Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing The Black Rose Season and being a writing inspiration.
Author's note: Thanks for the reviews! I need to start replying to all of them, so sorry for sucking in that department. Lengthy chapter for you! (Also, cookie for those of you who spot the Panic! and the Tegan and Sara references. )
"I don't like these tiny portions with your artful abortions of sound, sealed with a kiss, slathered in the sauce sarcastic.
So go choke on your irony."
The Futile | Say Anything
To become friends with someone, it requires spending time with said person. You have to share secrets, joys, tragedies. Be there for each other no matter what. Clare knows this.
But Eli Goldsworthy has vanished without a trace, and Clare can't be friends with a ghost.
He hasn't shown up for the past two World Lit sessions, and Clare wonders if he's all right. Jake seems agitated, because no one seems to know a thing about the whereabouts of the mysterious boy. Clare suggested that maybe Eli is keeping a low profile because of what happened with Dave.
Either way, Clare is glad she doesn't have to be Eli's friend, at least for now. The empty seat beside her, however, is haunting her. She doesn't pay attention to Miss Dawes, who keeps talking about the "partner project" and the significance of it. Clare looks away from Eli's empty desk and tries to focus on the teacher droning in front of her.
"I'll assign you a topic," says Miss Dawes. "Once you pick your partner, come up to my desk and I'll tell you what it is. Come on, guys, this isn't high school. Pick somebody and get it over with."
The guy sitting behind Clare pokes her gently, and Clare turns around. He is running his fingers through his curly hair, and haphazardly rearranges his lopsided glasses. "Do you have a partner?" he asks shyly. "I'm Wesley."
"Clare," she says, smiling. "And I, um..." She glances around and decides to lie. "Yeah, I do. He's not here today, but he promised we would be partners."
"Oh, you mean... Eli Goldsworthy?" asks Wesley through narrowed eyes. "I didn't know you guys were friends."
"Oh, yeah, totally," says Clare, but Wesley looks skeptical.
"Huh, he's a weird one," says Wesley, clearing his throat. "You don't seem like the kind of girl he would hang out with. How is he? Is he hiding after what happened with my best friend, Dave?"
"I..." Clare is a loss for words, but Wesley turns around and ignores Clare, making conversation with another student. Clare feels stupid just sitting there, so she stands up and walks over to Miss Dawes' desk.
"I'm here to get my topic," mumbles Clare.
"Who's your partner?" asks Miss Dawes, not looking up.
"Um..." Clare takes a deep breath, slightly hating Jake. "Eli Goldsworthy. He's not here today but-"
Miss Dawes looks up and frowns at Clare, but merely shrugs as he goes back to her notes and writes down something. Clare stands there awkwardly, waiting for Miss Dawes to say something.
"Your topic is rain," says Miss Dawes in a mysterious tone. "I need you and Mr. Goldsworthy to write an essay about rain."
"Sorry?" blurts Clare.
"How rain affects... oh, I don't know, your behavior, life, nature!" says Miss Dawes happily. "Read essays about rain by other writers! The secrets behind every single drop! You two will need to figure out which angle you want to take!"
Clare raises an eyebrow and stares at Miss Dawes in confusion. What on Earth is this woman talking about? But she just mumbles a "thanks" and goes back to her seat. She has a partner, she has a topic, she has almost everything.
Except Eli's friendship.
xxxxx
"Aw, cheer up. What's wrong? You've been so subdued lately," says Alli worriedly as they take a seat at one of the dining hall tables.
"You've noticed? Hard to tell when you're spending all of your free time with Drew," says Clare bitterly.
"I'm trying to save my relationship with that man," protests Alli. "He was so distant during break. 'Oh, Alli, I have to do this, do that.' I'm losing him!"
Clare snorts, all too familiar with Alli's love for melodrama. Clare's only met Drew a couple times, and she dislikes him intensely. She has no idea why her best friend is dating a guy like that.
"Maybe you should lose him," mutters Clare, and Alli gives her a surprised look.
"Okay, killjoy, what's going on?" says Alli, putting her salad aside. "Is it Jake again? Did he get a new girlfriend?"
"No!" says Clare quickly. She promised Jake she would tell no one about their "secret" mission, not even Alli. "Um... let's change the subject. Drew! Yeah, let's talk about Drew."
Alli doesn't seem too convinced but she soon starts ranting about Drew and his behavior, Drew and his brother, Drew and his brother's friend, that insufferable Eli Golds-
"You know Eli Goldsworthy?" squeaks Clare. "You've never mentioned him before!"
"Well, with our work shifts and school schedules, we rarely have time to talk," chuckles Alli. "So sad. But yeah, I know him. Why?"
"Just... um, he's my partner in my World Lit class," blushes Clare. "And I have no idea where he is. I mean, we need to talk about our project and stuff... so... Drew's brother is friends with him?"
What a small world.
"Yeah, Adam actually shares a dorm room with Eli," says Alli nonchalantly. "They're both living in Ross Hall, you know, the artsy hall. Do you want me to talk to him or...?"
Clare shakes her head and pulls out her phone, texting Jake frantically. She tells him that Eli's location had been in front of her all along, and that Jake owes her, big time.
"Do you know what's their room number?" asks Clare, waiting for Jake's response.
"I could ask Drew... hold on," says Alli, reaching for her phone. Clare's phone starts buzzing, and she can't help but smile at Jake's text.
You're amazing, Clare darling. We must celebrate tonight after you talk to him. Looking forward to spend time with you. Just let me know.
Clare is beaming, and Alli tells her something, but all she can hear is bliss. She is feeling like a silly love song.
xxxxx
She walks down the hallway, holding her breath. People are giving her weird stares, as if they know she doesn't belong here. Clare tries to breathe, but she feels like something is burning and blacking her lungs, and she looks at the piece of paper with the information Alli gave her. She still can't believe she agreed to help Jake with this, she doesn't want to be involved in this at all. She feels like a pawn, but Jake is her best friend after all, and perhaps her future husband, so...
She finally finds the door and knocks nervously as other students walk past her, looking at her curiously. She can hear them muttering, wondering what the preppy , innocent, book-loving Clare Edwards is doing in their building. Ross Hall is known for holding the most intellectually-pretentious students on campus, and it's been nicknamed Hipster Hall, much to Clare's amusement. Clare knocks again, the bile rising in her throat, and she can hear the door unlocking.
Clare steps back as the door opens and there he is, dark circles under his bright green eyes, dressed in black, many rings decorating his fingers. He looks intimidating, and it seems that he hasn't shaved in days. Everything about him screams secrecy and contempt, and he is studying her carefully, making Clare shiver. Her eyes focus on his full lips, they way they're twitching into a smirk, and she knows that this isn't going to be easy.
What did I get myself into? she thinks. I'm just a student, I don't want to be involved in this at all, I don't, I don't-
"Um... Eli Goldsworthy?" She mumbles.
"Yeah," he says dryly. "Who are you?"
He doesn't remember being an idiot to her? Clare's not surprised.
"Clare Edwards, er, I'm in your World Lit class?" offers Clare clumsily.
Eli raises an eyebrow at her and Clare wonders if he is able to see through her. He probably knows that she's here to spy on him, that every word that escapes his lips will be relayed to Jake, that this stupid mystery will somehow be solved with Clare's amazing, incredible, non-existent detective-like skills. The only experience she has with investigating a murder is reading mystery novels or watching crime TV shows. No, she's not good at this at all.
"What do you want?" asks Eli, irritation in his voice.
Clare breathes deeply, faking a smile. Let the acting begin.
"Well, um, you haven't been in class?" says Clare, stumbling on her words.
"So?" drawls Eli.
"We're... partners," explains Clare timidly. "I just wanted to let you know that you're my partner."
"Why?" asks Eli, and he sounds impatient. "I wasn't there. Did she pick partners at random?"
"Yeah, that's what she did," lies Clare.
"How did you find me?" snaps Eli, and Clare wants to walk out of there.
"I, er-"
"Come in," says Eli, looking exasperated, and he walks away, leaving the door wide open. Clare stands there for a minute before following him, making a mental note of punching Jake later.
The somewhat spacious room is a mess, fitting for two young men. There are Dead Hand posters all over the walls, and discarded shirts decorate the barely-visible floor. Eli sits on his bed and grabs the book he was apparently reading before Clare interrupted, and says nothing as his eyes glue to the novel.
"Um..." Clare doesn't know what to say. "I, um, just asked around for you."
"I don't like people asking for me," says Eli, flipping a page. "If I wanted to be found, I would just walk around campus, waving like a pageant winner."
"I'm sorry," mumbles Clare, and Eli looks up from his book.
"For what?" he asks, and his voice sounds softer.
"Bothering you," shrugs Clare. "I just really want to get a good grade and I got worried when you didn't show up."
"Well... I was considering dropping that class anyway," huffs Eli. "I won't, my parents would kill me, but whatever. And you can sit down on Adam's bed, he won't mind."
Clare walks over to the bed and sits cautiously, cringing as she feels something poke her butt. "An action figure?" she snorts, grabbing the tiny toy in disbelief.
"Don't judge," mocks Eli. "Fuck, so... here's the thing. We're partners, not friends. We'll just figure out our schedules and meet at the library and whatnot. I have no time for chitchat and get-to-know-you-exercises."
"I didn't-" starts Clare, enraged at Eli's rant.
"And if I see your boyfriend sniffing around," says Eli darkly. "I will go to Miss Dawes and tell her to assign me another partner."
"Boyfriend?" asks Clare.
"Don't play stupid with me," says Eli, and he's not looking at her anymore. "Jake Martin, managing editor of the campus newspaper. Everybody's favorite plaid-wearing, sports-loving jock."
Eli sounds definitely resentful, and Clare is feeling more and more puzzled.
"He tried to interview me last semester," says Eli finally. "Tell him he's not getting his interview through you. I'm not an idiot, you know."
What? Jake never mentioned trying to interview Eli last semester. Clare feels used, and she stands up.
"He never mentioned that to me... and Jake is not my boyfriend," says Clare, trying to sound calm.
"Whatever he is," says Eli dismissively. "You have been warned."
"And how do you know about me and Jake being friends, anyway?" asks Clare, realizing something. "You acted like you had never seen me before just a few minutes ago."
Eli doesn't respond, and for the first time ever, he looks nervous. He bites his lower lip, the sight extremely alluring, but Clare isn't here for that, no. She shouldn't find this arrogant boy so attractive, not when she's hating his guts. Not when she is completely and madly in love with Jake, the most perfect man on Earth.
"My memory comes and goes, just like my body and soul," says Eli snobbishly. "Think of me as the Billy Pilgrim of modern times. You do know who Billy Pilgrim is, right? Unless you're not familiar with Vonnegut, which would be a shame..."
"You're so... ugh!" exclaims Clare, frustration taking control of her. "What have I done to you? I just... I... ugh!"
"Ugh?" sneers Eli, looking like he's enjoying the scene. "Your word knowledge is Earth-shattering! What a stunning display of verbal acuity!"
Clare opens her mouth to retort but she freezes, her mind processing Eli's words. "What did you say?" she gasps. Stunning display of verbal acuity. Acuity. Acuity. Maybe she's just reading too much into this, maybe the envelope on Jake's desk has made her paranoid.
"Verbal acuity, Edwards," says Eli, sounding bored. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to continue reading. We're about to find out who shot the model in the face."
Clare notices that Eli is reading Invisible Monsters by Palahniuk, a novel that Clare adores, but she doesn't say anything. She's too furious at him.
"You better attend the next lecture," says Clare angrily, turning on her feet and reaching for the door. "See you around."
Clare opens the door angrily, her rage not letting her breathe properly. And before she closes the door, Eli's sardonic voice reaches her ears.
"Guess you will."
xxxxxxxx
Clare is glad she doesn't work at the bookstore today, she is getting a migraine. She sits on the couch, staring blankly at the TV and thinking of the day's events. One thing is for sure, Eli is a complete and absolute jerk.
No wonder people avoid him, no wonder Alli made snide remarks about him. He's the most unpleasant guy Clare has ever met, and she can't believe she's supposed to become friends with him. No way, no how, not happening. And she needs to say this to Jake.
Someone knocks on the door and Clare stands up slowly, still thinking terrible thoughts about Eli and his cold words, his indifference, his gorgeous green eyes-
Stop it, thinks Clare stubbornly. You are NOT attracted to him. He's a jerk!
She opens the door and all thoughts of Eli disappear when Jake smiles at her, and he's holding a box of pizza in his hands.
"Brought food, my lady," he winks, and Clare smiles stupidly.
They settle in front of the TV after Clare gets some sodas from the fridge, and they eat in silence for a minute. "So, what happened?" asks Jake, swallowing his bite.
"He's so... strange," says Clare. She doesn't want to act like a hormonal teenager in front of Jake. "Very elusive and reserved... kind of."
"Really? Huh," muses Jake, reaching for another slice.
"You must know," says Clare, suddenly remembering her brief conversation with Eli. "You did try to interview him last semester after all."
Jake starts choking on his slice, and Clare crosses her arms, waiting for an explanation. Jake is red in the face and he's avoiding Clare's eyes, his expression full of guilt.
"Oh, yeah, about that... um..." Jake coughs, and Clare punches him in the arm. "Okay, ouch, sorry! I guess I owe you an explanation."
"You sure do," says Clare crossly.
"Um, well..." Jake puts down his slice and wipes his fingers with a napkin as he takes a deep breath. "See, the last text sent from Sadie's phone the night she died, um, funnily enough... it was sent to Eli."
"Excuse me?" breathes Clare.
"He kind of was a person of interest in Sadie's murder," says Jake quickly. "Oh, hey, should we rent a movie or something?"
"What?" bellows Clare, standing on her feet. "A person of interest? Why didn't you tell me this? Jake, what were you thinking?"
"My source in the police department wanted me to keep quiet about it!" says Jake defensively. "But Eli didn't do it, he had an alibi! But my source said that he definitely knew something about the murder but he was very reserved about the whole thing. They had nothing against him so they had to dismiss him and-"
"You lied to me!" snaps Clare.
"No, I..." Jake grins sheepishly. "I just hid some facts from you."
"You suck, Jake!" says Clare, turning away from him, her ears burning. She hears when Jake stands up, and she shivers when he places a hand on her shoulder.
"Clare, look at me." Clare waits for a couple minutes before turning to face Jake. "Clare... I know he won't hurt you. I know some things about him, and I know he won't. But I need you to get close to him so the whole Sadie thing can get solved."
"This is not your job," sighs Clare. Jake's hand reaches for hers, and the warmth of the action makes Clare blush.
"I need this article, darling," he says, using the voice he always uses to charm girls. He has never used it on Clare, and this sort of shocks her. "Dad is still seething about my major, and I need this to prove that I can do this. I need you, Clare."
"He doesn't trust me," says Clare in defeat. "Because I'm friends with you. He implied it."
Jake seems thoughtful for a moment, and then grins at Clare.
"We'll have a fight," says Jake. "A public, nasty fight. A fight so bad that it will make me look like a jerk and people will think that you will never talk to me again. Preferably in front of Eli."
"But surely people will notice we still talk to each other if we hang out," says Clare, her heart dropping at Jake's eagerness to be apart, if only for show.
"We won't hang out in public, that's all," chuckles Jake. "But we can hang out here at your apartment, my dorm is a no-no. It'll be fun, Clare. Just you and me, hanging out, watching movies... it will be perfect."
Clare can't deny that it sounds pretty darn fantastic. She sighs, pretending to consider Jake's idea, and then she gives him a sad look.
"Jake, what are we getting into?" she says quietly, and Jake's arms wrap around her, pulling Clare close to him.
"Just... trust me and get to know him," says Jake into her ear. "I will owe you so much. And I'll make sure you're protected in all of this. I don't want you to get hurt, okay? Because I... Well, you know I love you more than anything."
"Wh-what?" asks Clare, suddenly realizing that Jake's face is too close to hers.
"I..." mumbles Jake, leaning in. "Um... I..."
The door opens and Alli walks in, supported by an annoyed-looking boy who is wearing a beanie. Alli is obviously drunk, and her makeup is a mess, and her speech is slurred.
Clare blinks, and she realizes that Jake has let go of her, his cheeks very red.
"What happened?" asks Clare, trying to swallow her disappointment.
"Drew broke up with me!" cries Alli, pulling at the boy's collar. "I got drunk and mad, and more drunk and mad! Adam had to bring me, but I don't need any of you Torres boys looking after me, you pricks, you cheating-"
"Can you grab her?" groans Adam, and Jake and Clare quickly retrieve Alli from Adam's arms.
"Your brother is a cheating manwhore!" bellows Alli. "Tell him I hope that fucking dance major gives him STIs!"
"Will relay the message," says Adam sarcastically, taking off his beanie and bowing in a mocking way. Clare notices something resembling a silver circle tattooed on the back of Adam's neck, but the boy quickly stands up straight, putting his hat back on. "I've done my job."
Adam closes the door after him and Alli holds on to Clare, sobbing in despair. "He's seeing someone else," gasps Alli, and Clare hugs her tightly.
"I have to go, but... yeah, we'll do what we talked about, okay?" says Jake uneasily, not looking at Clare in the eye.
"Okay," says Clare neutrally. Jake gives them a last look and leaves, and Alli starts crying harder. Clare runs a hand through Alli's hair, trying to calm her down, but she feels like a hypocrite and a fake.
She wants to break down and cry too.