Mad for Mystery Mail

Seconds felt like hours. Minutes felt like days. As time seemed to grind to a standstill, the three young women standing on the front lawn remained vigilant as they kept a keen eye out. It would arrive soon. It had to.

"Candace, are you sure it's being delivered today," Stacy asked, looking at her longtime best friend.

Candace produced her smartphone from her pocket. She brought up the website of the delivery company, entered her tracking number, and held the device up to Stacy for her to see.

"It says 'Out For Delivery'," Candace told her. "Which means it's on its way. And as much as I love my family, I'm not about to trust any of them with this package."

"I don't blame you there, but at the same time couldn't we watch for the delivery truck from the house? Or, y'know, anywhere more comfortable than just standing on the front lawn under the blazing hot sun?"

"If you simply become one hundred percent in tune with Mother Earth, the heat won't bother you anymore," Jenny said as she smiled swayed from side to side while continuing to monitor the street. Candace and Stacy both slowly looked over at Jenny with extreme skepticism.

"And how's that workin' for ya," Stacy asked.

"Well I'm only forty-five percent in tune, so not so well. Plus, it really is pretty hot out."

"Maybe not wearing clothing that was one hundred percent cotton would help too," Candace told her.

"But then I'd get arrested for indecent exposure," Jenny replied.

"I've got to go shopping with you someday," Stacy said as she resumed watching her side of the street. "You've really got to broaden your fashion horizons, girl."

"C'mon guys, stay focused," Candace told them as she checked her phone for any possible update on her delivery. "I can't tell you how important this delivery is to me."

"If we didn't understand how true that was, we wouldn't be here," Jenny told her, flashing her a quick smile.

"Jenny's right," Stacy added, also smiling at Candace. "Despite all our complaining, we're here for you today, Candace."

"Thanks, both of you," Candace said, nodding and smiling at both of them in turn. "It means the world to me to have you both here."

As the three girls continued their watch outside, just inside a red-haired teenage boy watched them as well, puzzling over what on earth they were doing.

"What are they doing out there," Phineas said, posing the question more to himself than to anyone in earshot. "It's in the low nineties out there, for crying out loud."

"Maybe they're working on their tans," Ferb replied, not looking up from reading his copy of "Dune".

"They're standing up, Ferb. You don't tan standing up."

"Perhaps they're watching for the ice cream truck, then?"

"Ferb…"

"Or they could be performing a rain dance. Jenny is with them, after all."

"Ferb?"

"They might even have become sun worshippers, you never know."

"Ferb!"

Ferb finally looked up from his book to see a severely annoyed Phineas looking down at him.

"You can't possibly tell me you're not curious about what they're up to."

"Well seeing as how we make a habit out of doing the impossible, I'm here to tell you quite confidently that no, I'm not in the slightest bit curious."

"But they're doing…something! Maybe they're even up to something!"

"This is Candace you're talking about. I highly doubt it."

Phineas quickly produced his phone and contemplated using it. "Maybe I should call mom and tell her about it."

Ferb looked at his brother in amusement. "Please tell me you do realize the irony in this situation, Phineas."

"What irony?"

"Oh I don't know…spying on your sibling, conjecturing that they're up to something, contemplating calling mother about it…"

"Oh. Wow. I honestly didn't think of that. That's really kinda scary now that I think about it."

"It just goes to prove you and Candace are indeed related by blood. You can both be right nutters given the proper set of circumstances."

"Oh and you'd know nothing about going nuts over something, right?"

"Of course not. I know how to compose myself, after all."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I walk in front of the TV while you're watching Dr. Whatsits again."

"It's Dr. Who, thank you very much. And heathens such as you simply can't appreciate the brilliance of the series."

Phineas was about to gleefully continue teasing his brother when a chorus of screams started coming steadily closer to the front door. Stacy quickly opened the door as Candace dashed past the boys with a large box in her arms. Jenny and Stacy quickly followed behind her, heading upstairs and slamming the door to her room closed behind them. Phineas slowly blinked and began looking back over at Ferb.

"No, I'm still not interested in finding out," Ferb told him as he resumed reading his book.

"Fine," Phineas said in disgust. "I'll go find out on my own, then."

Phineas quickly headed upstairs to the door to Candace's room and knocked on it. He waited for several moments, but it remained closed. There wasn't even the slightest bit of acknowledgment from inside that he had knocked at all. He knocked again and waited again. Still no response. He kept his cool, though, and decided to try a bit harder.

"Candace," he called out while knocking. "It's just me. I was wondering what was in the package."

Nothing.

"Hello? Candace? Stacy? Jenny?"

Nada.

"I know you guys are in there."

Zip.

"I, uh…I think Perry's in there. And he ate a big breakfast, so you probably want to let him out unless you want a repeat of the time he got locked in there for the day."

Zilch.

"Candace, the house is on fire."

Zero.

"Candace, I'm on fire."

Nil.

"Candace, Jeremy's on fire."

Phineas spent the next five minutes trying to find some combination of knocking and outlandish phrasing that would get the girls to open the door, but to no avail.

"This is ridiculous," he told himself. "I'll just go in. She's barged in on me countless times before, I'm sure I can get away with it just this once."

Phineas took a deep breath, braced himself, grabbed the doorknob of the door and found it to be locked.

"Oh come on! Candace, let me in already!"

Phineas stared at the door for another five minutes with no change in his situation. He grumbled to himself as he turned away from the door.

"Fine, then. If that's how it's going to be, Candace, then you leave me no choice. I know what I'm gonna do today. I'm gonna find out what was in that box no matter what it takes!"

"If you think for one second I'm going to help you, you're completely mental," Ferb told him as he continued to read his book.

"Come on, Ferb," Phineas said, pleading on his knees. "I can think of a dozen different inventions that we could use to find out, but I'll never build any of them quickly enough on my own! Help me, Obi-Ferb Kenobi! You're my only hope."

"Well since you put it that way…"

Phineas' face lit up as Ferb slowly lowered his book, looked him in the eyes, and smiled.

"…absolutely not."

Phineas' face fell as Ferb returned to his book.

"I'm going to remember this," Phineas said bitterly. Just then the doorbell rang.

"And I'm going to answer the door," Ferb told him. "Try to be civil, please?"

Ferb went to the door while Phineas paced a bit to try and cool off. He opened the door and found Isabella waiting on the other side.

"Hey Ferb," she said with a smile. "Candace called me, is she upstairs?"

"Yup, come on in," Ferb told her.

"Izzie," Phineas said, walking over to her as she made her way in. He walked with her as she made her way to the stairs. "Thank goodness. Look, just go on up, find out what was in that box and come back down and tell me, okay? That'd be awesome."

Strangely enough, Isabella simply nodded to him. She didn't even so much as talk to Phineas as she headed upstairs, but Phineas was confident that if anyone would help him it would be her. Half an hour later, however, she had not emerged from the room and Phineas was in an even fouler mood. That was when the doorbell rang again. Once again, Ferb got up to answer it, this time finding Gretchen and Milly on the other side.

"Hiya sweetie," Gretchen said, giving him a quick kiss as she and Milly entered. "Isabella called and said Candace wanted us all to come over."

"Come right on in, love," Ferb told her. "They're all upstairs."

Gretchen nodded to him and led Milly to the stairs. "Thanks. Oh, hi Phineas."

Phineas sulked on the couch and waved to her briefly. "Hey."

The two girls disappeared upstairs just as Isabella had. Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang again. This time it was Katie, Adyson, Ginger, and Holly.

"Hey-o Ferb," Adyson said with a smile and wave.

"Good morning, ladies," Ferb said politely. "Everyone is upstairs in Candace's room."

"How'd you know that's why we're here," Holly asked.

"Because that's why all the girls are coming over today," Phineas said sarcastically. He continued sulking on the couch.

"Wow, what's up with Phineas," Ginger asked.

"Pay him no mind, he's just being a bit spoiled," Ferb told her. "By all means, come in and make yourselves at home."

Once again, the gaggle of girls quickly made their way to the stairs and joined the growing crowd in Candace's room. Not five minutes later, the doorbell rang yet again; this time multiple times, insistently. Ferb answered the door and found Melissa and Suzy on the other side, desperately trying to catch their breath. They were still in their Fireside Girls uniforms and were quickly joined by the rest of their troop as well, who were also all fighting to catch their breath.

"Did you run all the way here from the lodge," Ferb asked.

"Sure did…" Suzy said, gasping for air. "But at least…we qualified…for our 'Four-Minute Mile' patch…!"

Ferb grinned at her as he stepped to the side, holding the door open. "Well done, then. Candace and everyone are upstairs. By all means, come on in."

Suzy nodded and made her way past him, quickly followed by Melissa and the rest of the troop. Watching them join the ever-growing party was the last straw for Phineas.

"This is officially ridiculous," he exclaimed. "Every girl in Danville that knows Candace gets to get in there but I, her own brother, can't even get so much as a toe in the door?"

"Just because you want to know what's going on doesn't give Candace any obligation to tell you," Ferb told him as he once again returned to his book.

"Well I'm through playing nice. If you won't help me, I'll find someone who will!"

Without further word, Phineas dashed out the door and slammed it hard as he left. Not even a minute after he'd run off, Isabella popped downstairs and looked around.

"Hey Ferb, where's Phineas," she asked. "I just told Candace that he was asking about the package and she said to come down and get him. She meant to have me come get him sooner, but things got pretty busy once everyone started showing up. Not to mention noisy."

"I'm afraid he's just run out for a bit," Ferb replied. "I expect he won't be back for some time. Best to just go back to your festivities."

"Too bad. Candace really wanted to have him come up. Hey, you wanna come up instead?"

Ferb closed his book, mused on the offer for a moment, and then stood up.

"Don't mind if I do."

Phineas poked at his Jumbo Slushy Dawg meal with supreme disinterest. He knew he should eat, it being well past lunchtime by now, but his spectacular string of failures at securing any help to learn what had been in the package Candace had received earlier had left him in a funk. Not only that, he'd also failed to find anyone to help him out. Baljeet was at an all-day seminar, Buford was doing yard work, and Django was in the middle of an art project of some kind. Going home was the last thing on his mind, as it was tantamount to admitting defeat. He was sure if he just had a little quiet time he could figure something out. Unfortunately, quiet time was not to be had as a familiar, blonde-haired man wearing a buttoned shirt, necktie, and dress slacks stepped up to his table.

"Something wrong with your meal, sir," Jeremy asked, leaning over to look at Phineas. "I can have something else prepared for you if it's not acceptable."

"Hey Jeremy," Phineas replied gloomily. "The food's fine. I'm just having motivation issues when it comes to eating."

Jeremy took a seat opposite him. "Whoa, it must be something serious if it's enough to make a teenage guy lose his appetite. Wanna talk at all?"

"You'll probably just tell me to forget about it like Ferb."

"Maybe, maybe not. You won't know until you tell me."

Phineas forced himself to sit upright to look across at the man who, in less than two months, would be his brother-in-law. He took a couple bites of food as he organized his thoughts on his day so far and, after washing the food down with some soda, decided to try talking about it one more time.

"Candace got this package today," he told Jeremy. "I've got no idea what it was, but she was so excited about it that she locked herself in her room with Stacy and Jenny and isn't even acknowledging me when I knock on her door to try to find out what it was or what's going on. Just about every other girl in the neighborhood, including your sister, is now over at my house in her room. Ferb won't help me find out, no one else is available, and I'm running out of ideas. I've never felt this helpless before, and my curiosity is going to drive me mad at this rate."

"Package, huh," Jeremy said, stroking his chin as he thought for a moment. "How big was it?"

"Big. I'd say at least as long and wide as this table and maybe a foot deep or so."

"And you say she was pretty excited about it?"

"Extremely excited."

"Then I think I know what it was."

Phineas looked at him in awe. "You do? Well, what?"

Jeremy grinned at Phineas as he leaned forward on the table. "It's her wedding dress."

Phineas felt as if all the pieces to the day's puzzle that had lay jumbled in his head suddenly fell into perfect place. He slapped his forehead as he cursed himself for not taking a moment to actually think about the whole deal.

"That explains why Stacy and Jenny were helping her watch for it," Phineas said.

Jeremy nodded to him as he stole a couple French fries from Phineas' tray. "Yup. Stacy's her Maid of Honor after all, and Jenny's a bridesmaid. As is Suzy."

"And Isabella. I remember how thrilled Izzie was when Candace asked her."

"She probably invited everyone over to see it is my guess. And, well, girls go nuts over weddings."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm sure she didn't mean to exclude you, Phineas, but you have no idea what a big deal this is to her. And me as well, for that matter."

"No no, I totally get how important it is to both of you. At the same time, though, it's kind of hard to believe."

"What is?"

"That it's actually gonna happen. My sister is getting married. I mean I knew it was going to happen; I was there on Christmas when you proposed to her. And I knew the date was coming towards the end of summer, but…now that she's actually got her dress, it's starting to really sink in. My sister's going to stop being Candace Flynn and start being Mrs. Candace Johnson."

"She'll still always be your sister, man. I know if she were here she'd tell you just that."

"Yeah, I know. It's just…it's a lot for me to grasp, y'know? There's a lot of stuff about relationships I still don't get after all, despite having been Isabella's boyfriend now for almost a year."

"Don't be in a hurry. You two have a lot of time ahead of you to see where your relationship goes."

"Oh I'm in no hurry. Heck, I remember one time we listened to this guy sing a song to us all about patience. It was in the park one time."

"Really? When was that?"

Phineas suddenly remembered that the day in question had actually happened six years ago during the now-infamous Age Swapper Incident. Jeremy had been a ten-year old boy for most of that day and likely didn't recall the day like he did.

"Uh…it was a while ago," Phineas said, hoping to bypass explaining the incident.
Anyway, believe me; I don't want to rush a single moment with Isabella. Every moment I've spent with her has been amazing. I really do treasure our time together, as well as her."

Jeremy smiled at him as he sat up a bit more in his chair. "You sound pretty serious about her."

"That's honestly how I feel."

"Have you ever told her what you just told me?"

"Huh? Well…I mean…we do so much together these days. And I go out of my way to be nice to her all the time…"

"That's all well and good Phineas, but have you told her?"

Phineas thought hard for a moment and then looked down at the table a bit disappointedly. "No. No I haven't."

"Give it a shot sometime. She might really appreciate hearing it."

"You think," Phineas asked, looking up at Jeremy now.

Jeremy nodded in response. "You could do a hundred nice things for a girl that she'll forget about in a heartbeat, but tell her one time about how you really feel about her? She will never forget it."

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would words be more important to someone than actions or deeds?"

"Welcome to the world of trying to understand women."

Rather than try to wrap his already tired mind around the matter any further, Phineas threw himself into eating his food with renewed fervor. Just as he finished his hot dog, in came Lawrence and Ferb who immediately walked over to join them.

"Hello there, boys," Lawrence said as he took a seat. "Mind if we join you?"

"Dad, Ferb, what're you guys doing here," Phineas asked.

"The party spilled out from Candace's room to the rest of the house," Ferb told him. "Much as I love a good party, the estrogen levels were beginning to become a bit toxic."

"We thought it best to just let the girls be girls for a while," Lawrence added. "Your mother's there and assured us she'd keep an eye on things, though I suspect she was just waiting for us to leave so she could invite over the rest of her band."

"You feeling any better, Phineas," Ferb asked, looking at his brother.

Phineas nodded to him. "Yeah, thanks to Jeremy."

"Hey, I'd do it any time for either of my future brothers-in-law," Jeremy told them. "I need to get back to work, but you guys are welcome to stay as long as you need. I'll get you some cups so you can get free drink refills."

As Jeremy headed to get the cups and Ferb and Lawrence discussed what to order for themselves, Phineas let himself think more about his talk with Jeremy; especially the part where Jeremy had urged him to tell Isabella more about how he felt about her. He had a lot to contemplate on the matter, but found himself more concerned about what he'd say than when he'd say it.

It was close to dinner time when Lawrence and the boys returned to the house. They arrived just as it seemed the party was letting out. As she exited the house, Isabella spotted Phineas and quickly bid goodbye to her friends from her former Fireside Girls troop to go over to him.

"Hey, you doing okay," she asked as she reached him. "You look like you've got a lot on your mind."

"Yeah, I kinda do," he admitted. "Sorry I ran out earlier. Ferb told me you had come down looking for me just after I left."

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to seem like I was ignoring you when I first came over, I was just…"

"I know. Candace's dress, right?"

"It's really something else, Phineas. I'm sorry you didn't' get to see it."

"I'm sure I'll have a chance sometime, but don't sweat it Izzie. I was being kind of a brat earlier anyway. I'm not sure I deserved to see it, honestly."

"I know Candace doesn't think that way, so you shouldn't either."

"I'll try talking to her a little later. Maybe. Like you said before, I've got a lot on my mind."

"You know you can always talk to me, right? I'm here for you, Phineas."

"I know, and that's what makes it hard."

Isabella was positively puzzled now. "What do you mean?"

Phineas fidgeted a bit as he struggled to make eye contact with her. "The stuff that's on my mind is about you, Isabella."

"Really?" Isabella's voice shrunk as she began to blush a bit. "What kind of stuff?"

"Just…bear with me here, please. I may talk a lot, but I'm terrible about talking about this kind of thing."

Isabella nodded as Phineas took a deep, cleansing breath and took her hands into his as he looked into those sapphire eyes of hers that he loved so much.

"We've been dating now for almost a year, Isabella. And we've had a lot of fun during that time to be sure. But it occurred to me that in all that time I haven't really told you much of how I feel about you. I mean, you know I like you, right?"

She nodded and smiled at him. "Of course I know that."

Phineas nodded to her as well and continued. "Over the past several months, though, I've come to realize that what I feel for you is something more than what can be conveyed by the word 'like'. I mean…every time we're together things just feel right to me. Everything we do, no matter how mundane, is special. I really cherish every opportunity I have to be with you, Isabella; and not just the time itself…but you.

Isabella resisted the urge to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't simply fantasizing or dreaming again as Phineas continued working through his thoughts.

"You're more important to me than I can possibly describe. I like being with you so much, at times I find myself worried about what I'd do if you weren't around. Anymore I not only can't imagine what life would be like without you, but I just don't want to think of such a horrible possibility at all. It was only after I talked to Jeremy earlier today and took some time to think that I've realized what this feeling really is. Well, at least what I think it is. I mean I know we're still really young and all but-"

Phineas stopped himself as he saw her eyes shining with tears. Her expression was a mixture of hopeful and nervous as she hung on his every word. He swallowed hard and dug deep for the last bit of courage to say what he both wanted, and now needed, to say.

"Isabella, I…I love you."

Isabella could only barely whisper his name as she quickly closed the small distance between them and kissed him tenderly on the lips. They put their arms around each other as their kiss became deeper and more passionate. Only after two full minutes of kissing in the middle of the driveway did they stop and just stand there, continuing to hold each other as closely as was comfortable.

"I don't care if we are too young," Isabella told him quietly. "I love you too, Phineas. I always have, and I always will."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Phineas replied, his voice also hushed. "It's just…I thought it didn't need to be said because of everything we've done together."

"You've got nothing to apologize for, mi amor. I certainly know by now how you are about admitting feelings. Still…I can't tell you how much it meant to actually hear you say it, Phineas."

"I'll try to say it a little more often from here on out, then. Not in Spanish, though. "

Isabella laughed nervously as they stepped back just a bit from each other. "Yeah, probably a good idea given my track record whenever you do speak Spanish to me. Anyway, you'd better go on in. I know Candace wanted to talk to you still today."

"Gotcha," Phineas said, slowly walking backwards from her towards his garage. "I'll call you tonight, though, okay?"

"I'll look forward to it."

The two slowly continued walking backwards away from each other, each finding it hard to take their eyes off of the other. Eventually, they both turned and headed to their respective houses, but despite being out of sight neither was out of the other's mind or heart.

Shaking the remnants of his romantic encounter with Isabella off, Phineas entered the kitchen and found the rest of his family save for Candace gathered around the kitchen counter studying a takeout menu. Linda looked up as she saw him approaching.

"Hey sweetheart," she said, moving to hug him as he joined them at the counter. "We're ordering Chinese for dinner tonight. The party went a little too long and there's no time to fix something proper."

"Cool with me," Phineas replied. "Put me down for sweet and sour chicken. With steamed rice, please."

Linda took down a quick note for her son's order. "Will do. By the way, Candace wanted you to go up to her room when you have a moment. She was really looking for you earlier."

Phineas nodded and headed upstairs, back to the door he'd spent so much time in front of earlier when he'd been so desperate to find out what was going on. He first reached for the doorknob, but stopped himself. He didn't just want to barge in on her, that wasn't his style at all and he knew it. He quickly moved his hand up on the door and knocked a few times.

"Candace, it's Phineas," he said.

"It's open, Phineas. Come on in." he heard come from inside. Phineas opened the door, stepped inside, and was immediately awestruck.

Candace stood a few feet away, her hands folded in front of her, still dressed in her wedding dress. It was as purely white as the first snow of winter. The skirt was completely smooth without a single layer or ruffle to it and had an embroidered pattern down the left side that Phineas thought resembled an ice-encrusted tree branch. A few folds of material were bunched about her waist and came together on the left side in line with the embroidered pattern on the skirt. The bodice was fitted perfectly to her figure and was also embroidered to look like a sky filled with snowflakes. Finally, a pair of loose, pure lace straps connected from the front of the bodice to the back, coming over her shoulders.

"So…how do I look," she asked, for what had now been the umpteenth time that day.

Candace had heard a wide array of adjectives from all the girls earlier that day to describe her and her dress: gorgeous, radiant, beautiful, stunning, exquisite, and many others. She expected any one of those words to crop up again from Phineas.

"Like an angel," Phineas told her in wonderment.

She hadn't been prepared to hear that. Coming from Phineas, it was the highest possible praise he could've given her and the most touching compliment she'd received all day. The fact that she had inadvertently made him wait until the end of the day to tell her that, combined with how heartfelt his words had been, was enough to send tears tumbling down her face. Phineas was immediately alarmed as he saw her quickly trying to regain her composure.

"Candace, I'm sorry," he said in nervous apology. "Did I say something wrong?"

Candace sniffled a little as she fought to dry her eyes with her hands. "What? Oh, no, not at all. It's just…that was the nicest thing anyone's said to me today. Even Ferb didn't give me a compliment like that. It's…thank you, Phineas."

Phineas scratched the back of his head and blushed a bit in embarrassment. "You're welcome, Candace. You really do look like an angel. Well, not that I know exactly what an angel looks like, but…well, you know what I mean. I think. I hope."

Candace laughed, which seemed to immediately help her reclaim some emotional balance. "Yeah, I get you. Okay, now get out of my room. I've been wearing this dress almost all day now, and as much as I love it I'm beginning to get a bit tired of it for the moment. Plus I'd rather not attempt to eat chow mein in it."

"Well Ferb and I did make that stain-repelling spray for all fabrics a while back. It's still somewhat experimental but we could-"

Candace looked at him scornfully now. "Phineas, if you think for a second I'm letting anything or anyone touch this dress besides me, you're insane. Now get."

Phineas faked a pout as he turned to leave the room. "You're no fun at all."

"That's right, and don't you forget it!"

"Forget what," Phineas asked, leaning back into the room after having just left, a stupid grin on his face.

"Phineas!"

Phineas quickly dodged as Ducky Momo came flying at his head. He then immediately ran off downstairs laughing. It was just as Jeremy had said. No matter what happened in their lives or where they went, Candace would always be his sister. And he wouldn't want it any other way.

Next Episode Preview: With the Fourth of July on the horizon, Adyson is worried about wasting her summer. As she begins seeking help to liven things up, though, she can't help but wonder about her feelings for Django. Where will this road ultimately lead her?