, we will get you the best dress, and of course Garcia and I will look stunning as bridesmaids, we will be bridesmaids won't we?'' JJ asked quickly as she arrived over with Henry one day.
''Unfortunately I've no other female friends so you'll have to be,'' Emily grumbled. How could she possibly survive the next fifteen months with JJ as the wedding planner from hell.
''Great! So I can be your official wedding planner with Garcia as my assistant, I was thinking a Victorian themed wedding, you know that kind of elegant, charming old-style stuff with the top hats and everything. Ooh and capes! Capes would be so cool!'' JJ gushed, getting way too excited. Emily wouldn't be surprised if JJ had a heart attack someday.
''And I thought Garcia would be the one going overboard,'' Emily sighed.
''Oh she is. She was thinking an underwater theme, I'm not sure how that would work.''
''It wouldn't.''
''If you say so. Oh and your dress, we'll have to start looking at dresses soon, the tradition process takes about nine months.''
''Nine months? Seriously?''
''Yeah, but if you were buying off the rack it would be cheaper but you're not going to buy off the rack.''
''I'm not?'' Emily repeated, raising an eyebrow.
''No, no way. You're not wearing some cheap old dress, you're going to have one designed that's uniquely you.''
''Are you my brain or something? Because you seem to be making all my decisions for me.''
''I'm not your brain silly. I'm just your wedding planner. Now the cake...''
Emily groaned and hit her head off the side of the couch. It was going to be a long fifteen months.
Two months later Garcia and JJ arrived over one night for a girl's night. They hadn't had one since Jennifer was born and decided to have one before Emily went back to work next month.
All three of them were sitting on the couch sipping wine and just talking. They were going to put on a movie later, Garcia's choice so it would probably be awful.
''Ok so Em I was thinking, your wedding is in a few months time right?'' Garcia asked.
''Garcia it's still over a year away,'' Emily answered, sending a look of confusion in JJ's direction. JJ winked and smiled back at her. Oh no. This couldn't be good.
''Yeah that's what I said. So anyway, you need a hen party!'' Garcia exclaimed.
''A hen party? Don't you mean a bachelorette party?''
''Well yeah same thing, but I was going to go with what our neighbours across the pond call it. I like the idea of us three girls going out having a fun time and being hens.''
''Aren't the boys parties called stag parties?'' JJ asked.
''Yes, they are. But we get hens!'' Garcia squealed.
''It's not fair. How come they get to be strong, majestic stags while we're lowly, flightless hens? All they do is lay eggs! It's sexist!'' Emily exclaimed as she took a sip of wine.
''Well that's because you're a feminist. You get highly insulted at that,'' JJ explained.
''Aren't you insulted? There's a huge difference between a mighty stag and a damn hen.''
''Eh, not really. It's just a name, it doesn't really mean anything.''
''So EmPrent, you game? It doesn't really matter if you are or not, you're going anyway even if we have to drug you and drag you there,'' Garcia said.
''Well if I have no choice, I guess I'll go. But not too wild ok?'' Emily gave in and both Garcia and JJ squealed.
''Yes! This will be so fun! Now JJ and I will organise it, you don't have to worry about a single thing my lovely hen. It will be a night to remember. So I will get started on organising the hen party, and I'll tell Morgan to start organising James' stag party.''
''Wait, Morgan is organising James' party? He has his own friends Garcia!''
''Yes but none of them are as exciting or sexy as my Chocolate Thunder God.''
''You've never met them. They could be just as sexy.''
''Nobody is as sexy as my Chocolate Thunder God. Nobody.''
The menace in Garcia's tone made Emily drop it. She didn't want a huge argument. Especially not when Garcia already had two glasses of wine.
''Ok, so Garcia have you any ideas for the party?'' JJ asked, sensing the awkwardness in the room.
''Oh I have plenty. It shouldn't take long to organise, especially with my skills,'' Garcia smirked.
''Wait, when is it?'' Emily asked, getting concerned that it was going to be earlier than she first thought.
''Hmm...I might have it ready for next month,'' Garcia answered.
''Next month? Isn't that a bit early?''
''Oh no, it's perfect timing. Having it next month means you have a year to persuade James to marry you if your actions on the hen night make him leave you,'' JJ replied.
''What are you going to make me do?''
''You'll see,'' JJ winked, and she and Garcia exchanged an evil look. Emily gulped. She wasn't looking forward to this.
Emily returned to work a month later, and she kind of glad to be back. She did miss Jennifer like crazy, but she knew she was safe with the daycare at the BAU, something she was very glad of since she and James both had jobs. And anytime she felt like it she could go and visit Jennifer.
On her first day back Emily was sitting at her desk talking with Reid. They were discussing the last Star Wars movie.
''I'm telling you Emily, Return Of The Jedi was way better than The Empire Strikes Back!'' Reid exclaimed.
''No way! The Empire Strikes Back was one of the best movies of all time, and had a classic twist! Darth Vader being Luke's father? No-one was expecting that! It is a classic, easily the best Star Wars movie,'' Emily argued.
''Yeah, right. Next thing you'll be saying The Phantom Menace is the best one.''
''As if. The only good thing about it was the duel at the end, and Jar Jar Binks just ruined the entire movie for me.''
''Exactly! At least you have some taste.''
''Hey! The Empire Strikes Back is definitely the best!''
''How many times Emily? Return Of The Jedi had one of the most poignant moments in movie history when Anakin Skywalker returned to the light side!''
''So? We all knew it was going to happen.''
''It was still amazing! It made the movie!''
''Empire Strikes Back is better.''
''Now I understand why Morgan says you're stubborn.''
''Hey Emily!'' roared a voice from behind her, making her jump.
''Jesus Garcia you scared me!'' Emily said as Garcia strutted over to her and sat on her desk.
''You should have been prepared. Anyway, I have some good news,'' Garcia grinned.
''They did a poll and found out The Empire Strikes Back is the best Star Wars movie?'' Emily asked, sticking her tongue out at Reid.
''No...YOUR HEN PARTY IS PLANNED FOR NEXT WEEK!''
''Next week? That's not enough time to prepare!''
''Prepare? What do you have to prepare for?''
''I have to mentally prepare for the first night of my life.''
''Oh come on, it'll be fun!''
''Hen party? What are you talking about?'' Reid asked.
''Emily's hen party is next week. You're coming too Book Boy!'' Garcia exclaimed suddenly.
''What? Isn't a hen party just for girls?'' Reid said.
''Yes, but Morgan doesn't want you anywhere near the party he's organising so I'm taking you. And anyway, we only have the three of us, that's pathetic. We need someone else.''
''Yeah, but me? Can't you take someone else?''
''No, has to be you. Lighten up Reid, it'll be fun!'' Garcia squealed, before standing up and walking off.
''Emily I'm scared,'' Reid confessed once Garcia was out of earshot.
''Me too Reid. This is Garcia, and JJ is helping her too. I shudder everytime I think of it,'' Emily told him.
''They have evil minds, I'm sure they'll have plenty of ideas to torture us.''
''And have fun at our expense.''
The night of the hen party finally came, to Emily and Reid's horror. It was on a Saturday night, and Emily was getting ready. James had his stag party the same night, and Morgan had took him over to his apartment so the girls would have some privacy. Emily figured she'd have to dress in something revealing, since Garcia would probably make her change if she was too covered up anyway. She settled on her favourite black dress, that stopped just above her knees and showed a small bit of cleavage.
JJ arrived over at half six, wearing a tight, red dress and black heels. She had a bag with an L plate on it which to be honest scared Emily. She let JJ in to the living room.
''You look great Em. I love that dress on you, and your hair is just fantastic,'' JJ smiled as she played with one of Emily's soft curls that she had done for the night.
''JJ what's in the bag?'' Emily asked.
''I knew you'd get down to that. I'll show you once Garcia and Reid get here,'' JJ smirked. Emily gulped, and told herself it was going to be ok. Even if she knew it wasn't.
Garcia arrived ten minutes later with Reid right behind her, she had stopped at his place and picked him up, against his wishes. Emily opened the door smiling but the smile dropped when she saw what Garcia was wearing. A very sparkly pink, almost feathery top, with a black miny skirt that really was tiny. At the right angle you could see her underwear. At least she was wearing underwear though.
She dragged Reid in by the ear, barging past Emily into the living room. ''Hola mes amis! I have arrived!'' she roared as she stepped into the living room. JJ turned around and the eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw what Garcia was wearing. Garcia finally relinquished the grip she had on Reid's ear and he ran over and hid behind Emily.
''Wow Garcia. You look...,'' Emily began but she didn't know how to finish it.
''Fabulous I know darling,'' Garcia grinnned.
''What's up with the British accent Pen?'' JJ asked.
''What British accent?'' Garcia asked, clearly talking in a British accent. Or at least trying to talk in a British accent.
''Pen seriously stop. I know all of a sudden you've become obsessed with England because of the hen party and Prince William, but you sound as British as I do.''
''Fine, I'll talk in an American accent. You probably can't understand me anyway. Now...oh dear god,'' Garcia said as she slipped back into her usual voice.
''What?'' Emily asked her.
''Emily your dress is way too long! Show a bit of skin, it's your hen party! You have to let loose!'' Garcia squeaked as she rushed over to Emily and folded up the bottom of her skirt. It was now halfway up her thighs. ''That's better. I'd go up further but that's JJ's area,'' Garcia said as JJ glared at her.
''Pen you can practically see my underwear!'' Emily whined as she looked down at herself.
''Oh thanks for reminding me! No underwear,'' Garcia instructed sternly.
''Whoa, no. No way. I am keeping my underwear.''
''There is no point arguing with me. Take off your underwear or we will remove it by force.''
''You wouldn't.''
''Do I look like I'm joking?''
''No...no you don't.''
''Exactly. So take off your underwear.''
''Pen, that isn't happening.''
''I knew it would come to this,'' Garcia sighed. ''JJ you do it. She trusts you more.''
JJ nodded her head and moved ominously towards Emily. ''No JJ don't. You don't have to do this, don't listen to her. She's evil. JJ listen to me. This is Emily. I'm begging you not to do this. Please,'' Emily pleaded with her.
''Sorry Em. I gotta do this,'' JJ shrugged and she advanced on Emily.
''No JJ no. No, no NO!'' Emily screamed as JJ grabbed her and wrestled her to the ground. Emily squirmed under JJ's grip but JJ had grabbed her wrists and there was nothing she could do. ''JJ let go of me!''
''Emily don't struggle it'll be easier!''
''No JJ GET OFF ME!''
''Emily I have to do this!''
''NO YOU DON'T!''
''IT'S A TRADITION!''
''NO IT'S NOT!''
''Just...give...me...your...underwear!''
Five minutes later JJ had gotten Emily's underwear. JJ stood up smirking in triumph, waving the panties around victoriously as Emily stood up quitely and fixed her dress.
''Now that wasn't too hard was it Em?'' JJ asked.
Emily stared back at her with horror in her eyes. ''I feel dirty...''
''Eh, it's not that bad.''
''I feel cold too. Oh so cold...''
''Sorry, but can you please stop? I'm getting uncomfortable and can you explain why you felt the need to take Emily's underwear in the first place?'' Reid asked, speaking for the first time that evening.
''We are going to give these lovely panties to the first guy that hits on her. As a present. Unless you want them Reid...,'' Garcia smirked flirtily.
''NO! God no, I don't want them, definitely not,'' Reid said quickly and awkwardly and JJ and Garcia laughed at his response while Emily glared at them.
''Ok, ok, we were only joking anyway Spence. So Penelope...while Emily and I were waiting she was wondering what I have in my magic bag...,'' JJ smiled.
''Ah yes. The magic bag. What is in the magic bag JJ?'' Garcia played along, making both Emily and Reid frown in confusion.
''In the magic bag we have...ACCESSORIES!'' JJ screamed.
''Oh no,'' Emily sighed.
''Why? Is that a bad thing?'' Reid asked her, getting worried.
''You know nothing about women do you Reid?''
''Actually women are-''
''Reid.''
''Oh, that way. Then no, nothing.''
''I'm afraid you're going to have an awful time tonight.''
''Ahem. Over here bride-to-be and honourary hen,'' Garcia demanded and Emily and Reid scurried over to them.
''Ok so first item in my magic bag is for Emily,'' JJ said as she pulled out a white veil.
''You don't expect me to wear that do you?'' she asked her two female friends.
''We don't expect you to. We're forcing you to,'' Garcia replied as she shoved the veil on Emily's head.
''This isn't fair!'' Emily protested as she fixed the veil and suddenly felt something that didn't feel right. ''JJ what the hell is this at the top of the veil?'' she asked, going pale.
''Ah, that. Well the description of the veil is ''Willy Boppers With Long Veil'','' JJ answered.
''Please don't tell me there's a penis sticking out of my head.''
''Actually there's two.''
''I AM NOT WEARING THIS!''
''Oh you are missy! Don't even think about taking it off,'' Garcia hissed as she pointed something at her.
''Pen what are you pointing at me?''
''It's called a Dick On A Stick. It's chocolate!'' she grinned and took a bite out of it.
''I think I'm going to be sick,'' Reid said.
''Oh go on, try it Reid. It's nice!''
''Um, no thank you.''
''Suit yourself, more for me!''
''Ok, you can keep it Garcia. I have plenty more anyway. Now the next thing is for me,'' JJ smiled as she pulled out a sash that said ''Bridesmaid'' on it. She put it on herself and smiled happily.
''Hey where's mine?'' Garcia asked.
''Here's yours,'' JJ said as she pulled out a pink sash that had loads of sequins on it.
''Oh Jayje you now me so well!'' Garcia squealed excitedly as she put it on.
''And this one is for Spence,'' JJ smiled as she pulled out a pink sash that simply said ''Hen Party'' on it. She put it on Reid and he stared at it in shock.
''Am I supposed to wear this?''
''Yes.''
''In public?''
''Yes.''
''Oh god.''
''Wait, there's more,'' JJ smirked as she reached over and pressed something on the sash. Suddenly it started flashing. ''Now you're ready to go out.''
''Please don't make me do this,'' he begged her, doing his puppy eyes.
''Sorry Spence, gotta do this.''
''Why me?''
''Who knows. Now it's Emily's turn,'' JJ smirked as she dove further into the bag that seemed to be bottomless.
''Does it have penises on it?'' Eimly asked, already hating the veil she had on.
''No it doesn't. It's just a black sash that says ''Bride-To-Be'','' JJ said as she handed Emily the sash.
''Oh. That's not too bad.''
''See? I can be nice. Now what do we have next? Ah, here's the Willy Wand you asked for Pen,'' JJ said as she handed Garcia a wand with a giant penis on it.
''What is it with the two of you and male genitalia?'' Emily asked.
''It's a hen party! You have to do this kind of stuff!'' JJ grinned as she threw another Willy Wand at Reid. ''I got one for you too Spence.''
''NO! I am not carrying this around!'' he protested and threw it at Emily.
''Oh yes you are,'' Garcia threatened him as she jabbed him in the chest with her own wand and shoved his back into his hands.
''Yes ma'am...,'' he gulped.
''Ok I also have L Plates for all of us,'' JJ said as she passed the L Plates around. They all hung them around their necks, Reid and Emily did it without protesting because Garcia was watching them. She was scarier than usual tonight.
JJ hung her own plate around her neck and dived back into the bag. ''Ah ha! Bunny ears!'' she squealed as she pulled out three pairs of red and black fuzzy bunny ears and handed one to Reid and Garcia.
''How come you guys get simple bunny ears and I get these?'' Emily asked as she flicked one of the penises on her veil.
''Because you're the bride-to-be. You get the best one,'' Garcia smirked.
''Reid, I'll trade with you,'' Emily smiled at Reid.
''No! My bunny ears!'' he exclaimed and hugged the bunny ears tight to his chest.
''Fine...,'' she grumbled.
''Ah tonight is going to be so fun,'' Garcia grinned evilly.
''And here is a candy garter for Emily,'' JJ continued as she handed a box over to Emily. Emily stared at it in shock. ''You're supposed to put it on Emily.''
''I know that,'' Emily snapped as she tore the box open and slipped the garter on.
''And we got some drinking games, some straws, some drinking games for later, but for now we're all accessorised!'' JJ announced and she clapped her hands together. ''We are ready to party!''
''Woo hoo! Let's go girls! And Reid! This will be the best fun ever!'' Garcia screamed as she grabbed Reid's hand and dragged him out of the house. JJ grabbed Emily's and took her outside too.
''JJ where are we going?'' Emily asked her.
''Garcia called a taxi to pick us up and take us into the heart of DC. From then, we're going bar crawling,'' JJ grinned as Emily shuddered.
Like JJ said, the taxi took them into the centre of DC. Garcia led the group, dragging Reid along with her. Her and JJ started making a lot of noise, clapping and cheering and making a lot of people turn and stare at them. Reid and Emily hid as best they could.
Garcia took them into the first bar they found and strutted up to the bar and ordered four margaritas. The other three went and got a table. Garcia arrived back over shortly with the four margaritas.
''Alright ladies! And Reid! Tonight is getting started! So drink up, because we won't be staying long! We're going to try and hit as much bars as possible tonight. We are going to put the boys to shame!'' she shouted. Loudly. ''So I propose a toast! To Emily, the bride-to-be!'' They all clinked their glasses together and took a sip.
''Hmm I don't like these straws they gave us,'' JJ said as she looked over at Garcia and started rooting in her bag. Emily and Reid exchanged a look of horror. JJ pulled out a pack of rainbow coloured willy straws, and put one in everybody's drink. Even Reid's. ''Drink up everybody!''
Reid stared at his. ''JJ am I actually supposed to drink out of this?'' he asked her with wide eyes. They probably couldn't get any wider.
''Yeah. Go on Reid, be a devil,'' she smiled sweetly and the other two stared at Reid waiting for him to do something. Peer pressure got to him and he reluctantly took a sip out of the straw.
The three women started clapping, and Reid hung his head in shame. ''Cheer up Reid, at least you haven't got two of them on your head,'' Emily smiled as she patted him on the back.
''Yeah I guess. And at least Garcia hasn't made me eat any,'' he smiled back.
''She probably will though. Don't worry Reid, it's just a bit of fun.''
''You're right. I can have fun. I can do this without crying.''
''Of course you can.''
''Ok present time! Now Em, this is mine,'' JJ smiled as she handed Emily a purple box.
''Oh JJ you didn't have to,'' Emily told her.
''It's your hen party, of course I did,'' she smiled sweetly, knowing Emily would probably hate her once she saw what was inside the box. Emily took the lid off to reveal a giant vibrator, and it was giant. Bigger than anything any of them had ever seen. Then again, it was the first Reid had ever seen.
Emily stared at it and gingerly took it out of the box and held it up. ''A vibrator?''
''A talking vibrator!'' JJ squealed and Garcia high-fived her.
''Oh my girl that is delicious! Now mine!'' Garcia squeaked and handed Emily a package wrapped up in giraffe wrapping paper.
Emily tore the wrapping paper to reveal a ''Grow Your Own Willy'' set. ''Thanks Garcia...,'' was all she could say.
''It's in case you're ever on a case and get lonely without James!'' Garcia informed her.
''I don't think I'll ever be that lonely...''
''It expands 600% in size!''
''Good to know...''
''I didn't get you anything Emily, I didn't know we had to,'' Reid said nervously.
''Thank you Reid. I mean that, that is the best present someone has given me tonight,'' she laughed.
''I anticipated this. So I bought a present for you and we can say it's from Reid,'' JJ said and handed Emily a box wrapped up. She unwrapped it and revealed a ''Duck With A Dick''.
''Are you serious?'' she asked as she waved the duck in the air.
''Yeah! Isn't it cute?'' JJ smiled.
''It's perverse! Who would ever do this?'' Emily wondered as she stared at the duck.
''Well I like it! It will make baths more interesting!''
''This is so wrong...''
''Whatever. More drinks anyone?'' Garcia offered.
''Definitely!'' JJ screamed while Emily and Reid nodded their heads. Garcia went off to the bar to get four more margaritas.
Everyone was staring at the odd, rather loud party. Of course the bartenders were used to hen parties and the odd things they would bring, but the patrons of the bar weren't. They kept pointing and staring, and most people thought Reid was gay for coming with them. Garcia and JJ didn't care about the attention, and it was their plan to get Emily and Reid so drunk that they wouldn't either.
They moved on to bar after bar, having a few drinks in each one and making a lot of noise. In the current one they were in, Garcia got hungry and passed marshmallow willies with choclate sauce around. They were all half drunk by now, Emily mysteriously more drunk than the rest of them, and they all gladly ate the marshmallows.
''Mmm these are actually nice Pen. And this chocolate sauce is to die for,'' JJ gushed as she ate her fifth one.
''I know right? I love them,'' Reid admitted as he finished his ninth one. The ladies laughed as Reid realised what he said. ''The marshmallows, not the idea...''
''Sure, sure Book Boy. But if you really want to prove to us that you're not that way intended, hit on that girl over there,'' Garcia said, pointing to an extremely hot, tall, blond girl.
'''Uh, no thanks. I'll stick to eating my marshmallow willies, thank you very much,'' he smiled as he threw another one into his mouth. Suddenly he his eyes went wide and he started choking. Emily was the first to notice as Reid leant on the table for support.
''Guys help! Reid's choking!'' she shouted and moved behind him and started performing the Heimlich Maneouvre.
''Oh no! Reid's choking on marshmallow willies!'' JJ exclaimed.
Emily kept performing the Heimlich Maneouvre until Reid spit the marshmallow out. It landed in the drink of a guy at the table next to them. He stared at the marshmallow in his beer before turning and staring at the four of them. Reid hid behind Emily while JJ and Garcia waved at him. He handed the marshmallow back to JJ and went to get a new drink.
''Here Spence,'' JJ said as she handed the marshmallow back to Reid. ''Try not to choke on it this time.''
''Uh thanks JJ,'' he said awkwardly as he accepted the marshmallow.
''Oh wait until Morgan hears about this,'' Garcia smirked.
''Please don't Garcia. I'll never live it down,'' Reid begged.
''Fine, I won't tell. But next round of drinks is on you!''
Garcia dragged them out of that bar and into a new one a few blocks away. They got a table and Garcia went off to the bar to get drinks with a fifty dollar bill Reid gave her. For some reason Garcia always went to get the drinks...
Emily looked around her new surroundings. She couldn't help it, she was a profiler, she was trained to notice things. And even in her drunken state she noticed something very wrong. She turned back to Reid and JJ who were talking and said ''Guys, this is a gay bar.''
Reid and JJ looked around. It was true, it was a gay bar. There was men dancing with men and women dancing with women. The DJ was even a transvestite. Garcia arrived back over with the drinks and noticed the looks on her friend's faces. ''What's up guys?'' she asked as she put her Willy Straw into her Cosmopolitan and took a sip.
''This is a gay bar Pen,'' JJ told her.
''Oh. So it is. Oh we'll fit right in anyway. You and Emily act like lovers anyway and Reid's drinking a Cosmopolitan out of a Willy Straw. We'll be fine,'' she said, waving her hand and nearly falling over.
''And what about you?'' Reid asked.
''I'll sit and watch while you guys go out and dance!'' Garcia exclaimed as she pushed Emily and JJ off their chairs and out on to the dancefloor. ''Go make mama proud!''
Emily and JJ stood awkwardly in the middle of the dancefloor unsure of what to do. The air smelled like sweat mixed with at least a hunded different perfumes and colognes. All around them there was couples dancing, and not just any kind of dancing, dirty dancing. Really dirty dancing.
''Of all the bars in DC Garcia takes us to this one,'' JJ laughed as she watched two women who were practically having sex in the middle of the dance floor.
''I know, we have great luck huh?'' Emily answered as she watched two guys make-out in a corner. For some reason she couldn't tear her eyes away.
''Only the best. We're so lucky we have to be Irish!''
''Yeah, definitely!''
''So...should we dance?'' JJ suggested. Anything to relieve the awkward tension between the two of them.
''Probably. Garcia is staring at us and flailing her arms wildly,'' Emily answered, pointing to an over-excited Garcia.
''Ok. So...uh, grab my hips ok?''
''Ok...what are you going to do?''
''I'm not sure. Let's just vibe it.''
''Ok.''
They stepped closer to her and Emily rest her hands on JJ's hips while JJ slung her hands around Emily's neck. They just stood there like that until another couple accidently bumped into JJ. ''I guess we should move!'' JJ shouted. The music in the bar was very loud.
''Yeah probably! You lead the way, I'll follow!''
JJ awkwardly started moving her hips totally off time with the music. She was too drunk to be co-ordinated. They danced like that for a while until JJ fell over, bringing Emily down with her. Emily landed on top of her and she couldn't get up. There was people everywhere and they had no room. So they lay like that for ten minutes.
After Emily and JJ finally got up, and Garcia had taken a few pictures of the two of them lying on each other, they moved on to the next bar. Garcia was feeling giddy, so she decided they should play a game. The person who gets the most pairs of mens underwear wins a Dick On A Stick. They all drunkenly agreed, and set off around the bar.
Ten minutes later they all re-grouped at the bar. Garcia had won five, JJ got seven, Emily got ten and surprisingly Reid won with fourteen pairs of underwear.
''How the hell did he win?'' Garcia wondered. ''We left the gay bar behind us!''
''It was the eyes! The puppy dog eyes! But I offered sex, I should have won!'' JJ slurred.
''That's cheating!'' Emily screamed, and nearly fell off her barstool. She was by far the drunkes of them all, but she had just as much alcohol as the rest of them. If she was sober she'd notice this.
''Is not!'' JJ argued.
''Is too!''
''Is not!''
''Ok ok! It's cheating! JJ is disqualified! So I came third! Yay!'' Garcia squealed. ''Oh and Reid here's your Mick At A Flick,'' she slurred as she handed the Dick On A Stick over to Reid.
''Yay I won! Wow this is actually nice, oh I feel sick,'' Reid said and he ran to the bathroom.
''Can't handle his drink that boy,'' Garcia tutted as she finished off Reid's Dick On A Stick.
''Actually I'm not feeling too good either,'' Emily said and rushed off into the bathroom.
''I thought Em could hadnal her drink,'' JJ slurred.
''I think it's because I've been spiking her drinks all night,'' Garcia explained.
''Oh. That makes sense.''
''Yup. Got any more Marshmallow Willies?''
At James' stag party James, Morgan, Rossi, Hotch and a few of James' friends were downing shots. ''Yes! I win again! Take that!'' Morgan shouted as he won their drinking game yet again.
''How does he always win?'' James asked Rossi.
''He cheats. Look half of it is down his shirt.''
''That's not fair! Hey, is there going to be a stripper?'' James asked.
''You'd have to ask Morgan. Do you want one? Because Emily is like a daughter to me and if-''
''No! No, god no. I don't want a stripper. I'm trying not to get drunk either.''
''Oh. That's good. I bet Emily is being completely sensible. You know her, she doesn't do anything wild.''
''YES! NINE SHOTS IN ONE MINUTE! RECORD!'' Emily shouted as she won the drinking game JJ had persuaded them to play.
''Damn! And I thought I was going to win!'' Reid pouted.
''I AM THE CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIEND!'' Emily sang as she climbed on the table and started dancing. ''NO TIME FOR LOSERS! BECAUSE I AM THE CHAMPION! OF THE WORLLLLLLD!''
''Emily get off the table!'' JJ shouted at her but Emily was too drunk to care.
''I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIEND! I'LL KEEP ON...SOMETHING TILL THE END!''
''Emily get down! I can see up your dress!''
''Leave her up there!'' Garcia laughed.
''No! She isn't wearing any underwear!'' JJ shouted as she pulled at Emily's dress, trying to coax her down.
''I AM THE CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPIO-AAAARRRGGGGHHH!'' Emily screamed as she lost her balance and fell off the table. Luckily the table wasn't too high and she didn't hurt herself too badly.
JJ helped her up to her feet. ''I'm ok!'' Emily shouted. ''But I broke one of my willies!''
''We can fix that! Now we better get out of here before we get thrown out!'' Garcia said and they all left. But instead of going to another bar, Garcia took them to her apartment.
''Why are we here Penny, there's no party here!'' Emily whined.
''Probably a good thing! Especially after you started pretending that guy near the bar was a pole!'' JJ laughed. Emily got kind of slutty when she was drunk. JJ and Garcia were watching her to make sure she wasn't doing anything that wasn't considered cheating, but they had to pull her away when Emily started swinging off one guy.
''Hey! He was tall and very pole-like!'' Emily defended herself as she went around Garcia's apartment searching for alcohol.
''Sure, sure, where did you learn to dance like that anyway?''
''College. It was fun,'' Emily winked but she was drunk and it turned out more like a spastic eye movement.
''What are we doing here anyway Garcia? You said we'd be out all night. It's only three,'' Reid whined as he munched on a Dick On A Stick.
''Oh we'll be going back out soon. We're just taking a break here,'' Garcia grinned when suddenly there was a knock on the door. ''Ooh they're right on time!''
''Who's right on time? Garcia what are you doing?'' Emily asked as she uncorked a bottle of wine and took a sip straight out of the bottle. She walked over to the couch and sat down beside JJ. ''Wine?'' she offered.
''I'm good, thanks,'' JJ said.
''Ok,'' Emily shrugged and drank some more wine.
''Uh guys, we might have a problem,'' Garcia said from the doorway.
Suddenly a women dressed in a cop uniform burst into the room screaming ''Now I heard someone's been a very naughty girl!''
''Garcia, what is that?'' Emily asked, pointing to the woman.
''That EmPrent, is the stripper,'' Garcia answered, walking back into the living room.
''You got me a FEMALE stripper?''
''I ordered a male one!''
''Then how did we end up with a female one?''
''I don't know! There must have been a mix up with the address! That means the boys got our stripper!''
''So James has my stripper?''
''He must have!''
''He has my stripper!'' Emily shouted, highly insulted. Being drunk, she wanted her stripper.
She was interrupted from her sulking by a bra being thrown in her face. The stripped had started doing her routine while her and Garcia were arguing. Emily's eyes widened as she peeled the black lacy bra off her face and stared at the stripper who was down to just a pair of black shorts. The stripper was dancing suggestively in front of her, and was slowly inching the shorts off her hips.
Reid's eyes were nearly popping out of his head. He mightn't be that open about women, but he was a man. He couldn't wait to tell Morgan they got the female stripper.
The stripped slowly revealed a bit more skin as the shorts dangerously moved down her hips. Strangely none of the women could stop her, it was kind of mesmerizing really.
The stripped moved closer to Emily, and next thing her face was inches away from Emily's. Emily didn't know what to do, so she turned and looked at JJ who was staring at the stripper. Emily cleared her throat and finally said ''Um, I think there's been a mistake.''
''Mistake? Hmm probably, I usually don't perform for women. And that guy over there looks gay anyway. Do I still get paid?'' the stripper asked.
''Uh, yeah. Garcia, pay the nice stripper.''
Over at Morgan's apartment they had just sent the male stripper away. ''Well this is awkward,'' Rossi said to break the ice.
''Uh huh,'' James agreed.
''If we got the male, that means the girls got the woman. Damn, they got our stripper!'' Morgan cursed.
''It's probably better that way. I didn't want a stripper anyway,'' James told him.
''Really? Are you a man at all?''
''Yeah, just not that kind of man.''
''Well I think that's good. Emily's lucky to have found you,'' Rossi smiled and patted James on the back.
''I'm the lucky one. Well this has been fun, but I better be getting home. Thanks guys, I enjoyed myself,'' James smiled and he stood up.
''I'll head off too. I promised Jack I wouldn't stay too late,'' Hotch said and he stood up too.
''And I'll be off as well. No point in staying around,'' added Rossi as the three men and and James' friends left Morgan's apartment, leaving him alone.
''I miss my stripper...''
Garcia closed the door behind the now fully clothed stripper and walked back into the living room. ''Well that was interesting,'' she remarked.
''Her breasts touched me. I touched a stripper's breasts,'' Emily said in shock.
''Oh get over it. You haven't lived until you've touched a stripper, you were just unfortunate enough to get a female stripper. Now come on, the night is still young!''
Emily stumbled back home at half five in the morning. She got a taxi to drop her home. She quietly crept upstairs, so she wouldn't wake up Jennifer. She walked into her bedroom and threw off her heels and her veil. She collapsed on to the bed next to James, waking him up.
''Em is that you? Did you only get home now? God you reek of alcohol, what did you guys do?'' he asked.
Emily thought for a moment before saying the only think she could think of. ''I touched a stripper's breasts!''
Oh and by the way all the...items I mentioned in this are real.