Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, it is a long chapter and RL got in the way (isn't that how it always goes). So with no further ado, I present to you the final chapter of the BN version of the Princess Bride. Of course I don't own any of it, but I thank the PTB for letting me take them out to play.
Inside the fortress in a highly decorated conference room Fiona and Larry are standing before a well dressed member of the board who is dressed in a very sharp suit and begins the contract signing ceremony with a slightly lispy European accent. "Mewwrger. Mewwrger is what bwings us togethaw today. Mewwrger, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam..."
From outside Carla's voice can be heard addressing her troops. "Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!"
Jesse is wearing the black cloak and is standing in the wheelbarrow while Sam , with Michael supported between the handles, is pushing it slowly forward, Jesse looks huge and fearsome and calls out in a deep booming voice. "I am the Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley! There will be no survivors!"
"Now?" Sam asks Michael.
"Not yet." Michael responded.
Jesse continued, his voice booming over the crowd of men in front of the gates. "My men are here! I am here! ... but soon you will not be here!"
"Now?" Sam asks again, his voice strained from trying to hold up the wheelbarrow.
"Light him!" Michael says at last as they hold a torch to the back of the cloak and it bursts into flame.
Out of the flames Jesse's voice continues to boom. "The Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares have but to come true!" As the wheelbarrow with Jesse in the flaming cloak moves forward the many of the guards are overcome with fear and scatter, despite Carla's promises of retribution.
Inside the man in the suit continued his speech. "Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever..."
"The Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley is here for your soul!" Jesse continues as Carla is yelling for the guards to fight. The last bellow from Jesse is too much for the rest of the guards and despite Carla's threats they run away.
"So tweasure youw..." the efficient continued.
Larry impatiently interrupted him. "Skip to the end!"
"Have you the contwact?" he asked.
Fiona hearing the continued noise from outside looked at Larry and stated with supreme confidence. "Here comes my Michael now."
Outside of the fortress Jesse has removed the now smoking cloak and all three men are standing in front of Carla, who is the only guard who had not run away. As they approach Carla the gate over the doors begins to close. "Jesse. the portcullis!" Michael calls out as Jesse then grabs the gate and lifts it back up, though not without some trouble.
Inside Larry glared at Fiona. "Your Michael is dead. I killed him myself."
"Then why is there fear behind your eyes." Fiona shot back at him.
Michael, Sam and Jesse have Carla trapped in front of the door "Give us the gate key." Michael requested of her calmly.
Carla tried vainly to lie. "I have no gate key."
"Jesse, tear her arms off." Michael said, clearly seeing through the lie.
Carla reached into her pocket and pulled out a key. "Oh, you mean this gate key." She quickly answered, handing the key over in order to save her own skin.
The ceremony continued inside. "Do you Special Agent Fiona..."
"Partners for life! Say partners for life!" Larry barked at him angrily.
The man overseeing the ceremony promptly repeated Larry's request. "Partners for life."
Larry grabbed Fiona's arm and handed her over to the Head of the Board and the CFO. "Escort the Special Operative to our suite. I'll be there shortly."
"He didn't come..." Fiona stated forlornly as the two men, dressed almost like twins, led her away.
Jesse, Sam and Michael are in the fortress and making their way towards where Fiona can be found. Sam is leading the way and Jesse is holding up Michael as they move from corridor to corridor. They are just about to round another corner when they run into Vaughn and 4 of his minions. "Kill the one in the flowered shirt and the strongman but leave the third for questioning." Vaughn ordered.
The guards try to rush Sam, but they are no match for his skills and all four are in crumpled, bloody heaps on the floor, leaving just Vaughn standing and facing them. Sam steps forward and smiles grimly at Vaughn. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Vaughn raises his sword like he is going to fight Sam, and just as Sam steps forward Vaughn turns and runs. Sam tares after him but is stalled when Vaughn runs through a door and locks it behind him. Sam, not one to give up, slams himself against the door repeatedly but it does not budge. "Jesse! I need you!" he called out.
"I can't leave him alone!" Jesse replied hoisting Michael up higher.
Sam continues to yell with more urgency in his voice. "He's getting away from me Jesse! Please! Jesse!"
"I'll be right back." Jesse says to Michael, leaning him against a wall. He then quickly runs down the hall to where Sam is still slamming himself against the door that Vaughn disappeared through. Jesse gently shoves Sam out of the way and with one solid blow of his shoulder knocks the door open. "Thank you." Sam says to Jesse in a heartfelt manner as he dodges through the door and continues his chase.
The head of the board and the CFO lead Fiona from the room where the ceremony took place. The head of the board smoothed his bushy hair and mustache. "Strange ceremony..." He said, looking confused by the whole thing.
"Yes, a very strange ceremony." Replied the CFO straightening his slightly rumpled suit. "Come along." He said to the head of the board as he headed out of the room.
Fiona leaned over and planted a quick kiss on the cheek of the Head of the board. "What was that for?" He asked, truly baffled by her action and a bit suspicious.
"Because you've always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the suite." She told him in all honesty.
"Won't that be nice..." He replied, thinking that she is joking with him, He then hurried to catch up to the CFO. "She kissed me!" He told the other man with a big grin and a bit of a besotted laugh.
Vaughn eventually runs into a dead end. Sam, who of course is still chasing after him catches up rather quickly. Never one to fight fair Vaughn removes a throwing dagger from his boot and as Sam rounds the corner Vaughn throws the knife. "Sorry father, I tried." Sam gasps clutching the dagger protruding from his stomach as his knees give out.
Vaughn thinks for a moment. "You must be that little brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. You've been tracing me your whole life, only to fail now?" he gloated. "I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous." He smiled at Sam in a truly condescending manner.
The Head of the Board and the CFO have dropped Fiona off in the Suite and both have said goodbye. Fiona calmly walked over to her dressing table with focus and opening a box that she had placed there earlier removes an ornate and yet very sharp knife. She took a deep breath and brought the dagger's tip up to rest between her breasts, closing her eyes and steeling herself for the pain that she knows is to come. "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours." Comes a voice from behind her.
Fiona's eyes fly open and she whirls around to see Michael lying on the bed. She jumps up off the chair she had been sitting in and throws herself onto the bed, landing on top of Michael and knocking the wind out of him, "Michael! Oh, Michael darling!" She kisses him passionately holding his face in her hands. "Michael, why won't you hold me?" She asks, coming up for air when his arms have not closed around her as expected.
"Gently..." Michael wheezes out as he has almost no strength and then had the wind knocked out of him by Fiona's exuberant greeting.
Fiona looks at him like he has lost his mind. "At a time like this, that is all you can think to say? Gently?" She kisses him again, determined to get the reaction she desires.
"Gently..." Michael mumbles under her lips as she lets go of his head and it bangs painfully into the head-board of the bed.
Meanwhile Sam is staring at Vaughn in stunned disbelief as he pulls the dagger from his stomach and tries to stand. Vaughn can barely believe his eyes. "Good heavens...are you still trying to win?" he asked incredulously. "You've got an over developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday." Vaughn took out his sword and tried to run Sam through the heart. Sam's sword flashes up in response and blocks the attack, causing Vaughn to stab him in the arm instead. Vaughn looks at him in shock since Sam looks ready to die at any moment.
"Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You Killed my father. Prepare to die." He weakly growls out, forcing himself away from the wall that he had fallen against and still holding his stomach. Vaughn attacks again and again Sam's sword flashes out misdirecting the other man's sword so it only strikes him in the shoulder. The pain seems to rouse Sam further. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe. You Killed my father. Prepare to die." Sam's voice gains in strength and he fiercely lunges at Vaughn. "Hello, my name is Samuel Axe! You Killed my father! Prepare to die!" He yells.
Vaughn is totally thrown off by the transformation taking place in the other man and reaplys in anger with a bit of fear beginning to show through. "Stop saying that!"
"Hello, my name is Samuel Axe! You Killed my father! Prepare to die!" Sam shouts at Vaughn, enraged. He trapped Vaughn against a take and slashes his chin. "Offer me money!" He slashes Vaughn's face again.
Vaughn replies fearfully. "All that I have and more. Please..."
Sam stabs Vaughn in the arm in the same place he had earlier been stabbed. "Offer me anything I ask for." He snarled as he stabbed Vaughn again, this time in the shoulder.
"Anything you want..." Vaughn cries out fervently as he tried in desperation to fend Sam off.
"I want my father back, you son of a bitch!" Sam counters as he stabbed Vaughn one last time, this time through the heart. Vaughn's body crashed to the floor, dead. Sam took a moment to gaze at the other man's corpse and then turned and ran out of the room to find Michael and Jesse.
In the suite Fiona is gazing down at Michael, her eyes luminous with unshed tears. "Oh, Michael, will you ever forgive me?" She asked.
"What hideous sin have you committed lately?" Michael responded, gazing with rapt fascination at her beauty.
She gazed back at him equally enraptured. "I've been contracted. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast."
"It never happened." Michael responded confidently.
Fiona looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"It never happened." Michael repeated.
"But it did! I was there...this sorta gay english man said partners for life." Fiona explained.
Michael smiled up at her. "Did you sign the contract?"
"Uh...no." Fiona paused for a moment and then continued. "We sort of skipped that part."
"Then you're not contracted. You didn't sign it. You didn't do it. Wouldn't you agree, Chief Special Operative?" Michael replied and then turned his head to level a glare at Larry who was standing in the doorway.
Larry glared back. "A technicality that will shortly be remedied...but first things first…" He stepped further into the room, and drew his sword. "To the death!" He barked out.
"No! To the pain!" Michael snapped back, slowly sitting up.
Larry paused in confusion. "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase?"
"I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand. You-wart-hog-faced-buffoon!" Michael taunted.
Larry inhaled sharply in insult. "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."
"It won't be the last." Michael replied smugly giving Larry a big toothy smile. "To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your your feet below the ankles, then your hands at your wrists. Next, your nose.
Larry interrupted impatiently. "Then my tongue, I suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
"I wasn't finished!" Michael snapped, and then continued, his voice harder than before. "The next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right!"
"And then my ears...I understand! Let's get on with it!" Larry interrupted again, clearly unnerved by Michael's calm.
"Wrong!" Michael responded, finally letting his own anger show through. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why; so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness is yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out, 'dear god what is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
Larry seamed to gather his courage. "I think your bluffing."
"It's possible, pig." Michael replied back with a raised eyebrow. "I might be bluffing. It's conceivable you miserable vomitous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength to stand after all." Michael slowly stands up and pointed his sword at Larry's chest. "Drop... your... sword." He bit out, deadly serious. Larry looked at Michael for a moment and then threw his sword to the ground.
"Now have a seat." Michael gestured to a nearby chair with his sword. He then turned to Fiona. "Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like." Fiona grabs the chording that is holding back the curtains to the bed stand and proceeds to tie Larry to the chair so tightly that every knot she ties makes him wince. She is wearing a happy and slightly feral smile.
Sam comes stumbling through the door just as Fiona is finishing tying up Larry. "Where's Jesse?" He asked.
"I thought he was with you?" Michael replied. "In that case..." Michael stepped away from the bed post that he was leaning against and his knees sag, causing his to almost fall over.
Sam turns to Fiona. "Help him."
"Why does Michael need helping?" She asked, suddenly realizing that Michael truly was in much worse shape than she had thought.
"Because he has no strength." Sam replied
Larry nearly crowed from where he was seated tied to the chair. "I knew it! I knew you were bluffing!" His voice trailed off when Sam pointed his sword at him. "I knew he was...bluffing." He finished almost pouting.
"Shall I dispatch him for you?" Sam asked Michael.
Michael paused for a moment as if considering and then answered Sam. "Thank you, but no. Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardness." He shot Larry a gloating and taunting grin.
"Sam! Sam! Where are you?" Jesse's voice drifts up from outside. Sam runs to the open window and leans out. "Oh...there you are." Jesse waved seeing Sam looking down at him, "Sam, I saw the Chief Special Operative's stable, and there they were four white horses. And I thought there are four of us, if we ever find the lady." Michael and Fiona are now also looking out the window to see Jesse holding the reins of 4 magnificent horses. Jesse smiled up at Fiona with a slightly besotted look on his face and waves at her. "Hello lady!" Fiona waved back and Jesse continued. "...So I took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other. But I guess we just did.
"Jesse, you did something right." Sam praised.
Jesse responds with a smile and held out his arms to Fiona. "Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head." Fiona turns and smiles at Michael and Sam as she jumps out the window and is caught easily by Jesse.
"You know, it's very strange." Sam said, as he turned to Michael. "I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
Michael gave him a big grin and replied in all seriousness "Have you ever considered spying? You'd make a wonderful Dreaded Spy Chuck Finley." Sam and Michael both then jumped lightly from the window, leaving Larry behind still tied to the chair.
"They rode to freedom." Maddy told Charlie. "As dawn arose, Michael and Fiona knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other..." Maddy stopped.
"What? What?" Charlie prompted into the silence.
Maddy smiled at him and shook her head. "Naah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that."
"Well...I don't mind so much." Charlie said not wanting to sound like he wanted to actually hear the kissing part.
"Okay." Maddy gave him a loving smile and continued. "Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. THE END." She finished the story and stood. "Now, I think you ought to go to sleep." She said tucking Charlie in.
Charlie snuggled down into the blankets. "Okay..."
"Okay..." Maddy rummaged in her pockets and purse, making sure she didn't forget anything. "okay... okay...alright...Namaste." She said using one of her favorite yoga phrases as she leaned down and kissed Charlie on the forehead.
"Grandma." Charlie called out as she was walking out the door. "Maybe you could come over and tell it again to me tomorrow."
Maddy turned at the door and smiled. "As you wish."
Well there we are… I hope you all enjoyed the BN version of the Princess Bride. Sorry that I could not put in anything about yogurt (though I did debate making the pill made by Seymour and Jackass yogurt covered… of course it came to me right after I had already posted the chapter and RL got in the way of going back and updating it before most of you had read it, so it stays as it is). Thanks to everyone so much for all your reviews and support. Especially DaisyDay and purdys pal for all your reviews and letting me bounce ideas off ya, and also a special mention to Storyfan101, coolaquariun, and Moe38 for your kind reviews of pretty much every chapter. You all inspired me to work my hardest to get the story right and posted quickly. Much love and many hugs!
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