Chapter Thirteen

For the rest of the day and most of the night, Eva was restless in mind and body. Dr. Baker was ever present in her thoughts, which frustrated her to no end. One minute she would tell herself that he was a grown man capable of making his own mistakes and living with them; the next she would berate herself for being the cause of everything going wrong.

The next day was no better. She felt cooped up and took off on a walk. Autumn was ready to turn to winter, but sun warmed her face as she wandered down the road toward town. She didn't have a clue where she was going, but she didn't care. It felt good to breathe the fresh air and work the muscles in her tense body.

Before she knew it, she was standing at the door of the school. She listened for the sound of anyone inside, but it was empty. She turned the door handle to discover it wasn't locked. Someone forgot, she thought as she snuck inside. It was dark and cold. The building hadn't been used for anything other than church since she stopped teaching. She recalled how she would devote one day of school in late fall to prepare for winter; older boys would chop wood while the younger children would stack it by the back door. When the work was finished, she treated them all to hot cider and cookies that Mrs. Foster helped her bake. That day never happened this year and the pile near the door was sparse.

It felt like forever since she stood at the front of the room instructing her classes. She pictured the children hunched over their books, each one of them. She was going to miss teaching. She opened her desk to find a few personal items that she had forgotten were there. The school register and her grade book were stacked neatly at the bottom. She found a fountain pen her mother and father had given to her when she graduated from school. It was old and the tip was frayed beyond use, but she kept it anyway. She lifted up a compact mirror she had kept in her desk for pure vanity.

A renewed sorrow came over her. She had devoted her life to teaching. It was a noble calling and she knew she was good at it. It made her feel needed. Hiram was needed, too. She didn't have a choice, but he did. She sat down at her old desk and held her head in her hands.

God, I don't know what I'm going to do. I drove Hiram away from a town that needs him so much… how can I live with that? How can I accept his love when I am not sure I even know what love is anymore? Everything that took him a lifetime to gather for himself, wasted… because of me. Am I supposed to be moved? Impressed? All it does is add to the guilt that is slowly choking my spirit. Love is supposed to set you free… help me.

She stood up to leave when the sound of the door opening froze her in place. She felt the wind whip around the room. A sudden feeling of dread came over her. It was too familiar. She tried to bolt for the back door but she couldn't seem to move her feet.

"I guess someone forgot to lock it before they left," a familiar voice chimed. Eva's knees gave out in relief and she quickly reached for her chair before she fell to the floor. "That happens… Oh!"

"Mrs. Ingalls, I-I don't mind telling you that you nearly scared me to death," Eva said breathlessly.

"I should say I did! You look like you are about to faint! We didn't know anyone was here, but maybe we should have guessed. I'm so sorry," Caroline apologized.

"No, I'm just… jumpy," Eva tried to joke. Her heart still hadn't stopped racing and she had no faith that her legs were ready to hold her up. "I was just looking through the desk… I left some things behind. You couldn't expect that I was here."

"Well, that's perfectly legitimate. I am glad we found you, though. Miss Eva Beadle, I'd like to introduce you to Miss Marianna Sanders. She's the new school teacher I told you about yesterday. I was just showing her around." Eva nodded and slowly smiled at the young girl standing before her.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Sanders. Marianna is a very pretty name," Eva said politely.

"It was a bit of a mouthful growing up. Most everyone calls me 'Mare'," she answered. Eva nodded and smiled again. She pointed to the front row bench, inviting the women to sit with her.

"Is this going to be your first school?" she asked.

"Oh, yes. I graduated from Teacher's College just last spring, at the top of my class, in fact. I'll admit that I'm a little nervous but mostly excited. I've wanted to be a teacher my whole life."

"Top of the class? That's quite impressive. I would have thought the top student would have received employment by now."

"Yes, I did receive an offer but I had to turn it down. My mother had a baby a couple months ago and she really needed my help at home. I thought I was going to have to wait a year to find a job, so you can imagine how thankful I am that this position was open now." Mare's words were quick. Eva gave Caroline a smile of approval. "Oh… I know I talk too much. It is a really bad habit but I really can't help myself, especially when I'm nervous."

"Don't be nervous. I understand what it's like. So, your mother had a baby? She must have started quite young when you were born," Eva commented. She didn't know why she pried, but she didn't stop herself.

"She's my stepmother, really. My own mother died when my sister was born. It's an interesting story, and…" Mare stopped herself and blushed. "There I go again."

"Go on," Caroline encouraged. "We'd love to hear it."

"Well, there was my Pa, all alone with two little babies. I remember it was hard for him. He didn't know what to do with us girls. A couple years later, my mother's cousin became a widow rather young and she was trying to make it on the frontier with two young'uns of her own. So some of the relatives told them they should get married, and well… they thought it was a practical solution so they did."

"They… got married? Because it was practical?" Eva asked in amazement.

"Sure. It happens a lot. The isolation is really bad where I come from and well, she never would have made it without us and we definitely needed her, so… there you have it. My father had a saying about it; 'sometimes things turn instead of turn out'. He never expected to be without my mother, but there he was. I know he loved her and missed her, but he had to think about us and what we needed."

Eva couldn't speak. Every word made her dizzy.

"So… they must have learned to love each other, right? I mean, they just had a baby…" Eva managed to ask.

"My goodness, I should say so!" the girl laughed. "This was the fourth one!"

Caroline tried to cover her laugh, but she couldn't. Eva laughed so she didn't cry. She wanted to tell the girl how much she appreciated the story, but couldn't get the words to form in her mind and both of them would have thought she was insane anyway. Instead, she reached into the desk and pulled out the books. She stood up and walked to the new teacher and proudly handed the register and grade book to her. The girl received them with awe and humble appreciation.

"You should have this as well," Eva said, choking back the emotion rising in her throat. "Every teacher needs one." She took the timepiece from around her neck and placed it gently on Mare, who stared at it with joy.

"Thank you, Miss Beadle. I don't know what to say. For once I'm speechless!"

"Say you'll do your best and love these children like they were your own."

"Oh, I will," the young woman promised. She stood and hugged Eva. "The Ingalls have been telling me what a special person you are ever since I came, and I must say that they did not lie. I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you." Eva simply nodded.

"I need to be going," Eva finally said. "I think I have everything I came here for… more actually. Mare, you are going to love Walnut Grove. Caroline knows where I am if you have any more questions, but I'm more than confident that you will do a great job here." She quickly made her way to the door and down the steps. She finally let the tears flow. She knew her time in Walnut Grove was running out.

Time was running out in more ways than one. After the party tomorrow, she thought, he'll be gone for good.