Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. This story idea belongs to marieloveseclare. Thanks to arctic_grey for writing The Black Rose Season and being a writing inspiration.
A/N: Eclare goodness for you... and more. Short chapter before things get intense... ;)
"It's a funny way, to make ends meet,
when the lights are out on every street,
It feels alright, but never complete."
Heavy Cross | The Gossip
"And then Adam threw water balloons at them... it was hilarious," chuckles Eli, glancing at Clare as he eats his ice cream cone.
Clare chuckles as they walk side by side, their hands brushing every now and then. They ended up going to a park in the other side of town, and although Clare felt a bit apprehensive at first, now she feels more comfortable walking with Eli.
"I still can't believe they vandalized your hearse," says Clare, swallowing the remains of her ice cream. "Well, I still can't believe that you drive a hearse."
"Aw, don't say that out loud, Morty has good hearing," says Eli teasingly, pointing his finger at the distant parking lot.
"Oh, well, excuse me," mocks Clare. They've spend the last hour talking a bit about their high school years, but nothing too personal, and Clare is starting to get anxious. She knows that she needs to talk to Eli about Sadie, but she feels terrified about approaching the subject.
"Why TU?" asks Clare conversationally. "Why did you pick this school?"
"What kind of question is that?" snorts Eli, and then he smiles at her. "But if you must know... A good friend of mine said it was the best option. And they have a decent English program. Compelling story, I know."
"It is, it is," nods Clare, a tentative smile appearing on her lips.
"So, what made you pick this university?" asks Eli as they arrive to an old-looking bridge. A couple families are strolling around, the sun setting on them, and Clare shrugs.
"It's going to sound really stupid," says Clare, blushing.
"Give it a try," says Eli as they both come to a stop. They're admiring the quiet river underneath them, both of them leaning on the wooden rail.
"I did it for a boy," mumbles Clare.
"Jake?" asks Eli, raising an eyebrow.
"No... his name is K.C," sighs Clare. "We dated in high school and we planned our future together. We both applied to several universities but TU was our first choice. And... I got in. He didn't."
"Oh, really?" muses Eli.
"Mhm," says Clare, remembering the day she showed K.C her acceptance letter and the look of defeat on his face. "We said that we were going to make it work anyway but we grew apart and he ended up cheating on me."
"No offense, Edwards, but you seem to pick douche bags as boyfriends," smirks Eli.
"Jake wasn't-"
"I know, but you liked him," says Eli pensively. "So... yeah."
"Well, you're not the nicest guy, you know," says Clare, nudging Eli playfully with her shoulder. Eli's smirk becomes more pronounced, but his eyes are looking at Clare with kindness. The cold breeze is chilling Clare's skin, and Eli seems to notice, because he quickly takes off his jacket and puts it around Clare's shoulders. They're close to each other, but Eli doesn't make a move and he goes back to his previous position.
"Sorry about that," acknowledges Eli. "Being a jerk. I was trying to keep my distance from you because of Martin. God, he was such a pain last semester, trying to interview me and shit."
"I really didn't know that," says Clare honestly. "When you told me... I was very surprised. Why was he bothering you so much?"
Eli is a little pale, and he seems to regret what he said. He gulps several times and then looks away, his eyes fixed on the water. Clare notices how he keeps fixing and turning the rings on his fingers, and he finally lets out a sigh.
"I don't know," he says nonchalantly, and Clare knows Eli's lying. The atmosphere is now awkward and tense, and Clare thinks of a way to bring the conversation back.
"Anyway, speaking of school... My dad almost made me drop out," says Clare, glancing at Eli. "He was worried about my safety."
"Why?" asks Eli, leaning on the rail as the wind starts messing up his hair. Clare shivers although she's wearing Eli's jacket, and she swallows before mentioning the much-dreaded elephant in the room.
"Sadie Rowland."
Clare's words remain suspended, and she can tell that Eli is struggling because he looks suddenly tense. His hands are grasping the rail tightly, his knuckles almost white, but when he turns to look at Clare he seems surprisingly calm.
"That was such a tragedy," he says coldly.
"Wasn't it?" says Clare sadly, her heart almost paralyzed. "It was so brutal, and unexpected… I don't get why someone would kill her. It makes no sense."
Eli looks at Clare, his green eyes darkened, and Clare wonders if it's just a trick of the light. "You didn't know her, Clare," he says dryly. "I didn't either, actually. But maybe she was involved in something she shouldn't have been."
"Like what?" asks Clare innocently.
"I don't know, it's just a theory," shrugs Eli. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Clare remembers the night when Jake told her that Eli was briefly considered as a "person of interest" in Sadie's murder, that Eli was the last person to talk to her.
"See, the last text sent from Sadie's phone the night she died, um, funnily enough... it was sent to Eli."
But Eli says he didn't know her. But he also said he didn't have any contact with Drew and yet…
"I like theories," says Clare brightly, snapping out of her convoluted thoughts.
"That's because you're weird," chuckles Eli. "I think she might have been in trouble… I don't know. I really don't."
Eli stops talking and Clare can feel the tension in the air, but she doesn't ask any more questions.
"Imogen told me," says Eli out of nowhere.
"What did she tell you?" asks Clare curiously.
"How you yelled at those guys who were bothering her," says Eli and Clare feels grateful for the change of subject. "Thanks. That was really nice of you."
"I don't tolerate bullying," says Clare pragmatically. "I find it stupid and sophomoric."
"You seem passionate about it," grins Eli, tugging gently on one of Clare's loose curls.
"People made fun of me in school," says Clare, feeling bitter. "And... well, it sucked."
"I can relate to that," nods Eli. "Hey, we have something in common! I'm shocked."
Clare hits him playfully in the arm and Eli grabs her hand, staring intently at the ring on her finger. He keeps looking at it and Clare blinks at him, holding her breath. Eli takes the ring off from her finger and looks at the inscription inside, reading it slowly. His lips are moving as he reads, and Clare doesn't know if she should feel embarrassed or irritated.
"True love waits," reads Eli without a trace of sarcasm. "Do you really believe in this?"
"I- I do," stammers Clare.
"Are you seriously waiting until marriage?" asks Eli, and he seems honestly curious.
"Are you asking me if I'm a virgin?" retorts Clare.
"Um... yeah," chuckles Eli, looking amused. "Some girls wear them but they're not, er, pure anymore."
"Well, I... this is a very personal question!" winces Clare, trying to look offended.
"You're the one wearing a purity ring for everyone to see, Edwards," says Eli, moving closer. "But okay, you don't have to answer my question."
"If you must know," says Clare quietly. "Yes, I'm a virgin. Happy?"
Eli's mouth twitches but he doesn't say a word. He just looks at her like studying some odd specimen or something like that; Clare feels stupid and inexperienced and foolish and-
"You're too good for me," says Eli, still smirking. "What are you even doing hanging out with a guy like me?"
"You asked me out," says Clare sheepishly, and Eli cups her face delicately with his hands. "You don't mind? I mean, I'm sure all your girlfriends have been more experienced than me..."
"All my girlfriends?" laughs Eli, his thumb grazing Clare's cheek. "I think that you're under the delusion that I'm some sort of Casanova."
Clare grasps the front of Eli's shirt and giggles nervously as a couple of joggers pass them by. She looks up at Eli and realizes that her feelings for him are stronger than she thought.
"I've dated... but I've only had one girlfriend," says Eli, and he looks slightly embarrassed. "I don't fall in love easily."
Oh. Clare's heart drops a little with those words, because that means that Eli will never fall in love with her, right? Not that she wants him to, because after she gets him to open up about Sadie... she won't have to talk to him ever again. But the thought of never being able to be with Eli like this makes her heart ache terribly.
"But there is something about you," continues Eli, his voice whisper-like. "And it's scaring the shit out of me, Clare. Because we don't really know each other and..."
Clare notices that one of Eli's shirt buttons has come undone thanks to her tugging, and the tattoo is right there. She places a finger on it and Clare feels Eli shiver a little at her touch. "It's a nice tattoo," breathes Clare.
"Thanks," says Eli, slightly distant.
"What does it mean? Why did you pick this?" asks Clare stubbornly, wanting his answer so she can find a reason to hate him. Because she's falling for him, she's falling so fast, and this needs to stop somehow.
Eli doesn't respond right away; he gently removes Clare's hand with his own and remains expressionless for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around her.
"Because it's infinite. It represents infinity. Forever."
He doesn't sound sincere at all, and yet, Clare can't hate him. She simply can't.
"Do you believe in forever?" she asks just for the sake of humoring Eli.
He looks at her, his eyes warm, and he simply smiles.
"I do now."
And Clare is speechless, because this time, Eli sounded truly sincere.
xxxxxxx
Clare closes the door behind her and jumps in fright as she turns around. Jake is sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV while Alli paints her fingernails and hums to herself.
"Jake, um, hi," mumbles Clare, and Jake's face lights up as he looks at her.
"It's almost midnight, Clare," says Alli resentfully. "I have an early class tomorrow, in case you forgot."
"She was keeping me company, but you're here now," grins Jake as he stands, walking over to Clare and kissing her on the lips. "How did it go?"
Clare clears her throat and Alli sighs exasperatedly, grabbing all of her beauty items from the coffee table. "Fine, you guys have your little secret meetings and whatever," says Alli crossly. "Maybe next time you can go have your makeout sessions at Jake's dorm!"
Alli retreats to her room angrily and Jake gives Clare a quizzical look. "What is going on with her? Is she PMSing or what?"
"Jake! No," snaps Clare. "She's still hung up on Drew and she's kind of tired of walking in on us. Please be understanding."
"Fine," says Jake, rolling his eyes.
"But what are you doing here anyway?" asks Clare. "It's a little late."
"I wanted to know about your outing with Goldsworthy," says Jake, and they walks over to the couch and sit close to each other, holding hands. "Did he mentioned Sadie?"
"Yes," says Clare, a pang of guilt making her stomach hurt. "But he claims he never talked to her."
"Bullshit," says Jake, shaking his head. "I have the cell phone records. He's lying. This means he does know something, Clare, he really does. I wonder if he's trying to protect someone or... Hmm."
"I don't know, but maybe you should back off this story," says Clare squeakily.
"Sorry?" blurts Jake, frowning. "Why would I do that?"
"He's not going to speak," sighs Clare. "He never will."
"He will talk to you," insists Jake. "Because he likes you."
Clare lets go of Jake's hand, shock waves running through her body. "Wha-what?"
"Katie Matlin is dating Eli's best friend," sneers Jake. "When I was talking to her earlier she let it slip that Eli is um, interested in you. She didn't notice her slip but I sure did. That makes things easier!"
"Jake, no!" says Clare, standing up. "I can't play with his feelings!"
"Why not?" says Jake, also standing up as annoyance shines in his eyes. "He's a jerk who probably killed Sadie or knows the person who killed that innocent girl! I talked to Dave Turner after our phone call and he wouldn't talk but he said to talk to Eli. He sounded pissed off so I'm sure that Eli is the key to everything!"
"He's a human being!" yells Clare.
"Why are you being so defensive?" huffs Jake. "Wait. Do you actually like the guy? Because if you do, I'm going to kill him, I swear to God."
"You're being ridiculous," says Clare evasively. "Why are you acting like this?"
"Because you're my girlfriend, Clare," says Jake, and the pain in his voice is suddenly obvious. "Because even if you're helping me with this ambitious project of mine, you're what matters the most to me."
Jake moves closer to her and kisses her passionately, and Clare's heart starts racing when Jake deepens the kiss, causing her to tangle her fingers in his hair. Jake's tongue is moving hungrily against hers, and Clare wonders if she tastes different, if he can tell that she has been kissing someone else.
Because just a couple of hours ago, she was making out with Eli Goldsworthy in the back of his hearse.
Jake pulls away after giving Clare a softer kiss, and he is breathing heavily, looking somewhat miserable.
"Jake, what-" starts Clare, but Jake grabs one of her hands and presses his lips against it, closing his eyes as he does.
"Clare... I love you."