Everyone was pretty quiet at dinner, and Finn was okay with that since was pretty worn out. He knew he wasn't the only one, both of his parents had gone back to work today and the scandal at McKinley was all anyone wanted to talk about. Still, he'd told them some of the stuff that had happened at school, like breaking Azimio's nose. Kurt was annoyed that nobody had gotten it on video and his dad tried to keep a straight face during a rather short "violence doesn't solve anything" lecture.
His mom didn't even bother to try to look sad when he announced he was done with Quinn, "Oh honey, she was always so mean to you. You can do better than either of them." From the look on her face Finn gathered that slipping her opinion on Rachel in was actually an accident, but he didn't mind too much. Finn just went back to his meatloaf while Kurt snickered about mothers knowing best under his breath and tried not to get caught texting at the table.
To keep up the lie about his allergic reaction he was actually trying to make up homework from the days he missed. He was doing okay until he got to his geography assignment. It had something to do with identifying exports and the amount of money each country made. He was sure there was something in his textbook about it but he couldn't find it. Mercedes was in his class though, and he still hadn't thanked her for standing up to Quinn for him.
Message From: Finn
Got a minute? I don't get this geography thing.
Message From: Mercedes
No prob. What question?
Message From: Finn
Chapter 12, question 5.
Message From: Mercedes
Look on page 382.
Finn checked the page and shook his head, there was the answer staring him in the face. He picked up his phone and typed "thank you", and then he thought for a minute before adding
"Thanks for yesterday too, you were pretty awesome. Quinn = history."
Message From: Mercedes
Seriously my pleasure. Are you doing okay?
He sat there for a bit looking at the message and trying to decide what to say when his phone beeped again.
Message From: Mercedes
Sorry, you don't have to tell me.
Somehow, talking to Mercedes about this was easier than he'd expected. Maybe it was because he didn't have to see her reactions, or maybe because he knew she was on his side.
Message From: Finn
24 hours without a panic attack. I am the man ;-) Nightmares suck though. Sometimes I think about hurting him.
Message From: Mercedes
No kidding with the nightmares. Thinking of hurting him has gotta be normal. I want to hurt him. Was it all a lie?
Message From: Finn
If you figure that out let me know.
Message From: Mercedes
I'm sorry. You shouldn't be talking just because I want to. Do you want to crash movie night with Kurt and I on Saturday?
Message From: Finn
It's cool, and beautiful woman usually get what they want. Yes on movies, just pick something in English?
He was pretty psyched that he managed to slip that in there. He was well aware that despite his string of girlfriends he didn't have much game other than the number on his jersey. Finn figured telling the truth was a good plan; he didn't think Mercedes was really the kind of girl that other stuff would work on anyhow. He liked talking to her, trying to flirt with her. It made him feel normal.
Message From: Mercedes
You got it. Goodnight Finn.
Okay, so maybe a little bit of trying to be cute wouldn't hurt.
Message From: Finn
ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
**L**
Finn tossed and turned all night. He hated sleeping; the dreams wouldn't leave him alone. Sometimes it would be too much like what actually happened and other times it would be completely different. That was actually worse. In those dreams it would happen in the choir room, the showers in the boy's locker room, or at that spot in the auditorium where he and Rachel had their picnic. Those nightmares just added more places that messed with his head. If he was really unlucky he would wake up and freak out when his body didn't respond right way. It was just the second or two it took for his sleepy brain to coordinate movement, but it reminded him of how it felt to have the drugs take over and he hated it.
**L**
It was finally Friday and Finn had never been so grateful for a week to be over, he was exhausted. He had made it through the day without having a panic attack or breaking any more of his classmate's bones. Puck may have had something to do with Jacob Ben Israel spending the day locked in the boiler room, but the "Who was it?" poll on his blog was really not cool. Sam stepped in after sixth period and delivered the loser from the boiler room to Coach Sylvester. The last time Finn had seen him half of his head had been shaved and he was getting kicked out of the library for sobbing too loudly while taking down his website. When Finn reached the door to Dr. McKenna's office Rachel came out, thanking the doctor and clutching a tissue.
He knew this was coming. With everything between them kind of crazily tangled up in glee they really couldn't go forever and not talk about it. He was kind of glad she had talked to Dr. McKenna though, the therapist her dads had hired quit after Rachel had attempted to stalk that chick from Wicked during her family's annual trip to New York City.
Finn took a deep breath and put a hand on her shoulder, "Come with me? To talk?" She nodded, and he thought for a minute before walking her down the hall and into Coach Bieste's office. He couldn't risk being overheard, and coach had offered.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
She sniffled a bit. "Really, Finn? Shouldn't I be asking you that question? Certainly my plans to secure admittance to a top tier performing arts program have been threatened by our lack of a director for Nationals, but even I'm not selfish enough to think that is the big picture here."
"Rachel, I think you are really making progress in thinking about other people," he teased.
"Do you really think so? I would like my future biographer to describe me as gracious."
He couldn't help but shake his head, sometimes she is just so Rachel it's awesome.
"Seriously though, you were pretty upset at my house the other night."
She looked up at him and bit her lip, "I just don't understand. I guess I'm still attempting to reconcile the monster who would hurt you like that with the man who fought so hard for Artie to have a bus, taught Brittany the alphabet, and sat for hours at the hospital with Kurt."
"That's the hardest part. I'm not saying I'd be over it if it had been some stranger, but I don't how a guy just decides to do this out of nowhere."
She gave him a sad smile, "That's because you are a good person Finn, you could never hurt someone that badly."
"But that's what scares me, because you would never think Schue could've either until he did." Oh hell, he hadn't even realized that this was something that was bothering him until now. They seemed so much alike before all this happened. What if he was capable of something like this and just didn't realize it? What if everyone was?
She looked at him for a minute before she spoke. "Finn, no. Please believe me when I say I have full confidence that you are a good person. I trust you, so much that I'm going to tell you something that scares me about all this."
"What's that?" He asked, wondering what she would say.
"I worry that if it had been me instead of you that he hurt…..well, I wonder if everyone would've been so quick to believe me, " she said and he instantly feels like his heart is going to break all over again. He pulls her into a hug and places a kiss on the top of her head, "I would've believed you, Rachel. Even if I think we are better off as friends than something more. I believe in you. I believe you are going to find a way to kick ass at Nationals and the rest of the club does too, even if they won't admit it."
"Thank you, Finn," she said, "I believe you are supposed to visit Dr. McKenna now. Isn't it time?"
"Oh crap, I'm late. I think I figured out some stuff talking to you though. She'll be cool with it, thanks Rachel." He leads her out of the office, and starts jogging down the hall.