Chapter 15
Rick lost track of time as he sat beside Kate's bed. His mind didn't register his phone going off or the passing of time. It barely registered what the nurses said to him when they came in to check on the brunette laying before him. He couldn't have told anyone if he was hot or cold or what kind of food Lanie had brought in on a Styrofoam plate and made him eat.
The only thing that Castle's mind registered was the noises of the machines and the slow, erratic rising and falling of his girlfriend's chest. She was the most important thing in his world right now. As far as he was concerned, nothing else mattered.
He knew he should give the rest of the team and her father a chance to see her, but he didn't think he could handle leaving her side. Not now that he was with her again.
At times, Castle's brain seemed to fight through the haze he was in long enough to tell him that this was his fault. Yeah, he knew he wasn't the wack job that had kidnapped Lanie, or the one that had made Beckett go into that house, or the maniac that had pulled the trigger. However, he still couldn't help thinking that if it wasn't for the way he and Nikki Heat had swept into the precinct and embedded themselves there, none of this would have happened.
Rick sat there thinking these things over and over as he watched Kate sleep. He wasn't pulled out of the depths of his own mind until he felt a pair of small arms wind their way around his neck and saw a flash of red hair over his shoulder. He took a deep breath and turned his head to see his daughter as she came around the side of his chair.
"Hey sweetie. I thought I told you not to skip school?"
Alexis looked at him for a second before saying anything. "I didn't dad. It's already almost 3:00."
"Oh" he attempted a smile. "I must have dozed off."
The redhead looked at her father sternly. "Dad, I know you're worried but…have you left this room since you called me.." she checked her watch and met her dad's gaze once more "four and a half hours ago?"
Castle didn't really know what to say so he settled on "I didn't come in until after I talked to you." he finished with a sheepish grin.
Alexis studied her father a little more closely. He had dark circles under his slightly bloodshot eyes and his hair was a mess. He looked a lot worse for the wear than he normally did, even during a tough case, and she felt herself softening just a little. Of course he wouldn't have left Beckett's side until it was certain she was going to be ok. A small voice in the back of her head told the younger Castle that after this he probably wouldn't leave her side even then. Alexis had been there for the evolution of their relationship and knew that her father would have given up anything for the woman lying in the bed in front of them.
Alexis let her eyes wander to the machines and then to the detective lying motionless in the hospital bed. "Is she…has she woken up at all?"
Rick shook his head. "No, she stirred once or twice but nothing else. The doctors say she probably won't wake up until tomorrow at the earliest." He reached out a hand and smiled as his daughter took it without a word. They stayed like that for a minute, both silently watching. Finally, Alexis broke the silence. "Everyone else is still out there. The nurse says we can only come in one at a time."
Rick took a deep breath, not wanting to leave the room. He willed his legs to move, to help him stand up, but nothing happened. What if she woke up after he left? He looked up at Alexis. "I…promised her I wouldn't leave…" his voice trailed off as he remembered the relief in Kates' eyes as he has made the promise. He didn't like his teenage daughter to see him like this, no child should have to help their parent deal with this much pain and conflict, but a part of his knew that she didn't mind as long as everyone turned out alright.
She didn't say anything but held out her other hand. Castle looked up and tried another smile he knew would fail. He took her outstretched hand and let her help him to his feet. He embraced his daughter tightly. Letting his arms fall to his side he turned for another look at Kate. It was only when Alexis held out her hand once more that he allowed her to lead him to the door and the people that were in the waiting room beyond.
Rick wasn't sure what he expected from the people who he knew were waiting just around the corner in the lobby, but when he walked up to them and looked around at the faces he now considered family, he felt a surge of relief and gratitude. As he walked toward an empty chair in between Ryan and Jim he felt somehow connected to all of them. Castle took the empty seat and felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over to see Jim Beckett watching him carefully.
"Anything?" the older man asked.
Castle shook his head and tried to think of something to say, some small word of comfort that he could offer the man that was looking at him with such sorrow in his eyes. "No but it seems like she is sleeping soundly so hopefully that means she isn't in too much pain."
Jim nodded and stood up. Everyone watched in silence as he walked off in the direction of Kates room. Castle looked around and saw that Alexis had taken a seat next to Lanie but was still keeping an eye on him, as if she was afraid that he was going to do something else drastic. She had no doubt been informed of the scene he has made upon Kates arrival.
He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring look before pulling out his phone. He had a few messages and a missed call. The messages were all from various members of the team and the missed call was from Alexis. He sent his mother a text saying there was still no change before slipping the phone back into his pocket.
Silence stretched on as the group sat there. Their nervous eyes and minds followed everything that went on in the small waiting room without actually focusing on anything. Everyone was on edge but somehow the silence that engulfed them wasn't altogether uncomfortable. Every single person in that room knew that no matter what had happened in the past few days, or what would happen in the days that were to follow, they would stick together. It was the unspoken agreement of people who had gotten used to running into dangerous situations as a team, as a single unit.
The rest of the day passed with the small group taking turns getting food and coffee from the cafeteria. Ryan walked off once or twice to give Jenny a call and let her know what was going on.
After Jim came out from visiting his daughter, it was Lanies' turn. The medical examiner stepped into the room and closed the door slowly behind her. She stood where she was for a second, trying, and failing, to control her emotions. The doctor in her forced her to scan all the machines and tubes that were connected to her friend. Once satisfied that everything was in order, she moved closer to the bed.
Lanies hand shook as she reached out and took one of Kates. She wanted to speak, but was barely holding back the tears as it was. She knew that if she said everything that was on her mind she would lose what little control she had.
After sitting there for a while, Lanie realized what it was that had kept Castle in this room for so long, and she didn't blame him at all. Even though the machines were beeping and pulsing along with Kates slightly steadier heartbeat, even though her training told her that while it had been a close call everything was going to be fine, all logic had gone out the window the second the trigger had been pulled. Every second that she sat there made it harder to get up and leave. Even though she was starving and her wrists hurt from being hand cuffed, it didn't matter. What mattered was that Katherine Beckett was not going to die.
After a little while longer she went back out to the waiting room and Esposito gave her a quick hug before his turn visiting the fallen detective. Once he was gone Castle stood up. "I'm going to get coffee. Anyone want anything?"
Lanie looked up from where she had put her head in her hands. "I'll come with you."
Castle nodded and the two of them headed for the cafeteria after taking orders from the others. They walked in silence, each one letting the other stay within in the confines of their own mind.
It wasn't until they were in line waiting for a sandwich that Castle spoke up. "I didn't get a chance o say this earlier, but I'm glad you're ok Lanie."
"Thanks Castle," she said, barely looking up.
"And I'm sorry too." Castle continued. "For everything that happened."
Lanies head snapped up. "Castle, what are you talking about?"
"Lanie, this guy…he took you to get to Kate. And he wanted to get to Kate because of me, because of my books. If I hadn't…"
The medical examiner cut him off. "Richard Castle, I know you are not trying to blame yourself for me getting kidnapped and Kate getting show. You have done so much good for this team, and you've been even better for that woman lying in there with a bullet wound. Things would be different without you, and not in a good way."
Castle opened his mouth to say something but shut it again when Lanie raised her eyebrows. They turned to take the sandwich that was being held out to them. As they headed towards the cashier Castle whispered. "I just don't see what good I've done if one of my friends was just kidnapped because of me and my girlfriend is in the hospital with a bullet wound that almost killed her."
Lanie almost stopped in her tracks but managed to keep going. When he put it that was she could almost see where he was coming from. She didn't know how to respond except to say "she has had close calls with bullets before, and she will have them again." She looked up to see his reaction. The pain in his eyes practically knocked the breath out of her.
"Not if I can help it." he said, before he handed a couple of bills to the lady. With that he walked away and left Lanie staring after him.
Castle was almost back to the waiting room when a slightly frantic detective Ryan came around the corner at high speed and nearly knocked him over.
"Woah!" Castle said, trying to steady himself and the two coffees he was holding.
"Castle!" Ryan said. His face was a little red and he was beginning to breathe heavier than normal, even though the waiting room was just around the next corner.
Castle was immediately on high alert. "Ryan what is it? Did something happen? Is she…" he didn't know how to finish the sentence.
Ryan took a deep breath. "She woke up. I was in there with her and she woke up. The doctors are in there with her now but she was asking for you and her dad and…"
Ryan was cut off when Castle shoved the hot coffees at him and took off down the hallway.
Castle stopped short outside of Kates' door and tried to compose himself. He didn't want her to see him freaking out. He heard muffled voices coming from the room and his heart picked up its pace again. The doctors were still in there, but what if she had fallen back asleep? She had woken up far sooner than the doctors had expected and Castle wasn't sure what that meant. He reached out and was about to open the door when he heard someone call out his name. He turned to see Jim Beckett striding towards him at a brisk pace.
"I'm going in there first Rick," he said when he was standing next to the writer.
Castle opened his mouth to protest but remembered who he was talking to and thought better of it. "Yes sir."
Jim's eyes seemed to soften a bit as he looked at the man before him. "Also, since visiting hours were technically over about ten minutes ago and the nurse was starting to give us dirty looks, everyone else went home."
Rick cocked his head to the side. "Alexis?"
"She went home too."
Castle nodded. "Sir, with all due respect, I don't have any intention of leaving her tonight."
The man smiled. He had expected a similar response. "I know. Which is why I'm going in first, and then when I leave you're going to go in there and sit with her until everyone comes back tomorrow. Everyone in the team needs their rest and even though I'm her father, you're the one she would want staying with her tonight."
Richard dropped his hand from the door handle he hadn't realized he was still holding. He took a deep breath and stepped back. "Thank you sir."
Jim simply nodded and opened the door. He stepped inside and closed the door quickly behind him. Castle walked backwards until his back was up against the opposite wall. He ran his fingers through his hair and let himself slide to the ground. He must have dozed off because the next time he looked up, Jim was standing in front of him.
"Told you that you were tired." The man said, smiling and holding out a hand to help the writer up.
Castle blinked a couple of times then allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "I guess so."
"Watch out for her Rick. She…" Jim stopped and shook his head, getting rid of whatever he had been about to say.
"I will." Castle said, taking a step towards the door.
"Rick, part of this deal is you have to keep us all updated ok? No more disappearing into that room and ignoring your phone. I have strict orders from your daughter that if she doesn't hear from you to have Ryan and Esposito arrest you."
The writer smiled. "Deal." He turned back to the door in front of him and took a deep breath, trying to steady his shaking hand. He took one more breath, pushing all his fears aside, and pushed open the door.
Ok ok, I'm sorry about the huge delay in posting this chapter. Summers are actually busier for me than the school year. Hopefully I'll be able to have the next chapter up in a few days, I've been on a roll lately haha. Anyways hope you liked and please review! :D