- CHAPTER SIXTEEN –

Unspoken

I spent the next two days during my spare time reading over the book Professor McGonagall had given to me. It explained that with my personality it would be more suitable for me to become a Muggle creature. Most wizards and witches chose to become Muggle creatures anyway, and I was hoping to be assigned an animal along those lines as well. As the book was written by a British author, it also gave suggestions based on the Houses that witches or wizards were in while attending Hogwarts. I made sure to pay attention to the section devoted to Gryffindor-suited animals. The book also explained how it would feel to be an animal, as well as stressing the importance of following the steps involved very carefully. It also taught me that a person can only learn how to become one animal because humans are only able to have two sets of DNA without them mixing together. While going through the process of drinking portions of potion every day side effects would occur. Because of the animal DNA being housed in my body, I was to experience, on occasion, strange, animal-like urges. These side effects would last only until my mind learned to separate my human self from my animal self. Professor McGonagall was going to help with this. Apparently there was a spell involved to allow the separate DNA to remain the same body, but the most difficult part of the entire process was learning how to keep my mind functioning properly.

After finishing the book, which didn't take long considering my interest in the subject, Professor McGonagall told me that I had been assigned a creature. The animal chosen to best suit my needs was a cat. If it is possible, this news made me even more excited. A cat would never raise suspicion as domestic cats roamed around on their own without so much as a second glance from a viewer. This would make it easy for me to spy on people and lurk around unsuspected. Also, my parents would likely approve of it. My family lived in a Muggle town. A cat would blend in to the surroundings quite nicely.

"What are you looking so pleased about?"

I looked up and saw Fred standing over me as I lay on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. I had been sitting alone daydreaming since classes ended and had hardly noticed when Fred had switched over to my side of the room, leaving a rowdy George and Lee alone in the corner.

"Nothing," I answered with a grin. I had been having a hard time keeping my promise to Professor McGonagall. It was difficult to keep such a big secret from my best mates.

I sat up, allowing Fred to sit down next to me. He sat down and pulled me towards him, slipping his arm around my neck. I tried my best not to flush up at his proximity and leaned slightly away from him.

"You've been a lot more cheerful than usual these past few days," he said, eyeing me suspiciously as he twirled the ends of my hair in his fingers.

"Really?" I asked, "I haven't noticed."

Fred stared at me for a moment, a look of deep thought on his face.

"You know, I've been pretty happy lately too," he said. The pondering look was still in his eyes.

I looked sideways over at him. "You have?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered, pushing the hair away from the side of my face. He suddenly seemed very serious and the atmosphere between the two of us shifted dramatically. "I'm not sure, but maybe it's for the same reason you're so cheerful."

My eyes widened and I felt my pace quicken. This was neither the time nor the place for Fred to be having such conversations with me.

"Um… actually, I don't think it is," I said carefully. I didn't want to offend him, but I by no means was going to start talking about feelings while the common room was littered with students. I was sure Fred was dropping a hint. It sounded as though he was about to share that I was having a positive effect on his happiness.

Fred frowned a little and surveyed me with a confused expression.

"Oh?" he said, and I could see him force a cheeky grin onto his face. "Then what's up?"

"It's nothing," I said, feeling unnerved by the quick change in his demeanor.

"Come on Juliet," he said. "I know something is going on. You can tell me."

"No, but I really can't," I told him with a frown. "And why would my being cheerful lead you to believe that something out of the ordinary is going on?"

"You're my best mate," he said. "I know when you're keeping something from me. So cough up, what's on your mind?"

"I'll tell you later," I said truthfully. I had to wait for Professor McGonagall's go-ahead before I could share my secret with Fred and George.

"Fine then," he said, removing his arm from around me and shoving me playfully aside.

"Bloody hell Fred, you drama queen," I said, rubbing the spot on my arm where he had pushed me.

"Now now, Juliet," Fred said, pointing to the far end of the sofa. "If you don't want to tell me you can sit over there."

I rolled my eyes. I knew that he was joking. He was just trying to get under my skin. Fred always needed to have his way… and it was working.

"Fred! I'm sorry, but I can't tell you," I said moving over beside him and placing my hand on his arm. His eyes moved momentarily to my face to where my hand was resting. He shifted and grabbed it, taking hold of it in his Quidditch-calloused palm.

I flushed and stared down at my hand in his.

"Alright, now you've got me worried," he said lightly. "What's up?"

"Honestly, I want to tell you, but I swore I wouldn't," I said, mulling it over in my head. I couldn't tell him without ensuring the Ministry had given me the go-ahead. I would feel like a right dunderhead if I told Fred and George only to have to admit later that it wasn't going to happen.

"Why not?" he asked. He no longer sounded playful. He actually looked quite put-out.

I bit down on my bottom lip and stared at him for a minute. I really did want to tell him about what was going on. It was getting hard to keep it to myself, and the way Fred was looking at me was making it even more difficult. I wasn't sure whether it was his intention to make me feel guilty with his hurt expression, but it was happening regardless.

"You know what?" I said, trying to shake the weird feeling that had settled over the two of us. "I'll be right back."

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and got up from my seat, heading towards the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Where are you going?" he asked, watching me go.

"I'll be back," I repeated.

I pushed my way out of the portrait door and hurried down the corridor. I nearly jumped down the flights of stairs on my way to Professor McGonagall's office. Portraits were muttering about the racket I was making as I passed by. There were very few students out and about with all of the Sirius Black scares. The only time the corridors were busy was between classes.

When I got to Professor McGonagall's office I was out of breath. I didn't even hesitate before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

Professor McGonagall was seated at her desk, straightening a pile of essays. She looked up abruptly when I opened the door, looking startled.

"Miss Christie," she said sternly. "It would be more polite to knock."

"Er—sorry, Professor," I said, letting myself into the room without an invitation. I had been inside only once before. It had been when I had attended Quidditch tryouts in my second year, during which I had gotten so angry with George for purposely trying to sabotage me that I hit him over the head with my broom. He had blacked out, and I was sent to have a chat with McGonagall about the proper use of a broomstick. It ultimately ended in Professor McGonagall suggesting I remain a reserve player rather than part of the main team. I had never really forgiven George for that setback. It took me ages to get my own spot on the official Gryffindor team.

I glanced around the office as Professor McGonagall pulled out an official envelope and opened it up. Her office was simple and neat. She didn't fuss around with personal objects but had many books and interesting-looking objects. Everything had its own place. I wondered vaguely if many other professors were as organized as Professor McGonagall seemed to be.

"Ehem, Miss Christie."

My attention was brought back to Professor McGonagall, who was looking at me with impatience written across her face.

"Now that you're here I may as well tell you," she said, standing up. She handed me the letter that she had just opened. "I have received an owl from the Ministry of Magic. They have given their approval, and we are now free to proceed with your Animagus procedure."

She gave me a small smile as my lips cracked into a grin. I stared down at the parchment in my hand. My eyes moved from the official Ministry seal at the top, down to the swirly signature from the Minister of Magic at the bottom. My heart jumped into my throat with excitement.

"Does that mean I can tell Fred and George?" I asked, looking up from the parchment. I blushed a little under her gaze. I hadn't really intended to blurt out why I had run to her office. I didn't want her to think I was aching to brag.

McGonagall pursed her lips into a firm line. "You may tell whomever you wish," she answered. "But I do encourage you to ensure that the Weasley twins understand this is a great responsibility. Being an Animagus is not something to be taken lightly." She paused momentarily and then seemed to conclude that I could also use a warning. "You would do well to remember that too, Miss Christie," she said.

"Of course not, Professor," I said. "It's only—they've been asking and it's been a bit… difficult—" I smiled sheepishly at her and was surprised to see her smiling back at me.

"I understand the anticipation, Miss Christie," she told me. "I was in your shoes once before, you'll remember. Now, do run along—straight back to your common room, please. You shouldn't even be out right now. Consider this a warning."

"Yes—er—thanks, Professor."

She nodded curtly and I shouldered my way back out of the office, nearly skipping as I made my way back to Gryffindor tower. I hurried through the corridors—narrowly avoiding treading on Mrs. Norris as I went—and burst back through the portrait hole door, still clutching the letter in my hand.

Fred was still seated in the same spot I had left him in, and George was situated in the armchair opposite.

"That was fast," Fred commented as I reclaimed my seat next to him. "Where did you go?"

"To see Professor McGonagall," I answered.

"What for?" George asked dully as he picked at a spot on his skin.

"I wanted to tell you something," I said, dropping my voice so I wouldn't be overheard by others lingering in the room.

"And you needed to talk it over with McGonagall first?" George questioned, looking skeptical.

"Actually, yes," I said and George frowned, looking infinitely more interested.

"Why?" he asked.

"Are you ready to spill now?" Fred encouraged.

"Only if you promise not to tell anyone," I said, letting seriousness colour my expression. It wasn't entirely necessary. Of everyone I knew Fred and George were the two people I could trust explicitly.

George made a cross over his heart and Fred nodded, looking both confused and interested.

I grinned and handed my letter to Fred. He took it, and he and George bent their heads to read it together. I watched their eyes skim back and forth over the parchment until they reached the bottom. Wide-eyed and mouths agape, they looked back up at me when they had finished.

"Are you serious?" George asked, a smile spreading across his face. He waved the letter at me as though waiting for me to admit it was all a joke.

"Of course I'm serious," I said with a grin. I made sure to keep my voice down and encouraged the twins to do the same. I didn't want anyone overhearing our conversation.

"How did this happen?" George asked.

"Remember that day McGonagall wanted to speak with me after class?" I said. The twins nodded. "Well she told me about it then. Apparently Dumbledore is trying to encourage students to seek opportunities beyond the usual realm of wizarding education."

"And they chose you?" George said, pretending to be upset. "Why on earth wouldn't they ask one of us?"

"I reckon we're not qualified as responsible students," Fred said. He was speaking to George, but his eyes were on me. His lips broke into a smile that made butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"So you've had to register with the Ministry," George said, scanning my letter once more. "And you have to report your markings to them when the transformation is complete."

"What's the animal?" Fred questioned.

"A cat," I said. "I didn't get to choose—they picked based on my personality. I guess we won't know what I'll really look like until I transform for the first time."

"A cat?" George asked. "Like McGonagall? Does that mean you have a similar personality to her?"

"Doubtful," Fred said with a slightly disturbed expression on his face. "I think their system's a bit flawed."

"So how long will it take?" George questioned. The three of us were leaning very close together now. The other students in the room would probably think we were concocting some sort of scheme. It wouldn't be the first time.

"McGonagall is hoping by the end of next year, if not sooner," I told them.

"Brilliant," they said together.

"Do you realize what this will mean for us?" George said. "We can have a constant security system in place, involving Juliet has a lookout."

I shook my head. "Just because I will be able to disguise myself does not mean I will want to be constantly on lookout. I hate being the lookout."

George waved his hand airily. "We'll figure it out later."

Fred looked down at his watch and said quite suddenly, "I'm feeling peckish. Juliet, will you come down to the kitchens with me?"

"Oh—er, yeah… sure, Fred," I said, feeling taken aback by the sudden change of topic. "George?"

George opened his mouth to say something, but fell silent when Fred looked pointedly at him. I had an alarming feeling that they were communicating something that they didn't want me to hear.

"Nah, I've got business to tend to with Lee," he said in a would-be casual voice. "I'll see you two later. Congrats, Jules."

He gave me a warm smile and a clap on the shoulder as Fred tugged me up from my seat and led me out of the common room.

Fred and I walked in awkward silence for a few minutes before I spoke.

"What's up?" I asked.

He started, as if I had interrupted a deep thought.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"I know you didn't pull me out of the common room to go down to the kitchens," I said. I had noticed Fred was not leading me in the direction of the kitchens at all, but instead seemed to be wandering rather aimlessly through the corridors. This was a dangerous thing to be doing, as students weren't really supposed to be out now that security was so tight.

He gave me a lopsided grin.

"Too obvious," he said and I nodded in agreement. He shrugged and took my hand. "I just needed a walk and thought we could have some alone time."

I was careful not to look at him as we continued down the corridor. Fred and I seemed to be tiptoeing around an awful lot of unspoken emotion lately, and I wasn't proud to admit that I was frightened of facing the moment where everything was brought out into the open. I wasn't very good with that sort of thing.

"So an Animagus," he said, breaking the awkward tension that was creeping up around the two of us.

I let out a breathy laugh. My nerves were certainly starting to show. I hoped Fred would take it as excitement over my announcement rather than see that he was the real reason I was getting so jittery.

"It feels very surreal," I admitted.

He paused briefly and I could feel his eyes on me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. My eyes snapped to his.

"I did tell you," I said stupidly. Obviously that's not what he had meant.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? When I asked you why McGonagall wanted to talk to you after class that day?" he clarified.

"I wanted to wait until it was official," I said.

He nodded and seemed to accept this as fair.

"I still would have told you," he said with a half-smile so I knew he wasn't really placing blame. "I tell you everything."

"No you don't," I blurted out unthinkingly. My mind flashed with the image of Fred holding the Perception Putty models of the two of us together. No, there were certain things Fred kept to himself.

Fred looked at me in a way that made me fear he somehow knew what I was thinking about. My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly realized we had stopped walking. Instead we were standing in the middle of a dark, deserted corridor, staring at each other.

"Sure I do," he said quietly. "I've always told you everything, just…maybe not always in words."

As he was speaking Fred squeezed my hand tightly. I had a feeling it was more meaningful than a simple twitch. Goosebumps spread over my body and I felt inexplicably torn. I had a fleeting moment where I wanted to tear myself from Fred's grasp and run away, but my legs felt locked in place. Instead I just stared stupidly up at him.

Gryffindor courage was failing me because I knew instantly that the moment had come. Fred and I had been locked in a bizarre game. It was as though we were a balancing act on the edge of a cliff. If we fell forward, we'd tumble headfirst off of the edge into unknown, unchartered territory. I knew what the result would be—there would be a rush of excitement, emotion and adrenaline… but to what end? If we tumbled backwards, we'd just hit solid ground. The result was dull and would perhaps hurt a little at first, but we could easily get back up and carry on with normal life. It was safe.

"Juliet?" Fred was looking at me as though he were waiting for me to say something. I stared back, feeling more confused than I felt when I was sitting in Potions class trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I realized at once that I wasn't ready to make a decision. Or, perhaps I already knew what my decision would be, but I wasn't ready to act on it quite yet.

Shaking myself from my thoughts I squeezed his hand firmly. "I think we should go back to the common room," I said.

I expected Fred to respond with a frown at my words, but instead he looked down at our entwined hands and smiled. When his blue eyes met mine again they were twinkling in noticeable happiness.

"Alright," he said softly, tugging me back towards the way we had come. "Let's go."

I racked my brain all the way back to the common room for something to say to him, but came up with nothing. We made it back to Gryffindor Tower having come the whole way in silence. Just before we went inside I stopped him. I stood up on the toes of my shoes and kissed him lightly on the cheek and stepped back.

He gave me a teasing smile and I felt instantly embarrassed. He knew as well as I did that we weren't putting our bizarre game to rest just yet. Whether we'd take a leap of faith off of a cliff or fall back to earth was still undecided, but neither of us had to say a word…

Because some things don't need to be spoken.