"How do you even stand it?" Anna asks me one day. I've been stuck on bed rest for a month now, meaning that I had to be at least seven months along in my production. Anna and Doreen visit me often, sometimes on official, approved visits, other times they sneak in here when they know Cael's on duty. Cael lets them come in, he doesn't like that they keep me so separated from the others. I wish they would let him watch me more often, he's nicer than the others, and will sometimes come in and pull up a stool just to talk to me, which is more than any of the other doctors have ever done.
"How do I stand what?" I reply, watching Doreen as she marvels over the IV they've set up for me. She hasn't seen an IV before, and I can tell that she doesn't know what to make of it.
"Being stuck in here all day" Anna clarifies. She picks up a reader and clicks it on, Cael had brought to me for some reading, on it was one of the newest doctor procedurals, nothing exciting, but it beat doing nothing.
"Oh" I shrug "It's alright. I sleep a lot, and I read that sometimes. And you guys come in here a lot so I'm not all alone."
"But it seems so boring" Anna grumbles, clicking the reader off and tossing it lightly back onto the table by my bed.
"You get used to it." I tell her "Doreen don't touch that"
The girl had been tapping on the clamp on the IV trying to get it to cut off my medicine. She jumps a little at my voice, and pulls her hand away. Anna giggles.
"Typical Dory"
Doreen gives an embarrassed grin. She's younger than Anna and I, around fourteen or maybe fifteen. She looked like a ten though, with her round cheeks and big dark eyes. We all adore her; she's a laugh to be around. Already she was well established in our group, the birthmothers that were sort of in charge of everyone else. We were the oldest now (with the exception of Doreen) and were on our last products. The others looked up to and admired us, and would listen to what we told them. In our dormitories we were the Matrons, we gave the orders, it was nice.
"So how is the gang?" I ask them. Anna settles herself on the edge of the bed beside me.
"Alright" she says "Grace is sure that we are going to lose you any day now, you know how she is. Everything is a calamity waiting to happen-
"Calamity?" Doreen asks, cocking her head to the side. Anna and I sigh; Doreen is horrible when it comes to language. You can't use "big words" around her. I don't think that she is very smart. It wasn't hard to see why she got birthmother.
"It means disaster Dory. Grace is always thinking something bad is going to happen."
Doreen nods to show her understanding.
"Anyway" Anna continues, "Other than that, not much has changed. Corinne got inseminated, so they have all fifty now."
"Ahh, so they picked Corinne? Moria must have been upset about that. She was hoping they'd pick her."
"Yeah well, we both knew they wouldn't. Moria's not ready for another product so soon."
"Well yeah, but I also know how desperately Moria wants to get out of here."
"I don't blame her" Anna grumbles, "I'm really glad this is my last product."
"Does anyone know what Moria wants after Birthmother?" Doreen asks.
"I think she said something about Food Distribution" Anna replies, she touches her belly and makes a face "Ugg, this product sure does kick a lot."
Doreen laughs "Please, if I could just get this one to stop moving around for a minute!" she pats her stomach lightly "You're a jumpy little thing aren't you?" she coos to her stomach.
"How far along are you anyway Dory?" I ask the girl, eyeing her huge belly. She had been one of the first birthmothers picked for insemination. Claudia had already had her product, the first of the year, last month before I had been put on bed rest, so Doreen had to be due soon.
"They have me scheduled for next week. I've been assigned to Doctor Xavier and his team." She says, beaming. Anna and I look at her curiously.
"How do you know who they assigned you too?" Anna asks, "Is that a new procedure of something? They've never told us till the morning of."
Doreen shakes her head "They didn't tell me" she says "Cael had the schedule this morning and he showed me."
Immediately Anna grins "Isn't he great? I wish they would assign him here permanently."
"Wait a minute" I say, arching my eyebrows at my friend questioningly "Are you telling me that you actually approve of a doctor?"
Anna gets flustered, she glances down at her hands, which are resting in her lap, and her cheeks darken subtly. "Cael's not like the other doctors" she says softly.
"He sure is nicer" Doreen agrees, sinking down on a stool. "Yesterday I was making my way to the exercise room and he stopped me to ask me how I felt."
"All doctors ask that." I snort. But the girl shakes her head furiously.
"No, he wanted to know how I was feeling. Not how my body was holding up."
"He was talking about emotions?" I ask. Doreen shrugs.
"If emotions mean feelings."
I nod, looking over at Anna. Normally my friend would have teased Doreen for her lack of vocabulary, but instead I find that Anna isn't really even listening. She's frowning, which isn't unusual for her, and she's got a thoughtful, somewhat worried expression on her face.
"Anna?" I ask. She looks over at me.
"Mhm?"
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Is your product still moving?" Doreen asks.
"No, it's stopped for now." Anna replies "Hey, how active are your products Chloe?"
I frown, Anna's hiding something, I can tell. But I know from experience that pushing her will get you nowhere. Anna's a stubborn woman; you can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to do.
"Well, one of them wiggles around and stretches almost all the time" I tell them "The other one is relatively still, but it squirms every now and then."
"Is it weird?" Doreen asks "Having two products in you?"
"At first it did" I admit "Especially when they first started moving around. But I'm used to it." I lower my voice and add, "One of them will be bossier than the other I think, because it seems to like pushing the other.
Anna and Doreen both giggle.
"Kind of sounds like someone we know" Doreen quips up "right Anna?"
Anna snorts and rolls her eyes "I'm not bossy" she insists.
"You are too"
"Whatever"
I grin and glance at my bulging belly proudly. "They are both strong products. My body tried to get rid of them twice, but they held on!"
"You're lucky" Anna shrugs "The doctors lack compassion-
"Compassion?" Doreen asks.
"Means they aren't very nice to us, or care about us"
"Ah"
"But they sure are efficient"
"Efficient?"
"Good at their job" I explain.
"They knew exactly what to do when you started the miscarriages." Anna finishes. I nod, and then shudder, thinking about what could have happened if the doctors hadn't been so well trained.
"I'm glad that they cared so much about the Products. I mean remember when Sylvia miscarried last year? They just let the product come, it was stillborn when they pulled it out."
"And they decertified Sylvia" Doreen adds, "I remember how upset she was."
"She wasn't upset about being decertified" Anna clarifies "She was upset about losing the product."
"I knew that" Doreen grumbles "No one gets upset about being decertified."
"But what I want to know" I interrupt "is why everyone is so determined to make sure these products" I point to my stomach "stay alive."
"Well you said that they've been treating you weird for a while now" Anna points out.
"For around a year"
"So you must be carrying special products."
"All products are special"
Anna gives me a look "I know that, I mean a product that they consider special or something."
"Oh" I look down at my bulge "I wonder what-
"Girls?" Cael pokes his head into the room. Immediately Anna gets up from her spot on the bed.
"Yes?"
Cael points at his watch "Doctor Mekhi will be here shortly to examine Chloe."
It's Cael's polite way of telling Anna and Doreen to clear out. Though he was pretty lax on the girls visiting me, the other doctors tried to keep me as secluded as possible. If they found out that the girls visited as much as they did, and that Cael let them, we'd probably all be in trouble. So whenever Cael had an advance warning he'd always tell us.
"Right" Anna says, "We were just leaving anyway" she looks over at me and gives a smile "Take care of yourself Chloe. Alright?"
"Sure thing Anna. Tell Grace not to worry to much about me alright?"
Anna and Doreen both nod, and then with a small farewell gesture they slip out of the room.
I can't help but notice the way Cael and Anna look at each other. It's a knowing look, a shared secret kind of look. Anna even smiles a little at Cael.
What is going on with those two? I find myself wondering. Anna's not one to keep secrets from me, and yet here she was…. exchanging looks with Cael like they had a secret. It unnerves me.
As if it knows that I'm nervous one of the products starts flailing around. They pick the worst times to get active.
"Stop that" I tell them "Go back to sleep"
"Excuse me?" Cael asks, confused. I'm surprised to find he's still there in the room, checking my monitors.
"I was talking to them" I explain, motioning to my stomach "One just started moving around."
Cael chuckles "Does it get annoying? With them moving around?"
"Sometimes" I say "Especially at night, when I just want some sleep, but they decided its play time or something."
Cael makes a face; as if the thought doesn't appeal to him at all "To be perfectly honest" he tells me "newchildren baffle me. I never know what to make of them."
"But you're a pediatrician"
"Yeah but we normally don't get them till after they are assigned to their family units. The younger ones have their own special doctors. Are you pretty comfortable?"
I stare at him. Anna's right of course, Cael's not like the other doctors. My vague memories of him tell me that he's always been a nice male. Shy, or at least not overly sociable, but always smiling, and always polite, the few conversations we had had were pleasant ones about things like our homework and comparing what our volunteer hours were like. He had been nice, but not necessarily different. At least from what I could tell. He had been just like every other boy from my age group.
What about him had changed? I can't say what, but something IS different. I can see it but I can't describe it. He suddenly has a quality that wasn't there before.
It wasn't a physical quality; he looked a lot like he did when we had last seen each other. Same dark neatly trimmed hair, same bright eyes and friendly smile. He has always been relatively tall for his age, and he had always been a bit on the skinny side. Of course he looked older, but most of his traits were unchanged.
So it wasn't his physical being, it was something else…something…. but what?
I wish I was clever like Anna.
"Why can't you examine me?" I ask. Cael looks up from his clipboard at me in surprise.
"Because I'm still an assistant. Mekhi's more suited for this." He replies.
He was nicer, Doreen spoke the truth, but in so many ways I think he's just like the rest of them. Emotion wasn't a part of his life; efficiency meant everything to these people. It had been to me too I guess, when I had been on the pill.
"But he's so rough" I complain "He just shoves his hand in there with no thought to my comfort. It's already awkward enough for me without him roughing around in there."
Cael laughs "I'll request he be gentler with you" he says, and begins to write something down on his clipboard.
The flailing product must have woken the other one because suddenly it jumps and then begins wriggle like its twin.
"Now they are both moving" I laugh "Great"
Cael looks at my swollen stomach "Mind if I feel?" he asks.
It's amusing how they always ask about the touching. Like we're allowed to refuse them. Besides after a while touching fails to be rude to us. Birthmothers never thought twice about touching each other's stomachs to feel the products move, or about reaching out to pat a hand comfortingly or squeezing a shoulder affectionately. Some boundaries weren't to be crossed of course, hugging was off limits to anyone who wasn't part of your family unit, but we were quite comfortable with casual contact.
"Go ahead" I tell Cael. The man grins, puts his clipboard down, and approaches me. His touch is rather light as he places his hand nervously across my taught stomach.
"You're not going to feel anything that way" I tell him "You got really put your hand down"
The pressure increases slightly on my stomach. The products movements become more frantic. When I look up Cael's smiling…and he had an odd look in his eyes. After a moment he takes his hand away. "Well" he says, shaking his head "They're alive then" he picks the clipboard back up and writes something down.
I sigh, disappointed. For a moment I had thought that maybe…
"Ahh Cael, glad to see you here" Mekhi breezes in the room, his hand already outstretched for the clipboard. Cael gives an embarrassed smile, like he's been caught breaking a rule, and hands it to him. The older man barely glances at it before he tosses it back to his assistant. "Vitals all good?" he asks.
"Yes" Cael says, nodding.
"Good" Mekhi turns to the sink and begins washing his hands "Chloe, you want to put your legs in the stirrups?"
I do as I'm instructed. Cael turns back to studying the monitors. I can't say for sure but I think that it makes him uncomfortable, seeing those parts of me.
Mekhi on the other hand doesn't even bat an eyelash as he begins to examine me. "Not dilated" he says to Cael "Not dilated at all"
Cael nods and makes a note of it in on his clipboard. Something I've noticed is that Cael mouths words as he writes them when Mekhi's around. It's something else about him I find amusing.
"Everything's pretty good down here" Mekhi says, pulling out. "Bed rest is doing her good"
"It's filling me out is what it's doing" I complain, "Can I least go for a walk?"
Cael makes an odd noise, but Mekhi decides to ignore me. "Keep giving her this" he's pointing to something on the clipboard "every half hour. And check-ups every fifteen minutes, you understand?"
"Yeah" Cael replies.
"Good. She's looking good, though she's right; she's getting a little heavier. I'd let her walk around in the lobby a little. Five minutes maybe?"
"Five minutes?" I pout. Mekhi doesn't even look at me.
"And from now on I want sonograms every other day. I want to keep a close eye on these products. Test results show they are EXACTLY what they are looking for." He doesn't even say goodbye as he breezes out the door.
"Good riddance to you too" I mumble. Cael gives a wry smile.
"Hush you" he teases "He's a good doctor, he's going to get you through this."
"It's not me I'm worried about" I tell Cael. Cael nods.
"The products too" he adds. "You want to go for a walk?"
"I think I've forgotten how to."
"Ha, ha" Cael rolls his eyes. "Come on. Up you go" he offers me a hand and when I take it, he helps me up. It's been nearly a month since I've been on my feet. I feel weird, and the room kind of spins. I sway and lean on Cael for support.
"You alright?" Cael asks.
"I think so"
"Here hold on to me"
I do so; inside of me the products have begun to kick. "That's not helping" I tease them, poking at my belly.
"Still moving?"
"They don't ever stop!"
Cael smiles, but says nothing as he leads me out into the lobby.
"Cael?"
"Yes?"
"What's so special about these products?" I ask him "Why does everybody want them so badly?"
Cael frowns "I'm not allowed to say Chloe" he says in an oddly solemn voice.
"Your also not allowed to let Anna and Doreen in my room."
"It's bigger than letting your friends slip by." He begins to lead me around the room "If I told you and they found out then I may be released."
"Oh" as much as he baffles me, the thought of Cael being released bothers me. People who are released are never seen again. Out of all of the doctors I've had, Cael's been the most attentive and caring to me and my products. I don't want him to be taken from me on account of something I made him do.
We walk in silence for a while, and then Cael says, "I saw your last sonogram pictures."
"Do they look good?" I ask. He nods.
"They're males."
I stop walking "Huh?"
He smiles at me; his voice is very quiet "The products. They are males."
"Males" I mutter, my hand immediately reaches up to feel my stomach. Inside my products, my males, are still moving about. One's punching now. "I'm having males?"
Cael nods "But you didn't hear it from me."
I grin. "I understand."
He leads me back into the room and helps me back into the bed, tucking me in and arranging the pillows so that I was comfortable.
"So, males?" I say. He nods.
"Males"
"I've never had males before. My last products were females" immediately I clamp my hand over my mouth in horror. Idiot! I think to myself Why did you say that? I've just revealed the biggest secret of being a birthmother, that we usually knew that gender of our products. What was Cael going to do? Would he turn me in? He was a nice guy, but he was still one of them. Surely he would realize what a huge breech in rules this was and hand me over to the elders for release.
But instead Cael only nods "I saw on the clipboard" he says, he notices my expression "Are you alright?"
"You can't tell anyone I said that alright?" I whisper harshly.
"Said what?"
"About my products being female."
He only shrugs "See you in a little Chloe" then he picks up the clipboard, makes a note, and leaves me.
He's an odd one, that Cael.