Chapter Four

The following morning Scott Thurlow accompanied Eva to church. She discovered that his company was not unpleasant, but she was still determined that she would not encourage his interest. He had proven to be a good man, faithful to his word and upbeat in his outlook look on life. He was a handsome man, tall and strong. There was a time when those qualities would be attractive to her, but now they were frightening.

He sat quietly through the service, glancing at her every once in a while to give her a smile. He was attracted to her the first time he saw her. She was a quiet woman, but there was a sense of contentment that he admired. He had been afraid to intrude on her peaceful life and was more than thrilled that she approached him first. Joanna had been a helpless bit of a woman which turned out to be the biggest obstacle in their possible happiness together. She needed stability and protection. His drifter existence didn't exactly meet her demands and she quickly found a man that could offer her what he couldn't. Eva's interest in shooting was something Joanna would never share. Her independence was another admirable trait he saw. There was clearly more than beauty to behold.

He escorted her home, but they walked in silence. He tried to engage in conversation, but Eva was lost in troubling thoughts.

"I wonder what delicious meal Mrs. Foster has prepared for dinner. I must admit that I look forward to Sunday for more than worship."

"Huh? Oh, yes… she's a fine cook."

"Eva," he sighed. "It is mighty hard to have a conversation by myself. Have I offended you?"

"What? No! Not at all," she sputtered, coming out of her trance. "I am just tired. I don't know what it is about Sunday. I enjoy worship but I'm mostly thankful that it is also a day of rest. I'm sorry to be such bad company."

"Well, I wouldn't say that at all. You are wonderful company. In fact, I would really like to keep company with you more. That is, if you are favorable." He stopped walking and took her by the hand. Eva quickly pulled back. She couldn't bear to have him touch her. She was uncomfortable to have him look at her, too. The feelings of fear started to rise in her throat. It was the first flashback she had experienced since she brandished the gun at Benjamin that afternoon on the way home from school.

"No, please, don't touch me!"

"Miss Beadle! Eva, please, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm sorry, I… I need to get home, I'm not feeling well. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I just can't do this… be here… with you… like this. "Her voice started to shake. Her body started to tremble. The panic was more severe than she had experienced before. "I need to go now. Please, let's not stop anymore. I don't feel well at all."

They walked faster in silence. Once they reached the boarding house, Scott opened the door and Eva rushed in. As she flew up the stairs, the scent of food wafted from the kitchen and she was overcome by a wave of nausea.

"Please tell Mrs. Foster that I'm ill and won't be joining everyone for dinner. Please apologize for me." She ran quickly to her room and sat down. She hugged her knees and put her head in her lap until the sick feeling passed. This sealed it for her. She knew she would never be able to be with a man in any kind of intimate way. The simple gesture of taking her by the hand sent her into a reeling spin of terror and fainting. She started to weep silently.

She had been a fool. She had convinced herself that she would be able to live a normal life but for a secret she could lock away and forget. She had taken steps to conquer her fear. She had crafted lies and fooled everyone. But it was there, always there, ready to strike her down.

As the weeks passed, the nightmares not only continued, but they increased in severity. She not only woke up gasping for breathe, but sobbing. She found it a chore just to get through the day. She was exhausted by the end of school and had to use whatever energy she had left to walk home everyday.

It didn't help that people had noticed Scott escort her to church every week. Rumors started to make their way and even some of the children asked about him at school. She brushed it off and made light of it with the children, but sometimes these things couldn't be controlled. Even Mrs. Foster went to great effort to talk about Mr. Thurlow, clearly to get "in the know". Suddenly Eva found that her life was slipping out of her control, something she didn't want to happen, especially now.

It also didn't help that she couldn't eat. The harsh reality that she bottled inside her tied her up in knots, making even the smell of food unpleasant. Combined with the restless sleep, what happened next was inevitable.

The next day Eva felt strong enough to teach school, but by mid morning she knew she was very ill. The room kept closing in and moving away from her. It was getting harder and harder to form the words she wanted to say, and when she did they came out in a whisper. She stood up slowly.

"Class, I… I think we'll have to… dismiss… class, I…," she stuttered as she grabbed the edge of the desk. The floor flipped and a few children started to stand up to assist her.

"Miss Beadle?" It was Laura Ingalls. "Are you alright? Should I get Dr. Baker?"

"Laura… um, no…" Suddenly, the light from the windows faded. The sound of the children echoed in her head. She slumped to the floor and slowly watched the children's faces fade from her sight.

"Laura!" her sister Mary shouted. "Run and get Dr. Baker quick! And then run and tell Pa! Hurry!"

Laura busted through the crowd of students that gathered around their teacher quickly. She flew quickly down the steps and straight across the churchyard to Dr. Baker's office. She busted through the door, startling the gentle doctor out of his chair.

"Dr. Baker, you have to come quick. Miss Beadle fainted. We can't get her to wake up!"

"In the school house?"

"Yes, hurry! I need to go get Pa…" she shouted as she ran out the door. She ran to the mill and found her father, Charles, loading a wagon.

"Pa!" Laura screamed. She was sobbing as she tried to catch her breath and explain. "Oh, Pa! Miss Beadle got real sick at school. She fainted and we can't wake her up. Dr. Baker is there… please hurry, Pa."

He didn't wait for his daughter to catch up. As he ran toward the school, he saw Nels Oleson sweeping his storefront and hollered for him to come. By the time they reached the school, Dr. Baker had moved the children back to their seats and was tending to the teacher.

"Gentlemen, she has fainted, that's all. Still, she isn't coming to and that concerns me a little. Please help me get her to my office."

Charles and Nels gently lifted the small figure and carried her swiftly out the door and to the doctor's office. Dr. Baker dismissed the children after assuring them that their teacher would be fine, that it was just a fainting spell. Many of the girls started to cry in relief. He warned them to be truthful when they explained what happened to their parents. The nodded and filed out of the schoolhouse.

"Oh, Mary… Laura," Hiram whispered to the Ingalls girls as they started to leave. "Could you please ask your mother to come when you get home?"

They looked at each other and then nodded that they would do so. Hiram didn't normally seek assistance but he had a very strong feeling that he would need a woman nearby when Eva finally gained consciousness. He hurried back to his office. The men had settled her onto bed in his examination room. He dismissed them so he could work. The waited outside.

She didn't look very peaceful. Her face was ashen and perspiration wet the edge of her brow. He waited another minute. Her color started to improve slightly and he could sense her stir. She was now sleeping, but dreaming. She mumbled a few times, but didn't wake up fully. Time passed slowly. Finally there was a knock on the door. A breathless Caroline Ingalls entered quietly and took off her coat.

"Is she alright?"

"She will be, I'm sure of it." He closed the door on the gentlemen waiting outside and brought his voice down to a whisper.

"Something very odd is going on with Miss Beadle," he said. "She took a mighty bad fall a month ago and even though I examined her then, but… I don't know."

"I'm willing to help, but I'm not sure what you want me to do."

"Just… be here. Sometimes women need to talk to women, not men. Even if they are doctors."