I was the Nineteenth Birthmother to get inseminated for this year's batch. So whichever Product they decide to keep will be Product Nineteen. I find this really amusing, since my own number, the one I had all throughout my school years, was Nineteen. It had meant that I myself had been the nineteenth newchild born my year.

"I wonder if that's common" Doreen had mused when we'd all shared our numbers with each other one night.

"Probably not" Anna answered, like usual she was curled up on the chair while the rest of us, still not pregnant enough to be affected to much in our motion, gathered around her on the floor. She smiles mischievously at me "Chloe's just one special little female."

I roll my eyes, embarrassed, she's noticed, like I have, that the doctors and nurses are keeping a special eye on me. "It's just a coincidence" I say.

"What's that?" Doreen asks, looking up from her toenails, which she had been studying.

"What's what?" Grace asked, she was leaning against Anna's chair.

"Conscience"

Now its Anna's turn to roll her eyes "You mean coincidence?" she asks, Doreen nods, her curls bouncing lightly as she does so. Anna sighs

"It means it wasn't planned, that it just happened by chance" she explains, "Honestly Dory, how did you pass school?"

Doreen sticks her tongue out at Anna, and Anna returns the gesture. Grace and I giggle.

"What's the rest of your Numbers? I'm Four" Doreen asks.

"You mean our Products' numbers or our own numbers?" Grace asks, tilting her head to look at the younger girl. Grace is by far the most attractive girl in the Unit. Most of us are reasonably attractive, Anna sure was, and I had had my good looks mentioned in my Ceremony Of Twelve Speech, Doreen was cute, but not particularly beautiful. She had probably more or less been picked because she was strong. Grace though was one of those females that basically takes your breath away. New girls would always stare at her when she'd walk by them for the first time. However, Grace was a worrywart and was somewhat obsessed with rules. She broke a lot of them, like keeping track of numbers and seeing the new children as they are being taken away and finding out names. However she was sure that everything else that we did was also breaking the rules, and worse, that we were going to get released for something as simple as sharing meals with one another. Just this morning she had fussed at me because the bun I had put my hair in was to messy for regulations. Even if this was true, the caretakers rarely pay attention to what our hair looks like; they have other things on their minds. Sure enough, the whole day had gone by and no one had said something about my hair, except Anna, who had told me she liked my hair up like that. Anna found Grace totally annoying, but still, Grace was her friend, and Anna was extremely loyal to her friends. Besides if you looked past Grace's annoying traits, she was a kind girl. Even during our school days together I had been fond of Grace. "My product is Number Twenty this time, but my own Number was Forty-One. Anna, sit up, you're breaking the rules sitting like that."

"All the more reason to sit like this" Anna snorted, "My Number was Eight, this Product" she pats her still flat stomach fondly "Is Number Eighteen though."

"Eight and Eighteen" Doreen repeats and giggles "Ten apart"

"At least she can count" Anna teases lightly; she reaches out and ruffles Doreen's hair fondly.

"What was your number Doreen?"

"Ten" she says, shrugging "I was really dumb when I was a girl-

"And your not now?" Anna asks. Doreen shoots her a look and Anna giggles.

"And I used to think that because I was older I would get a better assignment. Like a prestigious one."

"Didn't we all?" Anna asks, the smile immediately leaves her face "I mean no one here sat on their Ceremony of Twelve and said 'I really hope I get Birthmother"".

We all shake out heads.

"I wanted to be in the Fish Hatchery" Grace admits quietly.

"I wanted to Repair Bicycles" Doreen whispers "Bicycles have always fascinated me, I would really enjoy watching the Repair men and women take them apart and put them back together." She sighs "and now I don't even have a bicycle to ride around on."

"You'll have a bicycle again Doreen," I say reassuringly "When your finished producing, they will give you another one."

"So at least you can ride around again." Anna adds. Grace nods in agreement. Doreen smiles at us. "What about you Chloe?" she asks me.

I sigh, "I wanted Nurturer" I say "I've wanted that assignment since I was a little girl."

Doreen wrinkles her nose "Nurturer?" she comments with disdain "Really?"

I nod "I was always drawn to Newchildren. I love their big eyes and chubby cheeks and the baby noises, and how much they depend on you and require your attention-

"To much responsibility" Grace mutters

"To much what?" Doreen asks.

"Honestly Doreen" Anna sighs.

"What about you Anna" Grace suddenly says, sitting up a little. "I've known you for six years now and I don't think I've ever heard you say what you wanted to be."

"Yeah me neither" I add.

Anna frowns, pulls her knees up a little and hugs them close to her "Honestly I don't know." She admits, "I liked volunteering at the Nurturing Center, but I don't think that's quite what I wanted to do."

"Why not?"

"Because I mean. Nurturers only take care of Newchildren in their first year, you know? And then they get sent away to Family Units and the Nurturers never get to see them or care for them again." She shrugs "It just doesn't seem like something I could deal with. I'd get attached I think."

"You know" Grace chuckles "If you had said that to me before I had Claire and Adonis I would have thought you were crazy." She tilts her head up at Anna; I've noticed lately that Grace looks at Anna differently than she looks at others. We all look at Anna differently I guess. Most of the Birthmothers respect and honor her, she's the oldest birthmother in the Unit now, and is the undeniable leader, plus her rebellious streak had won her some notoriety among even the caretakers. I probably looked at her differently because she was my closest confidant, we shared everything with each other, but Grace's look was neither one of respect or dear friendship. Grace looked at Anna with a sort of tenderness and affection that I had never seen on her face before. Despite her worrisome tendencies, Grace was always a little gentler with Anna when it came to chastising her. Anna didn't seem to notice it though, didn't notice it or didn't care; with Anna you can't really tell the difference. "But now" Grace's saying, smiling softly at my friend. "I think I know exactly what you mean." She touches her own stomach, which hasn't started to swell either.

Immediately I touch my own belly, and I see Doreen do the same. We all smile at each other.

We all know exactly what Anna means.

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The days pass by slowly; I find small ways to entertain myself. I talk a lot to my males; I fondly started calling them Thaddeus and Chad, though only mentally. I count their kicks and punches, and how many times they roll over in a day. I read the doctor's procedurals, though I find them extremely boring. I sleep a lot. I'm taken on regular walks now, to make sure my weight doesn't get out of control. Mekhi visits once a day, his patients at the Hospital keep him away from me most of the day (I have to admit I'm grateful for that) but Cael has been given orders to stay here with me at all times. He comes in every half hour or so, rotating with two other assistants, taking my vitals and making sure I wasn't going to try and produce these males on my own again. I had asked him what he did when he wasn't with me and he tells me that he likes to talk to the other Birthmothers.

"That Anna is something else." He laughs, "I've never met anyone like her."

"Yeah, me neither" I admit with a chuckle "Things are never boring when Anna's around."

"She was hosting a sock slide race yesterday" Cael tells me "for the Birthmothers that could participate. She was the judge, because she can't" he motions to his own belly, making a motion to suggest that Anna was too pregnant to slide around on socks. Which is true, she is.

I laugh, "She's always doing that! Sock slide races are her favorite activity. In between Productions she and I would just slide all around the Unit. It's a lot of fun."

"I know" Cael chuckles "She talked me into participating in yesterday's."

"You!" I gasp in disbelief. "No way!"

Cael gives a bashful smile "Sure did, slid down the hallways about eight times. I haven't laughed like that since I was a boy."

I try to imagine Cael, in his lab coat and stethoscope, sliding around with a bunch of giggling Birthmothers, and enjoying it. The thought makes me giggle a little myself.

"Did you win?" I ask. Cael laughs.

"Nah, I wasn't very good at it." He checks my blood pressure and writes it down on the clipboard. "Did you ever win?"

"Did I ever!" I say, puffing out my chest "I was the sock sliding champion!"

"Were you now?" Cael looks at me interestingly. I nod.

"Never lost at race!"

"Well then" he checks my IV "You'll have to show me some pointers sometime"

He smiles at me. I smile back.

It's then I discover…Cael's become a friend. I hadn't thought about it before, he was just Cael to me. My special doctor's assistant, one of the assistants that took care of me…just Cael. Sure maybe I liked him more than I liked the others, he was nice, he let me break rules, and he broke rules for me, he took good care of me…but he was still just Cael. Still just a doctor's assistant, still one of them.

But now I realize he was more than that. We had become friends…not the shallow, forgettable thing that they called friendship. One that was solely based on shared circumstances and interests, such as having the same assignment or both liking a certain subject in school. No, Cael and I had a REAL friendship, like the ones I shared with Anna and Grace and Doreen. A friendship that had with it a deep almost unbreakable bond, despite our years and years of training to be emotionless creatures, despite the pill, Cael had somehow been able to form that bond with me. He wasn't just a doctor that I would soon forget when I had my product and left this place, and something told me he wouldn't forget me afterwards either. There was something there now, something holding us together.

"Maybe I will" I say cheerily.

X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_

The day for Doreen's production arrives. Cael informs me that everyone in the Unit was excited. "She's clearly well liked" he observes. "Everyone's on the edge of their seats. They keep sending Birthmothers out to walk by the birthing rooms to see if they can hear or see anything. Two have already gotten in trouble."

"Were they new girls?"

"They were young, so I guess. One of them was named Cheryl, I think."

"Cheryl? I don't know a Cheryl. I wonder if they just moved her in."

Cael shrugs "She's not producing, I know that. How are Thad and Chad today?"

We both chuckle over the shared joke, I had just told him the day before about my nicknames.

"Pretty good, Thad's ready to come out, he won't stop flailing."

"It must be cramped in there" Cael muses "I mean a uterus isn't very big, and there's two of them having to share" he laughs, "No wonder they want to get out so badly."

"Hey Cael"

"What?"

"Do you perform releases?"

Immediately Cael sobers up. Most of the time he's a cheerful, happy male, I've observed. But we had had several very serious conversations with one another, mostly about the fear of my products not making it. Last night we had had a lengthy conversation before I had gone to bed about a Birthmother, Tamar, who had been released.

Tamar had been my birthmother mentor. She had taken me in when Grace and I had arrived and taught me everything you really needed to know about being a birthmother. Like how to keep track of inseminations, and how to hide your growing attachments to the products growing in you, so that it was easier to glimpse the product when they take it away. She'd taught me not to trust the doctors and nurses and other caretakers. She helped me adjust to the feelings that flooded me soon after I stopped taking the pill, and explained to me what it was like to be in labor. The doctors had given us graphs and explanations of what was going to happen and when, but Tamar told me what it felt like. How the whole experience was going to be for us. I had looked up and admired Tamar something fierce. She had almost been a sort of mother for me, now that my mother was gone. She looked out for me, taught me, was there for me when I needed her.

Then she had her final product, and that's when everything went wrong. She had lost her self-control, cracked from all the repressed longing and wanting she had carried during her years of production. She had sat up and asked for the baby, begging them to let her at least hold it, just once. They had politely refused, reminding her that it was against the rules. Tamar had grown frantic; she had started wailing for her baby. They knocked her out and put her in the recovery room, hoping that getting her out of the situation would help calm her. It didn't. As soon as she had woken she had started wailing for her product and begging to see it. They reasoned with her, but she was beyond reason then. They started her on the Pill, hoping to squash the feelings out. But she would force herself to throw the pill up, stuffing a finger down her throat. They gave her an IV version of it, but she would rip it out every time. Finally they had no choice. They declared her a "failure to adhere" and she was released. I had seen her as they led her away. Still in her smock, still clearly in pain from the birth, walking oddly. Still whimpering for her baby. She looked pitiful, an empty shell of the nurturing, kind, patient young woman she had been. Now she was defeated and desolate. She didn't even glance at us as she walked past, her eyes were on stomach, flat now, she was patting it, as if it still had a product in there. I heard her whisper to herself.

"But it's mine. They were all mine."

"It was the saddest thing I've ever seen." I tell Cael "Tamar was so desperate to see her product that her own life meant nothing to her."

"She had no sense of self preservation" Cael, sitting on the stool, leaning on my bed, was intrigued.

"I don't know what that means" I tell him.

"Self preservation is the innate need we are all born with to ensure that we live. It's basically the value we have on our lives. Tamar's bonds with her products were so strong that she no longer felt a value for her own life. She knew that acting out like that would get her released, but it didn't matter to her anymore."

I look down at my own swollen belly, I've still got a month or two to go, but already I look about ready to pop. Inside my males have finally settled down for an hour or two of sleep. They don't know the schedule of the community yet, obviously, but whenever I was starting to lose my daily energy and get sleepy they would stop their movements for a bit, as if my calmness, soothed them. I sigh, "That's odd" I say, "What kind of emotion could drive a person to abandon their reason, and their life?"

Cael shrugs "I'm afraid I don't know." He admits.

"Do you feel like that toward anyone?"

He thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing. Finally he says "My sister maybe. She's the most important person in my life. I think if they forbid me from seeing her anymore, I would probably risk breaking the rules to see her."

"Your sister is Rosemary right?"

"Yeah"

"My brother was friends with her."

"They still are" he tells me lightly. "Your brother's gotten tall."

"Has he?" I chuckle "He was still so young when I last saw him."

"He's a ten now"

"Wow" I lean back and shake my head "A ten"

"Weird huh?"

"Yeah. It's strange how time kind of seems to stand still when you're in here. I mean, it's been five years, and yet…. its like I'm still that fourteen year old girl that came in here that afternoon scared and unsure of what would happen."

"Are you happy that this is your last product?" Cael asks.

I sigh, Anna has asked me this question before, Doreen too. Am I happy? Sure I'm glad that I won't be suffering from those pangs of sadness and loss over my products that are taken from me. Sure I won't miss being treated like nothing but an incubator. Sure I look forward to being able to go outside, socialize with other people, and perhaps reunite with Elise and Adam and Alonzo, if they haven't forgotten me.

But I couldn't really say I was happy. This place had been my dwelling for five years, the birthmothers had been my family unit, everyone from nasty Moria to gentle and kind hearted Philomena, I knew all of them and they all knew me. I had many bitter memories of being mistreated and mocked, but I also had an overwhelming amount of happy memories. Of the sock races in the hallway, of the late night conversations, of the shared jokes and secrets, memories that came with a internal warmth that I had never ever felt before in my seventeen years. The Birthing Unit, and the title of Birthmother had been my whole life for the past five years. It was going to be odd to walk away from it all when the time came. I would probably see many of these girls again, we would all get assigned some laborious task, and seeing as there were only so many laborious tasks available, many got the same assignment. But it wouldn't be the same. We would all be put back on the pill, and we'd be thrust back into that empty shallow feeling of content ness that we were forced to feel, and the bonds we had formed would crumble away. The feelings associated with the memories we had of our time at the birthing unit would dissipate and the memories themselves would become fuzzy. It was a sad thing to think about.

So instead of answering his question I told him "I'm glad I won't have to go through this again."

Something tells me that Cael knows what I mean.

Now though, as he does his normal check-up I decide I want to ask him about release. Because I'm thinking about Tamar, about the emotion she had for her products. She had been released, sent elsewhere, to be kept away from her products. A caretaker had told me, she was a kinder female that would sometimes give her best attempts to comfort us Birthmothers. I think if she wasn't on the pill she would be better, would want to take care of us, but all she could do now was give some empty condolences. "We hope that by sending her to elsewhere she will settle down. Maybe there in elsewhere they can get her to understand the necessary rules about birthmothers and their products." She had said sympathetically. "You understand the importance of the rule, right Chloe?"

"Yes Yoshiko" I say softly, looking at my hands. She smiles at me.

"Good"

But now it occurred to me. What if they couldn't get Tamar to settle down in Elsewhere? What if she had escaped? Was it possible? What she found a way to leave elsewhere and return to see her products? It was a ridiculous thought; it had never happened before, that a released person came back to the community…but still.

Now I look up at the solemn Cael "Have you ever had to perform a release?"

"Not in practice" he says "but I've been to several, and I'm trained in release."

"What happens?" I ask him.

Cael's lips press into a hard line, I see something flicker in his eyes. "I can't tell you" he says, I think his voice is choked a little.

"Another, 'I could get released' topic?"

"Yes"

I sigh, there were a lot of those, it seemed.

Just then Anna, Grace and Shea poke their heads in the door. Shea is relatively new, she's on her first production, I think she's fifteen. She's not really a part of "the group", that was made up of Anna, myself, Grace, Doreen, Moria and Estella, but she was a close friend of Doreen's, and Anna let her tag along with us a lot.

"Can we come in?" Anna asks us. Cael looks over and smiles at them. Again I see the look passed between the two.

"Sure" Cael says, "We were just talking about Doreen."

"She's finished" Shea informs us. She and the others come in and gather around my bed. I'm surprised to find Grace here; surely she was aware of what a big break in the rules this was. Yet here she was, smiling at me, as beautiful as ever.

"Already?" I say looking at Shea "But it's only been a few hours!"

"It's been four" Anna says, standing beside Cael. "I told you she was strong."

"Four hours…wow!"

"So now we have products one through four" Grace is saying "and number five is on its way. Dahlia went in labor on her own this morning too. The doctors weren't surprised or alarmed though, she was scheduled for labor tomorrow anyway."

"Wow. Any news on her?"

"She's doing fine so far" Cael tells us "Her contractions are pretty close together and she's almost dilated enough to really start pushing."

The others all sigh in relief. Everyone likes Dahlia; she's got a playful disposition, and can turn anything into a game.

"Hey Cael" Anna says, "Do you happen to know the gender of Doreen's product?"

"I'm not in charge of Doreen" Cael says, "So they don't give me her sonograms or her information. I've only seen Chloe's"

"Pity" Anna grumbles.

"But you know what" Cael says, looking over at Anna. The woman looks at him expectantly. "Do you guys really want to know what the product's gender is?"

We all nod.

"Alright, wait here."

"Where are you going?" Grace asks, alarmed.

"They hold the new children in the unit for a few hours, to run some tests. Doreen's product will still be here, and I can go see it, being a doctor. I'll be right back,"

"Can I come with?" Anna asks.

Cael laughs, "Do you want to get released?"

"Ugg"

"It will just be a second. Wait here."

We all nod our consent and Cael leaves.

"He's such a nice guy" Shea comments "and totally handsome. Did you hear Lorelei yesterday? She told Jessica that she got the stirrings over Cael."

"A lot of the birthmothers have" Grace says "and Lorelei needs to watch what she says, talking about the stirrings is against the rules."

"Oh lay off it Grace" Anna teases.

"Who else has stirrings over Cael?" I ask, looking at Shea. The girl knew everything about everyone.

"Gretchen, Joyce, Eliza, Ashling, yours truly"

"You?"

"Mhm"

"And me" Anna adds with a cheeky smile. I turn to her in surprise, so does Grace.

"Really?" we both say in unison.

Anna laughs "Had stirring dreams with him about once a week now."

I can't help but notice Grace looks a little hurt.

"Does he give you the stirrings Grace?" I ask her. She shakes her head. Anna snorts.

"That's because she gets her stirrings for me."

"Anna!" Grace yips, alarmed.

"Oh come on Grace, these are our friends. They aren't going to care." She looks meaningfully at Shea "Or tell anyone else. Will we?"

Shea shakes her head, but Grace doesn't look appeased.

"What about you Chloe" Shea asks, changing the subject. "Do you get the stirrings for Cael?"

"No. Cael's just my friend. Like you guys."

"So, hey you guys" Grace speaks up "This is totally against the rules to be talking about this. So lets not talk about it anymore alright?"

For once we all listen to Grace. We talk of other things. Like the Birthmothers and whose lined up next to have their products (Estella, Blair, and Mirada), and something the caretakers had done to them.

After what seemed a great while, the door opens and Cael pops his head in, looking extremely excited.

"Hey Chloe" he says.

"What?"

"I've brought a surprise."

I sit up, excited. "What is it?"

Cael grins, he looks behind him "Come on in" he opens the door wider "Don't worry, no one will know you were here"

Anna and the girls exchange nervous looks with one another, we are all confused.

A man walks in, looking nervous at first, but his whole face lights up when he sees me "Hello Chloe, it's great to see you again."

It was Adam.