"What the hell is this?" James almost shrieked, pulling his hand out of his Christmas stocking. Sirius and Peter blurted out laughing. James' right hand was covered in a foul smelling green mess that dripped down his forearm. He took a whiff of it before gagging, almost throwing up. "What the hell is this?" He bellowed.
"It looks like dragon poo," Sirius said.
"Urgh!" James said, trying to get away from the smell and extending his arm. "Urgh. Urgh. Urgh. Uuurrrgghh!"
Sirius was doubling over with tears of laughter. James reached down and took his wand from his bedside table. "Scourgify" He muttered. The mess disappeared but still left a disgusting smell. James sniffed before gagging again.
"Who. Ever. Thought. It. Would. Be. Funny. To. Fill. My. Fucking. Stocking. With. Dragon. Shit. Is. Going. To. Die!" James hissed. "Was it you?"
"Was it me?" Sirius snorted a laugh. "Prongs, listen to yourself. Why would I sit here and watch it happen when I could be cursed for it?"
"Good point," James turned to look at Peter.
"It wasn't me, man," Peter shrugged, opening a box of Bertie Botts every flavour beans. "I'm not so clever to do it and get away with it."
"True," James shrugged.
"It was probably Moony." Sirius said.
James rounded. "Moony!" He almost growled.
"How on earth could it be Remus?" Peter asked. "He's off… Ill."
"Plenty of time for him to sneak dragon poo into your Christmas stocking," Sirius shrugged, biting off the head to a chocolate frog.
"We're visiting him," James said. "I'm going to teach him a thing or two about sticking dragon poo in my stocking," He grabbed his cloak and slung it over his pyjamas. Over the holidays, they had become accustomed to wandering about the school in their nightwear, McGonagall disapproved of course, but she decided to let it pass seeing as it was Christmas. They doubted very much that she would especially mind today. Sirius let out a groan.
"I don't want to go!" He complained. "He'll be cranky and he won't talk and I'll end up getting pissed off with him."
"Tough," James said. "He's going to pay for his stupid practical joke."
Sirius groaned so more.
"Slippers, on, now." James ordered. "Peter?"
Peter fell back on his pillow and let out a long fake snore.
"Oh no, I need two others to help me come up with a good enough payback." James said, yanking Peter's feet.
"You're a good enough trickster," Peter replied. "Come up with your own payback!"
"Oh come on!" James said.
"I refuse to move my enormous but gorgeous backside," Sirius said.
James flicked his wand. "Levicorpus"
Sirius was pulled from the bed by his ankle and he levitated in the air for a few minutes yelling at the top of his lungs. "GET ME DOWN YOU UTTER BASTARD!"
James flicked his wand again and Sirius tumbled to the stone floor. He sat up, rubbing his head and his arse. "Fine," He muttered. "We'll go."
"Thank you," James said.
"I don't know why when you're perfectly happy causing your own trouble." Sirius grumbled, getting up and pulling on a cloak.
"Peter?"
Peter let out another fake snore. James was tempted to use levicorpus again. But just as he made for his wand, Peter sat up.
"I'm coming," He muttered. "I'm coming,"
They hurried quickly out of the dorm and headed straight to the hospital wing, passing a singing peeves and the portraits whom all seemed to be holding glasses of sherry. Remus was the only occupant of the wing, the curtain drawn around his bed. Madam Pomfrey bade them a merry Christmas and let them be. James pulled back the curtain, only to get the fright of his life. Sarah, still in her nightdress, was sitting by Remus' bedside talking to him earnestly. He seemed genuinely interested, though too tired to offer a response, his legs covered with sweets including what appeared to be a mountain of chocolate. Sarah looked up and blinked.
"Oh, hi," She said.
"Hi," Sirius said, a faint crease forming on his head. "What are you…?"
"Oh, don't worry, I was just visiting," She said. "I'll… See you at the feast tonight,"
"Hopefully," Remus said, giving a weak smile.
Sarah got up, making sure her dressing gown was still tied, and leaned down to give Remus a quick kiss on the cheek before she left, leaving a very confused James, Sirius and Peter.
"I… What…" James started confused.
"Bucket," Remus said.
"Excuse me?" Peter asked.
"Bucket!" Remus cried pointing at a large pail near the end of the bed. Peter grabbed it and handed it to him and Remus promptly threw up in it.
"Well, that's one way to greet your friends," Sirius said sitting down. Remus handed the bucket to James who put it to the side before collapsing onto his pillow, exhausted, and his forehead covered in cold sweat.
"I think I caught something last night," He muttered.
"Oh?"
"Yes well apparently, spending the night going through a painful transformation in a tiny hut with poor hygiene and warm enough to freeze fiendfyre, causes a little sickness," Remus said mildly.
"What was Sarah doing here?" Sirius demanded.
"What?" Remus asked, blinking.
"You know what I said," Sirius said folding his arms.
"She was just visiting,"
"She knows you're a…" Peter didn't finish his sentence.
"No," Remus said calmly. "I asked her to visit,"
"Moony's got a girlfriend!" James said in a sing-song voice. Remus gave him a look.
"I do not have a girlfriend." He said. "We're just close,"
"How close? I mean, if you're technically in her, I'd say you're pretty much boyfriend and girlfriend." Sirius said.
"Charming, Sirius, very charming." Remus said. "Bucket!"
James handed it back to him and Remus threw up again. He then extended out to James, who declined. "Better hold onto it mate," He said.
"Fair enough," Remus said. "James, why do you stink?"
James looked affronted before Sirius motioned to his right hand. James held it up. "Oh, yeah, that," He looked down at his friend. "Did you put Dragon shit in my Christmas stocking?"
"No," Remus said frowning. "I would hardly have time. As you recall I left at six last night, you didn't go to bed until 11."
At this Sirius burst out laughing and fell to the floor. James rounded on him. "YOU!"
"It's just so… Funny!" Sirius wheezed.
"I just curse you to high heaven," James said, pulling out his wand.
"Go ahead," Sirius challenged. "I'll beat you,"
"No, you wouldn't even beat a girl."
"I know, but this is the exception!"
"Not now," Remus interrupted mildly. "I have a rather large headache and you idiots are not helping."
Sirius grinned sheepishly over at Remus. "Sorry mate," He said before he was jolted six feet into the air. "LET ME DOWN PRONGS OR I SWEAR TO BLOODY MISCHEIF THAT I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL!"
James shrugged. "I'm not too bothered to be perfectly honest."
"Okay, both of you get out before I turn my wand on you," Remus said. "And nobody wants that,"
James lowered his wand and Sirius was once again that morning, sent tumbling to the ground. He got up whilst untangling himself from his pyjamas and dressing gown. "You are a arse, James Potter,"
"I try," James shrugged.
"OUT NOW!" Remus ordered. "Before I throw up on both of you."
James didn't seem to mind. "Remus got a girlfriend!" He sang as he, Peter and Sirius left Remus in peace. Remus rolled his eyes and turned over the page of the Daily Prophet.
…
"Andromeda's had a kid," Sirius said lightly bounding towards the long sofa and sitting down in between James and Peter. He held a letter in his hand and looked generally pleased. "Look!"
He shoved a baby picture under James' nose. He looked at it for a moment, then shrugged. "What's up with it's hair?"
"I dunno," Sirius said, looking at the photo. "And it's a she not an it!"
"Right," Peter said glancing at the photo.
"Nymphadora Tonks," Sirius sighed tutting and shaking his head. "That poor child. Hair that she can't control and a name that would be more suited on a woodland elf,"
"We get it, Sirius," James said, yawning and stretching his legs. "You're pretty much a very proud mother hen, get over it and put it away won't you?"
"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Sirius asked.
"Nuthing," James said.
"He's been like this for at least an hour," Peter supplied.
"Oh dear," Sirius said. "James, is your period late?"
"Funny," James said darkly.
"I wasn't joking,"
James cleared his throat. "I dunno," He said. "I'm just having a moment."
"Well, can you stop having it and celebrate the birth of my…" Sirius frowned thought for a moment. "Second cousin?"
"You're right," James said. "Sorry, congratulations,"
"Hey, I didn't push the thing out," Sirius said.
"Okay, now I am confused, what do you want me to say?"
"I don't actually know,"
"So you're creating argument for the sake of it?"
"Well, Regulus has gone home for the holidays," Sirius shrugged. "I have nobody to beat up."
"You must be so heartbroken,"
"I am a little yes," Sirius admitted. "Wanna go see what Madam Rosmerta is cooking up tonight?"
"No," James said.
"No?"
"No," James repeated.
"Oh, I know what this is about," Sirius sat forward. "This is about Lily/Caitlin isn't it?"
"No," James said, but his ears turned bright red.
"I knew it!" Sirius leaned forward. "So, what's up with Caitlin."
"Nothing," James leaned back and ran his fingers through his hair. "I mean, she's great and all, and we have loads to talk about."
"But she's not Lily," Peter said, looking up at last, so far had been ignoring their conversation.
"That…" James admitted. "And-"
"James! Sirius!"
They turned their heads to see Clara, their Quidditch captain, marching towards them, her face bright red from the cold of the outside. Clearly she had just gotten back in from her date with her boyfriend.
"Yes?" Sirius drawled, slightly annoyed that she had interrupted James. James however, did not seem to mind.
"Quidditch practice will be starting up again in…" She frowned for a minute. "Two weeks tomorrow."
"Nice," James said, grinning.
"I need you guys to help me out picking the new team."
"Us?" Sirius said. "With responsibility? Have you gone mad woman?"
"Yes," Clara replied. "But since nearly everyone has left from the team, and Gideon and Fabian will be too busy trying to win me over with a selection of Honeydukes finest and roses they swiped from the herbology gardens, I think it's best that you two help instead. Besides. You know the people in this school better than Dumbledore,"
"No by choice," Sirius muttered. "We usually have to write apologies to them."
"Ah well, maybe you could apologise to them in person." Clara shrugged, moving away.
"Like that'll happen," James said.
"True," Sirius nodded. "What were you saying?"
"You know what, I've forgotten," James said giving a big grin. "Come on, let's get out. Maybe we can wrangle some hidden passage ways out of Moaning Myrtle."
"I'll get Remus then," Sirius said, jumping to his feet.
James glanced up at the dormitory. "Better not, you never know what might happen with an angry sleeping Remus, he might use our nuts as chew toys."
"Fair enough," Sirius shrugged.
…
The holidays ended somewhat abruptly, and the four boys trudged lazily back to class without any real commitment. As they made their way up to charms they bumped into Xeno, who was sitting by himself on the stone stairs having an earnest talk with the Grey Lady, Ravenclaw's ghost.
"Hello Xeno!" James said brightly sitting down beside him. "How was your holidays?"
"Positively normal," Xeno replied. "But I did have the wonderful opportunity to Ningyo spotting with my mummy,"
James and Sirius looked over at Remus who was rubbing his eyes. "I don't know what it is!" He cried.
"Are you two so uncultured that you do not know what it is?" Xeno asked.
"Yes," Sirius nodded. "I'm afraid that instead of holding our pinky out when taking a drink from our tea cups, we use the middle." He let out an odd laugh. "We are so uncultured."
"No, the middle finger is right," Xeno said dreamily. "Ningyo is a water fairy that cries tears of pearls, it has the head of a human and the body of a fish-"
"Sort of like a mermaid?" Peter asked.
"No, nothing of the sort," Xeno said. "For a start, they are more welcoming than mermaids, and are not completely made up of fantasy."
"Er… Xeno," James said. "Mermaids are real, we've seen them in the black lake…"
"No!" Xeno said. "Those are not mermaids. Quite the contrary, those poor souls are ex-students to whom the old headmaster Phineas Black had them drowned. They conjured their best magic and transfigured themselves into fish, only it went wrong and they were left there forever."
James and Remus turned to look at Sirius who muttered under his breath. "I hate that my family can cause nut jobs to disbelieve the obvious," Remus kicked him. "OW YOU MOTHER FUCK-"
"Temper," Remus said mildly.
Sirius folded his arms.
"So, what were you talking to the Grey Lady for?" Asked James, ignoring his two friends.
"Oh, this is Helen Ravenclaw."
"Who?"
"Rowena Raveclaws' daughter, stupid!" Xeno let out a sigh. "For the brightest students in the school, you really are thick."
"Thanks!" James said smiling. "It's not often we hear an insult coming from you,"
"It wasn't an insult," Xeno said. "More an observation,"
"Of course," Sirius said.
"I heard your family held an impressive ball," Xeno said looking at Sirius, who shifted uncomfortably.
"How did you hear that?" He asked.
"Well, our family is pure-blood," Xeno shrugged. "We were of course invited,"
"I don't know why," Sirius said. "You don't seem to uphold the Death Eater ideals."
"We don't," Xeno said. "But I think that they were only being… courteous."
"My family? Courteous? You're having a laugh Xeno," Sirius said shaking his head.
"What ball?" James asked.
"Every year," Sirius said, explaining. "The Black's hold a ball instead of a normal family lunch. They include all the most of the wizarding community that are either in a position of much power, or indeed are pure-blood and support the Death Eater way of living."
"Nasty," James said.
"There is a reason I don't go home for Christmas," Sirius said, bitterly.
"Did you have a good Christmas, Remus? Peter?" Xeno looked over at them, surveying Remus' shabby appearance.
"it was okay," Remus shrugged.
"Even with the full moon?"
Remus' eyes widened. He laughed nervously. "Now what makes you say that?"
"Oh, you don't know about it?" Xeno said. "Then never mind."
James put a hand on Xeno's shoulder. "What do you know?"
"A lot of things," Xeno replied.
"Oh?" Sirius said. "Like?"
Xeno said nothing more and continued to hum, getting up from the stairs and making his way to charms.
"Ignore him," Peter said. "They all think he's insane anyway,"
"I'm fine," Remus shrugged, a pit gnawing at the content of his stomach.
"You sure?" James asked.
"Positive."
A/N
Longer chapter next time I Solemnly Swear on my Harry Potter DVD collection (see what I did there? Haha, I think I'm so smart!) Anyway, I'm not going to hold hostage to chapters if I don't get 200 reviews, that will be riddikulus (another HP pun) I would just like it is all.
School Play is driving my nut in. I shouldn't be so stressed now that I've left school. Gr.
Anyways, someone wanted to know whom was whom in my group of friends that are oddly like the marauders. Well, cast your eyes down to read more, I will give reasons, not just because we fancy the particular marauders.
Me – Remus, very restrained, very easy going until someone riles up my temper which is not an easy feat, trust me. Plus everyone already thinks that I'm a werewolf. I have actually managed to convince a few 8 year olds that I am. Which is always fun.
Shannen – Sirius (sexy, smart, brilliant to the point I want to smash her against the table to knock a few brain cells out and give them to me, but often gets the blame for things she didn't do.) Also, do you remember that phrase that Snape used in the third film, "Quarreling like an old married couple" When referring to Sirius and Remus, well, that's us, we are an old married couple.
Urszula (Alice as we like to call her) James. Again much the same as before, but she is more of a headstrong leader, and willing to trust her friends until the end.
Marion (she's gonna hate me for this, but he-ho, she never reads fanfiction so…) Peter – Kinda whiny, follows everyone about, doesn't seem to have her own mind. But I doubt very much that she would ever betray us to the dark lord. I still love her ;) Don't think anything bad of her, really, she just has that personality. She's not evil. I choose my friends well.