Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing The Black Rose Season and being a writing inspiration.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Ah, a few Panic references here and there. Wink wink.
"He grabs me by the hand, drags me to the shore and says, 'maybe you don't love me but you'll grow to love me even more.' And I…. well, I'm not surprised."
My Number | Tegan and Sara
"This list is… interesting."
Holly J is holding the piece of paper Clare took from Imogen, her eyes narrowed as she reads it over and over again. Holly J keeps mouthing "nine, Walker, September," constantly, and Jake gives Clare a discreet thumbs-up.
"Call me crazy," shrugs Holly J, handing the list back to Jake. "But we are in the month of September, correct? I wonder what the nine means… can't be September 9th, that already passed…"
Jake and Clare watch Holly J pace back and forth in the deserted newsroom, and the silence becomes almost unbearable. Clare glances at her watch, knowing that in a few minutes she will have to face Eli after running away from him. Jake is still smiling at her, but Clare can't smile back, not when she's feeling this guilty.
Of course she didn't tell Jake about the kiss. She can't and she won't. She plans to set the record straight with Eli, that the kiss was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, that it was a mistake.
Deep inside, Clare knows that it wasn't a mistake at all. But she loves Jake, she's known him since forever, and Eli is only a mysterious guy with an alluring personality that might or might not know something about a murder.
Eli is just a temporary, hormonal crush. And it's so unlike Clare to be feeling like this, so she's probably just confused. Confused, right, yes.
"Walker Hall?" muses Jake, staring right at Clare.
"Sorry?" blushes Clare, still thinking of Eli.
"Walker Hall," echoes Holly J impatiently. "The dorm. Could that possibly be the connection? Maybe they're meeting there?"
"That's it!" grins Jake. "Holly J, you're so freaking smart."
Holly J snorts derisively and gives Clare a curious look. "Has Goldsworthy said anything yet? Have you even mentioned Sadie to him? Or are you too busy fawning over him?"
Clare feels Jake tense up, and the color on her cheeks is giving her away, she's sure.
"I will. Soon."
xxxxxxx
He's not here.
Clare looks around the classroom in despair and realizes that Eli is absent yet again. She feels disappointed and sad, but the main emotion in her heart is guilt. Maybe he hates her; maybe he'll never speak to her again.
She takes her seat and buries her face in her arms, not wanting to emerge. She feels a hand on her back and she sits up just to face Wesley.
"Hello," he says sadly. "You look like I feel."
Wesley takes his usual seat behind Clare, and she turns around to face him, giving him an understanding smile. "I had a rough weekend," says Clare.
"Me too," nods Wesley, placing a book on top of his desk. "Dave dropped out and now I'll have to spend the rest of the semester roaming the halls by myself."
Wesley looks simply miserable, but Clare is shocked at the news that Dave dropped out. That must meant something, surely.
"Why did he drop out?" whispers Clare.
"Isn't it obvious?" frowns Wesley. "He's still mourning Sadie. His other, er, friends, betrayed him. Everything kind of piled up on him. But you should know that, you're friends with Eli after all."
"Can I ask you something?" says Clare hurriedly as Miss Dawes enters the classroom.
"What?" asks Wesley, suddenly defensive.
"Was Dave part of a secret society?" mutters Clare. Wesley glances around and leans in, the bridge of his glasses sliding to the tip of his nose.
"Maybe," he mumbles, and he looks afraid. "But you didn't hear it from me, okay?"
Clare wants to ask Wesley more questions but Miss Dawes is starting the lecture, so she has to turn around and face the professor. The class seems to last forever, but when Clare tries to approach Wesley at the end, he merely shakes his head and walks away without saying a word.
Nobody wants to talk, and this is getting frustrating.
xxxxxxx
"Cat ears!"
"Meow!"
"I'm craving some tuna, meow meow meow!"
Clare is walking out of the Smith building, just to see a couple of guys standing by the fountain. She also notices Imogen sitting nearby, completely immersed in a book. It doesn't take long for Clare to realize that the guys are making fun of Imogen.
"Hey, don't you have anything better to do?" snaps Clare irritably, and the guys just mutter some more inappropriate things before walking away. Clare sits next to Imogen, who continues to read, her lips moving soundlessly.
"Hello," says Clare, eager to ask her where Eli is. "What are you reading?"
"Invisible Monsters," says Imogen, eyes still fixed on the book. "Eli has been asking me to read it for years, so here I am."
"It's a really good book," agrees Clare.
"Very quotable," nods Imogen. "Maybe I'll use some lines for one of my monologues. I'm an actress, you know that, right?"
"I do," chuckles Clare. Imogen puts down the book, and she stares at the cover for a while before throwing it in her bag.
"I wish Jake would stop flirting with Adam's girlfriend," mutters Imogen out of nowhere. "He's going to get hurt."
"Excuse me?" asks Clare aggressively, looking up.
Jake is shamelessly flirting with Katie Matlin, the girl he got the quote from the other day. They're standing by the dining hall entrance, talking. Katie is nodding politely at Jake, and her smile is forced.
But also, Katie is dating Adam? Clare suddenly remembers when she overheard Adam, Imogen and Eli's conversation; Adam said he would text Katie. Oh. Clare wonders if Katie has a tattoo as well or she's oblivious to everything.
"Yeah, he talks to her… a lot," says Imogen in a singsong tone. "That's why I'm here, spying on them. And Adam gets so mad! I swear, Eli and Adam will soon start an I-hate-Jake-Martin club. Since he was a jerk to you, maybe you can be the secretary."
Clare laughs humorlessly, still staring and Jake and Katie. She shouldn't feel jealous, no. Jake is dating her, not Katie, and maybe Jake just wants to throw off people so they don't find out about his relationship. Okay, maybe Jake hasn't said anything about this being an actual relationship, but it has to be. It just has to be.
"Anyway, thanks for yelling at those guys," says Imogen, and Clare looks away from Jake. "People always make fun of my clothing, but I thought bullying was a high school thing."
"People will always be stupid," smiles Clare, still feeling furious with Jake. "Hey, so… Eli didn't show up for class. Is he okay?"
Imogen frowns and looks away, gnawing hard on her lower lip. "He's busy," says Imogen emotionlessly.
"Oh, I thought that maybe-" starts Clare.
"He's avoiding you?" asks Imogen, glancing at Clare. "Because you ran away after he kissed you?"
Clare blushes immediately, and she swallows, her heart racing. "He, um, h-he told you?" stammers Clare.
"Of course, we're best friends," says Imogen. "Duh. That wasn't cool, Clare. He really likes you."
"He does?" asks Clare, and she knows that she shouldn't care if Eli does like her or not.
"He kissed you, didn't he?" snorts Imogen.
"Well, yeah, but maybe it could have been just the moment or something," says Clare. "Maybe he regrets it."
"There are only a few things that Eli regrets," says Imogen pensively. "And trust me, kissing you isn't one of them."
"I just wish I knew more about him," sighs Clare, and she's telling the truth. Not only for Jake's article, but she wants to know more about Eli.
"Good luck," chuckles Imogen. "Eli is the most secretive guy you'll ever meet. He will never let you in if he doesn't want to. And… he's scared right now. He doesn't say it, but I know he is."
It seems like Imogen is talking more to herself than to Clare, but that's fine, that's what Clare needs. Maybe Eli isn't the only missing piece in Sadie's murder… maybe Imogen can help too.
"How do you know?" asks Clare.
"You don't understand Eli like I do," says Imogen simply. The girl then proceeds to take off her gloves, putting them aside so she can stare at her multi-colored fingernails. Clare can't help but notice that Imogen's nails are painted with markers, not nail polish.
Just like Eli's.
"Why do you say that?" asks Clare, moving closer to Imogen.
"I've seen him suffer, you know?" says Imogen absentmindedly, her eyes still fixed on her nails. "Seen him go through tremendous loss. I don't want him to go through that again."
Imogen's dreamy look disappears, replaced for a more menacing expression. She looks angry, and hurt, but when she speaks she still sounds child-like.
"Don't hurt him," says Imogen, shrugging. "Please don't. I know his moods are mercurial and unpredictable, but he is a really cool guy underneath all that sarcasm and cynicism."
Clare says nothing and looks at the students rushing by, her heart feeling heavy. "Follow me," says Imogen, standing up, offering her hand to Clare. Clare takes it and Imogen drags her along, walking fast, causing student to giggle and stare.
"Where are we going?" blurts Clare, trying to keep up.
"You wanted to see Eli, right?" says Imogen bitterly. "Well, we'll go see him"
Imogen turns around briefly and gives Clare a cold look, almost as if she hates her for something. It doesn't fit her bubbly personality but then again, Clare doesn't really know her.
"We're going to Walker Hall."
xxxxxxx
Clare has only been in Walker Hall once, to visit her friend Connor. Connor got a scholarship at Harvard and left just months after their first year started, and Clare finds herself missing him. And Alli spent most of her time here while dating Drew, since this hall is where his room is located.
Imogen is still walking fast, and she keeps looking around surreptitiously, as if not wanting to be followed. They finally arrive to the dorm's common room, and Clare is surprised to see Drew, Adam and Eli sharing some laughs with Zane Park.
Zane?
"Hey, guys," says Imogen loudly, and they all turn around to look. Eli's cheerful expression disappears quickly, and Drew looks terribly uncomfortable as Adam glares at Imogen. Zane looks at the floor and coughs awkwardly, not looking at Clare.
"What are you guys doing here?" asks Adam, feigning calm.
"Clare Edwards wants to talk to you, Eli," says Imogen, letting go of Clare's hand and beckoning her to move.
"Ah," says Eli softly. "Sorry about skipping class."
"Yeah, um," Clare stares at her hands, not knowing what else to do.
"Drew, can we use your room?" asks Eli, still sounding extremely nonchalant.
"Yeah, man, of course," says Drew warmly. Clare feels a little confused; didn't Eli say that he didn't talk to Drew, at least not that much? The looks they're exchanging are of life-long friends, and this puzzles Clare.
"Come on," says Eli, walking past her, and Clare follows him. Eli walks down the hall knowingly, quickly finding Drew's room. He opens the door and Clare walks in, almost shaking.
"So," says Eli, leaning against the door. "What do you want?"
"You skipped class today," states Clare.
"The sky is blue, roses are red," shrugs Eli impassively. "Sorry, I didn't feel like going to class."
"Imogen told me you were busy," continues Clare, feeling desolated at Eli's indifference. "I just want to tell you that I don't want things to be weird between us."
Eli pierces her with his glare, his jaw clenching at Clare's words. He seems furious for a moment, but then he breathes deeply, looking away.
"I'm so sorry for running away," blubbers Clare. "I'm really sorry, I-"
"I understand," nods Eli. "I actually wanted to apologize too."
"For what?" blinks Clare.
"Maybe I rushed into things," says Eli guardedly. "I… I tend to do that. I know we're in college and all, but I tend to forget that there are girls like you who still have some decency… and maybe you were just not ready for that."
Clare stares at Eli, and an amused chuckle escapes her. "Is that what you think?" asks Clare.
"Um… yes," says Eli. "Unless I'm being a conceited asshole and you actually ran away because I'm a terrible kisser or because you don't like me at all."
"It's not that," says Clare, shaking her head. She wants to ask him if he knows anything about Sadie, she wants to know what's going on with the tattoos, if Acuity exists, if…
"Tell me then," shrugs Eli.
"I don't know you," says Clare honestly. "I'm not the kind of girl who makes out with random guys, you're right about that. But I really don't know much about you and that makes me uneasy."
There. She doesn't have to lie to him all the time.
"You know my name," smirks Eli. "Isn't that enough?"
"Not really," says Clare, smiling at him.
"You're nosy," says Eli, moving closer to her.
"You're the one who has been stalking me for months," says Clare mockingly.
"Not stalking, observing," says Eli dramatically. He grabs one of Clare's hands, his fingers slowly sliding between hers. Clare looks into his eyes, knowing that this is not the I'm-sorry-about-the-kiss-this-will-never-happen-again conversation that they were supposed to have.
"I just want to get to know you better," says Clare quietly.
"Why? I'm not that interesting," says Eli evasively. "You'll get bored of me in three seconds."
"I doubt that," says Clare mischievously. "Unless you have something to hide."
Eli raises an eyebrow, letting go of Clare's hand. He places his hands on her hips, gently pulling her closer to him. "I don't," he says huskily. "Do you?"
Yes, thinks Clare. But she just shakes his head, and Eli's fingers are possessively digging into her hips. She feels agitated at his touch, the blood in her veins feeling tremendously hot.
"Fine, we'll get to know each other," says Eli, and he almost sounds sincere. "But I have a request."
"Is it legal?" blurts Clare, making Eli laugh.
"What kind of person do you think I am?" sneers Eli. "Yes, it's legal."
"What is it?" asks Clare as Eli starts leaning in.
"Do you mind being discreet about… this thing between us?" asks Eli, his nose brushing hers.
"Um, I…" Proper sentences seems to have abandoned Clare, but Eli being so close makes her feel dizzy. "Why?"
"Just trust me, okay?" says Eli, and his breath is teasing Clare's lips. She tilts her head forward and their lips meet, and it's nothing like last time. She quickly places her arms around his waist, earning a low groan from Eli, the kiss quickly turning passionate.
Eli's teeth tug gently on her lower lip, and Clare has never been kissed like this before. Jake is always very careful during their makeout sessions, knowing that they won't go "all-the-way," and he's always cautious not too get too carried away. Clare finds that charming about him. But Eli is mercilessly attacking her lips, and Clare loves it. She wants more of him, so she tries to kiss back the same way, but Eli is too dominant. She is almost melting, she can barely feel her limbs, but her lips are very much alive.
"This is the part where you run away," gasps Eli between kisses.
"I want to stay," breathes Clare as Eli's lips start nibbling on her earlobe. Eli lets out a hoarse chuckle, and then places a long, sweet kiss on Clare's cheek.
"I'm going to regret saying this, but I have stuff to do," says Eli, his lips searching for Clare's, kissing her again. "Maybe we can hang out after I'm done? I promise you will get to know more stuff about old boring me."
"It depends on the time," says Clare, not wanting to let go of Eli. "Not too late?"
"Nah, I should be free in a few hours," nods Eli. "I'll pick you up."
"Do you know where I live?" asks Clare with wide eyes.
"I'm a stalker, but not I'm not that creepy," teases Eli.
"You're slacking on your stalking skills then," giggles Clare.
"Fine, I'll switch majors and get a Stalker Sciences degree," winks Eli, pulling her closer to him. Clare smiles shyly as Eli kisses her gently, and she wishes that things weren't as complicated as they're turning out to be.
They kiss for a few more minutes, and when Clare finally leaves Drew's room (she steps out before Eli does) she notices something. She tries not to gasp and look too obvious, so she walks away quickly, the number on Drew's door engraved in her thoughts.
"Nine," she whispers, almost running out of the building.
xxxxxxx
"Turner dropping out is very suspicious… and Walker Hall? I wonder if that's where they always meet… hmm."
"I don't know, Jake… this is making me really nervous," sighs Clare. "And I'm hanging out with Eli tonight…"
"So he's letting you in!" says Jake excitedly.
Clare holds on to the phone as she checks herself in the mirror one more time, feeling nervous. She gave Jake the censored version of her meeting with Eli, making sure that Jake knows that she absolutely hates spending time with the boy. Lying is becoming easier and easier for Clare, it seems.
"Yeah, I guess, says Clare. "His other friends might come along, but it's something, right?"
Lying, lying. She can't stop lying.
"Jake," says Clare seriously. "I um, saw you talking to Katie today."
"Who?"
"Katie? Katie Matlin?" insists Clare, trying to not sound jealous.
"Oh yeah, she wants to write for the paper," says Jake dismissively.
"Okay, but-"
"Clare, you need to ask Eli about Sadie," interrupts Jake. "Just casually mention her and see his reaction."
Clare says nothing, feeling disappointed at Jake's answer about Katie. Clare knows that Jake has always been flirtatious by nature, but they have something going on now and… Clare sighs and decides to bury her insecurities for now.
"I will," says Clare. "Hopefully we will get some alone time and then I'll ask him."
"Haha, yes, that would be perfect," chuckles Jake. "Should I be worried, though?"
"About what?" asks Clare anxiously.
"What if Eli starts liking you?" says Jake with laughter in his voice. "Or what if you start liking him? Should I be jealo- Oh man, I can't even finish that sentence. Eli is so not your type, am I right?"
Clare looks at her reflection again, listening to Jake's laughter on the other line, and thinks of the kiss she shared with Eli just hours ago.
"You're right. He's not. Not at all."