Balthazar was in the living room. He had too much of his self-respect left to start drinking, even if he felt like it would be a good idea. This wasn't something that he wanted to share with Veronica's image on the Grimhold. Although he knew she'd be sympathetic in real life, he couldn't bear the chance that she would know about his failure. He couldn't bear to share his shame with anyone at that moment.
"I think it's exactly how you meant it," snapped Dave, "The hell were you thinking, screwing with my life like that. What gave you the right?"
What had given him the right? He had hoped that Dave would trust him enough when the time came to explain it. However, Dave was right. He had waited too long. Balthazar had kept an earth shattering secret from the one person who had every right to know it. And he had kept it for ten years, which was far longer than he should have.
Feeling exhausted he buried his head in his hands. He'd failed Dave on several counts, he could see that now. Dave had deserved to know the truth before this. Balthazar had just kept putting it off until it had gotten to a ridiculous point. Sighing deeply he slouched; he'd failed Dave, the Prime Merlinian, Veronica's descendent, and his surrogate son.
Still worse he had probably failed the world. Dave's last words hadn't been particularly reassuring. He might just want to run away. Balthazar severely hoped not. Whether or not the world was saved, if Veronica was freed, should have nothing to do with his own failures. It wouldn't be fair for it to do so, but when was the last time his life was fair?
From some distance away a door slammed. There was only one place who had a key to the Arcana Cabana, but he could have sworn that he heard two sets of footsteps. He didn't have the energy to turn around, but he did withdraw hands away from his face. Balthazar was going to answer whatever questions were posed to him in a calm and composed manner.
In a moment Dave stood before him. He didn't look angry, only thoughtful. Balthazar didn't know if that was a good sign or not.
"Becky's in the hall," he said, "I ran into her in the street. I was walking her to the subway."
He nodded but didn't say anything. Dave sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Why did you wait?" asked Dave.
Balthazar sat up straighter.
"I don't know how to feel right now. I need to know why didn't you tell me when I turned sixteen, eighteen. Why'd you wait?" asked Dave, "I would have been ready to listen, to try to understand."
He looked away and thought long and hard before answering.
"What I have to say is complicated, and I'd appreciate it if I wasn't interrupted when I…did this," he said, "I just want five minutes."
That had come out better than he had expected it to. Dave nodded again. The fact that Dave was giving him a chance was definitely a good sign.
"When I first found you," he said, "You …"
Swallowing Balthazar ran a hand through his hair.
"You were the Prime Merlinian. I had been searching for you for over a millennium," he said, "And it felt like vindication. And I knew I had to train you, had to make sure that you would be ready when you were old enough to fight against Morgana."
Out of the corner of his eye he looked at his apprentice. Dave's face was impassive but he thought he saw a flicker of anger.
"And I thought I could keep a distance," continued Balthazar, "You don't know what my life has been like Dave and hope that you never do. I'd lived so long with a wall that I'd built arond me that it never occurred to me to knock it down. And when I was raising a child, I felt for the first time that it might be a good idea to do so. So at first I resisted."
He sighed.
"I fooled myself until you wanted to see The Road to El Dorado. It was impossible to see you as just the Prime Merlinian after I saw that you had your own ideas about what you wanted to do and how you wanted to live your life," he said, "And even then I felt that the wall was there even when it wasn't. But I started to realize that that wasn't right."
Dave's face started to flicker again, uncertain. It was exactly how Balthazar felt.
"I kept telling myself that I'd tell you that you were the Prime Merlinian next year, the year after," he said, "But after a point…after a point…"
He turned his head so he could look Dave in the eye. What he was about to say would determine everything, and he knew it.
"After a point it was hard to see you as the Prime Merlinian," said Balthazar, "Not because you weren't capable. You were and are the most competent sorcerer I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of sorcerers."
The words he wanted to say were heavy on his tongue. His entire mouth was clogged like it was coated with some sort of thick paste. His lips felt cracked and dry.
"It.." started Balthazar before swallowing, "It was because I could only see you as my son."
Dave blinked and put his hand to his face. Balthazar gave him a wry smile.
"And that's it. My reasons. Not very good I suppose."
"No," Dave said, swallowing, "Perfect reasons. I'm sorry I stormed out like that, I just…I just thought-"
"I should have done a better job of it," interrupted Balthazar, "I should have told you when you were younger."
"Well, it's over now," Dave said.
"Not exactly," Balthazar said, "Your…your destiny's still waiting."
His apprentice and son began to chew on his tongue. There was a very pregnant pause that ended with Dave giving him a small smile. He opened his mouth to reply when a scream and the breaking of glass from the front room cut him off. Both of their heads whipped around to the front room.
"Becky," Dave said.