Chapter Five

Dr. Baker and Caroline sat in silence. It seemed to them like hours had passed before Eva began to stir. She opened her eyes and slowly glanced around the room. It was familiar enough, but she failed to know where she was immediately. She saw a man's face come into view and then a woman's next to him. Did she know these people? She didn't know what happened. She was sure she was in school.

"Eva? Can you hear me?" Dr. Baker spoke loudly. He used a small hand mirror to flash a light in her face. The teacher flinched and tried to sit up.

"What happened to me?"

"Well, you fainted at school."

"I did? How dreadful. Those poor children must have been terrified."

"They are fine," Caroline soothed. "They are worried, though."

"Eva, you haven't been well lately, have you?" The doctor sat back and questioned. She was not happy with the tone of his voice.

"I've been tired, yes… but really, Dr. Baker. Am I supposed to come running to you with every sniffle?"

"You don't have sniffles, Miss Beadle. You suffered a head injury and now you fainted. I cannot help but think that the two are related." Eva didn't reply.

"Tell me more about this fainting. Has it happened before?"

"I… I guess you can say it did, but only one time. I was tired after church and when I returned home, the smell of dinner just didn't… it made me feel sick. By the time I got to my room, I felt faint. I was able to sit down and it all went away."

"Eva…" the doctor leaned closer. "Have you been eating?"

"No, I… can't seem to bring myself to eat much these days. Maybe I have influenza. That would make sense, right?"

"Eva…" he whispered. He gestured for her to lay back down while he took her temperature and listened to her heart rate. It was pounding. He looked at her as if to promise he wouldn't hurt her and then slowly brought his hands to her abdomen. She quickly grabbed his hands and pulled them away. She sat back up. This was enough. She needed to leave.

"Caroline, would you mind waiting outside for a couple minutes?" he asked while looking at the terrified look in his patient's eyes. Caroline quietly excused herself and shut the door behind her.

Dr. Baker… please, I need to go home. This isn't necessary. I just need to…"

"Did you really fall, Eva?" he interrupted.

"Yes!" She spit through clenched teeth. "I fell! But now I'm FINE! Please just let me go home…" She collapsed into sobs. Dr. Baker tried once again to examine her but she reacted.

"Don't! Don't touch me. Leave me alone. Please…." she cried. "Please stop."

"Eva… I examined your face." He said gently. "That bruise on your eye… the cut on your lip. I've seen it many, many times. And never once did it happen from a fall. Almost always it was because someone was punched." He waited for her to respond, but she only looked away. "Did someone hit you?" She turned to look at him with pleading eyes.

"Please, I beg you… don't do this."

"That doesn't answer my question. Who hit you?"

"Stop it."

"At least tell me the truth and tell me that someone hit you."

"Alright! Someone hit me. There, you made me say it," she cried. "Why does that matter, why do you need to know this, doctor? Just so you could be right?"

"I didn't want to be right, Eva," he answered. He waited until she calmed down before continuing with his questions. He hated to ask the questions because he had a feeling he already knew the truth. He definitely knew she didn't want to tell it to him.

"I'm not here to judge or lecture or report. I'm here to see that you get well. A doctor cannot effectively treat a patient who doesn't tell him everything he needs to know."

Eva looked at the floor. This was not happening. He wasn't supposed to know, no one was supposed to know. This was not how it was supposed to work out. She felt everything falling apart.

"Eva… when was your last cycle?"

"No, no, no… please, don't…"

"Can you remember?"

"I'm begging you to stop."

"Eva, listen to me… don't just be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. Is there any possibility that you are pregnant?" She refused to look at his face. She sat frozen, scared to death.

"Ok, let's try this differently; I'm going to say what I think happened. You simply nod if I'm right, and shake your head if any part of it is false. Can you try?" He waited for a response. Finally she nodded.

"Fine… I think that you did not fall in the woods and hit a tree." Nod.

"I think someone hit you in the face…" Nod.

"…more than once…" Nod.

"…and not accidentally." Nod.

"I also think that the reason that you were hit… was to… subdue you. So he could control you." Long pause. Tearful nod.

"And I think… someone assaulted you after he…. after he hit you." Long pause.

"Eva, someone raped you…" Long pause. Slow nod.

"My God…" he mumbled.

Eva couldn't help but surrender to the total mental and emotional collapse. Her tears turned to sobs. Her sobs became painful wailing. She had suppressed the pain for so long that it was if a dam broke and she could no longer control herself. The doctor slowly reached out to comfort her, but thought better of it. He walked to the door and opened it slightly.

"Mrs. Ingalls… could you please come in?" Caroline followed immediately and was shocked at her friend's condition. "Please, comfort her. Let her cry, but please… hold her."

Caroline obeyed and gathered the poor woman in her arms and held her for what seemed like an eternity. Her wails slowly faded into the whimpering sound of a wounded woman. Finally, the doctor broke the silence.

"Eva… I think this happened about six to eight weeks ago." Nod.

"I also think that lately you have been extra tired. And lately, strong smells offend you, especially food. You can't keep food down… and you've had a couple of near fainting spells before this one." Nod.

Dr. Baker collapsed in his chair, removed his glasses and bowed his head for a moment. Caroline stared at him wide eyed. She understood the questions. She saw the distraught woman in her arms. She followed the logic but it was still unbelievable. She lifted her friend's face.

"Eva?" They looked at each other and together cried. Finally Eva sat up, wiped her eyes and tried to stand up.

"I need to go home," she said. "I can't be here anymore. Please, both of you, please… just stop looking at me. I can't stand your pity."

"It isn't pity, Miss Beadle," Dr. Baker stated. "We want to help you. You need help. You cannot possibly handle this alone." Caroline nodded in agreement.

"No, no… that is not what this is. I know what you are thinking. I know what you're thinking of me… you're thinking 'How could she let that happen?' or 'She shouldn't have been such a careless, stupid woman.' That's what this is."

"Not at all," Caroline stated firmly. "Eva, this is a shock for us, but this happened to you. We love you; we only want to help you."

"No," she replied. "You can't love me. No one can ever love me. Don't you understand? I'm broken. No one will ever want me, could ever look at me and not think about… Please, leave me alone." She bolted across the room. Charles Ingalls was leaning against his buckboard when she ran flew out the door like a shot from a cannon. His wife was not far behind, calling for her to stop. It was no use. The teacher was determined to be gone and gone she was.

Dr. Baker came out into the sunlight, welcoming the fresh air into his lungs. His career as a doctor now spanned almost half his life. He recalled giving bad medical news to many who were more than just patients to him, including the Ingalls. Delivering the news of death was brutal; but this was a living death. There would be no deliverance from this kind of pain. It was the kind of pain that deceptively fades but jumps out at often the most unsuspecting times.

"Let her go," he said. "But Caroline, please call on her tomorrow and make sure she is alright. Make her eat something. Perhaps you can think of something that she can easily keep down. Urge her to rest." He retreated back to his office.

Caroline looked at her husband and reached out to him for comfort.

"Oh, Charles," she cried into his embrace. They climbed into their wagon and headed home. Caroline wouldn't reveal anything to her husband right away, except to say that Miss Beadle, and the town of Walnut Grove, needed prayer.