Balthazar didn't say another word as they made thier way to the Arcana Cabana. Dave felt miserable the entire time, wishing he had lied. It would have been better if he had. That way no one would have to know of his cowardice and Balthazar wouldn't be giving him that look. Instead he had, in keeping with his past of messing things up, stuttered and given him the humiliating truth.

When they opened the Arcana Cabana Balthazar jerked his head.

"Downstairs. Subway turnaround."

Dave nodded and they headed downstairs. He wanted so badly to say something but he felt cowed by the events of that night. Balthazar led him into the subway turnaround. He held out a hand for him to stay at the entrance and then stood in the middle of the room. Shoving his hands into his pockets Balthazar said;

"You were scared."

Still feeling shame Dave nodded.

"Why?" asked Balthazar.

Biting his lip Dave looked at the Tesla Coils that surrounded the room. Balthazar had allowed him to keep them there. Ever since his sophomore year they had been a constant fixture. Over the years he had worked on them extensively and they had grown in size and power. Working on them was theraputic and they were a comforting presence, but he knew they held no answers.

"Balthazar, the first time I met Horvath I was ten," Dave said, "I was helpless. Sure I kicked him around a bit but he sliced open my arm and my leg."

"That was ten years ago," said Balthazar, "The last time we faced him I had to drag you away."

He took a deep breath.

"I…you were there," he said, "I thought you were going to take care of it. And…I didn't want to show you how scared I was. Tonight…it just came out."

"Hm," Balthazar said, "That certainly explains why you got so hysterical when I ran. You thought I'd show you that he could be beaten, was that it?"

"Yes and no."

Balthazar raised his eyebrow.

"You don't get it," said Dave, frustrated, "Whether or not I can beat him isn't really the issue. When I got kidnapped…that…that was the first time when I knew I was going to die. And every time I see him I feel that again. Even the thought of going up against him makes me break out into a cold sweat."

His Master frowned and took his hands out of his pockets.

"You didn't die."

"No," agreed Dave, "But I thought I was going to."

"So?"

"So there was just this feeling of despair," Dave said, "He bled me while explaining in detail what was going to happen to me. Then he left me for hours and I knew there was nothing I could do to save myself. It got dark but no one was coming and-"

Balthazar's face remained blank and Dave stopped.

"You still don't understand," he said, "You've never been helpless. You've never gone through that hell."

Something sparked in Balthazar's eyes.

"You know nothing of hell," he said.

Dave blinked and took a step back. He'd never heard Balthazar speak with that edge to his voice. He'd heard him angry and disappointed, but he'd never heard venom. His Master closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes the spark had gone. Instead there was a deep sadness.

"I have felt that Dave, despite what you seem to think," he said, "Because once upon a time I failed to save someone and my failure has been something I've been forced to live with for decades. You don't know what I have and haven't felt Dave, and I wish to God that you never go through what I have."

Sighing Balthazar stepped back into the Merlin's Circle that had been etched in the middle of the subway turnaround all those years ago. Green flames spread into the etchings, lighting up the symbols that Dave knew so well. Balthazar stood amidst the flames, gazing at him with a tired but strangely understanding expression.

"You were traumatized," he said, "But when you entered this circle you took an oath. You have to get past this, because Horvath's not going to stop this time. Morgana's probably with him and facing her will be unlike anything you've ever imagined. Last time we ran, but now things are different."

"What's changed?" asked Dave.

Balthazar gave him an even look.

"You."

"What?"

"You're no longer an apprentice who knows only a handful of spells," Balthazar said, "Now you can defend yourself and hence you have a responsibility to both yourself and the order."

Balthazar stepped outside of the circle. The flames died down.

"In an hour I'm going to come back," he said quietly, "If you're still in then we're going to do some more training. I suggest you think on it."

Head bowed Balthazar left the room. Dave watched him leave, a lump forming in his throat. Balthazar's footsteps were dying when Dave climbed the stairs to his control panel and programed his Tesla coils. They had given him so much comfort over the past few years; there was no reason why they shouldn't now.

He turned them on and, for good measure, turned the radio on too. It was Becky's show and he let her voice mix with the sounds of his plasma coils. The coils sparked when the music started, lighting up the room with blue light. He rested his hands on the rail of his cage and listened.

I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life gets kinda boring, need something that I can confess.

As the music continued to play he cocked his head. The sparks were making some sort of noise too, blending with the music. However, they were forming a sound and a music all their own. All those years he'd worked on that project; couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it sooner.

Til' all my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I've said. Come by it honestly I swear, thought you saw me wink no, I've been on the brink.

If something he worked on every day had escaped his notice, then what else had? Apparently he hadn't noticed that he wasn't ten anymore. He was twenty and Balthazar had been training him all that time. Together they'd locked away Morganian sorcerers who had threatened the safety of his world. He'd battled mythological creatures both with and without his Master. He'd just killed a damn dragon under an hour ago, by himself.

So tell me what you want to hear, something that were like those years, sick of all the insincere, so I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

His grip on the rail tightened. After fighting all of that how dare Horvath be the thing he was afraid of? Dave looked up and let the music flood him. Electricity swirled all around him, blurring his vision but allowing him to see clearly for the first time in years. Balthazar had been right to be confused; there was no reason to be afraid of Horvath. Not anymore.

This time, don't need another perfect lie, don't care if critics ever jump in line, I'm gonna give all my secrets away.