I'm A Bastard

I'm a bastard, I'm a jerk, I'm an ass. Absolutely. I was driven to my limit by a girl refusing to hear that she was gorgeous, but that's no excuse for what I did next. I took Bella's hand and put it lightly - very lightly - on the bulge in my pants, the bulge caused by her proximity, by the glimpse of her neck and throat, the huskiness of her voice. I wasn't hard - nowhere near - but I wasn't completely soft, either. I was having a reaction to her, especially since she'd mentioned self-generated orgasms, which I tried, and failed, not to picture. Somehow in my muddled brain, committing what amounted to an assault was the appropriate way to let her know that I didn't think she was as unattractive as she was claiming to be.

Bella's eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open.

"So there. Satisfied?" I asked, trying to move her hand.

"Noooo," she answered, and she resisted. Oh shit. She what? She cupped her fingers and ran her thumb along the length of me, which wasn't much, but that one stroke of her thumb made me grow. She did it again, and there was more of me than there had been a second ago. I felt the blood flooding in, felt the extending happen. She repeated the action before I could stop her, and this time my dick wanted to jump into her hand.

"Unh," I said, blinking rapidly.

"Mmm? Is this okay?" she muttered, pleaded really, glancing up.

No, the fuck it's not. You're touching my dick, friendperson. But I started it. And shit, it feels fucking good.

"Unh," I repeated weakly. Clearly I'm not the man I pride myself on being - that is, decent. Without a shred of decency I was prepared to let my platonic friend grope me.

"Bella - ?" I tried, not even knowing what I was going to say, but it appeared groping wasn't exactly what Bella Swan had in mind. Before I knew it, she'd twisted around and thrown one leg over both of mine, clambering up and bumping herself on the table in the process before landing across my thighs. Then she moved closer, and I mean closer. The part of bodies where thighs become hips and vice versa - and in between them, from east to west, is where worlds meet. That's where I felt her.

Oh, Bella. Oh my God. She must have done yoga in a previous life, or pilates. Had she ever told me that or was I just dreaming it? Her knees were spread so wide I spent half a microsecond marveling at her suppleness, but then sensation kicked in fully and all conscious thought departed.

Her head was tucked into my shoulder, and I heard her whisper my name like a question. Dimly, I registered that she was asking for permission to sit on me like this. As if I could say no.

"Yes, yes," I whispered raggedly back, but Bella wasn't planning to perch there demurely like she was on a bus. Oh no. She sat there like I was a bucking bronco and she was having to shift in the saddle, side to side, up and down, round and round. What was worse, or better, to be honest, was her rhythm. She was keeping pace with the song that was playing - the thumping, throbbing beat pushing everyone in the room, ruling our collective pulses, and dictating the tempo of Bella's hips. She'd flung her arms over my shoulders, hands in my hair, fingers at my scalp, and I didn't have a clue what to do with mine. Could I touch her, hold her? Fuck, we were spiraling out of control. It was killing me. I slid my hands underneath her sweatshirt and upwards, and found nirvana. Her breasts were small, yes. My hands swamped them, yes. They were so fucking exciting. I kneaded their softness, the tight points pressing through her bra into my palms. She responded with slower, deeper surges of her groin into mine that made my skin tingle all over. My head brain was well and truly checked out while my dick brain was thoroughly loving being rubbed on, yet was thinking ahead at the same time, if that's what you call it. Thinking, oh yeah, we're gonna party here oh yeah, and then we're gonna take it somewhere less public, and get down. Her bedroom, my bedroom, or halfway up the fucking stairs outside, yeah.

And she kept pressing on me and gyrating and I needed to leave her breasts alone or I'd push her sweatshirt all the way up and claw her bra out of the way, searching for her nipples with my tongue. I had a flash of seeing myself lifting her onto the table, her breasts in my hands and mouth, and then me moving lower to explore and discover. Shut it off, stop immediately. It was fucking dark and loud and nobody was paying us any attention, but we were in a bar, for God's sake. There was no way I'd be getting more intimate with Bella here.

So I held her hips. I'd never touched her before, apart from neighborly hugs, and the feel of her was astonishing. Such a skinny little thing, but there was fire in her, vibrancy. And she may have been pummeling me in time with the music, but fuck, it augured well, the way she moved. Very, very well. I could go at this pace for hours, hours. It was perfect. Bella, this is good, this is wonderful, this is magic, this is fucking amazing, can we get the hell out of this place, right now?

Her head shifted slightly, and I felt her lips against my throat. At first it seemed like kissing, but then I realized she was panting right on my skin. And grunting, soft and light. Oh God. We fucking really need to get upstairs if you're going to make noises like that, missy, because, because...

Bella whimpered. She whined. The song was nearly over and I was nearly desperate and I was pushing back up to her, meeting her rhythm, when she faltered. Her voice keened, her body became tense, she pressed down with her hips hard, and started shaking. Then she just sort of folded.

My hands flew to her shoulders and I eased her gently back so that I could look into her face. Was I flattering myself or had she just come on my dick?

"Did you - ? You didn't! Did you just...?"

She could barely keep her head up. If I hadn't been holding on to her, she'd have fallen off me, she'd gone so wobbly. Her eyes were half-open and a slow smile spread across her face. She looked blissful.

"Jesus! Jesus, Bella!"

I loosened my grip and she collapsed on me.

Stunned, I wrapped my arms around her. Apart from her ribs expanding and contracting with deep breaths, she was still as a statue. My dick really, really missing her motion and the friction she'd been generating, but my ego was floating somewhere up near the ceiling.

"Did you...? I mean, you know... Really...?" I asked again.

Now we had to get upstairs. It was imperative that we continue this. You sweet, beautiful, crazy, sexy girl, come with me, be with me, let's go. I want you so much.

But. But.

I eased her back from me again, to kiss her and whisper sweet things or dirty things or whatever, but away from the support of my shoulder, Bella's head dropped abruptly. So abruptly that the pencil fell out of her hair, and her mane cascaded down, covering her face. My fingers grasped her chin, tilting it up gently so I could look at her. She was still wearing the euphoric smile, but her eyes were closed.

"Bella?"

No response at all.

"Sweetness?"

Well, goddamn.

Bella Swan was fast asleep.

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