After he dropped Mercedes off he went home and went up to his room to think. It was up to him. He could go to Nationals if he wanted to, but did he want to? It was like what happened at Schue's place was the crazy end of everyone else telling him what to do . Like having his choice taken away in pretty much the worst way possible was the only way for him to actually get to a point where he got to make his own decisions. It was really weird.

Finn grabbed his book bag from under his bed and dug through it until he found his history notebook. Dr. McKenna had suggested he keep a journal, but he wasn't really so good with putting things into writing. Still, every once and a while he thought of stuff he wanted to talk about in his sessions or with his parents so he'd started jotting it down in the back of the notebook. Right now he flipped to the very last page that held a list that he had done as a type of homework for Dr. McKenna. In the beginning it had felt like he was wrong about everything. His life was all stretched and twisted like the fun house mirrors at the carnival that set up in the Walmart parking lot every summer. The list was called "I Know" and it had started with just three things, but he had kept adding to it long after they'd stopped discussing it during his sessions. Now it was a collection of thoughts in different colors of ink, some printed neatly and some scribbled.

I Know:

1. My family loves me and believes in me.

2. What happened to me was not my fault.

3. If I can figure out what I am feeling it makes it easier to handle.

4. Quinn only cares about being popular.

5. Rachel and I are better off as friends.

6. Mercedes is kind of awesome.

7. I've forgiven Puck, and I think we can be friends again.

8. I can trust my family, Mercedes, Sam, and Coach Bieste with anything.

Finn stared at the list for a while and it helped him get his head together. He opened the side pocket on his backpack and pulled out a pen. He looked at number six and smiled before crossing out "kind of" with thick black strokes of the pen. That was much better.

That was a good warm up. He took a breath and added:

9. I can make my own decisions about my life.

Of course he wanted to see New York City with his friends, and especially Mercedes. They'd fought so hard to keep the club going for so long and now that something special was actually happening he couldn't help but wish he could be a part of it. What happened had brought everything crashing down around them as well not just him. As many times as he reminded himself of number two on his list he still worried about it.

But they still wanted him to go. They bought a ticket for him even though they each would have to pay more for splitting the budget by another person. Except for his mom, who had to work, the people he'd be going with were the ones he trusted the most. He knew it had been driving his friends crazy trying not to pressure him. Still, Sam had let slip that the guy's choreography for the group number was suspiciously repetitive. Finn knew that despite his lack of dancing ability that Mike and Kurt could have him caught up in an afternoon. He wouldn't hurt their chances.

He sighed and picked up the pen again.

10. I did not ruin glee.

He knew the hardest part or Nationals would be the whispers and the staring. It didn't matter that his identity was a secret, they would still be "that glee club" with "that director". Not only had it been national news, but Rachel had explained to them that the show choir community just wasn't that big. Everybody was into everyone else's business to the point where three girls had slapped Jesse at Nationals last year for his stunt and none of them had ever met Rachel. While Finn wished he'd been able to see that go down it was pretty clear that New Directions would be getting a lot of attention and not because of their set list.

He knew how to handle the stress now, though, when he feels the panic coming on he can beat it. Besides, he doesn't have to do this by himself. His friends have stood by him all along and they would do it in New York. Sometimes he couldn't believe all the stuff that had happened this year. His life had changed completely. Everyone in his family had been through so much, but things were getting better and better. They totally were a family. Burt was healthy, and Kurt was so much happier. Over the last couple weeks Finn had started to feel normal again and in many ways he felt happier and more sure of himself then he had before. He knew there were still some things for him to deal with, but he couldn't help but look at the end of the school year as the time to get on with doing the things he wanted to do. He liked performing and he liked glee and he wasn't about to give it up. He picked up his pen again and added

11. I can perform at Nationals.

He would talk to his parents as soon as they got home from a late run to the grocery store, but he picked up his phone and selected a couple numbers before sending a text message. Everyone else could wait until tomorrow, but then again they would probably find out before that anyhow.

To: Mercedes, Kurt, Sam, Coach

I want to go to Nationals.

He set his phone down on the desk and waited. A few seconds later he heard Kurt's phone chime in his room and footsteps pound down the hallway. As if on cue his stepbrother burst through his door.

"You want to come with us?" Kurt said and Finn could tell he was trying to hide how excited he was until he asked a few questions.

"Yep," Finn said, intentionally not offering up extra information.

"You're sure you are ready for this?" He watched as Kurt began bouncing on his heels just a little more.

"Yep," he said again, watching Kurt's eyes narrow as he figured out Finn was sort of messing with him.

Kurt crossed his arms and said, "You aren't just doing this because you think we'll be mad if you don't go?"

"Nope," Finn replied, but he couldn't keep up the act any longer and his face split into a grin. "New York City, here I come!"

"Yes! We were hoping you would change your mind. Um, don't be mad but dad and I did all your paperwork a few weeks ago and our parents paid for your ticket because flying last minute can be a disaster. Mike and I can totally get you caught up on the choreography but you might need to let Jesse help a little," Kurt said, almost too fast for Finn to take it all in.

Finn held up a hand, "It's okay. I know. Mercedes told me I had a ticket. It's cool that you all had faith in me when I wasn't sure myself. We'll do some extra practices after glee this week to get me caught up."

While they had been talking Finn's phone had been shaking itself nearly off the table.

Message From: Sam

Awesome!

Message From: Coach

Good. You better have your game face on.

Message From: Mercedes

! I know you can do this. Call me when yr done talking to Kurt.

He looks up at his stepbrother and laughs, "How did she know?"

"We were on chat when you texted, we decided that I should confirm and then you can call her to say goodnight," Kurt explained.

Finn shook his head, "Not like your goodnight calls to Blaine. I overheard a little bit of that a few nights ago. You better hope Burt doesn't hear you."

"Noted. Well, as long as you are treating my girl right I'll leave the rest up to her. She really does care about you," Kurt said.

"What? No threats on my life if I break her heart?" Finn was surprised.

"Finn, you've fallen at least as hard as she has. Don't think it's not obvious," Kurt said with a smile.

Finn couldn't help but smile too, "Yes. Yes I have. In fact I think New York is the perfect place to make it official, but don't say anything. It's hard enough to be romantic when she'd not expecting anything."

"You'll do fine, but I'll let you get to your call," Kurt said. He squeezed Finn's shoulder before turning around and heading back to his own room, already dialing Blaine's number.

Finn smiled and picked up his phone.

a/n: I think the next chapter will be the last other than the epilogue.