Today is the Kings birthday. Somehow I find myself no longer able to enjoy the small luxuries such as these. Guy held a banquet at Robins House. Perhaps I can wriggle my way out of this engagement, but I must do it soon or I will give false hope to a kind man. Did I just say that? Goodness, my loyalty belongs to one man. Robin. How can I be engaged to the man I despise, when my heart says differently? Do I despise him? Oh God I am so confused! I don't know which way is up anymore, I cant tell what's fact or fiction or what is right or wrong! My head is posing me a million questions and I don't have any answers for myself! What do I use this diary for anymore? Is it for confessions of love or hatred? Is this truly what being in love feels like? It can't be. I have been fond of Robin all my life and that will never change…but is what I feel for him…love? I don't understand! Oh Goodness! I sound just as annoyed as I get when Robin is confused about my feelings for him! But whenever that happens…. I know how he feels and I can tell he knows my feelings will never change. But do I?
I am so mistrustful of everyone now. I do not wish to believe what's in front of me, but if I don't... I need to start at the beginning. Today I attended the banquet with my father and Guy made a toast to the King. Sadly he did include the promise of my hand to him. I was furious as he pulled out a ring, but contained my fury for the observers. I scolded Guy but I did not get enough of a chance before a very jealous Robin entered the house along with his gang. We had not seen each other in the longest time; well it felt like that anyway…. I don't know. He did his opening routine and began to collect the jewellery off the guests, when he reached me.
At first I wore a look of guilt and it took all my powers to meet his eye. I kept my tone with him firm, but it was agony concealing my feelings from him. All I wanted at that moment was for the spectators to disappear and everything to melt away, our problems to vanish. Leaving only us. Two people, talking. I miss those days so much. The days before the war became my life and I saw Robin daily, without having to hide our feelings. The simple days. Everything is coming unstuck now and my life is falling apart. Robin reached for my hand and I shivered at his touch. I could hear my heart begin to race as he slipped it from my finger and began to leave, when Guy lunged at him, and a sword fight began. When Robin finally had Guy against a pillar, he tore his sleave to revealed a tattoo. Robin turned pale and stepped back in shock. Jaq garbed him and threw him out the door, only to be hit in the head by Guy as Robin left. Jaq was taken captive and is being held in the castle as I write. I stormed out of the house and jumped onto his horse. I questioned his motives to go after Robin, but he said it was necessary to retrieve my ring. As he left the Sheriff whispered in my ear 'Your parties are much more fun than mine.' I rolled my eyes and departed with my father in toe.
When I got home, I paced back and forth in my room. I could not get the picture of Robins face in m head. His face, I had never seen him ridden with such shock and the way he looked at me, like a longing and an aching heart poured together. He was so strange after that, so…. unnatural. I wish it was as easy as to read him as it was Guy. Sometimes it's as if he could never tell me his inner thoughts, is it not easy to tell the woman you love your true feelings?
Much visited me soon after my troubled mind was calmed. He came to me in a sate of horror. He was stricken with pain, he told me of Robin's battle to save the king and of his recognising Guy as the attacker that killed the king. I was horrified at the actions I was told of and raced to Robin's side. I found Robin panting heavily next to an unconscious Guy. Much tied him up and fed him one of Jaq's sleeping potions. I called Robin and lectured him. Robin told me of the story his battle against Guy. I wanted to believe it, but the strongest part f me advised me against it. Guy does not seem the man who could kill so easily. Robin was doubtful of my love once again and accused me of enjoying Guy's announcement this morning. The gang returned without Jaq and they planned a trip to Nottingham to rescue her, they did not see the solution in front of them. Trade Guy for Jaq. It seems that's Jaq is a woman, another in this battle who is not who they seem. Robin strongly disagreed to this, which lead to John punching him. I turned away at the sight of the man I loved being hurt. I am writing this as I sit with him now. I hope my questions are answered by the end of the day.
I sat with Robin until he regained consciousness and we talked, he asked where the gang was and I accidently revealed the meeting place for the trade. But once Robin told me of his plan, I knew I had done the right thing by everyone. He fled in haste to the mines and I returned home to become the Nightwatchman once more. As I lifted the green scarf over my mouth, a familiar voice spoke the word 'Thankyou" I turned to see Robin standing in the doorway of the stables. He smiled that smile I adore and my heart shone with happiness. I walked over to him and he pulled the scarf back down to my neck, revealing the smile on my lips. He leaned against the wood of the stable door and I stood quietly while he stoked my hair, lovingly. I closed my eyes and his lips met mine. I opened them as he pulled back and gave him a warmer smile. He kissed me once again, on the cheek this time, and glided out the door as I turned back to my horse. Now all I can think of is the warmth of his lips against mine. I shall never question my love for him again. I know who I despise, which way is up, and what is fact and fiction. I am in love, and that will never change.
If I do say so myself, that was a very good ending! I just thought, that eventually, we need a first kiss scene! And I could think of no better place than the stables! Ah well that was it for another week, I will try and squeeze one more entry in before Christmas but it is unlikely that will happen so I guess I will see you all after New years because I am going to see my family and I will be to busy to write! Thankyou so much for all the lovely comments written, family issues not yet resolved but oh well! Wishing you all a brilliant Christmas and a fantastic New Year! Thankyou so much for supporting my writing and if I don't write again soon, See you next year!:)