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those you've knownand lost, still walk behind you
all alone, they linger till they find you
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without themthe world grows dark around you
and nothing is the same until you know that they have found you
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The house was deathly silent. It was a gray Sunday morning, and no one dared interrupt the tenuous hush that lingered through the house. Around the neighborhood, children were waking in joy and delight to find the goodies left behind by a mysterious white rabbit, and parents were yawning behind mugs of coffee, grinning in the happiness of this holy day. But the Hummel-Hudson house was a solemn sanctuary of stillness, not a breath of disturbance to behold.
Burt Hummel sat in his bedroom, calloused fingers running over the smooth glass of a picture frame, wiping away a thin layer of dust that clouded the photo within like a veil. Oh, to be back in those happy times, with Katherine and their sweet little son. Kathy and Burt and Kurt, the most perfect family that ever existed.
He held the photo to his heart, mumbling clumsy words of prayer with scrunched up eyes, half-leaking with tears. They started off slowly, clear and coherent sentences, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…" until he was sobbing out broken words and cries to one of the only people he's ever loved more than life itself. "Katherine…Kath…Katherine…Kathy!"
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Carole sat in the living room, staring at the urn that held her husbands ashes, toying with a worn-down letter. The date at the top seemed impossibly long ago, and the edges were peeling away under her tender fingers. She wondered vaguely if, at the day of her own death, there would be anything left of the only thing that kept her going for the last sixteen years. Even now, the letter was fading from her hands, with each day that her heart healed.
She heard giggling from next door, and her heart sank. Christopher never watched Finn run through the yard, laughing as he found Easter eggs filled with trivial little goodies. Christopher never sat with Finn as he bemoaned a chocolate-and-jelly-bean-induced tummy ache. Christopher never saw Finn grow up into the handsome young man he was today.
A tear escaped down her cheek. "Oh, Chris…" She murmured, stroking the side of the urn. "You've missed so much."
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Kurt sat on his windowsill, staring out at the neighbor children running after each other, plucking brightly colored eggs out from the bushes. He rested his forehead on the glass, sighing. In his hand, an immaculate gold cross glittered on its chain, looking so out of place in the grasp of the devout Atheist.
"Mom…" he whispered, closing his eyes. The silence was crushing down on him, suffocating him, drowning him…
A knock on his door broke through the quiet, and the hushed house seemed to shake in surprise.
"Kurt…?" Finn peeked in, frowning. "Are you okay?"
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Burt came down the stairs, wiping the last of the tears from his eyes. He found Carole in the kitchen, staring into nothingness, and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her head.
"It's hard, isn't it?" He asked, eyes on the glimmering urn. Carole nodded.
"It is…" Her voice croaked a bit. "I know…I know it was hard on Kurt…but you are so lucky that Katherine got to watch him grow up, if only for a little bit. Chris…he barely even got to hold Finn…and I just…I always thought today would be one of those days we shared together for the rest of our lives. Candy and church and childhood…"
She cried into his shoulder, letting him hold her as she broke down. Carole was a fighter; she never cried in front of anyone. Finn had only witnessed her tears a few times before, but he was her son and her world.
They said nothing more; nothing more was needed. They had their peace and comfort. They could let their children's hands go, let them fly out on their own. They'd found their light at the end of the tunnel.
They weren't alone anymore.
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"It was my mom's," Kurt whispered. "She was very devout. Had such a beautiful soul…"
Finn took the cross from his brother's hand. "Is that why you stopped…believing?"
Kurt nodded. "How could any divine being strip his most dedicated daughter of her life? How is that fair?"
The taller boy said nothing, but kissed the crucifix softly, placing back into his brother's hand. He brushed back the boy's hair, and wiped a tear from his nose.
"Sometimes…sometimes I hope I'm wrong." Kurt's blue eyes met Finn's brown ones. "I don't want to burn in Hell...But it would be worth it, as long as I knew Mom was in Heaven. I want to believe. I want to think she's in a better place. But I can't. I just can't."
Finn pulled Kurt into a hug, burying his nose in the boy's hair. "You know…even if there is a Heaven…it won't be a better place than here. Because…when she was here, she had you."
Kurt burst into tears again, sobbing into Finn's shirt. The taller boy felt his cheeks grow wet, but it didn't matter. Life was looking up. He had a brother, a father…he had a family.
He and Kurt weren't alone anymore.
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