Chapter Seven

Eva walked all the way to Miller's clearing, her mind racing. She paused a moment to think through her thoughts. Dr. Baker's words triggered something and she couldn't shake it. What if she was wrong? What it worth further shame, giving her secret away to more people, to everyone? As she struggled to move forward, she saw the post Mr. Thurlow stuck in the ground the day he brought her here to shoot. It lay in pieces, splintered beyond any practical use other than kindling. Eva resolved to do what she came to do.

She followed the path to the Miller's house. It quiet, but smoke billowed from the chimney. She stood at the front door and knocked. Just as she reconsidered, the door opened. Mrs. Miller, a slender wisp of a woman stood welcomed her. Her face was incredibly sad, but with a smile.

"Miss Beadle, what a pleasant surprise. I feel like I haven't seen you for ages," she said. She opened the door wider to let her visitor inside.

"It really does," Eva nodded, discovering that she really didn't care for small talk anymore. "I'm here to see Elizabeth, if I may."

"Oh," Mrs. Miller said, instantly looking at the ground. "She isn't here at the moment."

"She isn't? I was under the impression that she really doesn't leave home much anymore."

"It's not a crime," Mrs. Miller looked up, somewhat indignant.

"No, not at all," Eva quickly replied. "I just really hoped to find her here. Do you know where she is?" The woman released her brave front and looked at the teacher. Elizabeth used to love school and adored her teacher. Perhaps she would be forgiven for what she was about to say.

"She goes for a walk everyday about this time. She wants to be alone. She would be so angry if she knew this, but I followed her once. I was afraid for her to be so alone, but she didn't go far so I let her go. I just can't…," Mrs. Miller's voice broke. She straightened her posture and cleared her throat. "She walks up the hill up back, toward the big tree? She sits up there for hours. Always comes back before dark. I can't find the harm in it so I let her go."

"That big tree? She's up there now, you think?"

"I can't imagine where else she would be."

Eva nodded her appreciation and headed up the hill. She felt tired half way to the top, but she forced herself to keep walking. When she got to the tope she saw Elizabeth sitting against the tree, staring out into space. She called the girl's name. Elizabeth looked up with a start. Miss Beadle was the last person she expected.

"Please forgive me for intruding," Eva apologized. "But now that I've found you, I wonder if we could talk."

"Miss Beadle," she whispered. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"I didn't, but…" she explained hesitantly. "…you're mother did. Don't be angry. She knows you want to be alone. I won't bother you for too long."

"What do you want?" Elizabeth looked at her with a hardened expression, then turned her face toward the bottom of the hill.

"I need to ask you something. It's rather… difficult to ask, but it's important. Um,… why did you leave Walnut Grove last year?"

"I thought my mother explained that to you. I went east."

"Yes," Eva said slowly, "but that was to attend school. You came back after less than a year. You were a great student, Elizabeth, I find it hard to believe that you couldn't make that…"

"I didn't like it, so I came home. Isn't that a great story?" The girl interrupted sarcastically.

"Is it a story?"

"What are you implying?"

"I think it is just a story. I think you left Walnut Grove for another reason."

"Oh," Elizabeth asked, somewhat uncomfortable. Eva saw that her hands were clenched tightly in her lap. She moved closer and sat on the ground next to her.

"I think something might have happened to you." She whispered. Elizabeth said nothing. They sat in silence. Eva was at a loss. How do you just come right out and ask such a thing? The girl drew her shawl around herself tighter, but would not confirm or deny the statement. Eva took a deep breath. This was even harder than she expected it to be.

"I think… Benjamin Stevins did something…"

"What did you say?" Elizabeth whipped her head around glared at her teacher. A nerve definitely was hit.

"I just remembered how hurt and angry you seemed that day we were together in the clearing, especially after you shot that target to pieces and Mr. Thurlow made that horrible joke. You don't want anyone to know you're back from living back east… it seems you've shut out everyone you cared about, who cares about you."

"No, you said his name. Why did you say that name? Who told you?"

"Elizabeth," Eva answered. "I guessed. Only… it wasn't a guess."

"I don't understand…"

"There is a reason I know his name and it isn't because someone told me..."

Elizabeth stared, waiting for an explanation. Eva suddenly had second thoughts. She couldn't do it. She couldn't say it out loud. She didn't have to because the girl's face widened with the dawning of understanding.

"No, please…" she whispered. "Please don't tell me that he… that he… you?"

Eva looked at the ground and nodded. She tried to speak, but couldn't. This was a mistake. She suddenly couldn't remember what she hoped to accomplish.

"Oh, Miss Beadle," Elizabeth cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my fault." She flew to her feet and started to pace frantically.

"It's not your fault, why would you even…"

"Yes, it is… I've prayed every day for a year that I would never find out this happened to someone else, you see… because then it would be my fault. Because I didn't tell… I didn't tell."

Eva swallowed hard. She wished she had thought this through.

"Pa was heartbroken. Ma cried for days. They both were afraid of what would happen to me, you know, if anyone found out. That's why I left. But that was a disaster." Elizabeth picked at the bark on tree violently. "I cried for days, I was so homesick. My aunt finally couldn't take it anymore and sent me back. I've been nothing but a burden…"

"I doubt your parents think you are a burden," Eva tried to sound consoling. "They love you and want what is best. I can't blame them… people don't try to be understanding. They gossip, they let their minds make up things and… they wanted to protect you, that's all."

"I don't care what people think, Miss Beadle. I know the truth. I don't want to lie my whole life because I'm afraid. I remember once that Rev. Alden said the devil is the father of lies… so lying is wrong. I love my ma and pa and I do what they want because I know they try to do their best, but… I knew the lies wouldn't do anything but more harm. And it did… to you. I should have spoken the truth. It wouldn't have happened if I had."

"I could never look at it the way you do. I am afraid. I'm terrified," Eva whispered sadly. "You're a lot stronger than me."

"No, I'm not… I…" Elizabeth stopped short. She quickly crouched behind the tree and stared down the hill. Eva followed eyes to a figure walking along the road and recognized him right away. Ian McLeod was a student when Elizabeth attended school. Elizabeth followed him until he was out of view.

"I… I come here everyday at this time because…" she whispered softly, unable to finish the thought. "He lives on the next farm but he doesn't even know I'm here. We were friends since we were babies. So I come here everyday and watch him walk home. It's the best part of my day."

"Why doesn't he know you're home?"

"Oh, I don't want him to know, because… well, before it happened, we talked about getting married. I lied to him when I left, and hurt him real bad. If he finds out I'm home and didn't tell him, it'd hurt him more." She slumped against the tree and started to cry. "Nothing has worked out like I thought it would, Miss Beadle. At first I thought I was protecting Ian and my parents… and, I guess, me. But everyone is hurting. In fact, it seems the only one I protected is Benjamin."

Dr. Baker's very own words, again. She was protecting him. She didn't understand how until now. Wasn't it more complicated for her? She carried a bigger burden than Elizabeth. She was a child. People would be more understanding, more sympathetic. They wouldn't be as kind to a grown woman who couldn't fight back, who couldn't protect herself. They would pity Elizabeth, but blame her. It was different. Why couldn't anyone understand?

"What are you going to do?" Elizabeth asked.

"I-I don't know," she answered.

"Well," she said, "God be with you, Miss Beadle. I hope to see you again, but if not… for whatever reason… God bless you."

Eva nodded. She stood up and turned to head home. Her burden was not lighter.