Love

by anna.burks.39

Her name was Chloe. She had been a Birthmother, now she was an Attendant to the Receiver (a high honor job for a retired Birthmother). She did her job well, and obeyed all the rules. But there was more to this young woman than meets the eye. Starting with the love she felt for her products, her friends, and the two men who would change her life.

6. Chapter 6

"What are you doing here?" I exclaim excitedly, inside of me Thad and Chad start to kick furiously, as if they are excited to see Adam too, though they had no reason to be. They had never met Adam before (they hadn't met anyone before). I on the other hand had every reason to be excited to see this young man. Ever since I started my volunteer hours at the Nurturing Center, when I had been an eight, we had been drawn to each other, Adam and I. We shared a fascination with new children, and found the same things funny, we were both rather shy individuals, and we both were very observant of other people. He was quite a bit older than me; he had been fifteen when I had started my volunteer hours, still one of the newest most inexperienced assistants in the Center, so in the first couple of years he had treated me more like a younger sister. He had helped me out that first day, helping me feed a cranky male, taught me how to soothe it with the special voice and get it to take the bottle's nipple. Later, during changing time, he demonstrated the proper way to remove a diaper, wipe the new child clean, and then put on a fresh diaper. When it came my turn to try, he walked me through, step by step. After that I searched him out every day and watched him care for the infants. He never seemed to mind that for a few hours every day, I became his shadow; in fact I think he liked having someone look up to him. It wasn't long till we were bonding over things like our younger siblings (he had a younger sister Katya) and things we liked and disliked about school. Within weeks he was teaching me how to ride his bicycle after Volunteer Hours, and walking me home, and waiting for me when school got out to take me to the Nurturing Center. Sometimes, if we both had free time, we would take walks by the river, or around the Central Plaza. By the time I was an Eleven we were no longer a girl that fallowed around a Nurturer, but friends. He talked to me like I was an age-mate, not a girl seven years his junior, and were spending more time with each other than with any one of our other friends. It was Adam that I had felt most comfortable with; that I could truly be myself around, and I knew that it was the same for him.

Shortly after my Ceremony of Eleven, I had started to have weird dreams, dreams that I came to know as "Stirring Dreams". In them Adam and I were always in an intimate place, alone, usually with one or both of us in some state of undress, and at some point in the dream, we would touch. Touching was considered very rude, outside of family units and if one did happen to touch you, on purpose or accident, one always had to give a standard apology "I apologize for making you uncomfortable" or "I apologize for being rude". I had always been careful about the touching, as a child, the only person I had accidentally touched was my old childhood friends Elise and a fun-loving male named Owen, and both had been very understanding about my mistake, they had laughed it off and reassured me that they accepted my apology and they had hardly noticed. In the dreams though the touching was never accidental, but extremely purposeful, and always very intimate and affectionate, and there was never an apology. There was never a need to apologize in these dreams, because it was never rude, we didn't feel uncomfortable, actually we felt extremely safe, in the dream, safe and…. something else that I could never name. I would wake from these dreams, happy and warm. I had reported the dreams to my parents, as we are required to, and they had quickly explained to me that I had experienced my stirrings, and started me on the pill, that vile, evil, feeling-sucking pill. They had warned me that if the pill didn't work, and I continued to dream these dreams, to make sure and report them because the dosage would have to be adjusted. For a while one pill was enough for me, but then the dreams came back, and they had to put me on two, and then three. "You always were odd" Father would mutter, looking at me critically as I would swallow my allotted pills.

Three pills eventually did the trick, my stirrings dissipated, my friendship with Adam didn't suffer from the oddities, and life went on. Then I got the assignment of Birthmother, and among the instructions I was given there was "If you are currently on the pills, stop immediately". My mother and I both baffled over the rule, wondering why there would be any reason for a person to stop taking pills. "Well, a rule is a rule" my mother said uncertainly "I'll go tomorrow and turn the pills back in"

"Just another reason for her to be different" father grumbles.

"Jeffery please" my mother sighs, "Don't be like that."

Soon after the pills were taken from me the stirrings came back, and is if to make up for the time that I was on the pill, they were more frequent and more detailed. They made it hard to be around Adam too, because every time I talked to him, all I could think about were those stupid dreams, and how nice they had felt. Finally I had to break down and start spending more time with others in the Nurturing Center, and distance myself from Adam, a little. I couldn't cut myself off completely; he had come to mean so much to me. But to be honest, I had been a little glad to finally get called to the Birthing Unit, because I was finding myself feeling more and more at a loss of what to do. The dreams felt so nice, and a part of me wanted to act them out with Adam. Obviously I wouldn't dare ask, to do so would be beyond rude, but I wanted to.

During my time here in the Birthing Unit, the dreams had become less and less frequent, now I usually only had one a month, though months could go by without one. Apparently that was somewhat common among producing females. A doctor had explained it as "It's different for every female, some of you will no longer experience the stirrings, or will go for long periods without experiencing it, while others of you will suddenly be having stronger and more frequent stirrings than ever." I had fallen into the "long periods of time without experiencing it" category. Anna on the other hand had fallen into the "Stronger more frequent than ever" category. Though whom she had gotten the stirrings over before Cael was beyond me, she didn't seem to be fond of anyone, in that way anyway.

Adam's smiling at me, his usual shy, pleasant smile. "They sent me to go fetch the new products and take them to the Nurturing center. But apparently Product Number 5 isn't here yet. So I was just waiting in the Holding unit, and Cael here found me." He chuckles nervously.

"He asked me if I knew a birthmother named Chloe" Cael adds, coming to stand beside Anna "I said yes, and he told me to tell you that he hadn't forgotten his promise"

"And Cael said 'why don't you tell her yourself?'" Adam finishes. "So here I am!"

I laugh "Here you are! Wow it's great to see you again!"

"And you! I see you haven't grown an inch, height wise." Adam teases. I make a face at him, though it's probably true, I'm the shortest birthmother in the unit. Adam points to my stomach "What's with that belly?" he asks, "Am I being rude? I apologize for being rude"

"I accept your apology" I chant the required response "But no, your not being rude, it's fine."

"I mean, you all have these stomachs, does this have to do with producing?" he asks.

We all nod "We're storing the babies, while they grow and form" Anna explains, she's the best at making the whole system seem a lot less emotional than we feel it really is. Adam glances over at her, and then does a double take.

"I know you" he says, "You volunteered a lot at the Nurturing Center, right?"

Anna nods "Yes, most of my Volunteer Hours actually."

"You were good at it too" Adam comments "All the Nurturers were disappointed when they assigned you Birthmother."

Anna makes a face, and I can almost hear her saying, me too, but instead she says, "The Council knows best". Adam laughs again

"I guess they do, don't they? But, so, those are newchildren there in your stomach Chloe?"

"They're actually in my uterus" I tell him "but yes, there are newchildren in there. Two actually."

"Two?" The idea seems to fascinate Adam; he stares at my stomach, almost in a trance. I have to bite back laughter, I forget that normal citizens haven't seen a female swell and grow and reproduce before, they had probably learned about it in biology, but it's not the same as seeing it in practice.

"Pretty amazing to think about, isn't it?" Cael says. Adam nods.

"I mean, there's a life in there, a tiny little life" he whispers.

"Believe me, the way they move, I'm well aware of the fact that there is a life in here." I pet my stomach.

Grace, Shea, and Anna all groan in agreement.

"They move?" Adam gasps.

"All the time, do you want to feel?"

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah sure, come here"

Cautiously Adam makes his way to the side of my bed, l lower the blanket, so that only the smock rested between his hand and my belly. "Here give me your hand" I tell him. Slowly, uncertainly, he does so. I take it and place it where I know he will get the best feel of the tiny, fluttering kicks. I've never actually touched Adam before, I've thought about it, oh how I've thought about it. But I've never had the courage to do it. And now, here we were, my hand clasping his wrist, holding it to my belly. The thought sends little shivers down my spine, and that only causes the males to kick more vigorously than before. I watch Adam, curious to see his reaction to the products' movement. His eyes are wide, his jaw has gone slack, his mouth is open a gape. I think he's even holding his breath. Behind him the girls and Cael are smiling. Anna even reaches out and squeezes Grace's shoulder with one hand and touches Cael's arm with the other. I sort of expect Cael to inch away from her, he's still a citizen after all, touching is still extremely rude to them, but instead Cael takes the hand opposite to the arm she's touching and puts it over her hand in an affectionate gesture.

For a while the rest of the Community ceased to exist. It was just me, Adam, the products, the birthmothers, and Cael, all gathered together, sharing this intimate moment. But all to soon it had to come to an end, Cael looks at his watch and his eyes get wide.

"Adam we have to get you out of here. In fact everyone needs to clear out" he says. Immediately Adam pulls his hand away from my stomach and turns to Cael, alarmed. I don't know why, but I feel a little disappointed, I enjoyed the touching. It had felt nice.

"Why?" Adam asks.

"Mekhi will be here soon to see her."

"Is it really three o clock already?" Anna whines, leaning over to check Cael's watch "Ugg"

"Well come on, let's get out" Grace huffs, already pushing Shea in the direction of the door. "Adam, do you need help finding your way back to the Holding Unit?"

Adam shakes his head "No, I've been here plenty of times before." He looks back at me "It's been great seeing you again Chloe"

"You too Adam" I really wish he wouldn't leave, not so soon. I want him to pull up the stool, like Cael does sometimes, and talk to me. I want to catch up with him, to re-establish the old rapport we used to have with one another. Apparently it had been strong enough that even on the pill he hadn't forgotten me after all this time, five whole years. I feel an ache in my chest, and I know it's not the heartburn I sometimes experience during pregnancy. I was suddenly feeling very lonely, despite all the people still surrounding me.

He starts to leave, but stops and turns to face me again "I wanted to tell you, I've got a spouse now. Her name is Isla; she works in the Department of Justice. We applied for our first child this year, so maybe I'll get your product"

"Okay" Grace is standing in the doorway, looking very annoyed "Now talking like that is defiantly against the rules." She snaps, "Lets go Adam."

The young man chuckles "Snappy thing isn't she?"

Anna rolls her eyes again "You have no idea"

"Now!"

"Alright, we're coming!" Anna snickers "We'll see you in a little bit Chloe."

"See ya"

The group scatters outside; Adam glances once more at me, and wags his fingers good-bye. As soon as he slips out the door Cael says "I need to talk to Anna and Grace for a moment, do you think you'll be alright by yourself for a while?"

I nod, though to be honest I wish he wouldn't leave, not right now anyway. But I don't know what he could do for me. I wouldn't know how to describe what I was feeling to him, it was beyond words, or at least words that I knew. So I just nod and smile and watch as he walks out the door, his lab coat fluttering behind him.

Then I really was all alone.

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"How smart is Chloe?" I ask Anna and Grace as we take a leisurely walk around the gardens. We had parted ways with Adam a while ago, and on our way to the gardens had passed Mekhi with his other assistant, a younger female, on their way to check on Chloe. Mekhi had given me an odd look, obviously confused as to why I was associating with Birthmothers other than Chloe. "I was asked to take them outside for a supervised walk. Do you need me?"

"No, I'll be fine with Salome" Mekhi had replied in his usual no-nonsense tone "But don't forget your responsibilities Cael"

"I won't, it's just a quick walk" I assure him and then hurry the two girls along. We were lucky enough to be the only ones who had decided to get some fresh air; it means we don't have to be so careful with what we say to one another. Anna was closer to me than was socially acceptable, but Grace was still keeping her distance, which didn't bother me. Anna and I were friends; we had bonded a lot over this past month, with sock races, playful banter and fun chatter. I didn't know Grace very well at all. I had seen her frequently; she hardly strayed far from Anna's side, and like Chloe she was in my age group at school. She was unbelievably attractive, tall like Anna, but curvy like Chloe, with light hair like my sister's, only thicker. Her eyes are lighter than the others too, not as pale as my sister's, the kind that startles you when you first look at them, but paler. She has a very serene aura about her, when she's not fretting about rules, and a part of me wishes there was a way to capture her beauty. So that people can still admire it, even long after it's diminished. However I don't think Grace cares much for me, though I can't say why.

Now they both look at me in surprise "What do you mean?" Anna asks me, tilting her head to the side.

"I mean, do you think she could do a non-laborious job?"

"Well, that depends" Grace says "I mean, I don't think she would cut it for…doctor, or engineer."

"But she's no Doreen" Anna adds, "If that's what you mean."

"Do you think she could be…oh I don't know, an Attendant?"

Anna and Grace exchange looks with one another "Yeah" Anna finally says slowly "Yeah she could be an Attendant I guess."

"She's smart enough for that" Grace agrees, nodding. "Why?"

I lick my lips, deciding to word this carefully. It was an idea I had been working on for a while now, planning and scheming. I had first thought of it when I had observed Alethea struggling to keep up with her job, and complaining about how long it would take to select and train a twelve. If I could get someone that could dedicate a whole day to training, I could do it in five months top. But it wasn't until Mekhi had pulled me aside after yesterday's exam and said "That girl may have been strong when they chose her, but she's not strong anymore, we might need to talk to the council about giving her a variance on laborious work" that the plan had REALLY started to fall into place. Why don't I get Chloe re-assigned as my father's Attendant? It was the perfect job for her really, or at least it seemed like it would be. I had observed that she took directions very well, was organized and efficient, observant, quiet, and patient, all things one was going to HAVE to have to work with my father on a day to day basis. And as a plus, Chloe was pretty intuitive; she seemed to know what people were thinking/feeling/wanting. But I highly doubt that if I was to go to the Council and ask for a variance they would give it to her, I was just an assistant. I could ask Mekhi to go ask for a variance, but he wouldn't try to get Attendant to the Receiver, he would just get her out of becoming a Laborer. No if I wanted Chloe to get re-assigned Attendant to the Receiver, I was going to have to ask my Father for a favor. He was going to have to go forward to the council and ask for the Variance himself.

But the girls don't need to know all this, not yet anyway, so instead I say, "Mekhi and I have decided that Chloe is to weak to be a laborer after her years of production, so I was just wondering what other occupation might fit her-

"Nurturer" both Grace and Anna interrupt.

"Nurturer?"

"Chloe's always wanted to be a Nurturer" Grace says, "She's crazy about Newchildren."

"And Adam" Anna adds. I look over at her.

"Huh?"

"Oh don't tell me you didn't see the way she looked at him today" Anna hoots "She totally has the stirrings for him."

"Do you really think…" I trail off, frowning.

"Please, it was glaringly obvious."

Why did that bother me? Why am I suddenly feeling a little hurt?

"Hey you alright?" Grace asks, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Well I just thought that…" now its her turn to frown "Maybe I was wrong"

"Wrong about what?" Anna asks, but Grace shakes her head.

"It's nothing," she says. "Do you think Nurturer is possible for Chloe's after Birthmother assignment?"

"I don't think so" I admit, "We can't aim too high, we have to think of the jobs that are just above labor in terms of training needed. I was thinking Attendant."

"That could work" Anna says, nodding "Chloe could defiantly do that."

"And it's better than Laborer" Grace mutters. We all nod.

"Hey Cael, I almost forgot. The product?" Anna turns suddenly and grabs my arm.

"What product?"

"Stop touching" Grace reminds her. Anna ignores her.

"Doreen's product" Anna whispers, "You were going to find out it's gender?"

"Oh yeah" I had forgotten, in light of recent events, the reason I had headed off to the Holding Unit in the first place. "It's a male. Doreen has a son."

"A son" Grace and Anna breath "She has a son."

"Cute little guy has her curls, and her cheeks too."

"Aww" both Grace and Anna coo "How adorable!"

I will never get why females are so into new children. They had never interested me much. I had been eager to help my parents care for my sister when she had been a One, but it was just because she was my sister. Other new children were just…well all they did was eat and sleep and defecate, and a lot of them drool too. They are kind of gross actually. Doreen's son had been cute, I would admit, and at least he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs when I had arrived. He had just laid there in his little bed, staring at the ceiling with his big dark eyes. But I still didn't see what was so special about him, why females are drawn to them.

"Oh I bet he's going to be just like Doreen!" Grace yips excitedly.

"Let's hope he's a little smarter" Anna comments wryly.

"You're so mean to her Anna" Grace huffs.

"Oh, you know how much I enjoy Doreen Grace" Anna replies with a roll of her eyes "I adore that girl. But you have to admit she's not to sharp."

"There is more to life than intelligence" I find myself saying. Grace and Anna look over at me, shocked. All of our lives we have been taught that there is little else to life but intelligence. We are encouraged by our parents to abandon our emotions and adopt a logical, practical look at life. Intelligent children got prestigious jobs; the others got laborious jobs, so therefore children strived to be intelligent. The idea that intelligence wasn't all there was, was inconceivable.

"What do you mean?" Grace asks, intrigued.

What did I mean? I knew there was more than intelligence, but what else was there? "Well, just because a person isn't intelligent doesn't mean that they aren't as important as a person who is."

Anna and Grace continue to gape at me, so I continue, "Think about it, you guys both like Doreen right?" I ask. The girls nod "and you both like…or at least Anna, you like me right?"

The young woman's cheeks darken "Yes" she says.

"I like you too Cael" Grace adds, "I just wish you didn't let Anna and Chloe get away with as much as you let them."

"Well, then, who's more important to you? And why?"

"Doreen" Grace is quick to reply, "No offense Cael, I like you, but I've know Doreen longer, and I enjoy her more…and I…." She trails off, her face gets very serious. Anna and I look at her expectantly "I don't know how to describe it" she admits slowly "I feel something else for Doreen. A kind of…bond that I simply haven't developed for you yet."

I nod "I understand what you mean, I have that same feeling about my sister. What about you Anna?"

The young woman shrugs "I think you both are equally important to me." She admits, "I feel the same way about Doreen that Grace does. And I feel something similar for you."

"Is it because I'm intelligent?"

"No" she says "If that was the case I would like all the doctors in the Birthing Unit."

"Why do you like me?"

Again both Anna and Grace have to think. Anna answers first this time "Because your…well I was going to say you're nice, but there is more to it than that. I mean, doctor Yoshiko is nice, and I don't like her. Your compassionate, I've never met a doctor as compassionate as you before. And you recognize that we are more than vessels, that we are people with wants and needs and personalities and-

"Feelings" Grace finished for her "You understand our feelings. No one has ever talked to us about our feelings since we've got here. No one has been interested."

"Yeah" Anna agrees, nodding "You've taken the time to get to know us"

"And why do you like Doreen?"

"She can make us laugh" Anna says, "no matter how bad your day's been she can make it better instantly"

"And she accepts everybody as they are. She just honestly likes people, and wants everyone to be happy."

"She's never said a bad word about anyone, and meant it. She wants everyone to get along, and is quick to try and resolve altercations."

"See?" I say "There's more to life than intelligence. There is also…oh I wish I had the word for it. I can think of words I would use to describe it, it contains compassion, affection, companionship, a strong bond for someone, being able to accept a person wholly and unconditionally…but I just can't name the emotion itself. It's not in my vocabulary."

"Or mine" Anna sighs.

"Or mine" Grace mutters.

"But it's there." I finish. The girls nod.

Just then two more birthmothers come from the left wing of the Unit and start to take a turn around the garden. They both look at the three of us, oddly. One of them leans in and whispers in the ear of the other one, who frowns. Anna spots them, grins and waves.

"Hi Aurelia, Kiera!"

The two girls nod at us, and wave. I had noticed that the birthmothers kind of had a hierarchy here. The newest, still in training Birthmothers were on the lowest tier, then came the new Birthmothers that weren't producing, then first product Birthmothers, second product Birthmothers, last product birthmothers, then there was a special group that everyone followed around listened to, it was made up of girls in varying ages, stages of production and personalities. Goofy Doreen who was only fourteen or so, a blunt and somewhat nasty female named Moria who looks to be around sixteen, a calm older female named Estella, rule-obsessed beauty Grace, and the shy but highly observant Chloe. Then at the top of this pyramid was Anna. Maybe it was because she was the oldest; her chart (that I had sneaked a look at from Yoshiko, her doctor) said she had been through eighteen Ceremonies but that she had seen nineteen, twelve-month cycles. Maybe it was because she was too intelligent to belong here. Maybe it was her rebellious, headstrong nature. Maybe it was because there was just something about her that drew you to her and fascinated you. Or perhaps it was because for all her bitter remarks, sarcastic comments and teases, Anna honestly cared about and watched out for every single birthmother. She took care of them, helped them through tough times, kept an eye out for the youngsters, teaching them the ropes and helping them adjust to the changes they were going through. She knew every single Birthmother by name, and the ones who were inseminated she knew their products Numbers too and how far along they were. Just two days ago I had seen her rush to comfort a crying Birthmother-in-training who was having a hard time dealing with the sudden rush of feelings she was experiencing. She had grabbed the girl's hand and holding it affectionately, spoke to her in a soothing tone, and instructed her to breathe, and to concentrate on the sound of her voice. Within minutes the girl had calmed down completely, and as I watched, Doreen came over (she was so big I wondered how she could even move) and said something that made the girl giggle, and then Grace brought her some food, a fruit salad, despite the rule against sharing food. It was amazing to see how the girls' took care of each other. But most amazing was how they all looked up to, listened to, and admired Anna. Especially because I knew that the caretakers here were constantly complaining about her. "She doesn't listen to directions", "She won't adhere to authority", "She's to smart, she's giving the other Birthmothers ideas", "She's defiant", "She's rude", and mostly "I think she should be released". That was the scariest comment I heard. That these people, who were generally well meaning, though lacking in any real emotion, wanted someone to be released. Release was quite possibly the worst thing you could want to happen to anyone.

Because to release someone was to kill them. A released person didn't go to elsewhere, like we taught everyone here in the Community, a released person was a dead person.

"What are you two up to?" Anna calls over the quad to them.

"Fresh air" one of them calls back "What are you doing out here?"

"The same" Anna shouts back.

A nurse comes out then, probably to supervise the other girls, so Anna steps back, away from me, and the three of us make our back inside the Birthing Unit. I drop them off in one of the Recreation Rooms where Moria and Estella are currently sitting and chatting with other birthmothers. They see us, smile, and motion for the girls to join them. Anna hurries in without a second thought, but Grace hesitates and then turns to look at me.

"Cael?"

"Hmm?"

"Who is your most important person? Besides your sister I mean."

"Chloe" I say, surprised at how little thought I had needed to come up with that answer.

"You really like her then, huh?" Grace comments. I nod. To my surprise she gives me a smile "I thought so. You really are a great male Cael. I hope Chloe sees that."

I don't say so out loud, but I really hope she sees it too.